Fat is terrorism now

The UK’s first woman Chief Medical Officer, Damn Sally Saveus, has just proved that when it comes to dickheadedness, women are at least the equal of men.

She claims that being a fat woman is as much of a threat to the country as being a terrorist. I’ve known some fat women and I don’t regard them as any threat at all. They don’t tend to move fast and I’ve never seen one explode.

Okay, I’ve seen a few who have taken ‘curves’ to the extreme where they just have the one curve all the way around, and whose skin is almost singing with the tension of holding it all in, but still they don’t terrify me anywhere near as much as a bearded madman with a Semtex waistcoat shouting ‘Ollyolly at the bar’ or whatever it is they scream before becoming mince.

They think they get 72 virgins but they don’t read the small print. Firstly, there is no guarantee that the virgins are female or even human and what you’re supposed to do with them anyway when you arrive as a shrink wrapped Tesco meat counter display is strangely never mentioned.

I think suicide bombers really do get 72 virgins in Heaven. They get 72 shopping gamer boys who live in their mums’ basements and who are looking for something to make lasagne.

Fat people are not suicide bombers. They are carbon sinks who should be rewarded by the Green God’s acolytes for locking up lots of carbon in a form ready to be buried one day.

They are in no way a ‘threat’ to anyone other than an already overworked baker. They are no danger to anyone unless you happen to be in a seat they intend to sit on without first checking it’s clear of thinnies. Even then, most thinnies would suffer no more then the indignity of being peeled out of a large butt crack. It’s not a pleasant image but at least you’d still have all your arms and legs.

Note that Damn Sally is only interested in fat women. Fat blokes can stay fat and die of fatness or of pie deprivation or of whatever counts as a fat-related death these days. Only fat women have to slim down, give up everything they consider fun in life and have healthy babies whether they want them or not. Got to keep the drone supply going.

This is the wench who is in charge of UK medicine. Does anyone still wonder why I avoid the entire medical service as far as possible? It’s a fucking farce. Being overweight should be classed as terrorism now. And there will be medics who will push this line.

We were better off when they had wood masks and rattled gourds at us to drive out evil spirits. It didn’t work but it cost a damn sight less.

And they didn’t tell us to live lives of tedium and misery back then either.

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15 thoughts on “Fat is terrorism now

  1. Are you aware the Uni just up the road from your place, Robert Gordon University, has a “Centre for Obesity Research and Education”?

    http://www.rgu.ac.uk/research/research-home/institute-for-health-and-wellbeing-research/centre-for-obesity-research-and-epidemiology-core

    A couple of years ago they published a ‘research’ document concluding that the ‘overweight/underheight’ fraternity had an adverse effect on global warming.

    Apparently those affected eat more & it takes more energy to transport them from A to B.

    Naturally, making such a connection earned them their Research Grant. (Thrown to any researcher using the magic expression ‘Global Warming’)

    Sadly, they omitted to mention that the ‘overweight/underheight’ fraternity lead a more-passive lifestyle, and, rarely partake of lengthy & vigorous physical exercise so their breathing rate & consequent exhalation rate of dangerous CO2 at 100x normal atmospheric concentration, will be a net benefit.

    In addition,they have a much shorter life-expectancy, and so actually benefit mankind by popping their clogs earlier.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ollyolly at the bar. Love it. I’ve often wondered what it is they are saying before they splatter themselves all over the universe. Fortunately, not many of them are fat. Probably because they spend all of their money on bombs and such.
    As for fat women, they only hurt themselves, probably because they spend all of their money on food and such. I don’t have an opinion on fat men.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Should fatties decide to protest against tax-sponger Damn Sally (and a ‘Sit On’ would be a great way of doing that), then there is a ready made anthem out there… ‘Must Hang Sally’

    So here’s the plan…

    Fatties – you sit on her and I’ll smoke in the same room. If your squishing doesn’t see her off, then my toxic exhalations will do the trick…

    Either way, just the sight of us should put her into a coma. Then we ship her up to Liverpool where she can join the Pathway to Heaven 😀

    Shucks, Clicky. I wouldn’t go that far *blushes*

    Liked by 2 people

  4. XX We were better off when they had wood masks and rattled gourds at us to drive out evil spirits. It didn’t work but it cost a damn sight less.XX

    Does not work?

    Shamanism relies on the placeabo effect just as much as “Modern doctors” so I would not dismiss its effectiveness that lightly.

    Ever done the Cola trick?

    A pain in the arse mate, who was a leg short of the full wolf wasin the pub with us. We fed him Cola all night, and told him it was half and half with a Russian vodka, that you really CAN not taste. (Any one says they can not taste vodka in a drink is a fucking lier, or had had their taste buds taken out with an oxy cutter!)

    Half way through the night, the barman banned him, and chucked him out because he could not stand straight, or string two words together.

    THAT is shamanism, and it is “modern doctoring.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. But maybe Damn Sally has a point – perhaps she has inside information about a cunning plan by IS to use thin terrorists, wrapped in explosive belts and padding so they look like fatties. Just because you have never seen one explode doesn’t reduce the risk. I’m avoiding Greggs just in case.
    RBD2 – Must Hang Sally – brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Reign Of Terror | Frank Davis

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