Opening the Gates

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Seven days from today I will throw open the gates of Hell.

I will stand, arms open, in the path of every demon coming through and I will face down and defeat every one.

Do I sound brave? I hope so because really I’m shitting myself. I‘ve never done this before. I have no real idea what I’m doing or how to do it and yet this is the biggest, toughest thing I have ever done. I have no weapons, no defence and no plan. What I have, that I never had before, is the courage to face it.

This is also the most important thing I have ever done. It has to be perfect.

Oh, for once, to hell with perfect. All I want from this one is fast. I’ll wing it. It’ll be fine.

I can’t know for sure what is in what’s left of my future but I can be sure of what was in my past.

I have to cut it loose. No matter where my future goes, my past has to leave me now. All of it.

It’s transition time.

36 thoughts on “Opening the Gates”

  1. LI, all change is scary. The only problem is that after a few goes you get to like it.

    Good luck in facing your demons. May they turn out to be the little cute ones that you can kick around like footballs. I leave the mental imagery to you.

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  3. The Demons only exist in your head, Leggy. I got on a ferry and sailed off to France at the age of 53, and I didn’t have a plan either. I just knew it had to be better than where I was. And it was. And it still is. So here’s hoping for you. That’s what you need. Hope.

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  13. Sounds to me like there’s a long (overlong) delayed divorce in the offing. I recognise the signs, having gone through this situation myself. It was easier to just let it ride and ignore it – until I met someone. That’s when it started to get difficult. The ex didn’t want to be with me (or so she said), but as soon as I tried to cut the ties that bind, things started to get distinctly antagonistic. Hell hath no fury and all that. It took every ounce of restraint and diplomacy (and lies, if the truth be told) to keep it all on an even keel so I could achieve the end I was after. It was hell on earth, but I got what I was after. At a cost. But that’s ok. Money is replaceable. My (current and final) wife isn’t.

    Of course, I may have got the wrong end of the stick entirely – I do that sometimes – in which case, I’m as mystified as everyone else reading this blog. Doubtless LI will enlighten us at some point.

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