Strange old man with a sack…

Tonight is the one night of the year when modern overprotective parents tell their children to sleep and stay quiet. A strange old man with a sack is going to visit them late at night and if they wake up and see what he’s doing, they must never tell.

This same strange old man has been watching them all year and has decided whether they must be rewarded or punished. Oh, they didn’t see him watching but he was always there. Under the bed, in the closet, in the creepy rusty van at the end of the driveway…

Watching. Always watching and always judging. Little beady eyes under huge eyebrows and tight pursed lips behind a vast amount of facial hair. Tonight, children, he’s coming to visit.

Have you been good?

If you’ve been good, presents come out of the sack. If you’ve been bad, you go in. Then while the good kids play with toys, all you get to play with is Santa’s sack. Forever.

If that’s not sufficiently disturbing, here’s a variation on what, if you read between the lines, is the creepiest Christmas song ever

You children out there
Who don’t want to die
You better take care
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He’s made a hit list
Elf contracts are out;
The naughty children
They’re taking them out
Santa Claus is coming to town

He watches when you’re sleeping
Follows when you’re awake
He’s seen the things you did all year
Turning good – well, it’s too late!

He’s bringing his sack
To give and collect
You’ll never come back
If you’re not the best
Santa Claus is coming to town

He watches when you’re sleeping
Follows when you’re awake
He’s seen the things you did all year
Turning good – well, it’s too late!

He’s under your bed
He’s in the closet
Reindeer eyes of red
Still watch when you’re dead
Santa Claus is coming to town

 

Merry Christmas, cheeeldren! And in the season of festive goodwill, remember that the people your schools have taught you to hate, will just hate you back harder.

This is what happens when you get out of school and into real life.

It’s not the way you were told it would be…

Ho ho ho!

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Strange old man with a sack…

  1. “All you get to play with is Santa’s sack.” You smutty chap.
    Luckily I wasn’t drinking when I read that or I would need a new keyboard.
    If Santa’s sack is anything like mine that is a terrible punishment

    Liked by 1 person

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