Two more weeks

So the EU have allowed Tessie the Incapable another two weeks to see just how much more she can fuck up a simple task. They must hate the Tories so much, they are helping her lead them into oblivion.

Either this woman is a master negotiator who has brought the thing to a knife edge where she can pretty much demand any deal she wants, or she’s a self-important moron who will doggedly stick to a failed plan no matter how spectacularly it is rejected. To be honest, my money is on the latter.

The thing is, the March 29th leaving date is set in law. She will have to change that law to make use of any extension. That will have to go through both the houses of Conmen and the Lards – in less than a week. That’ll be fun to watch.

She doesn’t need an extension. She has had nearly three years and has blustered and bumbled through balls-up after balls-up. Two more weeks is not going to change anything. Her deal is crap, she’s been told it’s crap, it’s been smacked down in Parliament twice, both times very hard indeed.

She could, if she had it in her, seal a damn good trade deal in a day now. The EU is shitting its collective self over no-deal. How many Audis, Volkswagens, BMWs etc have you seen today? I live in the back end of nowhere and I see loads of them every day. Heck, even Skoda is owned by Volkswagen. Are they happy to lose that market along with all the dealerships and after-sales parts and servicing?

I don’t care. I drive a Toyota.

Italy really, really needs the UK market. So do many of the other EU countries. The UK saying ‘No deal, you’ll have to wait until we get around to deciding a deal’ will utterly wreck their economies. The soyboys moaning about not getting their sun dried tomatoes, oregano oil (I’ve grown oregano in Scotland, it’s not hard) or Greek Feta cheese for a few weeks is nothing compared to the losses the producers of those things will suffer.

No-deal will hurt the EU a lot more than it will hurt us. The EU know it. They have known it all along but until now, they knew there was no danger of it. Now, there very much is.

This is the time to make a sensible deal. Will she do it? Or will Uri Geller, multiple-debunked spoon bender, telepathically force her to revoke Article 50 (he’s on a winner there, he knows she wants to do that anyway and if she does, he can claim credit – yeah, I’ve spent a long time studying how this psychic stuff works).

Hey, he believes in himself, as does Tessie. Nothing wrong with a bit of self-delusion now and then, eh?

The Remainers are in full shrieking panic mode and despite all visual evidence to the contrary, still believe their side is all young people and the Leave side is all old white people. They have even produced a tea-towel with the faces of old Leave voters who have died since the referendum. Yeah, that’s the sort of people they are. They’re the face of the EU and they fit well with it.

They have even set up a ‘Revoke Brexit’ petition. Bit late to do that, really, they could have started it two years ago. Panic is a wonderful motivator. Pity it’s been signed by people from all over the world, including North Korea. Impressive, not many North Koreans can actually get the worldwide internet. Even so, it would be a bit more credible if it was just signed by Brits.

Will she go for another extension when this one runs out? The EU won’t want that now if they have any sense at all. If we take part in EU elections we will stuff their parliament with Nigel Farages and it will be impossible to get anything done. They have, I think, finally realised this. We won’t be the only ones – France and Italy, in particular, might not vote the way the EU want this time round. It’s going to be bad enough without the pissed-off British getting involved.

They threaten Brexiters with Hell as if, somewhere in the Bible, it says that wanting to be a self-governing nation is against God’s law. Well I can’t find it. The part of the Bible that applies to the current Brexit farce is Hebrews 13:8 (King James version).

It has all become very, very silly indeed. If we leave with no deal, the EU is fucked. If we stay in, we’ll send a batch of UKIP and similar MEPs to join French, Italian, probably Netherlands and very likely others who are similarly only going to be there to get in the way. If we stay in, the EU is even more fucked than if we leave. If they had any foresight at all they’d have chucked us out two years ago and claimed it was their idea to get rid of us. Too late for that now.

Unless I am wrong and Tessie had a master plan to get to this point where she can make any deal she wants, the two main parties in UK politics are also doomed. Nobody will ever trust a manifesto again. Doorstep activists can say what they like and everyone will know it’s all bollocks. Promise anything. We know you’re lying.

Oh she hasn’t just brought down the Tories. Labour also campaigned on a Brexit manifesto and have backpedalled hard on it. Jerry Cordite has shown himself to be no more than a weathercock that goes along with whichever way the wind is blowing. None of them can be trusted, none of their promises are real.

I have chatted with Jehovah’s Witnesses at my door in the past. We don’t get many out here but when I lived in town they were regular visitors. They gave me their comics, I gave them New Scientist.

Any political activist knocking my door now will get it slammed in their face. I do not agree with any religion but I’m willing to listen because I know they really believe what they are saying. Politicians have proven that they do not. They are not worth the time to listen to, it is clearly all lies.

Stick your foot in the door if you like. I have a large spanner hanging in the hall that will make it difficult for you to drive home afterwards. And if you are thinking you’ll just call for help, best check phone reception out here. You might have to crawl a while.

If you’re lucky, you’ll crawl in the right direction.