So, Tessie May won the election, sort of, by losing a hell of a lot of seats. The Tories gained 12 seats in Scotland but lost so many elsewhere that they are, basically, screwed.
Jezza thinks he’s won even though he has fewer MPs than the Tories. I’m guessing Diane Abbot explained the relative numbers to him. Sorry, Corbers, you lost. Gaining seats was impressive but you didn’t gain enough to win. The fact that you have more than you did, and the Tories have less than they did, doesn’t change the fact that they still have more than you.
I wonder if Tessie will learn anything from this, other than how to sign on at a dole office? She says she intends to stay on for five years but Tories are ruthless about removing failed leaders. The EU is really looking forward to Brexit talks now and they expect to wipe the floor with Tessie’s minority government.
Labour could help. Corbyn is in favour of a soft Brexit so could help with negotiations but will he? Will he venture into enemy territory with an offer of cooperation? I don’t see it happening.
The SNP can’t help, even if Corbyn was willing to go into a coalition – which he’s not. They were well slapped down at this election. Oily Al is out of office and his Mini-Me, Nicky ‘FREEDOM’ the Fish is likely to lose the leadership. It can’t even go to the deputy leader. He’s been voted out too. Oh dear.
UKIP are gone, and so is their leader. Well, dumping smoker support was one of the reasons. We didn’t have anyone else to vote for and now there’s nobody. So we just vote to cause trouble now. None of the parties like us anyway, we might as well just stir the shit.
This constituency turned Tory, as did the surrounding ones. The North-East of Scotland is a sea of blue surrounding a tiny SNP island in Aberdeen North. Which is not surprising, it’s where Aberdeen puts all the benefit monkeys. Burberry is big there, as is violence and shouting and general dickiness. If you ever visit Tillydrone, don’t go alone and don’t go at night. The steel mesh on the shop windows should clue you in.
Aberdeen North also contains Aberdeen University. A big student Leftie vote for the taking.
The Greens still have Caroline Lucas, returned with a much increased majority because the voters of Brighton Pavilion really have nobody else to vote for. Nobody wants to go there.
The Lib Dems… I still don’t see what that party is for.
So we are left with a Tory mini-government which the Loser Left have been out protesting about already. The only party the Tories can legitimately link to is the DUP, the political remnant of the Protestant version of the IRA from Northern Ireland. A hard line religious group who are anti-abortion, anti-gay marriage (probably anti-gay but I can’t confirm that) and generally Puritan.
The DUP aren’t interested in coalition which is good, we wouldn’t want them in the Cabinet. They are prepared to support the bits they like of Tory legislation and that’s it. Really, they still hate the IRA and Corbyn is on record as an IRA supporter so that’s their real motivation here.
What does the UK government look like now?
In the red corner… Tessie May, Disappointment. With a bunch of Christian hard liners who want to ban gay marriage, prevent all abortions for any reason and generally make everyone follow their worldview. Oh, and links to terrorist activities.
In the blue corner… Jeremy Corbyn, Delusional. With a bunch of Islamic hard liners who want to kill gays, oppress women and generally make everyone follow their worldview. Oh, and links to terrorist activities.
Not a great choice, I think you’ll agree.
However, when you sit back and look at it, it looks less like politics and more like the squaring up of armies for battle. The Left have already taken to the streets to start the fight.
Add into the mix America’s Democrats and their open warfare on Trump, and then add in the Middle East’s isolation of Qatar and the ISIS attack on Iran’s government…
It doesn’t look like a bright and cheery future, does it?
Okay, if the Middle East gets all nasty, the sensible thing would be for Western governments to stay well out of it. You know they won’t. They can’t resist a good fight. In the UK the Tories and Labour will take opposite sides in any conflict and that will soon spill on to the streets.
The same thing will happen in America.
Russia and China will, of course, be preparing for all this.
They’ll be stockpiling popcorn…