Mirth and relaxation

The Daily Mail is giving away a free anti-stress colouring book today. I’d say their regular readers need something to take their mind off the over-hyped high-bloodpressure stuff they invent for printing every single day. Perhaps some of the photos of compo-claimants doing ‘Mail face’ could be reduced to line drawings. I can do that for them if they like.

The irony of the Daily Mail giving away an anti-stress thing is not lost on me.

Today they had the story of Nicky Caviar claiming the Tories saw a disastrous defeat in local elections in Scotland. It wasn’t spin, it was the lies of a blinkered idiot. They had their best result in a generation and scored a load of new seats. There was no Tory candidate where I am but it seems the SNP are on the run. A Tory majority in the Scottish Government? That’s really not very likely at all but it seems it might not be impossible. Still, my money is on the Lib Dems or Labour to wipe out the SNP. next time round Scotland isn’t ready for Tories.

Deep breaths. Relax.

Anti-stress has never been a problem for me. You are reading stuff written by the guy who got so pissed that he fell over, cracked two ribs and bashed a kidney and peed blood for three days before thinking ‘Yeah, maybe I should call a doctor.’ Meanwhile I continued laying a laminate floor in the kitchen…

They kept me in hospital all night! Waste of time and resources. I was back at work (the janitor job) after two days off. So yeah, I don’t stress easily.

CStM regards the adult colouring books as relaxing. I… can’t. One slip over the line and that page will be torn out and burned. I tried adult dot-to-dot with pictures of over 400 dots. Nearly drove me insane. Where the hell is dot 292? Why is 293 on the other side of the page? They did make impressive pictures, but I could have strangled the dotmeister many times.

My best mode of relaxation is the old Doom computer game. I also like Quake and Descent but can’t get them to run on the new machine yet. Those games are really relaxing.

Doom is great. Everything that moves is trying to kill you. No decisions necessary. If it moves, kill it. My favorite weapon is the double barrelled shotgun. I use the rocket launcher against the cyberdemon because it’s the best way to kill that bugger and it’ll take about 50 rockets to do it. I have used the BFG when I want a quick finish, but for real sighs of satisfied relaxation you can’t beat walking right up to a Hellknight and putting three shots of two barrels right into him.

Of course I cheat. I’ve been watching politics long enough to pick up how it’s done. In early versions of Doom, before it became 3D, type IDDQD to become indestructible. IDCLIP lets you walk through walls but you can’t pick anything up until you type it again to turn it off. The TAB key gets you the map and you need that with IDCLIP so you don’t walk off the game.

Going back through areas I’ve already been in, I can’t help a sigh of satisfaction at the mound of corpses. The irritating fuckers are all dead, and as I think John Wayne’s character Rooster Coburn once said, ‘There ain’t nothing so peaceful as a dead man’.

CStM and probably a few other people relax by colouring in flowers. I relax by killing everything that moves. Without resorting to any of the bigger weapons available.

CStM has suggested I stay well away from psychiatrists. My son has declared me unfit to own a shotgun.

What the hell. I have a bow and a good supply of arrows.

I don’t get many visitors…


18 thoughts on “Mirth and relaxation

  1. In the original Doom I used to love sneaking to the doorway of a room full of mixed demons, shoot one and have its return fire hit a different species…they then went to war while I kept my ammo and health.

    Not sure which Doom it was, but I loved going round a corner straight into a demon, physically jumping and pulling the trigger on the super-shotgun…great times.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah yes, run through a room full of demons and let them shoot each other while you hide at the other end. Eventually, one shot will finish the last one.

      It’s like training for dealing with Puritans 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Not sure what going on in Scotland but several friends who were lifelong tribal Labour supporters intend to vote Conservative for the first time ever. The reason is a growing loathing for Nicola, being against independence and failure to do the day job. This is in my home town of Glasgow so anything is possible.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t see a Labour resurgence in Scotland in the short term. More likely an increase in the Tory vote along with LibDems. It might take a couple of minority SNP governments at Holyrood before something similar to what has happened in England. I suspect indyref2 is probably dead in the water.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Used to love playing Doom and Doom 2. Running through subterranean corridors for hours blasting anything that moved. A lot of games on the old-fashioned sprite based Build engine were hugely enjoyable: Blood, Shadow Warrior and the awesome Duke Nukem 3D. Primitive by today’s standards but brilliantly designed for hours of ultra-violent fun.

    Liked by 1 person

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