Job change time

When you finish every shift pissed off at the stupidity of people around you, it’s time to move on.

In 1976 I was a stage magician. Total props, one paper bag and a handful of fingers. I made no money at all but had a good time. And got some good reviews.

As a scientist I worked with an artificial ruminant and invented a lab scale estuary and a plastic pig gut. I got in the news for the artificial cow. Nobody will remember that. It was about 35 years ago.

Still didn’t get rich, in fact I once ended up broke and homeless for a while, lived in a car and tent and other people’s sofas and less comfortable places but it was fun. All of it.

Money never mattered to me. It was just handy stuff to live on and any excess was there to buy junk. I bought a lot of junk. A hell of a lot of junk. It’s come in handy in the last few years because junk sells well on eBay and it covered bills when I had no income at all. It still helps cover bills now I have a small income.

Over three years ago, when self employment failed after seven good years, I chucked it all in and became a janitor. My plan then was to wait it out until the pension kicked in. Science was pretty much fucked anyway. Alcohol unit allowances, five a day, third hand smoke… it was all just being made up. The whole thing was fiction and I could write fiction too. I just couldn’t pass it off as real.

I can’t go back to science now. There is nothing to go back to. It’s all a sham. Oh I can write fiction but I’m not going to take money to pretend it’s fact. I was never that shallow. I can’t just do it for the money. It shouldn’t be about that. It wasn’t, but it is now.

Working with manager level intelligences is now starting to grate. How do these people find their way out of bed in the mornings? Who ties their shoes for them? What in the name of Satan’s gassy arse is controlling what passes for thoughts in their heads? What the fuck happened to basic logic?

It was fun at first. Playing with people who could be convinced that going into labour at night is what makes black babies happen was a lot of fun. Still, after three years of it, the stupid just gets boring.

There has been a lot of stupid at work lately. Too much to cope with. Oh the job was beneficial to me. It has improved my physical fitness immensely, shown me how mindless the general public can really be and taught me something very important.

I now know why, after many years of being a lecturer in health, cleaning and disinfection and so on, the procedures that should prevent any incidence of food poisoning do not work. I know why food poisoning outbreaks happen and I know exactly how to fix it. Permanently.

But I am not telling anyone this information on janitor money.

I might take the knowledge to my grave. I have applied for a job as a water hygiene tester, a job as a journalist and a job as a furniture salesman. I’ll apply for more tomorrow. I’m not going to be a janitor much longer and I’m not going back to science. There are so many other things to do.

Eventually I want to be a writer but that’s a hard road to get on to. You need time to write but when you’re always chasing the next bill it’s impossible to find time to relax and do it. It’s been like that for too many years now. I will not take the Rowling route and do it on benefits (even though she must by now have paid back more in tax than she ever got in benefits). It’s the same pride thing that had me sleeping in a car or shed when I could have called home for help. I just have to fix it myself, it’s my way.

Ah but imagine the life of making enough to live on by writing. I dream of it. You want to go somewhere, just close your laptop and go. You don’t have to make millions. Just enough to live on.

Money. It’s a pain in the arse.

33 thoughts on “Job change time

  1. ::sigh::

    I just wish SO much you COULD make it work with writing. You are a GREAT writer Leg. You project the perfectly twisted mind in a way that only a truly great horror author can manage. You’re one of those folks who’d always get bugged by fans begging you to tell them where you get all those ideas from. You just need to find a way to get OUT to those potential fans.

    – MJM

    Liked by 3 people

  2. “going into labour at night is what makes black babies happen”
    you evil sod! I laughed, I did.

    The incompetence is going to worsen, guaranteed. Because now they’re obsessed with diversity of everything in the workplace. If your fizzog fits, you’re in. Competence? *shrug*

    So much bad thinking would have to be ejected from the public psyche that I fear it’s impossible short of a major catastrophe.

    It’s almost enough for me to reconsider getting religious. Clearly there’s some sick, twisted sense of humored bloke in charge when you get world ‘leaders’ like Cameroid, Corbyn, Merkel, Obama, Milibland, Brown and Bliar. Even having one is pushing credulity.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Best of luck.

    As an accomplished writer, I’m sure you could create an exemplary c.v.

    “I have applied for a job as a water hygiene tester, ……” Something else to take the piss out of? πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Have you got a video camera stashed away somewhere, Legs? I would love to see a demonstration of your paper bag act…

    *Good thinking, Clicky. The thing he does with an apple, you’ve not been able to find anything like that, have you?*

    As a matter of interest, Legsy, how far off are your novels from being ready for publishing?

    *Oh, thank you, Clicky. Have a Song…*


  5. You need a good agent and a horror blockbuster just waiting to be written. Stephen King eat your heart out. Good agent would get you a good publisher and a decent advance, so you can live and work on the blockbuster. I’m sure your writing ability is worthy of it.

    Oh that it was that easy, eh? If it was that easy, I’d have done it myself….


    Liked by 1 person

  6. What about an approach to a TV station to adapt your horror stories? When you think of some of the junk they commission (dare I say including the sainted (and IMHO deeply unfunny) Miranda)….. and your stories are very far from junk. Just a thought – shy boys get nowt πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Leg, you’ve probably already gone down this route… But aren’t there “horror magazines” out there anymore? Have they all gone to the net? I would think your stories would be golden for them! Just don’t sign away any rights.

    Also: If you haven’t tried it, you might want to explore offering some stories as free Kindle downloads. Supposedly there are millions of Kindlers out there who scan down the lists of freebie offerings in their spare time, and your material is the type that might encourage a reader to click on “other stories by this author” and find all the three or four or whatever you put up and THEN … they’d go to Amazon to see about buying your collections in hardcopy, both for themselves and as gifts!


    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s easy to have free ones on Barnes and Noble and most other places. Kindle only lets you make it free if they have an exclusive. With new stories I could let Amazon have them first and spread them around once they’re not free any more. That’s a possibility.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Magazine rules are usually that they have an exclusive on the story up to a month after the issue is published. Once that issue is the lining in a budgie cage, the story is mine again. Most online ones are the same. That’s where almost all the stories in ‘Fears of the Old and the New’ came from – all but two were previously published in magazines.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Water hygiene tester? Traipsing from school to school checking their smelly, vandalised sinks and showers for legionella? Rule 1 Never put exposed flesh near a school toilet cistern without looking into it first.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Ever considered chimney sweeping? My brother in law did the course, bought the van, but then decided to stick with what he does best – sacking people (freelance Human Resources).

        OK, Aberdeen’s not in the Home Counties but he told me it was at least Β£40/chimney down there. Our PO/shop often puts up a notice from a local sweep and folk add their name to a list so he can do them on the same day. Thing is, it’s self employment and you can pick your hours. At, say, Β£25 a pop, Β£100 – Β£150/day should be easily achievable. I’d definitely consider it if my current career went tits up.

        (I save money by sweeping my own)


  9. Pingback: Monday Movies: Scary Monster – Library of Libraries

  10. Good luck with the job hunting, LI. I think Michael’s suggestion of night security guard would be a good one – you could write to your heart’s content while manning the desk. Ideal.

    I consider myself extraordinarily fortunate insofar as not only do I live in a fantastically beautiful place which is very smoker-friendly, but also I really do enjoy my work. It involves a lot of problem solving. It’s challenging, it’s creative and it’s satisfying. I can take time off any time I want, but if I have the work (which is mostly) I tend to work seven days a week because I enjoy what I do. Sure, there are some aspects of it which are a bit of a chore, but I don’t mind, because I have so much freedom of action.

    Liked by 1 person

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