Night of the Lying Dead

So, we have had Nightmare on Downing Street, multiple iterations. We have had Halloween Brexit, the Horror that Never Happened, and now we have an election on Thursday 12th December with the results on Friday the Thirteenth. I really hope the BBC announcer is dressed like Freddy Krueger.

I will be voting in the dark, naturally. It’s the only sensible response. I might be dressed in my black cowled robe and carrying my scythe just for effect.

Who to vote for? Tory or Brexit party? This place was taken by the Tories from the SNP last time and I really don’t want to let the Spiteful Nannying Party back in by splitting the vote. They’ve already put up the price of booze and stopped me going to the local pub because I’d have to drive there and can’t even have one beer. I can’t smoke in there either, not even next to the log fire. Although I could risk a beer as long as I don’t get caught by hte annual police patrol.

I had to agree with George Galloway today. That needed a stiff drink. He said that Corbyn’s Silly Party had handed the Tories a perfect weapon for an election campaign. They tried to make it legal for non-UK citizens to vote in a UK general election. With all the furore over foreign interference in elections these days, that move was the very epitome of stupid. Oh, Demonic Cummings hasn’t missed that, you can be sure.

They also tried to reduce the voting age to 16. Because they imagine all 16 year olds will vote Labour. At 16. I and my friends were at the point where Atilla the Hun would have said ‘Now hold on a minute’. We were all set to cut our enemies off at the knees and stand them in a bucket of salt. Vote Labour? Neil Kinnock was our local Labour MP and even my father, a determined Labourite, couldn’t vote for him. ‘Ginger hook nosed arse’ was one of the few comments he made that it was safe to pass on.

I think they should have won. 16 year olds are not all socialists, only the noisy few. They do not care about Labour’s long term plans, they only care where their next illicit beer is coming from. Worker’s rights? They’re in school and don’t work. Same for students – and if they say students can vote twice, so can the non-Labour ones. They don’t think any students are non-Labour. In modern universities the non-Labour ones keep very, very quiet. They already did in the eighties when I was in there. The intelligent bide their time. And use the enemy’s weapons.

Likewise with those EU nationals voting. Many EU nationals in the UK are Polish. Many are self employed. All of them know exactly what happens when ‘socialism’ gets out of control. They’ve seen it. A lot of them have only just escaped it. So I say, let them vote. Go on, Corbyn. Try to get those who have just escaped Communism to vote for Communism.

In the end, we have an election. Unless Boris and Smoky Nige get together, we’re utterly fucked. Jo Swindles and Jerry Cordite are already at each other’s throats, Swindles thinks she’ll be the next PM with a cohort of MPs who are half defectors from other parties. She’d have to pull off a miracle that would make Moses bow down in awe.

The Jeremy Corbyn Collective (he should start a band, he’ll probably have about four members after the election anyway) is not going to do well in this election. I really don’t think he’ll be Prime Wurzel and if he is, I have the option to fuck off to Denmark still. Just have to learn that strange language where words mean what you want them to mean.

Jerry’s mob cannot stay in the EU. If they stay in they cannot implement their Soviet dream. In which Corbyn gets airbrushed out of photos with McDonnell because that’s how it works.

They are trying to pretend they will stay in and also leave to appeal to voters on both sides. It is a bollocks strategy. You want to leave? Vote Boris the Spider to leave a bit or vote Smoky Nige to actually leave. You want to stay? Vote Jo Swindles. The Corbyn Collective offers nothing but everything you want to hear and has no intention of delivering any of it. Just like last time.

They will spend millions on paper for the recycle bin. Manifestos mean nothing. We all know it, nobody with half a brain even bothers to read them now. They are the Lies of the Wanking Dead.

Should have been a Bowie song and probably would have been if he hadn’t selfishly died. Bastard.

A pact between Boriswise the Clown and Smoky Nige has to happen. If it doesn’t we are a new Soviet satellite state until the whole thing collapses.

The future is going to be… interesting.

And surprisingly cold.

Maybe the next film on the Government’s list is ‘Dead Snow’.

Zombie Nazis obsessed with money… it strangely seems appropriate.