Maybe, Tessie

Whether you voted Remain or Leave in the Brexit referendum, you cannot possibly be unaware of the utter shambles Tessie has made of the process. This ludicrous ‘deal’ is not what Leave voted for and it’s not what Remain voted for either. It’s a bloody mess.

It does not ‘leave the EU’ and it does not ‘remain in the EU’, which were the only two options on the ballot. It locks us into EU rules and the customs union and the ECHR with absolutely no way out, ever – and no say at all in anything the EU wants to impose on us. We will not be ‘in the EU’. We will be the EU’s bitch and they can bend us over and ream us for money any time they like. We will have no say at all. We will be Princess Leia in a brass bikini, with Juncker the Hutt holding our chain.

How can she even present this as a ‘deal’? We get nothing at all out of it. It’s an unconditional surrender and she should be on a boat heading for Traitor’s Gate even now.

Oh I don’t blame the rest of the Tories for this surrender. They had almost no say at all. I do, however, blame them for not doing anything about it. They could have ousted this jackbooted EU cuckoo long ago but no, they let her get deeper and deeper into political absurdity and tolerated her dictatorship.

I think ‘dictatorship’ is appropriate here. She has run this show alone, surrounded by yes-men (and women) and excluded her own MPs from the entire process. She set up a ‘Brexit minister’ who she then absolutely ignored. She’s on number 3 now, and he might as well spend his time on the golf course because he really has nothing to do.

She blackmailed her cabinet at Chequers, ran a behind-the-scenes plan with someone called Oily and conspired with the EU to wreck this country by dragging us into eternal servitude. The Tories saw this happening and did nothing. They don’t believe their party could ever end up like the Lib Dems, you know. Well guess what? Neither did the Lib Dems.

There is no ‘Leave the EU’ and no ‘Remain in the EU’ on the table in her world. There is only ‘Sell the people of the UK to the Juncker Drunk for a big bag of cash and a comfy retirement well away from the hellhole she wants to create’. We who voted Leave have often pointed out that Remain lost the referendum. It seems everyone who voted in that referendum lost. Neither of the options on the ballot are being enacted.

So what are the options now? WTO rules Brexit, no deal, out without paying billions and Juncker waving wine bottles at us from a park bench while shouting incoherently and making trade as difficult as possible seems the only option left. Still, we can trade with the rest of the world and spend our money in their countries, if the EU countries don’t want it. No more bloody Audis seems like a benefit, not a loss. Get yourself a Toyota Corolla if you want to look like a flash dickhead in future.

I hear they have finally sent in enough ‘Fuck off, Tin Tart, you’ll never be an Iron Lady’ letters in to trigger a no confidence vote. That might be true, it might not. I’ve been hearing this since she did the ‘sign this or walk home’ trick at Chequers and nothing has happened yet.

Maybe they will have that vote. Maybe she will lose and they’ll replace her with a) someone just like her or b) someone who has the first clue what they are doing. Someone who will tell the EU to call us when they have a sensible trade deal to offer, we’ll be having tea and tiffin while we wait.

Maybe she will win. Then there can be no new vote of no confidence for at least a year. That will destroy the Tory party for a very long time.

Consider: The DUP will withdraw their support because her plan leaves Northern Ireland behind. Without them, she has no government. Then it has to be a general election and having won the confidence vote the party cannot remove her as leader. They will have to fight a general election with the most hated woman on the planet as their leader.

If they end up at the current level of the Lib Dems they will have done very well indeed.

I’d predict a big shift to UKIP and maybe to the others, like Britain First, but not enough and the votes will split between actual right wing/centrist parties. Corbyn will win and face no effective opposition in the House.

If you were alive in the Harold Wilson years and you thought they were bad, well as they say in Yorkshire ‘Eee, lad, tha’s no idea’. You want to know what happened to Venezuela, until recently one of the world’s richest countries? Here it comes, right to your door.

Well maybe it’s time. Maybe the youth of today need to experience the full on socialism they crave. Three day weeks. Power cuts. Mass strikes. Huge taxes. All the rich people, the ones who run companies that provide jobs, leaving the country. It’s what they want. Give it to them.

To quote Mahogany’s last words in ‘Midnight Meat Train’, “Take it, and be welcome”.

We can, one day, vote out a loony Labour government.

If we let Treason May have her ‘deal’, there is no way out.

Okay, both options are shitty, but one is far shittier than the other.

If there is a general election and that bloody woman is leading the Tories, then for the first time in my life I will vote Labour.

Jerr Cordite will have five years to wreck the country. Under the Tories, the EU can stamp their boot on our faces forever.

I’ll take the temporary bastard.