The face of Death

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It’s going to be a popular look if Public Health England get their way.

As the definition of obesity gets ever narrower, to the point where you’ll soon be classed as obese if the medics can’t check for broken bones by holding you up to a light, so the evil of Public Health expands its war on all living things by forcing us towards photosynthesis as our only means of nutrition.

I’m surprised they haven’t tried that yet. Maybe it comes next. ‘Eat a Vegan diet and you’ll absorb enough chlorophyll so that soon you won’t need to eat at all’. I hope they don’t get upset at me for revealing their 2020 dietary plan too soon.

So far, they only want you to restrict your calorie intake to somewhere close to anorexia. It’s a slow death, but they’ll accelerate it later, I’m sure. When we all look like Death I’ll have the last laugh – I already have a black hooded robe and a scythe.

How am I supposed to survive on 1600 calories a day? That’s not even one bottle of whisky! In Scotland’s winter you can shiver away 1600 calories a day. I’ve never actually counted my calorie intake but it’s a lot higher than the currently recommended 2500 a day – and I’m not getting fat. I’m out every other day chopping wood for the fire and in summer, I’ll burn off a few thousand just cutting the lawns. That’s before I even start on the plant beds and the nettles in the woods. Which is what the scythe was originally for.

I’ll also have to rebuild a wall in spring. Part of the wall between Lawn 4 and Greenhouse 2 collapsed. Six feet tall and made of granite blocks. There are still piles of leaves on one of the driveways and the other has been on-and-off a glacier this winter. There are fruit trees to prune and other trees to trim. And I’ll need to rebuild the wood supply for next winter. I’ve run it down a bit this year.

If I pay any attention at all to this 1600 calories bollocks I’ll look like those photos of the Holocaust by next summer. So I have no intention of paying any attention at all to any of it.

That won’t surprise anyone. I’ve paid no attention to the five-a-week veggie thing nor the 21 units a day alcohol ‘limit’ and the antismokers might as well shout at my fallen wall. I hear they have now reduced their alcohol intake limit. I haven’t.

But then, they don’t expect anyone to pay attention to this new nonsense. That’s not what it’s for. As Christopher Snowdon observes…

The idea of having ‘limits’ for individual meals is entirely new and I suspect that there is an agenda at work here. The 400-600-600 ‘rule’ will allow PHE and its army of scolds to name and shame every restaurant portion, takeaway and ready meal that contains more than the government-approved quantity of calories.

It’s a new way into a tax on takeaways. Tax which will fund more nannying and deeper control. Followed by more taxes.

Start learning to photosynthesise. That’s where they’re heading…

16 thoughts on “The face of Death”

  1. They may have come unstuck here, at last. Most takeaways aren’t staffed by traditional rosy-cheeked English men & women. They are staffed by the establishment’s Protected Classes.

    *gets large bag of popcorn*

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  3. Most people who come here know the figures are bolleaux & plucked out of thin air. I, for example, need 2150C per day to maintain my body weight of 11 St. If I get my buggered hip fixed & go back to regular hard physical activity, it’ll go up again.

    It makes sense, however, if you put another interpretation on it. Think about the nation’s dire financial straits with its unsustainable welfare bill and add that to the global, intergovernmental drive, to go ‘cashless’. In returning us little people to feudal serfs, grateful for government handouts then things begin to make sense.

    Send poor people boxes of approved food instead of benefit cheques. Ocado & the major supermarkets would love it – and they have the basis for the necessary infrastructure, shortly to be augmented by more robots. In each box would be approved meals containing 1600C per head per household. You don’t need more than that if you spend your life slumped in front of a screen watching daytime television.

    With cash gone, the digestive biscuit could become our new currency. This flash of insight started me down the road of researching the maker’s shares, but it seems McVities is now owned by a private Turkish company. So, Sir Humphrey has thought about that one. We must not only take our punishment but they, it seems, have also taken the biscuit.

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    • 1600 calories a day, and you wouldn’t have the energy to do anything more than sit in front of the television.

      You certainly wouldn’t have the energy to resist the government in any way. Perhaps that’s the idea.

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  4. Public Health is a Quango and one which should have gone in the bonfire of quangos. It has a huge budget and employs some 5000 people, so it has to produce something. When someone tells me I shouldn’t eat more than x grammes of this or y grammes of that, I haven’t a clue what it would look like on my plate (especially as I was brought up with pounds and ounces). More to the point, will those who are obese and clearly don’t care about the situation even listen to what this quango says, let alone do anything about it?
    I was brought up during rationing and so am probably used to small portions and my mother’s view was to eat what you like but in moderation, something that I still do. She also said, before “eat by” dates that if the food looked good and smelt good, it probably was good. We never got food poisoning!
    Richard Littlejohn in the Mail has a take on this subject today at:
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-5219543/RICHARD-LITTLEJOHN-Lifes-short-healthy-eating.html

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    • I still check eggs by seeing if they float in water. If they do they’ve gone bad, they’re full of gas and it’ll be nasty. I’ve used food way past its date if it seems safe.

      There’s a wide margin of error built into those ‘use by’ dates – and of course, no manufacturer minds if you throw it away and then buy a new one 😉

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  6. “21 units of alcohol”? You really haven’t been paying attention, have you? It’s 14 units in this brave new world and every time you take a sip of wine or suck on a wine gum you must think of cancer (something like that, I my have missed one or two nuances ;-)).

    And yes, I did notice that you’d said “21 units a day”. You’re a very naughty boy.

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