A new game

When the antismokers were rife, not that long ago, I used to play a game with them. Initially, like most smokers, I tried to debunk the lies they had been fed but it was impossible. I came to the conclusion that these people actually wanted to be scared and that it was my civic duty to ramp up their fear as far as it could go.

Any face to face interaction wit these rabid loonies and I’d get them to feel their necks. Those bumps below the jaw (lymph nodes) became the beginnings of cancer because they’d been inhaling Deadly Second Hand Smoke while sneering at me. There will be doctors who would lynch me if they ever found out I did that. What the hell. Medics were promoting the same lies, it’s their own fault.

ASH told them that cigarette butts never degrade. I told them that all grey dust was tobacco ash that had accumulated for 400 years and now covered the entire country. Well, tobacco waste never degrades, right? ASH said so. Logically, therefore, that fine layer of dust is all tobacco ash. I might be responsible for a few OCD cleaners and bleach footbaths at the doors of homes…

I told a few that niacin was nicotinic acid, derived from nicotine (it really is) and that it was added to foods to make the food addictive, and that was the cause of obesity. I suggested they check the labels. I have no idea how many pellagra cases I might have caused, and really don’t care. There was a lot more.

Remember we are talking about people who care nothing for me. People who would delight in my death and many of them have said exactly that. People who are daft enough to believe any old crap as long as it fits their prejudices. People looking for someone to blame for nothing at all. Why would I care at all about them? Why would I not add to their torment any way I can?

Since moving out to the countryside I haven’t come across any of the truly rabid antismoker nuts. They’re all so tolerant out here. The local shop will sell you booze and baccy with not so much as a judgemental glance.

Basically, I’ve had nobody to play with for ages.

That has now changed. The mask madness is here and the drones are convinced that anyone not wearing a mask is going to kill them. They are terrified. Once more, I see it as my civic duty to terrify them even more. It’s playtime again.

So I bought a mask…

I should really shave my head for the full effect but… no.

Does it work? Of course not. None of them do. This one at least has the advantage that the front and sides are solid and exhalation is directed down. You can stand in front of me and none of my imaginary biohazard breath will touch you. The holes don’t go all the way through but the eternally terrified will think they do. It can also be cleaned just by wiping the inside with an alcohol swab or a shot of disinfectant spray.

It will be clear to the eternally terrified that this does not work to stop the virus, even though it actually works better than their face nappies. I must surely get at least one giving it the old ‘your choices are going to kill me’, just like the old days.

I am therefore practicing my Bane voice and will answer with ‘This is not the time for killing. That comes later’, or simply a cheery ‘Of course’. Maybe even ‘You have my permission to die’. It’s not an easy voice, it’s rather higher pitched than mine, but I am determined.

Ah, I have missed the old games. It’s nice to see them back again.

I’ll have to prepare more terrifying ‘facts’ for them, but with Bozza pretending there’s a second wave coming, this game could play out for a long time. When it’s finally over maybe the antismokers will be ready to play again.

But then, we have the Billy Gates Gruff and his insane RNA vaccine idea. Perhaps I can convince them it will make them immortal, but change their DNA so they have to live for eternity as a lizard. Oooh, David Icke’s ideas could help with that one…

The Bill Gates vaccine will kill a lot of people. All I’m doing is making sure it kills the right ones.

And, incidentally, enjoying myself enormously in the process.

17 thoughts on “A new game

    • I think Local Shop will just laugh. They’ll be entertained by my increasingly mad masks. I might never go to a supermarket again since seeing my bills drop so dramatically. I save a hell of a lot on petrol and far more on avoiding impulse buys, the delivery charge is nothing in comparison.

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  1. Add some metal foil and small antennas, maybe with small randomly flashing blue LED.
    Tell them that in addition to the Covid 19, and the Covids 20 and 21 the Gubmint are hushing up, it also detects and protects against evil 5G, or is it G5, radiation.
    Such larks.
    Have you ever read “Wasp” by Eric Frank Russell?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had my first challenge (from a supervisor of the self-service at Lidl) today. “Have you got a mask?” No. “Do you want one?” No. I’m exempt and you have no authority to ask on what grounds.(I’m not, btw.) Have you got a card? No. (I’d left my home-made exemption card at home, dammit!) “So everyone else has to wear a mask and you don’t?” If they want to wear a mask which does nothing about the virus and damages their health, that’s their choice.He said he was a nurse and knew more than me – which was why he was working at Lidl, I suppose. I was getting bored by now and left, telling him to do some reading. A masked chap who left behind me said, when we got outside and with a laugh, “He was desperate for an argument, eh?”. I said yes, but you can’t educate pork.

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    • I’d love to get that ‘I know more than you’ thing. I can then point out I’ve retired from an entire career working in infectious diseases as a microbiologist šŸ˜€ You know more than me? I wrote the damn papers you’re quoting.

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