I drove down to Local Shop today. There was only a foot or so of snow to get through, it was so much easier than the time I drove to Cruden Bay and back again in a blizzard in a mk II Fiesta with no door seals. This time it was touch and go on the driveway which is long and deadly but okay on the rest of the road.
You know, for anyone under 30-odd, this weather looks bad but really it’s nothing. A week or so of snow. Pfft. Easy. It lasted months in the past and it will again. Careful driving could get even a Prius home. It’s not the snow that’s the problem. It’s you, you weak bastards. Take a risk. Live a bit. Just don’t drive like an Audi maniac and you’ll be fine.
Ah, there might be enough to make a snowthing this year. In my kids’ youth we made Snow Tyrannosaurus, Snow Stegosaurus, Snow Marge Simpson, several horrific things and… no. We never made a traditional snowman.
I’m pleased about that because it meant my son didn’t grow up to be Aled Jones and sing at the limit of human acoustical endurance with a song called ‘We’re wanking in your hair’.
And now, every time you hear that song, it is forever ruined. Don’t feel too bad, it was crap before.
The entire cartoon is ruined anyway and not by me. I am not the one who made snowmen transgender.
I think I’m going to have a seizure. pic.twitter.com/G9INBsaKCe
— Oliver Hackett (@OliverHackett) March 2, 2018
I did not do this but it’s so funny I wish I had. Snowpersons. The Joker can’t laugh this hard. They are made of fucking snow. They are not people at all. Grasp reality, it’s slipping away faster than KY jelly on a greasy pole.
If we get enough snow I want to make one with a horrified look at a snow penis on the ground. The lazy way would be to just uncurl a Cumberland sausage.
Seriously. Snowmen are sexist now – and weather is racist:
Totally 🙈 pic.twitter.com/BcPK71ymp9
— The Safest Space (@TheSafestSpace) March 3, 2018
Snow is so disgustingly white, isn’t it? Should we spray it black? Oh but then it’s snow in blackface and the whine brigade can crank up the volume. Not that they ever needed an excuse but the white stuff closing everything down must surely be supremacist, right?
Is the modern world ever going to grow up? I think not. I think civilisation is going to fall again. Just like every civilisation before it.
And you know what?
Well put it this way. i like a smoke and a drink. I like salt and bacon. I like the things society (in the form of Public Health) want to deny me. So let it fall.
I’ll still be here. In the cold.