Ninja Mouse

So, Boris has achieved sort-of Brexit. It’s a good start but now he has to negotiate a trade deal with the EU. The EU don’t want a trade deal, they want a total surrender. If Boris has any sense at all he’ll say ‘Okay, we’re off, let us know when you want to talk about an actual sensible deal’. and that would mean almost all EU countries giving the EU parliament some serious grief.

Is he that sensible? Well, he wants to press on with a single train line that will cost more than I.K. Brunel’s total budget for the Great Western Railway in real terms. He wants to build a 20-mile bridge between Ireland and Scotland and at the same time wants to ban us plebs from having cars. So what’s the bridge for, eh? A UK version of PyongYang’s grand hotel?

Oh yes, it’ll be a ban on car ownership. I couldn’t possibly afford an electric car that can get up the farm road here. Second hand? Forget it, the batteries will be worn out. In 15 years, all new UK cars will be electric. The price of fuel for the old cars will make Warren Buffet wince so they’ll be off the road too. The thing is, to replace every car in the UK with an electric one requires more cobalt for the batteries than exists on the planet. And that’s just for the UK. The rest of the world will have to stick with gas guzzlers which makes Boris’s virtue signal utterly pointless.

He also wants to get rid of gas central heating and replace all of that with electric too. And install 5G and smart this and that which will be always on, powered by part-time electricity from windmills and solar panels.

The powergrid takes a surge in the advertising break in Coronation Street. With all the stuff he wants to power with almost no reliable electricity, nobody is ever going to see the second half of any episode. We’ll be singing dirges by candlelight and partying like it’s 1599. We can keep warm around the fires burning the climate heretics.

Well I can use a bow, a scythe, brace and bit (remember those?), chisels, hand saws, and more non-powered things. I’d be fine.

Anyway I have much more important matters at hand. In the kitchen lives Ninja Mouse. This little bastard has ignored traps baited with commercial bait, dog dry food (he’s been stealing that), Nutella or peanut butter. He has twice escaped the dog who has quite a scorecard where mice are concerned. Especially since we started paying her in bacon and/or ham for every mouse caught. I have put down poison blocks, he is currently munching his way through the third one. The little swine is indestructible.

I have considered sitting in the kitchen all night with a swivel chair and a crossbow. Or maybe a borrowed shotgun.

I have resorted to the dog water bowl. It has caught three so far, in the living room. Dog has long hairy ears so the bowl is deep and narrow. Her ears fall on either side of it and don’t get wet. If a mouse gets in it can’t get out and drowns. We can’t give the bowl back to the dog anyway without disinfecting it so for now, it is (hopefully) going to be Ninja Mouse’s nemesis.

Every scrap of food is in plastic or metal containers. The only thing for the mouse to eat is the poison blocks. He’s thriving on them,

It’s going to come down to a sleepless night with the crossbow, I just know it. Then a day of filling holes.

12 thoughts on “Ninja Mouse

    • I hardly ever swear (online, at least), but you, sir, are a sadistic bar steward. Rodents get stuck in glue and chew their feet off to escape. If I can find the video, I’ll post the mouse trap that I made, which collects them in a bucket where they can then be set free.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I couldn’t find the video. My infestation was 6 or 7 years ago, but the trap was very much like this idea…

    I used a plastic bucket, which happened to be oblong, and just sellotaped the paper down here and there. The main difference was that I used two sheets of ordinary A4 paper and made two cuts into the middle of one of the longer sides of each sheet, 2 or 3 inches apart (i.e. to make flaps). By sellotaping the sheets together, overlapping a bit, and lining up the flaps, you have a trap door on which to place your tempting morsels. I hope that makes sense.

    I had my doubts whether this would work, but the first night I put it on a shelf in the back porch under the dog meal which they had been helping themselves to (full board guests). It protruded out so as to hopefully entice the mice to jump down. Imagine my surprise when I checked the bucket and could hear something rummaging around. Imagine my further surprise to look in and see four mice.

    That was the start of my mouse collection and my best ever haul. I kept these and subsequent catches in an old council newspaper recycling plastic box with food and water and cardboard tubes to hide/play in. A friend let them loose between my house and hers about ten miles away. As I understand, they might find their way back unless you take them three miles away.

    I had to start getting tough, especially when a mouse found its way upstairs. My dog has a very keen sense of smell, probably due to having a large nose, so he would alert me to where a mouse was. He located one in the box room and I closed the door and we would stay until the mouse was captured, dead or alive. I had a plastic or glass container and something for a lid, but I think the dog killed that one.

    We had a similar adventure in the small sitting room, which has two settees. I would lift one up and the mouse would run under the other and vice versa. This went on for an hour and a half until the dog finally caught the mouse’s tail and it played dead. I scooped it up in my container and it lived to gain its freedom in the great outdoors, you’ll be delighted to learn.

    The dog killed three in total and much later I found the dessicated body of one which had fallen into the glass container of a hookah pipe. He hadn’t realised that those things can be hazardous to your health. I felt bad about it, because the dog had alerted me to a mouse being in the cupboard where the pipe was.

    I’m glad to say that I haven’t seen a live mouse since those days.


    As for electric cars. I’m sure that the idea is that us plebs are priced out of the market. It’s probably why there’s talk of reopening railway lines, as it will be the only way we’ll be able to get around (if there’s enough wind to turn the turbine blades). I read somewhere that the SNP wants all the buses to be powered by electric or hydrogen.

    If all this means an end to Coronation Street, it might be a price worth paying.

    Actually, you could put those mice to work running round in wheels to produce electricity.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Mr Stewart Cowan, you probably are living in a temperate climate zone. I live in the tropics, in Indonesia. In front of my house is an open sewer. Feral cats and feral dogs do their bit to catch rats but there are far too many. So are giant poisonous spiders and snakes like cobra. I caught and killed 4 cobra snakes this month. Letting them live and dropping them a few miles further down the road would have me killed by angry Indonesians. No local zoo wants any cobra snakes. Putting live rats and mice anywhere would get me in trouble with the Indonesians as well. And you should also know that dogs are on the menu over here. My dog escaped from the garden for a stroll and was most probably eaten by the neighbours.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mr Stewart Cowan, you probably are living in a temperate climate zone.

      No, I live in Scotland!

      I forgot that you lived in your old East Indies. It sounds like you don’t live in an upmarket resort in Bali. Still, there must be more humane ways to kill rodents than glue, even in Indonesia.

      Sorry about your dog. It reminds me of the Jethro Tull song, “Out of the Noise”. Out of respect for your dog, I won’t put up the video. I am genuinely sorry, though. My old mutt had an operation last week and we do get very attached to them. We have adders in this county and one of my aunt’s dogs was killed by one, but I’ve not encountered one myself. I don’t fancy your tropical fauna, though. Life must be pretty good in other ways to offset all the unpleasant things.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Cake. They like cake. And white flour. A piece of plain sponge cake on the spike in the trap and a sprinkling of flour around the trap. I got four in twenty minutes. Happy hunting.


  4. We had a big infestation last year – tried the useless “humane” traps – you know ones where they crawl in and it tips and they cant get out – nothing! So back to basics – plastic versions of the snappers, baited with pork rinds – not a lot, then we tried diced Mars bar – bingo! 12 confirmed kills! But then – there was still one at least… 6 Mars bar traps, and a bowl of water piked with poison. Bingo again – the Omega Mouse had succumbed to the Mars bar trap. Now there’s another fucking one just turned up, it likes shitting all over the worktops, so the Mars solution has been set all over them, need to be careful of your fingers when actually needing to use the worktops though…


    • That’s the trouble with living in the countryside – you get rid of one lot and you just leave an unoccupied niche for the next lot to move into. It’s a permanent war as long as it’s cold outside.


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