Mr. Locky Downy

If you are not a fan of the Oogie Boogie song from ‘A Nightmare before Christmas’ then there is probably something wrong with you. It’s the best Christmas song ever.

So, here it is suitably corrupted for the modern age.

Mr Locky Downy

Well well well. What have we here?
Coronavirus huh? Ooo, I’m really scared.
So you’re the bug everybody’s talking about.

You’re joking. You’re joking.
I can’t believe my eyes.
Ninety nine percent survival rate?
This thing’s not even trying
It’s useless, it’s silly,
But I can make it worse
I’ll ramp up all the fear till
No-one will leave the house

When Mr. Locky Downy says infection’s close at hand
You’d better pay attention now ‘cos I’m the lockdown man
And if you aren’t in double masks you’ll get a hefty fine
And when I watch you trembling then you can watch me smile

(everyone) Release us now or you must face the dire consequences
The children aren’t infecting us, oh please come to your senses

You’re joking, you’re joking,
I can’t believe my ears
I’ll have to shut the sceptics up
They’re breaking through the fears
It’s funny, I’m laughing,
It never seems too much
And now, if you’ll excuse me,
I’m about to do my stuff

(everyone) What are you going to do?

I’m going to do the worst I can.

Well, the wheezing of the masked to me is music in the air
‘Cos I’m a cruel lockdown man, for health I just don’t care.
It’s much more fun, I must confess, when profit’s on the line
Not yours of course but mine dear boy well that’ll be just fine.

(everyone) Release us fast or you will have to
Answer for this heinous act.

Oh brother, you’re something, you put me in a spin
You aren’t comprehending the position that you’re in
It’s hopeless, you’re finished, you haven’t got a prayer
‘Cos I’m Mr. Locky Downy
And you
Ain’t going
Nowhere.

Cue Sage laughing like a Morecambe and Wise audience….