57 Varieties

It used to be a Heinz slogan. I never knew what the other 56 were and really wasn’t much interested in finding out. I only remember the beans and the TV bean ads with the little fat wizard. ‘Beanz Meanz Fartz’ or something.

Naturally, all that has nothing to do with the subject of the post but if you’ve been here more than once before you already knew that. This isn’t about beans. It’s about sex. Beans and sex don’t really mix unless you are into something very kinky that I’d prefer not to know about, or you like that bit of extra turbo boost in your thrust, or part of your foreplay involves an eye-watering Dutch oven… we’ll stop there I think.

These days, ‘gender’ has joined the long list of clearly defined words misused for political purposes. Let’s clear that one up.

I have every qualification in biology you can think of, right up to PhD and I even have a CSE in it (for which I didn’t even take an exam – yes, weird stuff started early for me). Trust me on this, there are two genders. Male and female. If you are human you are one or the other.

If you are a gay male who prefers other males, you are still male. I know, 99% of the gay males out there are saying ‘Well duh’ and 99% of gay females are just waiting for their turn to say ‘Well duh’ too. You can extrapolate. I don’t need to bother. Gayness is a sexual orientation. It does not change your biological gender.

Neither does bisexuality. I am a straight white male so I fully expect to be utterly lambasted on Twitter for this post but, well, I’ll let you all know if I start to care. Facts are not altered by shouting at them. This is not ‘Dune’, you do not bring down solid rock with magic words.

Okay, so far we aren’t getting controversial. So let’s up the ante.

If you’re a man who shags sheep your gender is not pansexual, you are male and probably more than a little bit strange. If you’re a woman who likes her bits licked by her pet dog (I am assured this happens but I will not be investigating further) your gender is not caninosexual, you are female and just as strange as the sheep guy. But hey, I am not judging you. Just don’t expect me to spend a lot of time around you.

Transvestites. Not a gender. A liking for wearing clothes that society has decided belong to the other gender. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, wear what you like. I live in Scotland where the sight of a man in a kilt is nothing unusual. I’ve worn one myself. In some countries ‘male’ clothing is a long robe or ‘dress’. It does not matter at all. But it’s not a new gender. It’s just clothes.

The  ridiculous idea of ‘gender fluidity’ is behind all this. Multiculturalism for the gonads. You have one set or the other. Two genders. Nature is not ‘fluid’ on this point. What you choose to do with them, well that’s up to you. But you do not have gender fluidity. It is not biologically possible.

Then there are transsexuals. Those who are born one gender but feel, inside, that they should be the other gender. Medical science can change your gender now but that does not increase the number of genders. Transsexual is not a new gender. You are gender 1 and you want to be gender 2. Still two genders.

Hermaphrodites want to be a third gender too. Nope, sorry guy/gals. You have elements of both genders but there are still only two genders. You have the bits for both. That does not make you a different gender. You’re human and either lucky or unlucky depending on your point of view but you aren’t the start of a new species.

If this all sounds harsh it’s not because I’m being hateful and intolerant. I’m not. I don’t hate anyone because of their body image, body shape or sexual preference. I don’t care what you do behind closed doors and I won’t ask about it. I’d prefer you didn’t shove it in my face and if you do, we probably won’t meet again. That’s all though. I won’t go on Twitter and demand you accept me as I am and conform to my way of life, nor will I bad-mouth your preferences in any way. They are your business, not mine. Let’s keep it that way.

If I still sound harsh the problem is not me, it’s you. You have become soft and weak and unable to grasp simple facts. There are two biological genders. You are one or the other. You can switch using surgery but there are still only two genders. There is no third gender.

Oh, you are oppressed, are you? Up into the 1960s you could spend time in jail for being gay in the UK. It was illegal! We are not talking unknown ‘poor gay people’ either. Oscar Wilde went to jail for being gay. Alan Turing, the man who decoded the Nazi Enigma code machine and played a big part in winning WWII, was later shat on by the authorities just because he was gay. Was that fair? Hell no, but it happened anyway.

Today you have a flag as if you are an independent nation and you have Pride marches where you can wave those flags, and police and fire services will repaint their transport in your flag’s colours while they moan about being underfunded. If you had held that march in 1960 the police would have been rounding you up.

You really call that ‘oppression’? I wish I could send you back to talk to the gay people in Hitler’s Germany, but even if I could you’d have found them in a mass grave, gassed to death. Pity, I’m sure they would have loved to hear how oppressed you are now.

If you had been transsexual only a few decades ago (and it is not a new phenomenon) you would not have dared speak out. You would have been sectioned for it and you know it. Now you can get the change on the NHS. And yet you are still ‘oppressed’.

Oh come on. Get over yourselves. You don’t have to publicise every aspect of your life like a damn Kardashian. Okay, you are different. I get it. Okay, you are not like me. I accept it. Accept this.

I. Don’t. Care.

I don’t care if you want to live in a different way to me. It would be boring if everyone was the same. Live any way you choose and if you want to live as the opposite gender, or become the opposite gender, I have no issue with that at all. But don’t tell me you are oppressed when you are able to do those things. Oppression means you aren’t able to do those things or are imprisoned or killed just for wanting to do them. You are not oppressed.

Yes, there are some people who will hate you for what you are and for the way you live. Guess what? That happens to everyone. It happens to me too. It’ll probably happen to me again once I hit ‘publish’ on this but do I cry ‘oppression’? No. The ‘oppressed’ are likely to try to shout me down while claiming they are the victims. That actually makes me laugh. A lot. Especially as most of them will start their tantrums before reading this far.

But don’t piss around with biology. There are two genders and they are fixed, not fluid. Male and female. There might be 57 different sexual orientations but there are no more than two genders.

Now, let the outrage commence…






23 thoughts on “57 Varieties

  1. Unless you are born with both sets of sex organs… Intersex people do exist. Usually women with testes. There are also people who have a strange mix of chromosomes – XXY for example

    Liked by 2 people

    • Bugger, I wish you had an edit facility. I was trying to say that hermaphrodite doesn’t fit simply within the binary male/female because the person is of indeterminate sex – that’s the point, the indeterminate bit. Surgeons have been know to make a decision when the person is in infancy and surgically alter them to what they believe is the predominant sex characteristic so that they appear male or female.

      That said, transgender/transsexual people are simply seeking to switch from one to the other. The surgery is a facade, of course. You can’t change chromosomes and sterility is the price to be paid. It’s a big step and you have to be very sure before making the decision to radically alter your body.

      Liked by 2 people

    • When you start looking at invertebrates of various sorts, things tend to get a bit weird. Caenorhabditis elegans, a nematode worm chosen as a model organism because it breeds fast doesn’t have females. It has hermaphrodites and males, the latter being randy little sods that will try to mate with almost anything, probably because the hermaphrodites can and will reproduce without them.

      Male bees never have fathers, but always have grandfathers. Sounds like I’ve gone bonkers, but I haven’t. Hymenoptera and certain varieties of mites have independently evolved haplodiploidy; females have two sets of chromosomes, males just one.

      So, for ants, bees, wasps and sawflies, fertilised eggs become females, unfertilised ones become males. This evolved as an adaptation to extremely patchy food resources that meant that a female, if she found food, couldn’t guarantee to meet a male there or on the way. No problem with haplodiploidy; lay an unfertilised egg and it develops (often very quickly) into a male which then mates with its mother so she can lay female eggs.

      Things get weird with aphids, too. Most aphids are female, parthenogenic and are basically breeding machines. All the aphids on one plant are usually related to each other, clones from the founding mother to land on that plant. As they share a lot of genes, they tend to be predisposed to help each other; some aphids even form social colonies. Most merely look out for each other, in that one getting eaten by a predator releases an alarm pheromone to warn all its kin.

      This is the basis of a new biological control system: micro-encapsulated alarm pheromone that a farmer sprays onto his crops. Once done, the aphids there all get alarmed and extremely worried, stop feeding and stop breeding. The good bit is that they can’t really evolve out of this behaviour; aphids that aren’t alarmed by alarm pheromone are more likely to get eaten than normal ones are.

      Evolution is also at play with humans. It is especially strongly at play where gender is concerned; any individual that cannot breed is effectively lost to evolution, unless it can confer some sort of advantage for its immediate kin. This is the assumed evolutionary role that homosexuality probably plays, since the likelihood that a boy is gay increases the more brothers his mother has previously produced, and thus the more likely it is that he won’t have had quite such a strong start in life.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Snails are hermaphrodites too. But that means they are both female and male in one body. You also don’t need sex. Parthenogenesis in aphids. And some fish can change sex. Doesn’t make them a third sex though. Coelenterates and echinoderms……………starting to get beyond strange.


  2. Agree Legiron there are only two genders. I am not sure you can change genders, cutting bits off or adding false bits on goes not change your gender, just your appearance.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I thought it was only me that said the same and though the same as you, LI. XX or XY. Having an extra chromosome too though doesn’t make you a different gender. As for those people hijacking chemical bond terminology I could just scream with rage!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Off topic: In a 2006 Rolling Stone interview, Kurt Vonnegut sardonically stated that he would sue the Brown & Williamson tobacco company, the maker of the Pall Mall-branded cigarettes he had been smoking since he was twelve or fourteen years old, for false advertising. “And do you know why?” he said. “Because I’m 83 years old. The lying bastards! On the package Brown & Williamson promised to kill me.”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Per your instructions…I am outraged.

    Lemme know what I need to be outraged about whenever you find the time to inform me.

    And it BETTER fucking be good.

    Otherwise…I may be outraged.

    ^REZZ – Relax^

    Liked by 2 people

  6. If you want to blow your mind try looking up gender and fungi. Possibly tens of thousands of “mating types” in some species. Do you think we can quell the outrage of the Lgbtqwertyuiop Community if we simply redefine them all as mushrooms?

    Liked by 1 person

    • My brain wants to explode when I think of the complexities and intricacies of “narrowing the sexes to two” via many other types of reproduction methods and means, via many species, over extremely ridiculous amounts of time. (have fun with the “to two” part of that thought) 😉

      But yeah. Thinking about connectedness, and thinking about how much time an energy is devoted to perfection and perfecting reproduction…to me anyway…this is like a giant goddamn arrow pointing to “the now.” Levels of removal, or, Degrees of Separation…even…but still connected.

      I have a difficult time expressing these thoughts without being ridiculously verbose, so I’ll stick with strings in this case.
      EX: Imagine having a child that you could never actually hold. All of your interactions were via remote methods because of the necessities that dictate this type of relationship. Maybe think in terms of “The Boy In The Plastic Bubble”…and these thoughts won’t be such a stretch. This will take us straight to Da Vinci’s “Touch of Adam”…and how maybe a parent is able to “touch” their own child via some remote pathways that we might not normally consider. Synchronicity might also jump to mind for those currently inclined in those directions.

      I don’t pretend to know any answers, and I don’t have to, because I in fact have no answers. But I also think, that with respect to live, there are few…if any…answers to be actually had. But thinking about some mushrooms that I saw growing out in the front yard yesterday, and how beautiful they were, and now stumbling across your comment about fungi and their reproductive methods…all I can think about is points. I call them “stings on strings”…kinda like two fingertips touching for the briefest of moments. These brief moments last forever.

      Sorry for the rant. Have a song for your trouble.

      ^Revolting Cocks – Me So Horny^

      Revolting Cocks – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revolting_Cocks
      According to Van Acker, the band adopted their name after trying out “insulting French expressions” on a waiter in a Chicago bar, ordering something they said meant “revolting cock” which led the waiter to say, “You are revolting cocks!”

      Liked by 1 person

  7. If you want to blow your mind try looking up gender and fungi. Possibly tens of thousands of “mating types” in some species. Do you think we can quell the outrage of the Lgbtqwertyuiop Community if we simply redefine them all as mushrooms?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve always been puzzled about the word “gender”. I first heard it learning languages like French and Latin. There was masculine, feminine and neuter. It was something (pro-)nouns and adjectives could have. The adjective had to agree with the noun’s gender. It seemed to be something that helped you see which noun applied to which adjective, and allowed you sometimes to put words in a more convenient order. The labels might as well have been “north”, “south” and “equator”.

    The word “sex” seems different. It partly had to do with concavity and convexity of “bits”. It helped you explain in B&Q what connector-gadget you needed on your garden hose or audio cable. Of course, there’s another sense, but that’s usually more precisely conveyed in French, Latin, or a bedroom.

    I’m amazed by how many words are available to be to accurately sum-up someone’s character, that are names of the female or male sexual organs. They’re usually short, Anglo-Saxon, plosive, and incredibly satisfying to utter.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. It’s the way it’s politicised that gets me. Some people have made a good career out of it, with very nice pay, usually out of the taxpayer’s pocket…



  10. How convenient. There I was having a lunch of fish and chips at a very pleasant wayside inn in the pretty little community that goes by the name of Kinross.

    And they very kindly provide a newspaper for customers. Now I never buy the Sun, but as I was solo and had forgotten to bring my smart phone, I had two choices. Sit looking like a stookie or read the sodding thing, which takes some doing on what were awful small tables.

    And I came across this headline that’s repeated in the link:


    She seems to be very unusual, being able to produce semen (that she wanted frozen in case she met the right woman – cost £4000) and also have a viable womb.

    The story about the anonymous sperm donor is deeply suspicious. In fact it reeks of a way to avoid any liability under the CPA rules. Because this one will 100% claim full child support.

    I’m not at odds with a single thing said by you, but I will point out that male or female there are some very peculiar folk out there – and many seem terribly happy to post selfies on the correct web sites.


    In the case of the “pregnant man”, I do indeed resent that the NHS’ll cough up £29,000 to gender reassign the twit, who aspires only to fill supermarket shelves.


    • Not a man. A pre-op Female to male TG. Still has vagina, ovaries and fallopian tubes. In fact not ‘male’ at all. Nor ever will be. Just a sad imitation.

      I’ve no objection to her turning herself male, far from it. Where I draw the line is taxpayers picking up the tab for someone’s sexual dysmorphia. Let the TG’s pay for their cosmetic alterations themselves.


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