Please sir, can I have a business?

The confectionery industry is preparing for the next phase of the anti-sugar Puritan onslaught. What a waste of time and money.

They have keeled over on the sugar tax rubbish and are now trying to get ready for a ban on advertising. They are doing this by throwing money at packaging so their brand will be recognised when (not, as the article optimistically says. ‘if’) advertising of anything containing sugar is banned.

Total, complete, utter, waste of time and money. The Template is in action here. Once advertising is banned it’ll be plain packaging next. All that brand recognition is wasted money. There will be no brand. Sweets will be sold in olive green packs with the sweet name in 10 point Times New Roman and with pictures of Bella Emberg’s somewhat rounded figure, Shane MacGowan’s teeth, and heart attack victim actors taking up at least half the pack. Why spend money on a brand that will be forgotten in less than one generation? Confectionery companies, you are, basically, fucked. And you brought it on yourselves.

You could have taken the BrewDog approach. You could have responded as Buckfast (Glasgee’s Finest) did when told they were irresponsible for mixing alcohol and caffeine in their tonic wine (basically, ‘see you pal, you’re gettin’ it, so y’are, and meanwhile fuck off’). No, you did the Oliver Twist (it’s not a dance, you uneducated morons of modern youth, it’s a book from the old days of actual books they used to teach us in schools in the times when education made you smarter rather than compliant) .

You confectionery companies stood in your rags and held up your bowl and said ‘Please, Mr. Unelected Gobshite, can we have a business?’

Unelected Gobshite said no. And you rolled over to get your tummies tickled. ‘Sad’ is far too small a word. You think of yourselves as powerful businessmen but honestly, inside that expensive tailored suit, is there anything at all? Is it just full of smug money-love? Is there not a trace of the courage and conviction of the entrepreneurs of old? It seems not. Empty suits. Stuffed with cash soon to be sucked away by the Puritans you pander to.

The flipside of course is the silly Left argument that business controls government. Really? These cowering piles of weasel shit can’t stand up to stomping self-important arseholes, never mind actually-elected lawmakers. When Government ministers cave to these simpering woodlice then we had better think long and hard at the next election. Maybe next time we should elect someone a bit further up the food chain. Perhaps a wasp would be a good option.


You know, I don’t really have a dog in this fight. To paraphrase the old rhyme:

First they came for the smokers,
and I’m a smoker,
and nobody spoke out when they came for me and they still don’t,
so frankly, bollocks to the rest of you.

You face a future where every shop front is olive drab green with warnings and graphic made up gore all over it. Even fruit has sugar in it so that will be sprayed drab too. You think they are going to stop with sweets? You are honestly pitiful if you believe that.

Did you think they would stop with booze?

Did you think they would stop with tobacco?

Did you vapers think you had got away? Oh your attempts to ally with the haters was so funny. We still-smokers are still laughing at that and a few of you are still doing it. Keeps us entertained.

It never stops and never will.

Because when they came for me and nobody spoke out for me, when they came for my smoking and drinking and food choices, you Puritan-lovers supported it all. Because of you, it will not stop. You did this. Revel in it. Enjoy hating me and dehumanising me. I’ve grown used to it. You’re on the list too. How will you deal with it? It’s easy but I’m not telling you. Remember, I was the first line of the rhyme. You bastards in the end lines are on your own.

When they come for you, don’t you dare ask me to speak out for you. I will not.

You can only stop it by stopping it all. Leave one thing for them to latch on to and it all starts again. Defund all of it. ALL of it, or learn to live in an olive drab world where you live exactly as directed.

Let’s play a game.

Live in a world where some people do things you personally don’t like, but you can avoid those people who do those things, or live in a world where there is no choice at all and everything, including things you like, are banned. A world of diversity or a world of grey conformity.

Make your choice.

Your time is short.

8 thoughts on “Please sir, can I have a business?

  1. It’s depressing to witness these so called experts with their single issue mindsets. A really inflammatory article in the Scotsman was bad. The comments even worse.

    The guy calling for this, using the same techniques as for smokers, is a nonentity at a university in Glasgow.

    One thing any damned fool can see for themselves is there’s nowhere near 2 out of 3 Scots who are obese. Yet academic gets away with this crap.

    Another is this business of plain packing everything. That seriously hurts little producers like Tunnocks and Barrs as well as a myriad of very local producers.

    Huge outfits like Haribo see Scotland, indeed the whole UK as a pimple on a midges arse, so can quite happily alter their packs to comply then – knowing the market becomes price driven – slash their margins to zero to gain market share. Haribo a German multinational.

    Sometime soon the only way you’ll see a proper bottle of Scotch Whiskey with manufacturer labels will be anywhere but Scotland.

    I reiterate. Depressing,


  2. Love the Brewdog approach! I didn’t like Dead Pony Club but my favourite of all time is Punk IPA, which we can buy even in the People’s Republic of South Yorkshire.


  3. As a life long non-smoker I still stood up and said NO to the smoking ban, against the tide of the majority “opinion”. I’ve read and learned from history – plus being an anti-social, cantankerous annoyance to the “norm” helped. It was obvious where it would all lead all the years ago. Had many philisophical arguments back then, now my antagonists agreed I was right and they should have made a stand as the puritan mindset has taken hold. Never give up, never say die and cause problems to the end. Only good thing is that us Brits get bored of puritans very quickly and end up stringing them up sooner rather than later.


  4. “so frankly, bollocks to the rest of you”

    Yep. Sums up my attitude pretty well, these days. Every time I hear some whinging, moaning “pressure group” complaining about persecution and unfairness and prejudice, I simply “turn the page” these days. What are these people on? Most of these whiners aren’t old enough to have experienced the utter unfairness of State-sponsored prejudice, aided and abetted by an apathetic “doesn’t affect me” society. There’s only one group whose persecution these days is ignored – nay, encouraged – by the State itself, who take great glee in adding their six penn’orth to the mix and flopping their heads up and down like a nodding dog on the rear parcel shelf of a car whenever the latest anti-smoking “bright idea” is dragged out of the bottom of the barrel. And that’s us. None of the rest of the poor-little-us brigade – who, no matter how loudly they shout, do nevertheless have at least some supporters/voices within the Establishment to speak up on their behalf – have the foggiest idea what real prejudice is like. And, ironically, most of them are themselves active participants in it. So …. do I give a monkey’s armpit about them and their woes? Do I, Hell!


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