Local Shop has been systematically cutting cleaner hours while simultaneously increasing what they expect cleaners to do. They have been doing this for some time and as I predicted over a year ago, we are now at the point of Cleanergeddon.

The job simply cannot be done. It is impossible to do what is expected in the time available and I am not going to kill myself to try to do it. Some jobs will just not get done. The situation will be much worse as Christmas approaches and I won’t be here then. My replacements won’t have four years of experience and will work as I did at the start. Slowly. They will soon realise they cannot win this game and will quit within a week.

I don’t care. If I don’t have time to do a job properly I’d rather not do it at all. I don’t like leaving work every night feeling like I did a half-assed job, so I’m out.

It is not possible to pass the next cleaning audit. It cannot be done. We will not hear ‘oh the cleaners need more time’. We will hear ‘The cleaners need to improve their work’. Fuck off. I leave that place soaked in sweat and I haven’t had time to do anything properly.

I’m going to try to make my last day Halloween but seriously, I might not make it.

Tomorrow I have the dentist in the morning and work in the evening. I am not going to be feeling generous or affable because the numb-juice will have worn off by then. And we have Control Freak manager tomorrow who will try to prove how great she is by making everything late. Some things simply will not be touched by me. I will try to keep my inner Romulus in check but I don’t really know if I even want to.

And I don’t care. My job references are a doctor and a professor. I do not need a reference from a food shop or a cleaning company. I could walk off the job – nearly did tonight – but I signed a contract and that means something to me. I prefer to give proper notice.

But if pushed… I’ll get me coat.


26 thoughts on “Cleanergeddon

  1. Tell ’em ta stuff it whar da sun don’ shine Leggy! :>

    I think you’ve run into the two-headed monster of “Capitalism Run Amuck” and “The Peter Principle.” They’ve simply kept increasing demand since the supply always increased when demanded. They’ll now find that they’ve killed the goose that laid the golden eggs, and that they’ll have to get three geese to replace you and the eggs STILL won’t taste quite as nice.

    Hopefully you’ll find new fields to graze on (hmm… do geese graze? Grazing Geese? Might be a mutation. Yeh, that would be appropriate. A Mutation!)

    I’ll never be able to watch an episode of that “League Of Gentlemen” (or whatever it is) without thinking of you ya know…


    Liked by 1 person

  2. This has been going on a long time. My classroom cleaner in the 80s did a superb job including wiping every kid’s desklid and the blackboard; then in came the time and motion people and the allocation of x minutes per classroom, where lim x → ∞ = 0.

    Same story for some public services, e.g. the Registration Service and doubtless many areas of the NHS.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s been getting progressively worse. Cleaners are not seen as important so they are getting cut everywhere, and when the place is filthy, you will never hear ‘oh the cleaners don’t have enough time’.

      Cleaners have already started quitting, even the ones who have nothing but dole to go to. It won’t be safe to buy from food shops soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You are a gent. That’s why you’re going to approach this socialist-driven, Stachanovite, cleaning problem of Little Shop. (I have a good and accurate idea of its actual identity but I will not say it on here.)

    What was the Horse called, in Animal Farm, that worked his arse off and then got sent to the knackers? I have forgotten; don’t get like him, we need you.
    Aaaaah….it was BOXER!
    I remember now. Have taught it often enough…should have known first hit.

    Your Very Good Lady also says you and I should still try to arrange a play-date. I would like to. It may have to be a “sleepover”. 350 miles is a long drag. I guess you don’t “do” Lancashire…? Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Old Man, do you know my recipe for fake blood? I mean, the real stuff? I have fooled doctors with it.

    Does Little Shop sell glycerol in its pharmacy? For about half a gallon of blood, say 2.5 – 3 litres, you will need 350-450ml of glycerol, depending on the persistency you desire. I will remind you (but you perhaps know anyway, I suspect) what the other aqueous chemicals (two only, with a possible addition of a tiny-tad of “water dye, bright scarlet” from John Mylands (Brixton) added. Text me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, this sort of stupidity goes on everywhere. It is currently playing out where I work now, which is a university. The IT department has always been a poor relation of everything else and a recent director of IT who had been quietly asked to outsource everything hasn’t helped at all.

    When he asked for £150 million per annum as an on-going cost for outsourcing all of IT the penny dropped with senior management: outsourcing does not save money. Said plonker was asked to find a plan B, then a plan C, then he quit in disgust. Served him right for promising that everything would get better at the same time as annoying the staff to the point that those who had been thinking of going promptly did so.

    His last remaining act was to set in motion the conversion of an old machine room into a big, open-plan office. Currently as the work progresses much worried chattering is taking place, as the management slowly realise the depths of loathing that staff have for big open-plan offices, and the sheer horror of working in such a hive of distractions. They have yet to realise that to put 200-300 people on one floor requires a set number of toilets on that floor also, which their building doesn’t have; this will be duly reported to the Health & Safety Executive in due course for shits & giggles.

    Much merriment will likely ensure from this purported upgrade.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. My experience at Sainsbury’s was the same. The beginning of the shift we were given the aisle we had to stock. The targets were beyond human ability, yet we were told that this is what the computer had calculated so get on with it. At the end of the shift, well, I left the job for the day shift to complete. Nothing is so dispiriting as knowing you are being set up to fail.


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