Rewriting History, with Larry Croft

There is now a female Dr. Who, there has been a female Dr. Watson (in Sherlock Holmes) and I haven’t seen it so I don’t know how they handled Dr. Watson’s wife when she found out. It probably involved smelling salts and maybe a defibrillator.

There are plans for a female, black, James Bond. That’s going to make all those bedroom scenes… interesting. What would the counterpart of Pussy Galore be, I wonder? Big Dick McNutswinger? I can barely contain my anticipation.

A black James Bond would work. He just has to be British and pompous and we have those in all colours already. After all, his counterpart in the CIA, Felix, was a master of disguise. He appeared white in one film, black in another and even as Mr. Bean in one of them. I don’t recall seeing Felix in drag but I probably haven’t seen all the films.

The ultimate, of course, was replacing the white transvestite lead role in The Rocky Horror Picture Show with a black woman. Yeah… the point was that he was a guy who dressed as a woman. A woman who dresses as a woman is… well… ordinary. The ordinary had no place in that show.

Looking at all this would lead you to reasonably conclude that women are incapable of thinking up their own fictional characters. All they can do is fan-fiction existing stories and make the male characters female. Not a single creative neuron in the female brain. It’s the only logical conclusion… but it’s not the right one.

Women are perfectly capable of writing new and original stories. The Bronte sisters. Enid Blyton, Beatrix Potter, Agatha Christie, Sydney Sheldon. Many more. Even those with brains full of progressive idiocy have managed to write things like Harry Potter. So, why do the girls want to steal our toys?

Can we reciprocate? A male version of Charlies Angels? Yeah… I don’t want that. An all male cast in Baywatch? That’s not going to do well. An adventure game starring Larry Croft? Children’s TV – Derek the Explorer? I’m struggling here. I can’t think of a single female lead character I would prefer to be male. Not one.

Imagine if Kill Bill were Kill Jill. Pretty Woman were Pretty Man. Um… no. It doesn’t work. And ladies, it doesn’t work the other way either. Take note, BBC. Margaret of Anjou was what is referred to nowadays as ‘basement gamer white’, not in the slightest bit tanned. The phrase ‘get real’ has never been so relevant.

Girls, we don’t want to change your lead roles. We don’t want to rewrite Mulan so it’s a boy who dresses as a girl and is voiced by Julian Clary. We don’t want to see Stephen Fry in tights on the new posters for Cabaret. We are not going to lobby JKR to change Hermione Grainger to Herman. We want those films and shows and games exactly as they are now. No changes. We have no demands.

So what’s the idea behind it all? It really has nothing to do with any inability of women to write well. Margo Jackson’s book ‘The Mark’ gets well received even though she is just starting out. Not one of the four Underdog Anthologies is exclusively male. You think women can’t write scary stories? Oh believe me, they can think up tortures that will make any guy’s legs cross tighter than a very tight thing. Women can write just as well as men, sometimes better because they are better at expressing emotion. There is absolutely no need for women to poach male characters in existing shows and turn them into women. It has no literary merit nor function. Well, it has function…

Its function is to belittle.

Its function is to erase.

Its function is to remove any male ‘hero’ from the minds of the next generation.

You will note there has been no attempt to replace Shakespearean characters such as Caliban (The Tempest), Shylock (The Merchant of Venice) or MacBeth (The Scottish Play) with women. These are all revolting, deplorable characters. We get to keep those.

But we don’t get to keep fictional heroes. We don’t get to keep real ones either.

If I had ever met Winston Churchill in person I’m sure I would have left with the conviction that the man was an arse. He was often drunk and rude and thoughtless and he let Coventry burn so he could keep the Enigma machine secret. He could have had patrols up to spot the Nazis before they arrived and they’d have thought it a coincidence. Nope. He let them bomb it.

However. He did play a major role in winning the war and keeping morale in the UK up while Mr. Hitler sent us wave after wave of exploding surprise gifts.

I think we should have bombed Dresden with plastic bombs that just cracked open on landing and popped up a flag with ‘Boom’ written on it. Yeah… I might be a crap War Minister but I’d be a fun one 🙂

It would also have sent a message, I think. ‘We could have flattened your city tonight but we didn’t. So, want to negotiate yet?’

Anyway, Churchill might have been a git in private, even one with the best put-downs for those who called him out on it, but he’s the one who was in charge when we had a World War to deal with. The entire country looked up to him during that time. He was, indeed, a great man. Which gives hope for all the rest of us non-PC pissheads that one day, we’ll be remembered for more than being a non-PC pisshead too.

Churchill is a major part of UK history. Progressives have been trying to erase him for a long time. They have now taken direct action.

This is the man who stood up to Hitler and the Nazis. You know, the same name they call anyone who doesn’t agree with them. You’d think he’d be their hero, the one who stood firm in the face of relentless Nazi attacks led by literally Hitler. Yet they decry him as ‘warmonger’. He didn’t start it. He didn’t want it. Hitler gave him no option – he could either go to war or watch Germany take control of Europe. So he stood up to Nazis. There is a very good reason why the Left Progressives hate him for that. In the words of the now disgraced Rolf – can you tell what it is yet?

Incidentally, if you wrap his corpse in copper wire and put a couple of magnets around it, it’s now spinning fast enough to power the entire National Grid. That’s called a ‘joke’, Progressives. I don’t expect you to get it. Try not to think too hard, you might crash your programming and have to be rebooted.

It’s the same as the statue-tipping craze in the USA. The same as the claim that Muslims invented everything from shoes to iPhones. Incidentally, it’s true that Arabs invented a lot of really important stuff, including mathematics, but that was before Islam fucked them up. Imagine how brilliant they’d be now if it wasn’t for Uncle Mo and his gang of marauding child rapists. They’d be laughing at even China’s attempts to catch up. Pity it all fell apart, eh, guys? Never mind, one day you might realise what’s happened and start putting it right. Have you looked at the architecture and art and music of your ancestors? It’s amazing. Ask yourself why you aren’t allowed it now. Ask why ISIS, who claim to be your team, has been erasing your history.

Kamal Ataturk realised it. He set up Turkey as a Muslim state but with state and religion definitely separated. Wrap his corpse in copper wire, Turkey, add a couple of magnets and your lights will never go out again.

So many times in history, someone has come along who has fixed things and then the progressives come back and hate them for it. They are reviled as being obstructions to the One True Way (*cough* Venezuela *cough*). Look at Russia now. Look at China. Doing well because they cut back on the silly communist nonsense. Yes, still very tightly controlled because, well, Socialism, but in both those places, if you stay out of politics you can do very nicely and the government doesn’t mind at all.

They are still repressive in that you dare not question authority, but you can quietly find ways around it and authority doesn’t care.

The Nazis are coming back. They are the ones who currently call themselves anti-Nazi and anti-Fascist and they won’t believe it, just like last time and every time before that. They will have the swastika symbol again within two generations, perhaps less. Want to know how I know this?

I’ll tell you in the next post. It involves plastic models, history, photographs and an Me 163.



9 thoughts on “Rewriting History, with Larry Croft

  1. “[Churchill] let Coventry burn so he could keep the Enigma machine secret.” I used to think that but I read recently that in fact he didn’t have advance knowledge of the attack.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lucy Lui is great as Doctor Watson in ‘Elementary’ and I have no problem with Doctor Who regenerating into female form, even if she has a Yorkshire accent…


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