The bullets with ‘Foot’ written on them.

Jamie Oliveoil has been smugly tweeting Burger King with his fat-tongued demands that they abide by his current fad rules. However…

Oily Jim’s kids’ burger contains more fat and calories that the equivalent Burger King one.

Bang. Footshot hits its target.

Huge Fatty-Whittlingstick has joined the fray. He tweeted (since deleted) his utter shock that half a jar of pickled onions contains 10g of sugar. Now, bear in mind this is a ‘famous’ chef talking. One who clearly does not understand that almost all that sugar is dissolved in the pickling vinegar which nobody sane would drink, who does not understand that sugar is a preservative in high concentrations (think jam) and who has a recipe on his own website for pickling onions that uses far more sugar than the amount he pretends to be shocked at.

Brace yourself Foot. Here it comes again.

Would you really eat anything cooked by either of those morons? They clearly have no idea what they are putting into the food they make. This could partly explain the collapse of Jimmy the Oily’s restaurant empire, along with the also-plausible possibility that so many people hate the pompous nannying twat that his smug-faced photograph is prescribed by the NHS as the most effective emetic medical science has yet encountered.

And now Hoo Thehell-Isthisanyway declares we can only have 150 ml of fruit juice in a day.

I like a glass of orange juice in the morning (I use the term ‘morning’ in the loosest possible sense, as in ‘when I wake up’ which is not necessarily before noon). I am still struggling with the transition into wakeyness when I pour it and I am damn sure not going to use a measuring cylinder. I use a half pint glass from a long-past Bristol beer festival and how much goes in depends on how dehydrated I feel.

It seems Huw Fannyabout-Williewiggler aspires to the heights Olive-oil Jim has reached. Imminent bankruptcy and the utter disdain of an entire country, if not the entire planet.

Well, okay, if that’s what you want, just carry on.

You celebrity chefs should become politicians. That’s a far quicker route to being universally despised. But hey, your way is working really well too.

Other celebrity chefs, well, we’re going to tar you all with the same brush, you know. The whole ‘celebrity chef’ thing is tainted forever now. There is no going back.

Ask science. They know what happens when the nutters get the limelight.