Smoke Free

My interpretation of the phrase is, naturally, somewhat different from the Smokophobes’ (I hesitate to use the word) thoughts.

I have said a lot of good things about Bull Brand products in the past and will surely say more good things in the future. At the prices (mostly £1) they are very hard to beat. I have a lot of Bull Brand stuff that I bought in Poundland and it’s all good. Except the pipe. I’m fussy about my pipes so a £1 one was a bit of a gamble, but not much. It was only £1 and it does work.

Nonetheless it was a surprise to receive an email from Bull Brand themselves asking for an address to send a box of goodies to. I gave the old one. I still have access because, dammit, I’ve been paying for it and it’s not hers yet. Sure you can cut the atmosphere in the house (the new flat is ‘home’ now) into slices and toast and butter it but it’ll make you sick to eat it. Even so, while in transition, the place is still mine.

The new place is ready to move into as soon as the harpy explodes. Ideally before. Next week the letters will start arriving – TV licence, council tax, electricity/gas, mortgage etc. I don’t want to be here when they do and I want everything important and breakable moved before then.

Anyway, I digress. Come on, you’d be shocked if I didn’t.

So a box arrived. Wife declared that I was supposed to be selling things on eBay, not buying things. Her idea is that my life should consist of working and selling my stuff and paying bills, nothing more. I didn’t bother to explain. It’s far too late to care.

The box contained much more than I expected. In fact it contained far more than just Bull Brand products. Here’s what was in it.

bullbrandYes, that’s tobacco too. I’ve been smoking at no cost since this arrived. Now that’s what Smoke Free really should mean. Perfect timing too – first month’s rent plus deposit has left me somewhat brassic to say the least.

There was only one thing that wasn’t to my taste. Lilac flavoured cigarettes. Menthol, fine, I do like a menthol smoke but lilac was a step too far into the girlie zone. I tried one and gave the rest to Boss, who liked them. But then she’s a girl. You can tell. Girls are the ones with bumps on the front.

There’s a new ciggie-filler machine in there. The one I’ve had for a year or so still works fine but it’s always good to have a spare. At £1 a shot you’d think I’d have the foresight to already have one spare but I genuinely don’t.

I definitely recommend the deep ashtray. Drop the fag end in and it expires due to lack of air in a moment. The wide ashtray lined with smoker encouragement is fun too.

I use filters in rollies because I don’t like picking tobacco strands out of my teeth and don’t want to waste expensive tobacco at the end of a smoke. I have not yet tried the menthol rolling baccy with a menthol filter but it must happen. It must happen in a liquorice paper too. I have some… Bull Brand ones.

It does sound like ‘a word from our sponsor’ I know, but I was a big fan of Bull Brand long before the first contact and the box of stuff arrived. The blog isn’t sponsored by anyone. And if they ever need a salesman I’m looking for a new job.

One that has regular days off….or at least some.

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21 thoughts on “Smoke Free

  1. A thank you and possibly an enticement to continue doing what you’re going – Leggy, your care package must have cost Bull Brand a whole lot less than a glossy ad. I have no idea what the traffic for UBU is like but you have a loyal following and that counts for a lot when ‘selling’ by word of mouth.

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  2. Oh, I do love that phrase “…as soon as the harpy explodes”!

    Beautiful, simply beautiful!

    Would it be too much to ask for a webcam to be left running to record this event of vulcanism?

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  3. I use their combi rollers exclusively. They’re virtually idiot proof – and that lever lets you roll a perfect using a 5mm filter (should you feel the need to do so). I prefer to use it set for 6mm.

    Checked up on their Bayside Virginia. It’s marketed as a pipe tobacco and all the other details are on this link.

    http://www.smoke-king.co.uk/acatalog/Bayside-Virginia-Blend-Smoking-Tobacco—50g-Pouch-4622.html

    I do believe you may find it’s perfectly acceptable as fag ‘baccy as well.

    The Ashford’s cut for tubing

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  4. Oh, God, Leggy – how slow am I???? I’ve only just cottoned on that you and the harpie are actually living in the same house (for now). I always had this image of you as a dyed-in-the-wool bachelor, who’d given the whole live-in partner thingy a careful body-swerve (up until recently, obviously). Even when the existence of son (and, later, the harpie) was revealed, I somehow had it in my mind that there was a rather bitter separation somewhere in your dim and distant past and that you and harpie had only just seen each other again (reluctantly) at your son’s recent wedding, which had prompted you, along with your new romance, to actually “go formal” on the ending of it.

    Now I see why “shit hitteth fan” in the very near future. Is harpie completely unaware of your devious plans? Really, truly unaware? Is that possible when living under the same roof as someone else? Wow.

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    • It’s possible when you are so completely ignored you might as well not exist. Empty shelves. drawers and wardrobes have gone unremarked so far.

      There is a daughter too. She has my looks and temperament.

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