Vagueness and Precision

Could have been a Blue Oystercult song, it even fits the rhythm.

Vagueness.

Her Madness’s Ripoff Collective (HMRC) have decided you have to apply for permission to buy leaves. This is not one of my wind-ups of Generation Gullible. It’s madder than that. This is really true.

However, they have not bothered with any of the mechanism of actually applying for permission. You need permission but there is no way to get it. So whether you want tobacco for smoking, snuff, pot-pourri, compost (it’s insecticidal) or to extract vape juice, you need to fill out a form that doesn’t exist to get permission to buy some leaves.

There is always the antismoker scare that nicotine is an insecticide and therefore poison. Just like a big bar of chocolate can kill a Rottweiler. Chocolate is deadly too, if you’re the right species. I don’t know about you but I only have the four limbs and no chitin exoskeleton, nor do I have hair all over nor any inclination to roll in something shitty.

So chocolate won’t kill me and neither will nicotine. If you’re scared of nicotine then logic dictates that you are an insect. For many antismokers that’s probably accurate.

Still, HMRC seem to have forgotten something. I live about 20 miles north of Aberdeen and I can grow tobacco outdoors. Make import impossible and well, I now have a hell of a lot of garden… Could be a good thing for me, and those like me, if importing is banned.

Even better for a nonsmoker with a big garden. They won’t keep back half for themselves 😉

It’s currently legal to grow it in the UK.

Oh they can make it illegal if they want. Cannabis growing is illegal and cannabis is an easily identifiable plant (except to those police who once confiscated tomato plants). Tobacco looks like a big flower. Nobody will notice even if it’s beside the road.

I am also now perfectly placed to push my ‘wild growing tobacco’ idea from a few years back.

Vague laws on tobacco. Yeah, keep it that way. We’ll play the vague game and we’ll win it.

Precision.

In the work-long-in-progress, Panoptica, I have had difficulty keeping ahead of the real dystopia that looms around us. In the story, implanted chips are everything. Your door key, your credit card, your medical record… and more.

The cards you can just wave to buy stuff already exist.  The terror of lost or stolen cards will soon get them implanted. If you lose your house keys, what do you do? Wouldn’t it be so much safer if you just wave your hand in front of the door?

Selling this stuff to the public – come on. They will fight to be first.

The reality of Panoptica would be so, so easy to implement. That’s what puts me off finishing it. The dopes in charge already think 1984 and Brave New World are instruction manuals. What they will do with this one doesn’t bear thinking about.

Longrider tells us of the monitor cards some employees are required to carry. What if they lose their card or it gets picked up by a cat or dog or pigeon? Implants are obviously the way to go.

The Borg are coming. Don’t be scared of being assimilated. Resistance is futile.

Resistance? There will be no resistance. Only insistence. You will not fight the Borg. You will fight each other in the race to be first.

You are the Borg. Not because they forcibly assimilated you.

Because you wanted to be.

Some of us will always refuse to join. You, drones, will never understand why.

They’re alive

The Mothership called at 9 in the morning the other day telling that her good friend from Sweden would be coming to visit. You know that friend who you used to play with naked in a paddling pool with as a toddler? Well this is his mum. So of course I had to come way earlier than planned to see them.The parental unit are going to Paris on holiday in two weeks so I was going here anyway to look after their pets. So I’ve been living of cafe Mothership freeing up money for more nail polish which isn’t bad.

The guests arrived yesterday and are leaving tomorrow. So Friday was the big cleaning day, getting everything tidied up and cleaned for the arrival. Also Papa J is watching all the Tour de France he can fit in between work and sleep so mum is going crazy already. She’s apparently done a ton of laundry.
We did make muffins for the guests, two portions as someone doesn’t like banana muffins.We also did the big Sunday roast thing which was really good. There was of course the roast, pork, then oven baked potatoes, boiled carrots (raw ones for someone..), boiled pointed cabbage in a white sauce and garlic bread.
Even Ingeborg, the hedgehog, ate some raw pointed cabbage.

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Feast your eyes on the Mothership’s cooking

Today was bbq day. I am normally not the biggest fan of bbq or mosquito/bug meat as I call it but today’s menu was actually really good. Even though I had to peel all the potatoes, or most of them, for the potato salad. It was really good so I do it well.
Next year mum’s friend is turning 50 and her partner just told Papa J that he’s planning on proposing to her then so he asked Papa J if he would be his best man. This may be the event that finally gives mum the chance to see him in a suit. Stranger things has happened before.

Every year the village the parental has a yearly village celebration. Starting out with a big party Friday night and ending Sunday with a parade. Usually the village is divided into streets and there’s a big competition on who can make the most impressive wagon.  In the front is a marching band and the local moped club ends the show. The local line or western dancing club and the village’s local football club are also in the parade every year.
This year only two streets seemed to have participated though. So it was a shorter parade than normal but still a fun thing to watch. There was a wagon with a fishing theme and one with a troll theme.

Now the seeds seem to be doing very well so far. They’ve all started growing and I’ve already repotted three of them. The salad, cherry tomatoes and basil are now in bigger pots and the leek and aubergine are not far behind. I did seem to have over watered them at some point so I had to cut back on the watering for a while.
There started growing mould on the sides of the cardboard boxes which sent me into a right panic. I am very paranoid about mould. I took calming words from both Leggy and the Mothership to make me see that it wouldn’t effect the plants and there was no need to throw them out.

I hope you’re all enjoying the summer and if you meet mum’s friend then mum is the word.

Plants and feet

So I am trying something that could possibly just go wrong. I’ve planted seeds. Yes, you may ask “How can that be a fast car to death?”. Well let me tell you the story of the girl with the black thumb. Although I think they simply get into my house and decides to commit suicide. There may be a sign outside my door reading “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here!” only visible to plant life.
Now it’s not that I don’t try. I would at least get A for effort, not that it seems to make any difference on the longevity of the plant life spans. I may have killed off around 8 or so flowers and 3 cacti. We are over in serial killer material. In the beginning I started out naive, thinking it would be a long relationship and I’d have lots of greenery but after a while I had to realise that that won’t really happen on my own. I found a youtube clip with sounds of rain that I would play every time little planty was watered. That didn’t stop it from dying. Now I admit that the something violet plant’s death was sort of my fault. It had these really suspicious spots on the leaves and I got paranoid and may have cut off a big chunk of the leaves off. It didn’t survive. Then there was the one where the roots got mouldy, the ones that drowned, the ones that dried out and whatever else I put the poor plants through.
One of the local supermarket have been having a campaign where for every 50 kr spent in the shop you get a small planting kit for free. It contained a pot, earth, seeds and a plant marker. I got a kind of salad, leeks, cherry tomatoes, basil and aubergine kits so I figured since I already had them I may as well try and see if I can actually manage to make them grow. I figured we could make a series out of it. I personally suggest that you guys make some bets on who will survive and who will die first. It can be almost a Hunger Games for plants. Start out with 5 plants, who will survive to the end? Or will they all die gruesome deaths one by one?
If a kid can do this I’m sure I can find a way of screwing it up.

So today was planting day. Day 1 in operation plant!
Now already here I managed to get a bit confused. I hadn’t realised that the brown coin like thing was the earth so I had bought a big bag of it last time I went shopping. But apparently by adding some water the earth puffed up by magic and suddenly you had enough to fill up the cup. Now I must admit that this was pretty fun.

Besides playing with plants I’ve been cleaning and tiding up. The parental unit is visiting tomorrow. My washing machine has yet again decided it doesn’t want to work so Papa J will have to look at it.
Yesterday was a fun day even though it started way too early which in my world is before 7. But on the bright side it did mean I wasn’t woken up at 8 by the big machinery driving past the garden. The building is getting a new roof which isn’t bad but damn do they make a lot of noise. Best part will be when they sometime in November get around to changing all the windows. *Sigh*
I have a good friend who recently went through minor surgery, but since she’s allergic to most kinds of pain medicine she’s been on morphine. So yesterday whilst her husband was at work I came over to keep an eye on her. Now of course I brought along lots of sweets and crisps so she could wallow in her pain. We had a pretty good day together and it was the first time I had a nap outside home.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend

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