The bullets with ‘Foot’ written on them.

Jamie Oliveoil has been smugly tweeting Burger King with his fat-tongued demands that they abide by his current fad rules. However…

Oily Jim’s kids’ burger contains more fat and calories that the equivalent Burger King one.

Bang. Footshot hits its target.

Huge Fatty-Whittlingstick has joined the fray. He tweeted (since deleted) his utter shock that half a jar of pickled onions contains 10g of sugar. Now, bear in mind this is a ‘famous’ chef talking. One who clearly does not understand that almost all that sugar is dissolved in the pickling vinegar which nobody sane would drink, who does not understand that sugar is a preservative in high concentrations (think jam) and who has a recipe on his own website for pickling onions that uses far more sugar than the amount he pretends to be shocked at.

Brace yourself Foot. Here it comes again.

Would you really eat anything cooked by either of those morons? They clearly have no idea what they are putting into the food they make. This could partly explain the collapse of Jimmy the Oily’s restaurant empire, along with the also-plausible possibility that so many people hate the pompous nannying twat that his smug-faced photograph is prescribed by the NHS as the most effective emetic medical science has yet encountered.

And now Hoo Thehell-Isthisanyway declares we can only have 150 ml of fruit juice in a day.

I like a glass of orange juice in the morning (I use the term ‘morning’ in the loosest possible sense, as in ‘when I wake up’ which is not necessarily before noon). I am still struggling with the transition into wakeyness when I pour it and I am damn sure not going to use a measuring cylinder. I use a half pint glass from a long-past Bristol beer festival and how much goes in depends on how dehydrated I feel.

It seems Huw Fannyabout-Williewiggler aspires to the heights Olive-oil Jim has reached. Imminent bankruptcy and the utter disdain of an entire country, if not the entire planet.

Well, okay, if that’s what you want, just carry on.

You celebrity chefs should become politicians. That’s a far quicker route to being universally despised. But hey, your way is working really well too.

Other celebrity chefs, well, we’re going to tar you all with the same brush, you know. The whole ‘celebrity chef’ thing is tainted forever now. There is no going back.

Ask science. They know what happens when the nutters get the limelight.


22 thoughts on “The bullets with ‘Foot’ written on them.

    • Olive oil is good for your heart and I once tried to deliberately contaminate it with bacteria. It’s not possible. Nothing grows in it.

      It’s the only cooking oil I use now.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I once bought a friend one of Hugh Fearnley-Wotsit’s cookbooks for Christmas. As she took off the wrapping paper, she looked at it with disdain and said in a hoity-toity voice, “Oh, I’m a follower of Jamie…” and immediately put it to one side. Think it ended up at a local charity shop. She shortly ended our friendship.

    Says it all really…


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Remember when ‘celebrity chef’ meant Keith Floyd getting sloshed and throwing things around in a pan while hectoring his long-suffering cameraman? No nannying, no nagging; just a lightly sozzled Floydie cooking some scrana and floating off on a stream-of-consciousness. We didn’t know what we had until it was gone.

    Liked by 1 person

      • It makes me laugh/cringe when I see loadsamoney celebs trying to raise a paltry sum of money, Oliver being worth £200-£300 million supposedly (estimates vary).

        He could probably find the £100 grand they need at the back of the couch.

        Our kids are bombarded with advertising all day, but only 1.2% of the food and drink advertising on TV is for veg. No wonder so few are eating enough and so many are putting on weight.

        As far as I know, farmers don’t get a lot for their produce, so who is going to pay for the ads? Won’t they be exciting? Maybe I’ll start paying the licence fee again just so I can watch them.

        And one of the Vegpower supporters is the WWF. Why?

        I like most vegetables, but I usually can’t be bothered with them and I expect this is the main reason people fall short of the made-up recommendations. Maybe Sir Jamie (it’s only a matter of time) will use the money to lobby the government to put VAT on all processed food. Perhaps it’s more anti-industry measures and that’s why the WWF is involved?

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Personally I call them Huge Furnished Shitting-Stall and The Thick-Tongued Mockney Wanker.
    Did you know H F S-S has been told by the quacks he’s an inch from heart failure and diabetes due to his diet.

    I wish neither of them anything but ill-will of every form. I don’tjust want to see them humiliated and laughed at. I want to see them broken entirely masturbating at ducks in the park and eating out of dumpsters.

    Liked by 1 person

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