Psycho Animals

Now those of you who know me well will know about my mental list called Psycho animals. Now this is a list of animals that I find way scary or downright shifty. I’ve had eye rolls and mumblings about being over dramatic but I keep strong in my knowledge that I am right. Now what is on the list I hear you say. Well let me tell you.

Horses
I have been terrified of horses since I was a small one. I amazingly made it through a year or two of riding lessons. Which ended when I once on a riding camp burst into tears on top of a big pony.
(Smaller ponies are okay since you can dropkick them in case they try something.)

Swans
Now do I have to say much about this one? They can break a grown man’s arm. And don’t come saying it’s all a myth. You try getting hissed at by one of those huge birds. And I mean look at their teeth!

Bunnies
Everyone who has seen Monty Python knows that bunnies are crazy man eating, killer animals.

Squirrels
Now squirrels and I have a rather strained relationship since one day I was out walking alone, I pass some pine tree see a cute looking squirrel so I stopped up to have a look. What does the little guy do? It hisses at me with a deranged look in its eyes. I was sure it would jump me and go straight for the aorta. So I got the hell away. So when I saw about these two cases concerning squirrels my first thought was “What did I say!”. ‘Drunk’ squirrel causes hundreds of pounds of damage and German squirrel arrested after woman complained it was stalking her . An English squirrel turned on beer taps and opened bags of crisps. Later an aggressive German squirrel was arrested after stalking a woman. I wonder if the German police man had to read the squirrel its rights and put it in tiny handcuffs. If a squirrel Armageddon starts I’ll use a few seconds on looking smug then run for my life. Just saying,

Now a new comer to the list is seagulls. My dad having worked on oil rigs always told us they were huge annoying birds but it wasn’t until I saw this today (hat tip to @AmbushPredator) Cornwall family’s pet tortoise ‘killed by seagulls’ that seagulls made it to my list. Although I’m not sure what’s most shifty, a tortoise named Stig or the seagulls killing it.

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29 thoughts on “Psycho Animals

  1. Horses are just plain stupid. The biggest animals in the country (barring the odd bull and Eric Pickles) and they let some slip of a girl sit on their backs and tell them what to do.

    And they take fright at the strangest thing: Oh, I’m being attacked by a piece of paper blowing in the wind! Save me, save me that window just swung in the breeze and reflected some sunlight at me.

    Stupid, stupid, stupid.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had to Google Eric Pickles. I found this

      That’s a hell of a lot of biscuits!

      I have a normally pretty cool dachshund. She finds fireworks to be a bit of an annoyance keeping her from her 12-hour nap but she is absolutely terrified of kids on skateboards. I have no idea why.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t be too sure about those little ponies! My sister (who’s very “horsey” – in the nicest sense of the word) says that the huge great big beasts, like Shires or Suffolk Punches are the archetypal “gentle giants,” willing to put up with all sorts of silly human behaviour with only the merest flick of a curious ear. But don’t get her started on the subject of Shetland ponies – those much-beloved “cuties” often brought as Jessica or Tarquin’s “first pony” on their third birthday by the upper-crust – she says that apparently they are complete little sods who will, as like as not, approach you with their big doe-eyes peeping out from under their shaggy fringes to ask for a treat, only to turn their sharp little hooves on you at the last minute, especially if the expected treat is not forthcoming.

    And drop-kick one? I wouldn’t suggest it. In a kicking-fight between us, with our soft wimpish feet, and kicking-experts like ponies with their rock-hard (and metal-shod!) hooves, I think I know who’d come off best. And anyway – to drop-kick anything, you’ve got to be able to pick it up first. Have you any idea how much these “cute” little horses actually weigh?? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have been told before that it really is the small ones you need to look out for. I did ones walk past a kind of petting zoo or something like it that had a Shetland pony. It trotted over and looked all cute so I figured it looked safe enough to pet it. It searched my hand for treats, found out I wanted to pet it for free and tried to bite my hand before leaving.

      Oi, don’t come here with your realism. 😉 Perhaps I can go Irish on the little bugger and kneecap it? If you ever see a limping pony you’ll wonder if I’ve been there.

      Liked by 1 person

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