In the land of the Vikings

I took a roundabout route to Denmark this time. Amsterdam for a change of plane. I don’t understand why it was several hundred pounds cheaper to do that than to just fly direct, but it was.

This time I was left to my own devices in Copenhagen. Trusted to get the right train and not end up in Sweden. I managed this surprisingly well despite the trains running the wrong way on the tracks.

So far I have managed not to die when crossing the road even though the traffic, like much of the world, drives on the wrong side of the road.

The trains have a sign inside…


CynaraeStMary could translate this in a moment but I had a few hours on the train so I decided to try. I know only a few words of Danish and none of them were on the sign but what the hell.

The first two lines I guessed as saying that the rail company had adopted this old Viking king as patron or logo in 1991. This was going to be easy.

Next, King Harald, dead since 988, was one of the greatest Danish Viking kings. He reigned for about 50 years ad made Christianity the official religion of the country in 960. In that bit were the words Gorm den Gamle. That’s where I got stuck and eventually gave up and free-associated the rest.

He was an old slut who became known as the nastiest Viking buggerer in Trelleborg. Nonsmoking, aggravating and fucked by hobbits. At the time, some fortune tellers and runescripts describe him as ‘That Harald who sickened Denmark and Norway with his god damned Christmas’.

To get decorations for his basement he buggered the gardener then stuffed his store with jellybabies, a little mannequin dipped in gravy then some jellyfish finally detailing with a sandwich of mammary glands.

Okay, it’s probably not a perfect translation but I think it’s pretty close considering I don’t actually know a single word.

I should have left this until I was safely back in Scotland. The next post might be about my trip to a sickhouse to have a tablet computer removed…


48 thoughts on “In the land of the Vikings

  1. It’s probably a depiction of the ‘Jelling Stone’, 2 big runic lumps of rock. The first was created by order of King Gormless, the 2nd by his son King Harald Bluetack.

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  2. The trains are named after prominent historical people, each train having a sign explaining about the person it is named after. Gorm den Gamle (“the old one”) was the first recognized king of Denmark, Harald Blåtand (“bluetooth”, as in the technology named after him 😉 his son. Harald had some burial mounds made to commemorate his father and mother, also had some of the earliest runestones carved. Furthermore he was responsibe for converting the danes to christianity. More here ->

    But I’m sure you heard all of this on your way to the hospital. 😉

    Speaking of translations, have you translated any of these yet? ->

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  3. BTW Leg, if you look inside CstM’s pisspot…passport..then you should find that depiction of Christ too. It is, apparently, the Danisch equivalent of ‘Without Let’. No Dane is certified as genuine without.

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  4. “No Dane is certified as genuine without.”

    Crumbs! Does this mean there are counterfeit Danes out there? Where are border controls when we need them . . . . oh . . .

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  5. I know very little about Denmark and the Danes.

    I used to faux-insult a British-Critter who fancied himself a Saxon with the following declarative: “Go to hell Saxon, or I’ll go all Rorke’s Drift with an Ulfberht on your sorry Jutish arse.”


    Denmark and The Canadas are about to go to war over some frozen rock up in the Arctic somewhere.

    And this is a new one, the Danes engage in an inordinate amount of ‘buggering’.

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  6. I’m as green as green over you being in Denmark again. When I did my family tree, I realised due to the fact that a significant branch came from Norfolk, that down the line somewhere we must be Danish on that side (the surnames gave it away) due to the Danes invading in the eight century. Keep meaning to do research of this supposed Danish lineage, but something always gets in the way…


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  7. If you trot up to Norway avoid Lutefisk. I had some on Christmas. I was asked how it was. I lied and said it was fine. The bastards ordered some more for me. More aquavit was required. A lot more!

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  8. @ CstM No I’m a Brit who got very very drunk one Xmas in Edinburgh and ended up in Germany (looong story involving further copious amounts of alcohol, dancing girls, Cous Cous and a cast of thousands) married The Prettiest Innocentest Xian Mädchen In The German Village,had 3 kids and despite returning to the yUK over a decade ago we still speak what passes for German at home. Well the The Bestes Frau In The World and I speak German, the kids however are illiterate in both their mother tongues….and Youngest Useless Object And Freshest Dad has even acquired a Norfolk accent to complete his idiotic sounding German-English-Friesian-Hessian Pidgin. I’m hoping his daughter, my 4 month old Granddaughter2, will teach him to read before she goes to school.


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