The White Terror

I drove down to Local Shop today. There was only a foot or so of snow to get through, it was so much easier than the time I drove to Cruden Bay and back again in a blizzard in a mk II Fiesta with no door seals. This time it was touch and go on the driveway which is long and deadly but okay on the rest of the road.

You know, for anyone under 30-odd, this weather looks bad but really it’s nothing. A week or so of snow. Pfft. Easy. It lasted months in the past and it will again. Careful driving could get even a Prius home. It’s not the snow that’s the problem. It’s you, you weak bastards. Take a risk. Live a bit. Just don’t drive like an Audi maniac and you’ll be fine.

Ah, there might be enough to make a snowthing this year. In my kids’ youth we made Snow Tyrannosaurus, Snow Stegosaurus, Snow Marge Simpson, several horrific things and… no. We never made a traditional snowman.

I’m pleased about that because it meant my son didn’t grow up to be Aled Jones and sing at the limit of human acoustical endurance with a song called ‘We’re wanking in your hair’.

And now, every time you hear that song, it is forever ruined. Don’t feel too bad, it was crap before.

The entire cartoon is ruined anyway and not by me. I am not the one who made snowmen transgender.

I did not do this but it’s so funny I wish I had. Snowpersons. The Joker can’t laugh this hard. They are made of fucking snow. They are not people at all. Grasp reality, it’s slipping away faster than KY jelly on a greasy pole.

If we get enough snow I want to make one with a horrified look at a snow penis on the ground. The lazy way would be to just uncurl a Cumberland sausage.

Seriously. Snowmen are sexist now – and weather is racist:

Snow is so disgustingly white, isn’t it? Should we spray it black? Oh but then it’s snow in blackface and the whine brigade can crank up the volume. Not that they ever needed an excuse but the white stuff closing everything down must surely be supremacist, right?

Is the modern world ever going to grow up? I think not. I think civilisation is going to fall again. Just like every civilisation before it.

And you know what?

Well put it this way. i like a smoke and a drink. I like salt and bacon. I like the things society (in the form of Public Health) want to deny me. So let it fall.

I’ll still be here. In the cold.


18 thoughts on “The White Terror

  1. Went to Northampton yesterday: the town was a shucking fambles because modern fwd cars are a bugger in the white stuff and, more importantly, “drivers” are taught to pass the test, not how to drive. So this old git in his 15 year old four wheel drive Renault was fine once the idiots got out of the way – especially those such as the BMW mounted oik who nearly got tluaneR stamped on his door when he pulled out in front of me with no room, no warning and, above all, no 4king sense.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, my old Mk II Fiesta was good in the snow if driven properly. It could get through most things. Now I have 4WD too, and yep, snow is no problem as long as you remember you have the same rubber touching the road as everyone else. Something the drivers of expensive cars seem not to realise…


  2. The ‘Elites’ believe in diversity for thee; but, not for me.
    If you want to see ‘whiteness’, go look at:
    1.the musicians in any major symphony orchestra, they are 95% white-
    2. The dancers in any major ballet corps, they are 95% white
    3.the singers in any major opera company, they are 95% white.

    Yet, the masses are accused of ‘Racism’?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am old enough to remember the winter of 1947. No central heating, in fact almost no heating as coal was almost impossible to obtain for our one fire in the living room. There was no electricity for most of the day either as the power stations output was diverted to the factories.No bunking off school either, if the buses could not run then we walked. Now it seems that the mere mention of snow is enough to bring civilisation crashing down.


    • Ah, I’m a little less old but I do remember having just one fire in the living room – and waking up to frost on the inside of the windows.

      Can’t help laughing at the hysterical news reporters claiming ‘snow’ while standing on a road that looks like someone spilled a tub of talcum powder on it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Pish! This is what two feet of snow looks like!

    (as mentioned on smokydrinkybar, retweeted by another (Irish NZ) author recently visiting there…)
    (when are you likely or going to be able to grace it with your presence again? ;=}))


    (missing you already! 😉


    • I seems to spend most of my time cutting firewood and shoveling snow at the moment. I’m even getting backlogged on the publishing.

      It’s thawing now. Temperatures are in the above zero range, almost a whole degree! It’s practically tropical.

      It’s still nothing compared to some past winters. A week? About seven years ago we had two consecutive winters that started in October and lasted to May. Killed all the fish in my pond and gave me my first experience of cracked ribs.

      I wish I could find those 1980s winter photos. There were some good ones.


  5. The Snowman – Raymond Briggs

    I have a 16mm film (had two, but gave away one) and have 16mm projectors (like trains, a hobby!) of this, and played it against a neighbours wall last Xmas (yes that was a legit spelling once!) although it was summer here… I see two versions suitable on youtube, this
    The Snowman (1982) with Original Introduction a possibility, in 4:3 ratio like the film, the original:

    or this supposedly HD version (may be) which skips the intro, and appears to be in widescreen

    I think frankly the 16mm film version is sharper than either, holds up on a much bigger screen!

    Enjoy! ;=})


    • I’ve been thinking about digging out my old slide projector. I have barns I can use as screens here. I always wondered how big a 25 ASA slide can be projected and still be clear.


      • I take it that that’s a 35mm slide and the 25 ASA was the film it was shot on?
        Of course you run out of light (inverse square law) with increasing distance, and it’ll depend on the optics in your projector, how finely you can focus…

        If you have big rooms (and white-ish walls) I’d go for trying it inside first.
        And clean the lenses, take off the top, vacuum out, clean every lens…
        Window cleaner, dilute sugar soap, meths, what have you.

        I’ve got a couple of smart-ish carousel slide projectors (Hanimex, not quite Kodak) that have auto-focus and adjustable delay to next slide that I’ve been meaning to drag out from storage again too; I also accumulated 100+ slides of famous artworks from when the old School Library Service closed down, vague thoughts.

        It’d be a pretty retro slow multi-media backdrop to some sort of party scene 😉
        Of course, now they have VJ’s, beyond DJ’s, kaleidoscopes from laptops…
        And video projectors… way out of my budget price range.

        Scanning slides with a high resolution film scanner is a whole other thing, but which relates directly to the supposed resolution in 35mm film, is it down to grain size, or what? For instance:



        • Yep. 35mm slides. I used to develop them myself – and would probably have to nowadays! I have the equipment to do it, just need fresh chemicals.

          I really have to get that projector out and play with it. Some of the old slides were somewhat experimental, and could look supremely creepy projected into thick fog. If that works I’ll get some truly spectacular book covers!

          Living near the river, all it takes is still air. The water level in the air is always high enough.

          I have a film scanner too, so I can scan in old negatives and slides. I’ll have to dig that out – later! First I have books to deal with and with all this firewood and snow stuff going on, there’s no time to play around much.


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