I’m still working to raise money fast. There’s a big cheque on the way. I get one every three months and with perfect timing, as always, this one has been delayed. Just as my finances are scraping the rock beds of destitution. Apologies for the lack of response to comments. I’m reading them, honest.
I see via
@MhehedZherting on Twitface that bacon is now as deadly as cigarettes and asbestos. I presume this goes double for smoked bacon and treble for second-hand smoked bacon. If you sell on your second-hand smoked bacon because you’re now scared to eat it, it becomes third hand smoked bacon and the planet will implode.
It is, as usual, absolute and utter nonsense based on the idea that if you have a plate of bacon at every single meal every single day it won’t be good for you. You could say the same for apples. Given the choice, I’d take the bacon because what that amount of apple will do to your guts doesn’t bear thinking about. Also, bacon tastes so much better.
Why do I assume it’s all a load of made-up crap? This –
…according to “a well-placed source”, a gathering of international scientists have checked the evidence and decided processed meat merits a top risk ranking, along with alcohol, asbestos, arsenic and cigarettes.
No names, no pack drill. They hide in an amorphous mass known as a ‘gathering’ but you never see their names. Do they even exist, these scientists who declare things to be so without all that tedious data collection and analysis? Yes, they exist – but they are not scientists. They are Righteous and their Word cannot be questioned because… well just because, okay?
I wish I had a well-paid job that involved simply making stuff up and inflicting it on other people while ignoring it myself. It does sound like a lot of fun. I think I could do so much better though. I mean, why stick to easy targets? They go for things that are so easily shot down, too.
Lesbians cannot have dildos because that will turn them straight. Vegetarian burgers and sausages will make vegetarians crave the real meaty thing so they must be banned.
What’s that you say? Absurd arguments? How, in essence, do they differ from the current ‘Experts have Said’ argument that inhaling Electrofag steam will make people crave real tobacco? Aren’t they exactly the same argument? No? Explain why not.
Did you know there is such a thing as vegetarian bacon? There really is. It looks like plastic imitation bacon. I have no idea what it tastes like but I very much doubt it tastes like bacon. It must be banned because it will make a vegetarian crave bacon, then smoked bacon, then cigarettes… I would say ‘you couldn’t make it up’ but they can make it up. They do, every day, and the drones just lap it all up.
What about smoked salmon? Parma ham? Kippers? They all have actual smoke particles in them so if you even sniff them, you’re going to die. That’s why these things are sealed in plastic packs at the point of sale so unsuspecting antismokers don’t get contaminated and spontaneously combust in the delicatessen.
“Cleanup, deli aisle. Bring the fire extinguisher and the big bucket.”
Ridiculous? Of course it is. It’s easy to make the drones believe it though.
They will believe that bacon will kill them even if they are over 50 and have had a bacon roll for lunch every day of their lives. They already believe that they can die of smoke they can neither smell nor see and that steam equals smoke. They believe that the sight of a pack of cigarettes will be enough to force them to start smoking even though someone that weak-willed and dim would be unlikely to find their way out of bed in the morning and if they did, would probably overcook their breakfast cereal.
They believe they will die if someone else buys whisky or if someone else uses a bigger belt. They really believe that other people’s choices determine their own. They will accept any information without question. They really will. I’ve met them. Some of them have PhDs.
It’s well known that the pompous buffoons who think they know best have declared they want to reduce meat consumption by the proles. They have said it often. There have been many attempts to demonise meat over the decades but you know what? None of them work. This is a step too far for all but the dimmest of drones.
Sure, some people are vegetarian because they want to be and some are vegetables because they just live as they are told to live but for most people, what they eat is a choice.
And I mean… bacon! It’s a fact that the cause of all the strife between Israel and the surrounding countries is caused by bacon deficiency. Look how mellow the bacon-eating countries are by comparison. Removing bacon from the national diet would lead to war and destruction and large pools of salty drool which would, over centuries, create another Dead Sea. That’s how the first one formed. Nobody in their right minds would want that.
I had an Aberdeen Angus burger this evening. These things are like a quarter of a cow minced and compacted into a round slab of meat that takes 20 minutes to grill. Even I only have one at a time. You want me to stop eating that so I can live a little longer, crazed with dementia, in a don’t-care home being beaten, starved and abused by the staff? No thanks. I’d rather end up dead in a ditch being eaten by wild animals.
At least I’d be full of meaty goodness for all the poor starving wildlife.
And I’d probably taste like bacon.