The Wood and the Trees

Well, the silliness has ramped up. Bozza has ducked out of being interviewed by Andrew Neil, which I think was a bad idea. Okay, Mr. Neil has a reputation as a hard interviewer and he did wipe the floor with Nicky the Fish and Jerry Cordite. No doubt he’d do the same to Bozza. It would be embarrassing.

However, running away is never a good look for someone who wants to be the leader of a country.

On the other hand, his and Smoky Nige’s decision to snub the Church of Climatology’s debate was the right one. It was just a circle jerk of ‘I’m greener than you’ daft sods, hosted by the propaganda channel for Extinction Rebellion. The ice blocks were the winners in that debate.

Jo Swindles said she doesn’t think her five-year-old has ever seen a hedgehog. Hedgehogs are nocturnal and hibernate in winter. Not too many five year olds get to stay up late enough in summer to even see the sunset. So he probably hasn’t seen any bats or owls either, since he’d be asleep when they were active.

Jerry Cordite plans to plant something like 150 trees a minute for 20 years. Estimates vary.

Well, he clearly hasn’t considered the total land area of this country since he plans to use as much land as Wales, with no regard to towns or cities. Nor indeed, farms. Incidentally, he also promises to build 100,000 new council houses every year. Presumably they will be tree houses.

There are large areas of the UK where almost nobody lives. Drive through the very north of England at night and you’ll experience total blackness. Not so much as a porch light. For miles. Large chunks of central Wales are the same. Drive through them in daylight and you’ll see why those areas are unoccupied. It’s because they are horrible places to live.

Mountains, steep sides, nothing but grass and gorse. Not even trees. Picturesque to look at but mostly inaccessible and really not much fun in winter.

Why no trees? Can’t Jerry plant all his trees there?

Nope. For the same reason nobody cultivates crops on those lands. They are basically rock with a thin layer of topsoil. Tree roots can’t get deep enough to hold up the tree. The soil supports grass and not much else. They are grazing lands for sure-footed sheep and really not much use for anything else.

This is one of the reasons turning the country vegan is a bad idea. You can’t just kill all the sheep and cattle and grow crops instead. An awful lot of UK land only grows grass – and even if the soil could support crops, good luck ploughing and harvesting a 45-degree slope!

I’d open a scrapyard at the bottom of it and wait for the battered tractors to come rolling in…

Those billion trees aren’t going to be planted on the wide open spaces. They’ll take farmland because that’s the only place they’ll grow. No more crops.

This trees idea is as daft as Boris reinstating the entire rail network for the price of a medium sized garden railway. I’m exaggerating? There is a G scale Coronation class engine on eBay, live steam, for £6,700. That will need coaching stock and track and that’s just one train. Yes, some people spend millions on their model railways. I would too, if I ever had millions.

I haven’t heard a single realistic promise yet. Come December 12th, it’s not going to be a case of which party to vote for.

We’re going to have to decide which fantasy we want to see fail.

12 thoughts on “The Wood and the Trees

  1. I only got to see hedgehogs when I was a teenager. They would wander into the garden and mum would tell me about them. Then I would get to see them late at night. She has no clue does she?


  2. “he also promises to build 100,000 new council houses every year. Presumably they will be tree houses.”

    Heehee… nicely done Leggy! A good smile for the evening!!

    Re hedgehogs: I’ve got 60 years on that kid and I’ve never seen a hedgehog in the wild either! I *did* have some raccoons in my attic crawl-space a while back though…

    – MJM, who never hogs his hedges…


    • A lot of land in the UK isn’t good for crops, trees or houses. That’s why it’s all sheep and cattle farms – grass is about the only thing that grows there! Something none of these green lunatics ever seem to recognise.

      Although houses built on bedrock – like this one – will stand for hundreds of years. As this one has. No subsidence here! The thing is, this is a relatively flat bit of rock at the top of a hill, surrounded by good crop land that’s lower down. Further down, by the river, there are loads of trees.

      Some of that land I mentioned though is bedrock with very steep sides. Sure, houses wouldn’t subside but getting to them would be a challenge!


  3. Here in New Zealand the Labour Coalition government promised to plant several million trees.
    About 200,000 trees were bought and then it was discovered that no one had thought to provide the land to plant them. Result, 200,000 trees being shredded for mulch.


  4. Just don’t get too close to Hedgehogs. Much as I find them very sweet, their fleas are seriously not funny. I had to be sedated for three days on the last occasion that I got bitten all over everywhere.
    I had to shut the dog indoors last night because he was trying to make friends with our latest edition. The temperature rose a couple of days ago so it was out and about again. God knows where it hides in my minuscule garden, or even how they get in as the garden is impenetrable, well, almost, obviously. I suspect that they have built a tunnel under the wall, and I do have rather a lot of Slugs and Snails which I never kill.
    This is one of my efforts for saving The Planet.

    Trees are not a problem around here and never have been. The Bretons know all about trees. Replanting is a way of life. In fact it’s an art form.

    Rocks? Brittany was one big rock once upon a time, so they dug them up and built houses, along with some very interesting grave stones.


    • It used to be said that hedgehogs were so addicted to fleas that taking the fleas away would kill them.
      Tuns out it’s the anti-flea treatment that kills them. They need the kitten-level anti-flea shampoo and then they’re fine.
      Only works with pet ones though…


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