What a balls-up

I have been busy with the next anthology, which is turning into a biggie and it’s not closed yet. Details here. It has no fixed genre and I still don’t have a title. Genre-fluid, maybe, or Transgenre Dreams. This time it has a poetry section too.

Anyway, even busy with work it’s impossible to avoid the Brexit news. Frankly I’m bored of it now. Just do something for Pete’s sake.

Tessie Maybe has piddled around for almost three years and achieved nothing at all. She has bowed and scraped among the empty bottles at Juncker’s feet and humiliated herself and us and gained nothing but notoriety as the most useless Prime Monster this country has ever seen.

If there is a Tory party after the next election, it’ll be sharing a seat with the Greens.

This so-called ‘plan’ is a nonsense. She had to threaten her cabinet with instant dismissal and walking home if they shot it down at the beginning. As I say about socialism, if you have to force people to comply with your way of thinking, that’s a really good indication that you’re the one who’s wrong.

She put it before Parliament. The answer was a resounding ‘fuck off’. So she changed it, apparently. Maybe she put it in Comic Sans font and added a few smileys. Then she put it up to a vote again. This time the answer was… ‘fuck off’. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result defines something, doesn’t it?

So now what? She dare not call a General Election. She, and the rest of her party, must know they will be utterly wiped out. Those who left Labour and the Tories to form the People’s Front of Peckham (or was it the Peckham’s People’s Front?) will also be deleted from Parliament at the next election and they bloody well know it.

Labour are desperate for a general election since this is their absolute best chance of winning it, even with Jerry Cordite, the Bomber’s Champion, at the helm. If they replace him with someone sensible they’d walk it – but do they have anyone sensible left?

Their deputy leader, Tom Watson, has just been expressing his delight at the ban on advertising of Freddos to children. If you haven’t heard of Freddos, they are tiny chocolate frogs designed and marketed as a small chocolate treat for children. They are so well known they don’t really need to advertise, at least in the UK. In response, I have bought a Fistful of Freddos and will be devising a competition in the coming days where I set up pictures and you have to work out which film they depict. I’ll have a few to get you started, like The Freddo Centipede and A Freddo on Elm Street so you get the idea, then you have to guess the rest. The prize will be a book – and what could be more appropriate for a comedy of absurdity than Lee Bidgood’s ‘you’ll be fine’?

It’ll take a few days to set up but get your film knowledge in shape and ready, and remember, key words will be replaced with ‘Freddo’.You want to ban advertising? Ha!

There is nobody left in Parliament who is worth voting for. Change the lot. Put in the Monster Raving Loonies and the Church of the Militant Elvis with the equally loony Greens in opposition and at least we’d have a laugh while the country slides into the abyss.

All this talk of taking ‘no deal’ off the table… is nonsense. It’s not on the table. If we get to March 29th without a deal, we leave without a deal. It’s not optional, it’s the default. You cannot just say it won’t happen.

Unless you are saying we aren’t leaving at all. Which is what all those wanting ‘no deal’ off the table are really saying.

In the end it doesn’t even matter. Look at France, Sweden, Germany, Italy… all of them. It’s falling apart. People are realising they are being screwed over by a minority of politicians all over Europe and indeed, over much of the world. It’s all going to implode.

Leave, stay in, doesn’t matter now. There’ll soon be nothing to stay in. And the end will probably be nasty.

If Tessie Maybe had an ounce of sense she would have jumped ship two years ago, and let Audi, BMW and the rest pressure the EU into coming up with a sensible deal. She has no sense at all and putting ‘my way or the highway’ into the Prime Monster’s job was the most stupid thing the Tory party could ever have done. But they did it and now they’ll have to live on the dole or in Corbyn’s Gulags regretting it.

Next they will vote on whether ‘no deal’ is a thing. If they vote that it isn’t, they have to beg the EU for an extension that will cost us a billion pounds a month.

They really, really don’t want to be a party any more, do they?

At the next election, let’s help them achieve their goal of political oblivion. But not by voting for Labour or any other established party. Vote for the loony fringe parties or independents.

Take it into total chaos. It’s the only way to break this cycle.