The bog wine miscreant is apprehended

A good and bad week. I am on 10-4 shift. I thought that would be okay but it’s terrible. I am too tired in the evening to load eBay, I have to package delicate things I’ve already sold, I can’t arrange couriers for big items because they won’t guarantee to pick up before 9:30 or after 4:30 and I can’t get to their office and back in time for work.

Next week I am back on my normal 3-9 pm shift, thankfully. There is the back end of sod all to do on the day shift. It’s not so bad for Boss, she has all her paperwork. I took a notebook in to write a bit of storyline but nobody believes I’m doing work paperwork.

Not that that matters. Boss isn’t going to fire me unless I hang, draw and quarter a customer (which I won’t rule out entirely). Everything that needs to be done is always done and I’ve done a few things that weren’t really my job but I was bored.

The post office continues to be an eternal irritant in my life. On Tuesday I took the Queen of the Wolves trailer to be posted. All packaged with bubble wrap and foam blocks, a challenge for the parcel-smashing arm of  the postal service. They measured the box. 63 cm long.

Oh no! The limit is 61 cm! As it’s going to a non-EU place they wanted to charge £33 to send it by ParcelFarce. That’s more than I got for it. My only recourse was to carry the damn thing to work and shorten the box by 2 cm. I hope this didn’t affect the integrity of the package but there was no other option. Suitably shortened it went for £5.99 postage.

There is a guy in that post office with the most incredible skill. No matter how happy you are on the way in, he can fill your mind with abject misery just by talking to you. He just exudes gloom. It’s not what he says, it’s just his presence. I try to time it so I get one of the cheery women cashiers instead. They seem to be immune to him.

Tonight I’m packing two more trailers and paying attention to that 61 cm madness this time.

The potential new home is showing signs of progress. If I can get the paperwork sorted I might be moving in a week. There is a lot of paperwork these days. If this one fails I know of two more.

Tomorrow is another early start. Another long and tedious day shift. The weekend sees me back on the evening shift where there is stuff to do.

Today was a day of high drama. The Bog Wine Miscreant has finally been caught. For a long time now, we have been finding empty wine bottles in the toilet bins. Ranging from those little children’s portion ones to full-size litre bottles. Always empty.

Now, the one-glass sized ones I can understand. Someone could swig one down and nobody would know. The litre ones though – if someone drank a litre of wine in a matter of minutes, surely they’d never find their way out of the shop? We’d have CCTV of them bouncing off the shelves.

One of the managers explained it to me. They take the bottle of wine and a litre bottle of, say, apple juice. They pour the apple juice down the toilet, decant the wine into the apple juice bottle, dump the bottle and then go and pay for the ‘apple juice’. Quite a scam.

It’s been going on for a long time so we’ve been checking the bins hourly and if we find a bottle, the store guys go back over the last hour of CCTV to see who picked up wine and then went to the toilets. Someone was repeatedly identified and watched out for at their regular wine-stealing time.

Today the bog wine miscreant was finally caught. In the act. Properly arrested too.

I doubt it will be the end of it. I still suspect kids are involved in the occasional empty small bottles, the cans of gin and tonic and other small stuff. They can’t buy it so they just drink it in the toilets. It might not all be kids – could be anyone. The small fry might be harder to catch since they might be occasional swipers and there could be quite a few of them.

Still, one of the local Master Criminals has now been put out of action. I know, pinching wine one bottle at a time isn’t exactly the crime of the century but it’s pretty much as exciting as it gets in these parts.

The Bog Wine Miscreant is about as close as we’ll ever get to having our own Lex Luthor. I kind of like it that way.


15 thoughts on “The bog wine miscreant is apprehended

  1. I tend to use for outsize/heavy overseas parcels and them or (more likely) for UK mainland ones. Prices can vary enormously, yet I heard they are the same company.

    For some reason, ParceFarce is more expensive than more reliable carriers like UPS and DPD.

    I leave parcels in the porch for collection.

    Royal Mail: meh. They’ve become like eBay, trying to extort extra cash from you any way they can, e.g. overseas parcels used to be priced in 20g increments and now they go up by 250g at a time.

    But their small, medium and large parcel scam was genius. Which is the greater crime: corporate greed ripping off millions or a, perhaps unemployed alcoholic, pinching some wine? Not that I approve of that sort of thing, but I had family to ‘borrow’ from when I was a booze junkie.

    P.S. With Royal mail overseas parcels, remember that one side has to be at least six inches long. Yes, rules and regulations at the small side too.


  2. “They take the bottle of wine and a litre bottle of, say, apple juice. They pour the apple juice down the toilet, decant the wine into the apple juice bottle, dump the bottle and then go and pay for the ‘apple juice’. ” Exactly LI. one time we found a female in the toilets when clearing the shop, she had err, over-imbibed so much she had passed out in the cubicle with the door locked, a female manager was summoned (who to my astonishment leapt gazelle-like over the cubicle partition) to release the door lock. Sadly the female in question wasn’t available for comment by the time the cops turned up and hastily summonded an ambulance crew to take her away to dry out. Too much paperwork for plod eh?


    • The paper work is done in the hospital. Some one has to stay with the twat util they can talk. As soon as the doctor says they are fit, they are taken to the cells, processed and bailed.

      Just because you do not see the paperwork being done, does not mean that it is NOT being done.


  3. I’ve found Hermes really quite reliable, not too expensive, and often not as slow as they say they are. Also, I can drop off parcels – at my convenience, and WITHOUT QUEUEING AT POST OFFICES behind old dears paying for a stamp with the _exact change coin by coin_ while chatting to the cashiers.

    The local bearded “ethnic gentlemen” that run the Texaco have a Hermes parcel shop (I almost typed “chop” in error…) and they are a lot more cheery and positive that either post-office-staff or ISIS.


  4. Yes… I refer to my local post office as the grumpy post office. The ethnic lady who is the main man so to speak takes no prisoners. She delights in asking what’s in the parcel. I tell her motorcycle parts. Next time I go and she asks I’m going to say that it contains nothing which is on the banned list. I’d imagine she’ll have an answer such as they will destroy the parcel if they see fit. I was hoping she’d retire and with the price of postage reaching the redic level she will be able to afford to. Oh well…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Even the former Soviet Union’s constitution included among their fundamental rights of its citizens the right to privacy of correspondence:

      ARTICLE 128. The inviolability of the homes of citizens and privacy of correspondence are protected by law.

      Tell her to go fuck her camel.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Even my local charity shops have a thieving problem. The favourite target is a gift bag of assorted smellies (of the type given at xmas) and just nick one item, leaving the rest behind still sitting on the shelf. For goodness sake, if you’re a thief with any sort of intelligence, why not take the whole bloody lot, not just one bottle of bathcream!! At least you could sell it on ebay or down the pub. And anyway, just how low can you get to nick stuff from a charity shop???? Still, once a thief, always a thief.


First comments are moderated to keep the spambots out. Once your first comment is approved, you're in.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.