A foray into the medical world

I was at the doctor today. Nothing wrong with me, I just had to register, as did CStM, with a nearby doctor. The one I rarely met before is now too far away and the nearest is only two towns away, so it was necessary to re-register.

Anyway, today was The Day of Assessment. They don’t have my medical records, such as they are, as yet. So they weren’t forewarned.

The assessing nurse, predictably, began by speaking as if I was senile. Then told me I shouldn’t be smoking. I did say I had some Electrofags and was still trying new ones. That is a good thing in the UK medical mind. Seems we did send most of the loonies to Australia after all.

Then she asked how much I drank a week.

When she got her breath back, she told me I was way over the recommended 14 units a week. I told her that they reduced the made-up number faster than I could reduce my drinking (it has reduced from its peak, which exceeded the old weekly limits most days and would probably have made her pass out entirely). The subject changed abruptly.

I was weighed and measured and a urine sample tested. They now have dipsticks that test multiple things in under a minute. I hadn’t seen that before. There have been some advances in medicine since I last visited, it seems.

To the quite evident disappointment of the nurse, there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I am still free of any kind of medication.

The only thing, towards the end, was that my blood pressure was a little high. A nagging session where I am treated as if I have late stage Alzheimer’s is enough to explain that, I think, so I’m not going to worry about it.

I wasn’t invited back.

I wonder if, when my slim volume of medical notes arrives, they will be in a red folder with ‘beware – awkward bastard’ written on the front?

I bet they’ll wish they’d seen those first.

 

13 thoughts on “A foray into the medical world

  1. Where the walls of reception plastered with Healthist messaging, Leggy? Possibly sitting in that kind of hostile environment could have caused your blood pressure to rise a tad. Probably best just to stay away from there, eh? 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Ha ha! Agreed. I rarely enter the surgery unless it’s quite unavoidable. Recently I had occasion to stagger in there regarding my chronic recurring rheumatoid thingy, pianful enough to come between me and my sleep, and to restrict my driving.

    The hectoring lady was almost uninterested in why I was there, and persisted with interrogation about smoking habits, alcohol and my apparently high blood pressure. She then ordered a blood test; to see if I’m eating banned foodstuffs with cholesterol…

    She was annoyed when I said I gave up smoking decades ago when i simply decided i didn’t enjoy it any more. I was given codeine (which I shall avoid taking), Amlodipine for my blood pressure, and shooed out on my way.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Speaking as an alcoholic, i cant believe you are in good health, a urine test doesnt predict much, what about a proper glucose tolerance test, millions of people are undiagnosed diabetics,
    for the past fifty or more years the health nazis have been going on about fat when its carbohydrates that are killing people, anyway youre a doctor so i shall stop ranting

    Like

    • I never reached full alcoholic. I was a heavy drinker (still am by most people’s standards) but I was always able to go without whisky. And you can keep vodka around for years, I don’t like it. Gin will gradually go down, whisky will go down rapidly if it’s the good stuff, but I’m too fussy to be an alcoholic.

      Last time the NHS got hold of me they tested everything. Blood sugar test, blood tests for all sorts, cholesterol, diabetes, liver scans, chest X rays, everything. They couldn’t find anything wrong at all. Meanwhile the real reason I went there in the first place got better on its own.

      I’m just lucky that way. Makes up for having crap luck financially.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve recently become a diagnosed “pre-diabetic”. So not diabetic then…
      Soon their measurements will consider everyone who isn’t already diabetic as pre-diabetic – gives them the excuse to bang on endlessly about diet and exercise.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. On a medical note the GOS still seems to be doing it’s job but now I have come down with Raynaud’s. So,as one does, I looked for advice online.Apparently the most important thing i should do, according to the websites, is give up smoking….I ABSOLUTELY MUST GIVE UP SMOKING or my white fingers will turn blue then black and then drop off.
    Then I looked under ‘treatments’ and there was Vit B3….
    Where else am I supposed to get niacin from if I don’t smoke? Marmite?! Dear God I’d rather swallow a gun than that shit (trust a German Chemist to invent something like that).

    Liked by 1 person

    • The problem is that medics have touted absolutely everything as being caused by smoking. Dandruff, middle ear infections, even diabetes!

      The result of all this idiotic smoker-blaming is that now, nobody believes them when they come up with something that is actually linked to smoking. When every disease has ‘smoking’ in the list of causes, including those that have absolutely no link to smoking at all, then nobody believes a word they say any more.

      They brought it on themselves.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve had Raynaud’s most of my adult life – I understood it to be largely genetic. One of my sons had it from an early age – certainly before his relatively brief flirtation with smoking. It’s one of the reasons I tend to seek out warmer climes, although it doesn’t necessarily need to be very cold for the blood to decide to boycott my fingers. I used to have to indulge in a highly inelegant cartwheeling of my arms in an attempt to drive the blood to my extremities by dint of centrifugal force. It does actually work quite well, although it makes you look like a slightly deranged prat during the exercise.

      Like

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