A new Electrofag – Aspire Pockex

I have a new Electrofag to review. I’ve been sent samples to review before and reviewed some I bought myself. This is one of the free samples – well, it’s free as long as I write a review. No money changed hands either way, and the freebiness of the sample won’t affect my opinion. I have never signed any agreement, with anyone, to only give good reviews. I know that happens. I’ve never been asked to sign one and if I ever am, I’ll decline. So this review is unchecked by the sender of the sample and untainted by any restrictions on what I say. As if any such restriction could ever hold.

Technical stuff first. The one I have is an Aspire Pockex in stainless steel, with blueberry flavoured vaping juice and was supplied by Ecigwizard.They have quite a range of vaping stuff on that site. I haven’t looked at new vaping stuff for a while and I’m surprised there’s so much of it.

This Electrofag is priced at £19.99 (ex-VAT, so VAT will add £4 to that price), the 10 ml bottle of juice at 52p (ex-VAT, still cheaper than Poundland!). With postage and VAT added the total cost would be £30.60. I did get mine by next day delivery so maybe postage will be less if you can wait a few days.

In the UK you’ll be lucky to get four packs of cigarettes for £30 so if you buy one of these and use it for a total of four days, you’ll break even. That assumes you smoke a pack a day – I know some people who’d break even if they used it for a day and a half.

Compared with current UK tobacco prices it’s not expensive at all. But then any Electrofag can make that claim because UK tobacco prices are ridiculous.

So, here’s what arrived today –

On the box is the insanity of Tobacco Control. Not one word of truth in that warning label but we’ve been over this many times. In small print beneath it states ‘The above warning only applies when this device has been filled with nicotine containing e-liquid’.

So you have a warning in large print followed by ‘not really, we’re only kidding’ in small print. Since you can get zero-nicotine vape juice, that warning and its small print will, in some cases, be a total and absolute lie. That’s the lunacy that passes for law in this country now. I’m surprised they haven’t demanded pictures of steam-burn victims on the packs yet. I’m sure they will.

The addictiveness of nicotine is a farce. CStM will smoke if she’s stressed or drunk but never otherwise. During my PhD I knew a guy who would smoke a whole pack when drunk but next morning he was a nonsmoker again. For me the turning point was a 20-hour flight to Beijing. No smoking at the airport or on the way. It didn’t bother me at all – and I was expecting it to! No, it’s not addiction. It’s just nice, like pineapple slices or tea. More British people drink tea than smoke/vape. Is tea an addiction? Go on, I dare you 🙂

But I digress. The first thing I noticed was that it’s a really sturdy box. This one comes very well packaged. I actually did read the battery safety leaflet which is unusual for me. I notice the batteries should be changed every 3-6 months. I think I’d opt for buying a whole new set every 6 months – at the price, why faff about with battery changes? You’ll want a new tank and mouthpiece before then anyway. Oh, all the spares are on the website too.

As a smoker, the difference between paying £7.50 a day for cigs and paying £30 every six months for an Electrofag is pretty incredible. If it ‘turns’ me. We’ll see…

(Actually I’m paying less than £4 a day at the moment because I bought a caseload back from Denmark but we’ll gloss over that part. Running an Electrofag would still be a hell of a lot cheaper).

I can hear you screaming about now: ‘Open the bloody box!’ Okay, okay…

The Aspire Pockex is in a foam inlay next to a long black box containing a spare heater thingy (I know there are technical terms for these, I don’t care) and a USB cable. Just a plain USB cable with a mini connector at one end.

I’ve never seen this before. Every other Electrofag I’ve had requires you to take it apart and plug the battery into a special charger. They all look much the same, those chargers, but they’re not quite the same and if you use the wrong one you risk ‘boom’. It’s scary because the old ones don’t all have labels on them.

This one has a mini USB port in the bottom. Just plug it in. No dismantling, no messing about with a powerful lithium battery with both terminals at the same end (always scary). I like that innovation. I expect vapers are going ‘Oh we’ve had that for ages’ but it’s still a first for me.

There are instructions in the box but meh, I already read the battery instructions. That’s enough instruction for today.

The design is sleek and not too big. I’ve never been a fan of those ones that look like they belong in an electrician’s toolbox or in the hands of a Star Trek security guard. Yes, I know they are popular but they look like too much to carry around to me. This design suits me. Fits in a pocket and won’t be mistaken for some kind of stun gun.

It has 2 ml capacity (again, that’s the law now, nothing the supplier can do about it until Government contains someone with an actual brain) and the top plate with mouthpiece unscrews to access the tank. The heater thingy came out with it – I unscrewed the heater from the lid and screwed it back into the socket in the base of the tank. Make sure the little white window is at the bottom if you do this, because otherwise it won’t work. I don’t think it will fit the other way around anyway.

With the entire top off it’s very easy to add e-liquid to the tank, up to the fill line that’s halfway up the tank.Then you just screw the top back on. Apparently you can change the heater thingy without emptying the tank first. I’ll try that when the heater thingy breaks.

Here I had to look at the instructions. Pressing the button did nothing – you have to press it five times fast to turn it on, then you just press to vape. Pressing five times again turns it off so it won’t go off in your pocket. That’s worth remembering (I didn’t, hence mysterious hiss from shirt pocket earlier today).

So, I have a shiny Electrofag ready to go…

I like that it stands securely on its base. Putting down a tank-fill Electrofag can be a tricky thing. The Poundland one I tried needed to be propped against something or it would topple over. This one has a wide flat base and feels very stable even on the desk of a keyboard-batterer like me.

The blueberry vape juice is very smooth with none of the chemically harsh aftertaste of the early e-liquids. It’s actually very very nice indeed. I’ve puffed quite a bit already and saved some money on real-baccy cigs. It has passed the smoke ring test – I can blow smoke rings with it even though they aren’t really smoke at all. They look the same. Good enough.

The vape button has a light inside. When you press, it lights up blue and stays lit for a second or so after you release it. Gives you time to check it. You need to, because if it lights up pink you have less than 30% charge left and it’s plug-in time. Well, you can probably run a while longer on 30%, no need to panic.

I like this one. It’s light, it doesn’t look like it has a car battery in it and it’s not designed by H.R. Giger. Okay, hardcore vapers like to have things that look like they fell off a spy satellite but I prefer small, light, sleek and non-bizarre. The Aspire Pockex works for me.

Will it stop me smoking? Even Death might have trouble with that, it’s a hard call. I like smoking but it’s getting painfully expensive now. So using an Electrofag to reduce the expense of tobacco is a good thing for me. As a dual-fuel smoker/vaper, I don’t want to shell out for the Space Ranger versions. I want an occasional-use one that isn’t going to bulk out my pockets and isn’t going to make me look like I’m sucking a folded up multitool.

It also doesn’t produce a cloud of vapour that looks like a damn cumulo-nimbus at ground level. I never understood why vapers take such pride in that. They can decry smokers while producing an entire cigarette’s worth of ‘smoke’ in one breath. That’s just drawing attention to yourselves. No wonder Tobacco Control is after you.

The Aspire Pockex makes as much vapour as I usually exhale from real smoking. It’s a good transition tool for a smoker, it doesn’t  make you feel like you just breathed out Global Warming. With no lingering smoke smell and even the blueberry scent vanishes in seconds. Just like all Electrofags.

Also you don’t have ashtrays to empty. That’s good too.

In the end though, I don’t think any Electrofag will stop me smoking. I love the flavours and the gadgetry but one thing that’s impossible to get right is tobacco flavour. You can’t have a generic tobacco flavour. Each blend of tobacco is different. It’s pot luck if the tobacco flavoured juice matches the one you usually smoke. If it happens to match, well great, but I haven’t found one for me yet.

And I just bought a new lighter. One of the fierce ones that doubles as a welding torch. I also like my Zippos. I like real fire. I like real burning cigarettes.

However, as I said, smoking is becoming a nastily expensive hobby. So, using a good, smooth-vaping Electrofag to reduce my intake of real tobacco is helpful. This one is more likely to ‘stick’ than any I’ve had before. It’s easy to use, easy to fill with the really wide open top, it stands nicely beside the keyboard with no wobbles to make me nervous and the vape is really smooth with no nasty throat aftertaste.

I think this one is for us dual-fuel types. The total-vape types will want a car battery and spark plug taped to a tank containing a litre of vape juice but if you just want to cut down a bit, save some cash, but not actually give up the real thing for now, this Electrofag is a good one to do that. It’s like a step on the way. It’s not for the hardcore, it’s for the smoker who wants to try it out.

At the price, well, it’s only going to cost four packs of fags to try it. And let’s face it, that’s really not much of a risk. If you’re a pack-a-day smoker and this thing cuts your intake by half, you break even in 8 days. After that you’re saving money. You’re paying less tax to fund antismokers. That’s a good thing all round.

I’d aim this one at the smoker who hasn’t tried vaping yet. The full-on vapers are going for things sold by the Weapon Shops of Isher (look it up if you don’t know it) but smokers wondering about trying vaping aren’t going to shell out for those gadgets and might be a bit scared of them.

They might go for an Aspire Pockex. It’s easy to use for a beginner and looks close to a cigarette and not scary at all. It’s light and solid-feeling and stable and easy to fill and charge. And it doesn’t look like something found in the remains of an exploded Dalek.

One thing though – a bit more detail on the filling instructions would be good. Just saying ‘top fill’ assumes you already know what you are doing. If you want to catch the not-yet-vapers among the smokers, you need to give them details.

Write the instructions for someone who’s never seen anything like this before and you’ll be ahead of every Electrofag seller out there. They all write instructions for vapers, not smokers.

All told though, if you’re a smoker who has wondered about vaping, this is a good one to start with.

Vaping might or might not save your life, meh, who cares? When did a smoker ever worry about longevity?

It can save you a shitload of money though.


The Pen is mightier than the Sword

…but it seems Le Pen is not as mighty as a Macaroon.

France has a pro-EU, Brussels puppet as its leader. Well, it’s what they voted for. I don’t know how much real power the French President has – don’t his pronouncements have to go through Parliament? I’ve no idea, perhaps one of the France-occupying readers can tell us. Not our problem, since the UK is now on a no-going-back route out of the EU. We’ve even been deleted from their propaganda leaflets.

At least there aren’t likely to be riots, at least not by the French. It seems clear in modern politics that one side always accepts losing a vote while the other side scream about voting being non-democratic because they didn’t get what they wanted. Then they have protests to overturn the vote in the name of democracy. These are usually violent.

It’s always the same sides too.

It’s rather like the Church of Climatology’s thought process. It gets a little warmer, that’s global warming. It gets unusually cold, ‘weather is not climate’. In the same way, Socialism only recognises democracy if they win the vote.

This kind of doublethink is endemic now.

I bought New Scientist this week. First time for ages. There is a feature article about air pollution. Apparently, at least in the West, it’s not so bad. China, India, Bangladesh… well they are effectively going through their industrial revolution phase and that’s always messy. The cities in those countries get smog like London used to get. Pretty pointless pushing to ban smoking there – but they do anyway.

The article carries a chart showing causes of death. Predictably, smoking is near the top. What’s interesting is that nowadays, nobody just dies any more. Everyone dies of something that could have been prevented if only the NHS could force them to live pure lives. It seems based on the premise that if we remove all risks from life, nobody will ever die again. Except… of boredom.

While the article shows a rapid fall in air pollution in the UK, the editorial laments the UK government’s failure to tackle air pollution. It’s headed with a picture of a smoggy street which is quite clearly not in the UK. The cars are on the wrong side of the road and the no-parking lines are red, not yellow.  They didn’t even bother to spend five minutes with Photoshop to make it half-convincing. What really hurts is that PhD level scientists will read that crap and not question it.

The editorial calls for some kind of legally-enforced action from the government while the article claims all major atmospheric pollutants are in decline in the UK’s air.

I don’t mean the smoke from half a gram of burning leaves. I mean properly toxic stuff. The UK’s air is getting cleaner. Remember that when the new anti-motorist regulations come into force so that the Green Men can breathe pure air in the cities. I’m glad I don’t live in one.

We now have the latest big push from antismoking to classify vaping as smoking. It’s clearly not smoking. For one thing there’s no smoke. No tobacco either. It’s getting to where rechargeable batteries and USB connectors are likely to be classified as tobacco products – and politicians all over the world can’t seem to understand why they are now openly ridiculed. If there is one thing more likely to see you more universally despised than being a smoker, it’s becoming a politician.

The antismokers say they want us to stop smoking but only using their approved methods. You know, the ones they get paid to push. Not some independent method that’s been shown to work for an awful lot of people, oh no, can’t have that.

“Nicotine is ‘addictive and deadly’. To help you escape its clutches we’ll sell you patches and gum loaded with… nicotine.”

What they really want is to get you ‘addicted’ to their own nicotine delivery method, so they can cash in.

Warnings on cigarettes, warnings about the alleged addictiveness of nicotine on vaping gear… seen any warnings on the patches and gum? Of course not. Seen any public shouting about people under 18 getting hold of patches and gum? Neither have I.

Approved nicotine is magically safe to prescribe. Non-approved nicotine is deadly and will kill you along with everyone in a 100-metre radius. Every time a smoker lights up in public we are like slow motion suicide bombers. That is what modern medicine, and our Governments, actually believe.

Really. They genuinely believe it. In the old days, schools used to teach chemistry and anyone from those days will have no trouble finding the chemical structure of nicotine. It’s a simple molecule. The nicotine in patches is the same as the nicotine in tobacco. The same as the nicotine in vape steam.

I’m still amazed no doctor has been charged with attempted murder for prescribing nicotine patches after telling us it’s deadly and addictive. Why hasn’t that happened? It’s wide open, that goal.

You know, some vapers don’t even have nicotine in their steam. Some have found that it’s the action of smoking they like. The taste, blowing smoke rings, all that stuff. The nicotine isn’t really necessary. I’ve tried it in my own Electrofags. Nicotine isn’t the biggest part of smoking, it’s the taste and the action that matters. That’s why Electrofag has worked for so many people. Not for me, not yet. The strange flavours are a lot of fun but I haven’t found a tobacco flavour that tastes just right. Maybe one day.

It must be difficult to keep a war on smokers and a war on motorists going at the same time. A war on all forms of transport, in fact, other than electric Noddy cars and trains made by Hornby. They have to ramp up the same pretend risks for both wars without anyone questioning how you can die twice. They seem to be managing this quite well because the general public have failed to notice.

There have been several Dalek and other alien invasions of Earth. Remember those? Nobody does, and in subsequent episodes the Doctor puts it down to the human ability to blot out anything that doesn’t fit their worldview.

He’s right. Humanity is easily controlled. Has been easily controlled for a very long time. It’s a herd. The oft-used sheep analogy is not misplaced. Those of us who won’t run with the herd are treated as anomalies and freaks – and perhaps we are. We like it that way.

Some of us will always refuse to obey. Some of us will snarl back at the sheepdogs. Some of us will remember and write it down for the future’s annoying buggers to know they are not alone.

The pen is, still, mightier than the sword.

Just watch out for macaroons…

The laws that aren’t

Many people regard the saying ‘the customer is always right’ as if it’s a law. It’s not. It’s company policy at Marks and Spencer. It applies to no other business, anywhere, unless the business chooses to implement it.

I wouldn’t recommend it. It attracts the most arrogant, self-righteous, pompous bastards to your shop where they know they can behave like spoiled brats and be pandered to. It also wrecks staff morale because if the customer is always right, then by extension the staff member they are arguing with is always wrong. High staff turnover and eternal training costs are the natural consequence.

It’s not a law, no matter how many people think it is. Any other shop can tell you to piss off and never return and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.

Via @Dick_Puddlecote on Twitter, it seems there is a non-law that says nonsmokers can’t be sold Electrofags. Oh, some bunch of self-important Public Health arseholes spent a lot of time and taxpayer’s money ‘secret shopping’ in vape shops. Will they sell it to us if we don’t smoke?


It’s a vape shop. The only customers who go inside are ones who want to buy an Electrofag. So the shopkeeper doesn’t ask if they already smoke. Indeed, they are not allowed to sell Electrofag as a stop-smoking aid so asking if the customer smokes could be seen as a violation of that rule. They are only required to check the customer is over 18. Electrofag sellers have always done that. There was never any need to force them to do it.

This ridiculous farce is no different to a vegan group secret shopping in a butcher’s and then getting all uppity because the butcher will sell meat to vegans. The butcher will sell meat to anyone who wants it. It’s a meat shop. If you don’t want meat, don’t go in there.

I’ve never been inside a New Look shop. They sell women’s clothes. I don’t want any. Should I go in and buy something then call the newspapers because they sold a bra to a man? It’s really no different to what Public Health have just done.

In all the years I’ve been smoking, I have never once been asked if I’m a smoker or non-smoker when buying baccy. Can we expect ASH and Public Health to raid Tesco and Morrison’s next, because they went in and asked for a pack of cigarettes and the retailer neglected to ask if they smoked? I think the retail response would be ‘if they don’t want to smoke them, why did they want to buy them?’

Every smoker once bought his or her first pack of cigarettes (in my case it was cigars) and every vaper once bought their first Electrofag. So now some people want to skip the smoking part and go straight to Electrofag. Well why not? Would Public Health really prefer them to start on tobacco and then switch to steam?

Honestly. Politicians listen to what these people say, you know. Unquestioningly. It’s seriously time to apply a minimum IQ to anyone wanting to stand for election because we are being led by utter cretins.

As for the medics, well, I have no faith at all in modern medicine. They used to employ intelligent medics but no longer, it seems. Now all you need to become a medic is the ability to absorb indoctrination and to shut down the analytical part of your mind in order to qualify. Where we once had medics, we now have drones. They just think what they are told to think and they diagnose based on personal prejudice rather than medicine.

If only the medics and politicians could see all the parasites stuck to them. ASH serves no purpose beyond being a new Smoker Inquisition. All the lifestyle dictators in the NHS are the reason it’s always short of medical staff and medicines. Get the parasites out, get proper doctors and nurses in, and we’ll have a damn good health service again.

Physicians, heal thyselves.

Now we are told that crisps are evil. Full of deadly things like fat and salt and… acrylamide.

Oh there’s no law on acrylamide content. There are guidelines but not a law. As for crisps, well, is there anyone out there who thinks crisps are health food? They are a snack. A small snack, a fraction of a potato in a bag. There might be a lot of fat and salt and other crap as a proportion of the weight of crisps in a bag, but the total weight really isn’t very much. Diluted by one human body, even a small one, it amounts to bugger all.

This is the same game as ‘there are 600 deadly chemicals in a cigarette’. A typical cigarette contains 0.6g of tobacco. Ignore the fact that most of it is cellulose (it’s made of leaves, I feel I have to point that out considering the level of intelligence we have to deal with in government and medicine these days) and let’s pretend it’s 0.6g of just the deadly chemicals.

Let’s also pretend there is no ash residue and nothing at all comes off as smoke.

That gives us 0.006g of each deadly chemical. The reality is far, far smaller than that. Scared? I’m not. I’m more scared of diesel fumes on a busy street – and I’m not that scared of those either. Okay, that’s partly because I live on a farm at least 11 miles from a town of any size, but I don’t feel the need to cover my face when visiting the town.

I don’t often eat crisps but when I do, I don;t worry about the salt and fat content. I’m not going to worry about acrylamide in crisps because I like the crispy bits on the outside of roast meat. I know there will be many daft sods out there who will be scared. Including every single politician and medic.

The crisp story doesn’t scare me at all because when you change the percentages into real quantities eaten, they amount to… bugger all. Just like the deadly stuff in smoke. Just like the evil thickening agent (no, idiots, it’s NOT antifreeze) that’s food grade and found in yogurts and loads of other things.

Yet again, the news is up in arms over the breaking of a law that isn’t. The idea behind it all, of course, is to make it law. The general zombie population won’t even notice because they already thought it was a law.

And, once vape shops have to check if you’re a smoker before they sell you Electrofag, Tesco will have to check if you’re a smoker before they sell you any tobacco. Having watched how these evil bastards work for decades, their next logical step isn’t hard to work out.

Then you won’t be able to buy drink unless you can prove you’re a drinker… and so on. They can’t stop us so they’ll kill us off by attrition. Nonsmokers will never be able to take up smoking or vaping, nondrinkers will never be able to buy booze. I know, I can feel the shrugs now. If you don’t smoke and/or drink now, why would you?

I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about those currently growing up who might be looking forward to turning 18 so they can try these things. In the future the only way they’ll get to try them will be to buy totally unregulated stuff from criminal gangs.

Won’t happen? Public Health and ASH and the rest of the nannies will tell you it won’t happen.

Like it didn’t happen when heroin and cocaine were made illegal…

Basically, in the future, all your kids are fucked. You think the Righteous care?

They’re doing it on purpose.

Seven thousand nothings

There are now seven thousand chemicals in tobacco, and the same number of chemicals in the smoke from a cigarette. The educationally challenged will believe this without question because they want to. They want to hate someone – anyone – and smokers are the easiest target today.

It’s how Hitler won Germany, by blaming it all on the Jews. How the Spanish Inquisition did so well, by blaming all evil on Protestants and Muslims. In the 1600s it was imaginary witches and these days it’s white man bad, everyone else good. Oh, and smokers are obviously stupid.

Obviously, because we question how 7000 chemicals can even be measured in the 0.6g of tobacco in the average cigarette.

We question how a little bit of dry leaf, which is mostly cellulose (made of glucose and not carcinogenic in any shape or form) can contain so many chemicals and all at detectable, never mind measurable levels.

Plant cell walls are made of cellulose which is a polymer of glucose. Dried, at least half of what you have there is cellulose so really we are talking about 7000 chemicals in 0.3 grams.

Okay, they probably include cellulose as a chemical so 6999 in 0.3 g, but we’ll round up to 7000 because they made the number up in the first place anyway. Ah, I remember when it was only 600.

And we’ll be generous and give them 0.5g of chemicals per fag because it makes the numbers easier, and no less ridiculous.

If antismokers had a brain between them they would realise that these deadly chemicals are present at 1/14000th of a gram per cigarette. Oh but wait – they don’t claim 7000 deadly chemicals. Just 7000 chemicals. Probably about the same number you’d find in lettuce or celery or… anything with a leaf on it.

Oh sure, you can take a kilo of tobacco and maybe find 7000 different chemicals (all of them naturally occurring because we are talking about leaves) if you include all the metabolic bits in there but almost all are harmless.

Oh and you won’t find road tar in there. That’s bitumen. From oil, not leaves. If you burn that and inhale the fumes you won’t get to your 20 a day today  😉

Yet smokers are stupid? You think that only 1/14000th of a gram of something that’s mostly harmless is deadly and you call me stupid?

Most of the material in a cigarette ends up as ash. The smoke is a tiny part of the total weight. It contains the magical 7000 chemicals too. We are talking micrograms now and still they want to divide it into 7000 undetectable little bits and claim it will kill you.

Death by homeopathy.

Comparatively, smoking in itself is far less dangerous than going outside to a busy street full of petrol and diesel fumes, and that is what the haters have made us do. So when we all get respiratory problems from the traffic fumes they can blame it on smoking and keep selling oil.

I’m not saying smoking is good for you. I don’t smoke to improve my health, I smoke because I enjoy it. I’ve been doing it for 35 years and have no ill effects. Is it as harmful as they claim? Hard to tell, when pretty much anything a smoker gets wrong with them is instantly blamed on smoking.

This wave of antismoking really took off big time with the introduction of NRT. You know, the patches and gum with the pitiful success rate that are pushed so hard by the antismoking crowd. They don’t like Electrofag because they get no back-handers from the Electrofag companies. Yet that has a much better success rate than the Pharmer drugs. Even I have a few that I use from time to time. They still don’t have tobacco flavour quite right although the menthol is pretty good.

Now they want a tax on Electrofags ‘to stop children buying them’ even though they are already not for sale to under 18s. Electrofags are already taxed. There’s VAT on them. What the Righteous want is a cut of the action, they want more money funneled their way so they can keep pushing their non-working methods that keep us all smoking and keep the gravy train on the rails.

If we all stop smoking, the antismokers are out of a job. They don’t want any successful cessation devices spoiling their easy ride.

Here’s a tip for the antismokers and the medics too. If you want people to listen to you, don’t make utterly farcical claims that anyone with half a brain can rip to shreds in a matter of moments.

When you get caught in a lie, people start to wonder if anything you say is true.


Another attack of the Vapers

I was going to write some starting rules on the story collection idea tonight but Dick Puddlecote seems to have started a minor flame war. Just a little one. I’ll set up some loose and flexible story rules later. It’s not going to be suitable for children, because I’ll have a story in it.

In my self appointed role as internet Liverpudlian (calm down, calm down, dey do dough don’t dey dough) I thought I’d sidle up to the little fire and see if I can turn it into a conflagration.


It all started when DP posted a rant by Clive Bates demanding that vapers be left alone now they’ve given up the real thing and taken up some synthetic steam based nicotine gadgetry instead.

Simon Clark took considerable exception to the post, and Grandad wasn’t happy either. Frank Davis took a rather less excitable view, as a good smoker should.

Like Frank, I own several Electrofags and even tried the cigar version (didn’t like that one, it was so big it gave the impression of sucking a dildo and I am not risking photos of that!). I never intended stopping smoking and still don’t, but the range of flavours available means I keep them and still get them out once in a while. I like the idea of ‘smoking’ absinthe or brandy or apple pie. I heard about one new Electrofag that holds three different flavours of ejuice at once and you can switch between them. Link is coming as soon as I get it.

I don’t think it’s possible to get tobacco flavour right. There are so many different tobaccos and blends. A smoker who prefers Marlboro will notice that Embassy don’t taste the same. It’s simply not possible to produce a generic ‘tobacco flavour’ that will make all smokers instantly think ‘Oh brilliant, my dreams are answered’. Can’t be done.

And then there’s the whole lighter thing and the real smoke and well, all of it. I like smoking and I am never going to be ashamed or embarrassed to admit it.

It does amuse me when one of the girls at work comes outside with us smokers then pulls out an Electrofag and tells us how much better it is. Uh… you’re out here in the cold and the drizzle too, or hadn’t you noticed? Out here in the delivery bay next to a main road watching the trucks drive in and out, shivering and getting damp and breathing traffic fumes. Really, the difference between my baccy smoke and your steam is insignificant in this situation.

Okay, it’s a food shop. I don’t recall ever seeing anyone smoking in a food shop in the last 56 years (to the day ;)). So I would not ever expect to be allowed to smoke in a food shop and would probably be mildly shocked if someone did puff smoke at the Parma ham. Yet vaping is not smoking so the vaper girl, as far as I can see, causes no issues if she vapes inside. Okay, maybe not in the shop, but in the staffroom I see no problem.

The Dreadful Arnott and the rest of the vehement anti-people brigade see a problem. It looks like smoking! Horror! If they saw that electronic cigar they’d faint. It looks like smoking and like low grade kinky porn at the same time. All I’d have to do would be to fill it with brandy and dip it in salt and the Righteous would spontaneously combust.

I know A Certain Someone is going to suggest filling it with cream. No. Just… no, okay?

It’s still NO.

I don’t call Clive Bates a Righteous. Why not? Because he stopped, and the Righteous never stop. He drew a line in the sand and said ‘No more’. Okay, it rings hollow as Simon Clark says because of the past but as Doolittle said to Bomb 20, the concept is valid no matter where it originates.



Clive drew his line in the wrong place and much too far along the beach, as Grandad said, but he did draw that line. For the true Righteous, like the Dreadful Arnott, there is no line. Ever. It never stops for them. One day they will arrest children for chewing on a pencil because it looks like smoking and they will still not be satisfied.

Clive Bates would be happy to stop with smokers becoming vapers. In my case at least he can take that idea, write it down, roll it up tight in glasspaper, tie it with barbed wire and ram it up his arse but even so, he does have a place where he would be happy to stop. That’s enough to rescind his Righteous badge.

I know Clive was once head of ASH. I know he was in there with the daft ‘passive smoking’ nonsense. He resigned because the madness crossed his line in the sand. He had a place he wanted to get to and then stop and it became clear ASH wasn’t ever going to stop. I think he actually resigned before the invention of Electrofag.

I really think Clive Bates does believe it is about health. It isn’t, it never was, but I think he believed it. Maybe now he’s starting to see the light.

Maybe he can now see the monster he helped create.

More smoke tax

As if there isn’t enough already…

Cancer Research UK (CRUK)  today demanded that the government ‘make the tobacco industry pay for the damage it causes and help reduce the number of people killed by its deadly product’ by slapping a levy of 20 pence on a standard pack of cigarettes.

A deadly product. An entire industry of killing people. Do they want it made illegal? Of course not.

As this fine rant points out (tipped by our visiting librarian), CRUK and their gangster pals don’t ever want tobacco banned. They don’t ever want the number of smokers to reduce to zero. How will they explain cancer and every other illness then? Who will pay for the smoking cessation industry when nobody smokes? They’ll all be out of a job, and their decades of lies will be exposed when nobody smokes and people still die anyway.

Cigarettes are already taxed at 400% of their basic price. And you can’t smoke them anywhere. Yet they are not illegal and nobody is asking for them to be made illegal. They just want tighter and tighter controls. They just want more and more tax, more and more control, and it will never stop because our leaders are gullible, compliant idiots who just do as the bullies direct.

CRUK, ASH and all the rest are shitting themselves over Electrofag. Not because it’s dangerous – it quite obviously isn’t – but because smokers are moving over to it and ignoring the stupid patches, gum and suicide pills that never worked anyway. I have several Electrofags. They are fun gadgets.

I haven’t moved over completely to vaping because I like the real ones. I don’t take Electrofag to work because I’d still have to go outside to use it and if I have to go outside anyway, I’m having a real one.

Sure, the risks are bound to be less with steam than with smoke but the risks of smoke were always way overhyped anyway. The human race grew up in fire and smoke. In caves, in smoky huts and cottages, and until very recently indeed in houses with coal fires. Smoke didn’t kill us off. It was always part of our lives.

In fact it could well be the sudden lack of it that’s causing our recent health problems, but no scientist would dare investigate that. Most can’t even bring themselves to consider the possibility.

So, we now have a whole lobby trying to kill off Electrofag. No surprise. It ‘looks like smoking’ and involves people enjoying themselves which is not allowed. The tobacco industry don’t want this competitor. The antismokers don’t want to let their favourite whipping boys escape. The huge smoking cessation industry could be put out of work! They all want to get rid of Electrofag.

None of them want to get rid of smokers. They all depend on our continued existence.

Really, vapers, you are going to get it a lot worse than smokers ever did. They just like to beat us up once in a while. They want you lot exterminated. We did try to warn you…

We also said right from the start that the tobacco template would be applied to other disapproved-of things. Booze, naturally. It’s a standard Puritan target every time. Food too. You can’t have the good stuff. Eat only a bowl of grain mashed in water once a day and you too will enter Heaven. Probably quite soon.

The Cameroid is now seriously considering a sugar tax. Naturally the tea supply in the House of Commons will have tax-free sugar and MPs will be able to claim the cost of their home sugar on expenses. It’s not for them. It’s for us. As always.

Yet more tax on tobacco. More on booze soon, as sure as night follows day. Tax on sugar and salt. Unless you’re an MP, in which case the taxes everyone else pays will subsidise your rampant excesses. And they wonder why fewer and fewer people bother to vote now.

It’s all built on a house of cards. Fake science, spin, denial of facts and replacement with made-up rubbish that only an MP could be stupid enough to believe. Nobody checks. Nobody calls the bilious morons to account. They just accept the pronouncements that have been made up on the spot to suit a farcical agenda.

I hope I’m still around when this lot falls apart. It always does, every time. This is a very big house of cards and when it comes down it’s going to be worth watching.

It only takes a nudge on the bottom layer.


Welcome back to denormalisation

I’d like to start 2016 by wishing everyone a Happy New Year but in reality we still have the same dickheads in charge and the same unelected control freaks keeping the drones in a state of being perpetually offended and terrified about nothing at all.

Oh and vapers, we kept your seat warm here on the naughty step because as predicted all that time ago, you’re back with us smokers. Cozying up to the antismokers, joining in with the smokerphobia, didn’t help at all, did it? We did try to warn you.

Yes, I know, not all vapers fell for the propaganda but those who did were very vocal about it. Some still are. Some still think the Puritans are on their side now that they have moved of from what they call ‘analogue’ smoking to the modern digital Electrofag. Eventually they’ll get the idea.

Electrofag is now as deadly as smoking (CStM found this link and is ultimately responsible for my writing this post). It’s crap of course. Steam is not smoke, and Electrofag vapour disperses harmlessly in the air within moments. Nothing is burning, there are no combustion products and no smoke particles of any kind at all. And yet the drones will believe they will die of steam as surely as they believe they will die if they see a cigarette display in a a shop. Prepare to have your Electrofags consigned to the Doors of Shame just like the rest of us.

In this New Year we will be treated to the spectacle of the NHS supplying Electrofag (yes, vapers, you are about to become a ‘cost to the NHS’ for your ‘filthy habit’ just as you thought you’d escaped that accusation) while the Gubblement pretend it isn’t happening so we smokers don’t all rush to get a free Electrofag.

Well, let’s see, the last Electrofag I bought was in Poundland. I paid one shiny British pound for the entire kit and one pound each for some replacement heater/container/mouthpiece things (vapers will no doubt sneer at my lack of knowledge of the jargon). So really, ‘free on the NHS’ doesn’t make a big difference when you can get the basic kit really cheap anyway. There won’t be a rush.

I have several versions of Electrofag now and NHS or no, if I was going to switch I would already have done so. I haven’t and I’m not likely to. Especially not under medical lifestyle supervision.

Meanwhile, just as the NHS roll out their ‘Electrofag is Good’ campaign, the EU roll out their ‘Electrofag is deadly and we’re banning it‘ campaign. Starting with those deemed to be ‘too strong’ and then once those are gone, the next level down will be ‘too strong’ and so on. Logic and common sense have no place in politics nor in modern medicine, it seems.

And yet the Electrofag itself, the actual gadget, has no ‘strength’ at all in terms of vaping. It all depends on the juice you put in it. Banning the gadget means nothing, it’s a pretty simple device and homemade ones are no doubt already out there. The internet has instructions on making your own juice – you can do it from bought baccy or grow your own – and the device is really just a battery and heater. Try the glow plugs from model aircraft engines for the heater.

Still bans must be imposed because that’s all governments do nowadays and it’s the only manner of preventive medicine open to a medical fraternity that the Middle Ages alchemists would laugh at.

It all boils down to ‘do as you are told’. It doesn’t matter to the control freaks what you are told, as long as you do it. Whether it is good for you or not is of no relevance. They want you to dance to their tune even when their tune is a discordant cacophony of contradiction and nonsense. In fact, the more contradictory and nonsensical the better. It’s more fun to watch the drones jump one way then the other without a single questioning thought crossing their dusty, little-used minds.

The Dutch intend to ban vaping for under 18s even though I can’t recall a single vape-seller who would sell to under 18s anyway. Even the Poundland one was age restricted. Right from the beginning, Electrofag sellers insisted on only selling to over 18s. Will under 18s get hold of them?

Of course they will. They get real smokes and they get booze and they get drugs I can’t even get. Electrofag being banned will just make it all the more enticing. They’ll get it.

Then we can hear all over again how inhaling steam will make the cheeeldren crave real smoke. Cobblers. Inhaling traffic fumes is probably a lot closer to real smoking and much more harmful too. Yet that seems to be pretty much okay with the medics, the politicians and the rest of the Puritan mindless horde.

Still it’s New Year so I shouldn’t end on a gloomy note. I’ve often said the Electrofag produces great smoke rings even though it isn’t real smoke. It does, every one I’ve tried makes good, coherent smoke rings. Usually a good few from one mouthful too.

But I have never yet reached the pinnacle of this kind of skill. Yes, that’s in the same newspaper that insists Electrofag will save smokers and then kill everyone on the planet. Again, logic and common sense are things of the past. You have to laugh at it all because if you start taking it seriously you’ll die of gloom.

Happy New Year anyway.