I’ve been busy with some intensive book preparation lately. I know there are two books on the way in and the next anthology starts mid February so I took a bit of time to finish one of my own. It actually was pretty much finished, I just hadn’t realised it. All it needs now is final editing and a cover.

Well, I said at new year that 2019 was going to make 2018 look sane and so far I have not been disappointed. The insane asylum that is Public Health wants to put us all on rations to combat an obesity epidemic that does not exist. Sugar ‘allowance’ was quietly halved a year earlier so that now we can be accused of consuming twice the ‘allowance’.

They did the same with booze ‘allowance’. It dropped from 20-something units per week to 14 and they act as if that was the rule all along. 14 units? That’s breakfast!

Notice also the sly change from ‘recommendation’ to ‘allowance’. ‘We recommend you have this much’ has become ‘we will allow you to have this much’ as if we are children.

There is also the use of ‘limits’ on all kinds of things. Well I have my own limits, thanks. I know my limit for whisky, if I plan to do anything more than groan into my coffee the following day. I know my limit for bacon, it’s when I can get no more in.

Incidentally, they’re all having a go at bacon, aren’t they? ‘Science’ is now telling us that we’ll get The Lumps from even seeing it. PETA are having a big anti-bacon drive. Again. Oh they are against all meat consumption but particularly bacon. I wonder who they are appeasing?

Have they not seen the lunacy and violence caused by bacon depriivation all over the world? If they want a placid and easily controlled population, taking the bacon away is going to have the opposite effect. The evidence is clear for all to see and in this New Science of correlation = causation it cannot be denied.

Sometimes, as with asthma and smoking, a negative correlation proves causation. It’s a very flexible thing, this New Science. It always proves exactly what it’s paid to prove.

We are now in Dry January and also Veganuary. A month with no booze and no meat. If I follow that I will have worked out how to destroy the planet by mid-January and will have done it before February dawns. Fortunately for the world I am ignoring both of the silly things.

The Dry January will have a lot of adherents among those who don’t drink much but went way off the rails at New Year. They will have a days-long hangover and a month off will sound like a good idea to them. Also, most people are broke in January having spent December’s pay, at least, in advance over Christmas. So cutting out the expense of booze will appeal to them.

I did not get pie-eyed at New Year because I had to drive on January 1st. Scottish drink-drive laws are now at a level that make the Prohibitionists gasp in awe and the police have always been on high alert for any erratic driving around this time of year. I wasn’t going to take the chance. So I did not have the massive hangover of the booze noobs and I budgeted Christmas so I didn’t end up broke.

As for Veganuary, hahahaha! Most of those smug idiots trying it won’t last a week. They’ll pretend they did while sneaking a ham sandwich when nobody is looking. Veganism is a lifestyle choice with the accent on choice. It will never work when it’s forced on people, they’ll just eat each other. Starting with the herbivores.

Incidentally, while writing this, I heard about another one. ‘Januhairy‘. So now I have to cut every hair on my body and some of them are hard to reach. Thanks for that, idiots.

I really can’t wait for Fuckituary.

It’s the early hours of the 5th of January and already 2018 looks sane. This is just the beginning. This year’s lunacy is going to have even the Dreadful Arnott saying ‘hang on a minute…’ Defying it all is going to be a full time job.

Meanwhile in America they have elected a House of Representatives whose only policy is ‘get Trump’. Health, services, running a country, screw all that. They are going to target one man and impeach him whether he’s done anything or not.

The rest of America, well you have to get along as best you can. Your government is busy destroying itself.You voted for it.

The Amazing Occasional Cortex is going to be a lot of fun. She wants to ‘tax the rich to 70%’ even though many of them are Democrats. I expect George Soros will find a way to quietly get rid of her.

The UK tried that in the 1970s. France tried it more recently. The result is always the same. When you hammer taxes on to people who can easily afford to move away, they move away.

You don’t just lose the tax. You lose what rich people spend in shops. You lose the jobs that make the things rich people buy and you lose the businesses they run and the jobs that those businesses were providing. So you don’t just lose the rich bastard you hated. You now have a lot more people on welfare to take care of with a massively reduced tax income.

I’m all clear on tax. I don’t have to pay any more until January 2020. I don’t pay much anyway because I don’t earn much. But if I pay tax at 20% and provide no more than a trickle to the Treasury, and someone on a million a year pays 20% tax, then they are putting in £200,000 a year to the Treasury. How is that not ‘paying their fair share’?

In fact they put in a hell of a lot more because the bulk of that is taxed at the higher rate. I have paid higher rate tax twice and I don’t like it. So I deliberately don’t earn enough to do it again. Work hard, boost your business, end up working for half pay because the government has taken the other half. Why bother?

This is why Leg Iron Books now has a 70/30 split on profits in favour of authors and also why that split will get bigger for the authors if business really takes off. I do not want to pay higher rate tax. I really don’t need that much money. There’s no point, money isn’t even a real thing now. It’s just numbers on a screen. There is nothing backing it up.

And, when the socialists have taxed all the rich people out of the country, they’ll come for the rest of us. Don’t have a big savings pot. They’ll steal it. Eventually they run out of other people’s money and… it wasn’t real socialism.

Yes it was. That is what socialism does. Every time.

Five days into 2019 and the insanity meter has broken its needle already. There is so much more to come.

I am so glad I live way out of town. It’s going to get nasty in there.

Offended: The new murder

It seems Jerry Cordite called Tessie Maybe a ‘stupid woman’ in Parliament. The Internet is abuzz, the news outlets are in raptures and all the stupid MPs had a big debate about it.

Aside from it being the first thing he’s ever said that I agree with, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. It was just a muttered insult. Big fat hairy deal. If the Mambas of Parliament are so sensitive about being called stupid, they really should seach for their own names on Twitter. ‘Stupid’ is the mildest thing they’ll find in reference to themselves.

Jerry denies it. He claims he said ‘Stupid people’. Why? This is nowhere near the same league as the Brown Gorgon calling a member of the public a ‘bigot’ and being caught on tape.

He really should stand up for his words at least once in his career. His answer should have been ‘She is a woman, and she is stupid. Change my mind. On either point.’ I’d love to see the face of an interviewer if Jerry ever gets the guts to respond like that.

His remark has been called ‘casual mysogyny’ but he didn’t say all women are stupid. Just that one. If insulting one woman is mysogyny then what about all the rabid attacks on Maggie the Thatch when she was alive, and which continue long after she died? Why is that different?

Meanwhile, it seems Michelin O’Blimey has insulted Morticia Trump because Morticia gave her a gift at the handover from O’Blimey to Trump (if you are British you will probably know what Trump is slang for so there’s no real need to change his name to insult him).

Well, from the little clips I saw, it seemed more like Michelin accepted the rather large gift and, standing on a stage, didn’t know quite what to do with it, She actually said it was a very nice gift but should she set it on the floor while the handover continued, should she hold it? What? In the end, Barry took it from her and gave it to an aide.

This does not seem unusual and if it was meant as an insult… so what? If women bitching about other women is news we’d never hear about anything else.

I have insulted everyone I have just mentioned. Have I shortened their lives by years,days, hours, seconds? Have I neccesitated that they must now undergo years of therapy and counselling? Have I introduced them to the street acupuncture so popular in London under Saddo Canned? There, that’s another one.

No. Nothing happens to these people when they are called names. Nothing happens to anyone when they are called names. I’ve been called many names and I can attest to the total inefficacy of any words, in any language, as assault weapons. Why can’t they handle it like Jake the Greasy Moggie and just shrug it off? These people consider themselves our leaders. I’ve seen stronger jellies and I wouldn’t respect any of them as leaders. They are timid, cowering, teary-eyed tantrum-throwing jessies, the lot of them.

How can you expect to be respected when you crumble at a few words? When you need counselling because of something someone said? You are not ‘woke’, you are just incapable of spelling ‘weak’.

It is often said now that words are violence. People who believe this have less brainpower than an anencephalic. They are a waste of skin that could have contained a real person. They are the best argument any authoritarian government could have for proposing retrospective abortion. If you meet one, run. You have entered the very shallow end of the gene pool and it could be catching.

If you genuinely think words are violence then you have never experienced violence. You have never had the shit kicked out of you by a drunk gang just for being on the same side of the street as them. If that ever happens then you will know what ‘violence’ actually means. It has nothing to do with the words they use and everything to do with the fists and the boots.

When did this world become so bloody feeble? We have police and social services scared to arrest rape gangs because ‘racism’. What does race matter? Rape is rape. We have a major religion of about a billion people offended into apoplexy by a bacon sandwich. Gay people offended into lawsuits because a baker doesn’t want to make a cake. And now we have Parliament debating a trivial insult. How fucking petty is it going to get?

I will never, ever, enter anything labelled a ‘safe space’ because it will be full of jelly-kneed weaklings. People who believe they are genuinely physically damaged by words are people I want nothing to do with. If you are one of them, throw all the words you want at me but expect some very sharp ones back. Yours will have no effect, I feel I should let you know that in advance.

Also, why does it not work both ways? I had a troll on the old Blogspot blog (not Doubleday, this one was earlier) whose comments consisted of calling me racist-Nazi-bigot-paedo and then claiming he was threatened when I responded that the ‘paedo’ part was actually slander and he could end up being sued.

Oh it was straight out of the playbook. Insult, threaten, push, and when they respond claim you’re the victim. It’s an old and silly game.

They now call themselves ‘woke’ but they are fast asleep. Still following the playbook, still parotting the mantras. They used to pretend to be offended but they have done it for so long they now really believe they are actually hurt by words. Such a parody of humanity is way beyond anything Kafka could have envisaged, never mind Orwell.

They bang on about ‘climate change will kill us all’. No it won’t. Nature cares nothing for us, it will change this planet as it sees fit and has no regard for man-made ‘laws of physics’. Natue has no laws. Adapt or become extinct is Nature’s only rule for every species and we are not exempt. We can adapt to a changing climate. We’ve done that for a very long time but now we have a species that can’t even adapt to words.

Forget climate, forget asteroids, forget catastrophic eruptions. Humans are the Vegan T Rex’s of this age now. Basically, this species is fucked and nature didn’t do it. We did. The human race has been run. The humans lost.

And if you are offended by any of this, you can print it all out and ram it up your arse.

Police State

I am working on content for the new Leg Iron Books dedicated website. It’s developing pretty fast thanks to help from someone who actually knows what they are doing. This was not helped by a nine-hour power outage last night due to a storm. Engineers were not going out to fix anything in that weather and when I consider the idea of meddling with high voltage lines in high winds and rain, I don’t blame them at all. I wouldn’t do it.

Still, at least nobody in a Robocop suit turned up to beat me with a baton. So there’s that.

In France, Belgium and increasingly in other countries, something called the ‘Yellow Vests’ is gathering pace. The police in those countries are responding with tear gas and beatings and the levels of violence on both sides are increasing. Is it war? Does that count when one side has guns and the other side has rocks? I have a feeling we’re going to find out, in many places around the world, very soon.

In the UK, the yellow vests are mostly just getting in the way. Real Brits don’t really ‘do’ en-masse violence until pushed to the limit and then we do tend to go a bit over the top with it, it all gets a bit hazy then you wake up next morning and there are heads on spikes and other messy unpleasantnesses to deal with. So far though, the UK protests are not much more than a bloody nuisance. 

The Yellow Vests seem to want different things in different countries. In France they were banging on about fuel taxes but that issue was resolved and the protests have not stopped. Maybe something else is still riling them up? It’ll soon be illegal to talk about that, including in the UK.

The UK ones seem to be mostly about the utter incompetence and sheer two-facedness our government has shown in over two years of pretending to implement Brexit.

In Brussels… I don’t know. A sudden and unexpected wine shortage seems likely.

So will the EU have to impose a police state? Let’s be honest, they would delight in it. They have already set up an unelected dictatorship run by a W.C. Fields drinking competitor and a bloke who looks like the one who played piano in Sparks. We cannot vote for or against them, they are ‘appointed’. It wouldn’t be so bad if they appointed sane and sober people to those posts but the sane and the sober already have real jobs.

The thing about a police state is… it requires an absolutely obedient and brutal police force. Basically, Daleks in human form. France has always had that, really, but this time it’s much, much bigger than a few English football fans getting pissed and annoying the painters along the Seine, or some truck drivers shrugging and frowning around their Disque Bleue.

This time they are bashing their own people, lots of them, hard. Very hard indeed.

Once day a policeman is going to swing a baton, shoot pepper spray or fire a tear gas canister right into the face of his brother, father, sister, daughter. The way things are going, maybe a live round.

It’s going to happen. When it does, that policeman’s conditioning might well break.

And when one breaks, it will spread. Like one bad apple in a barrel, the whole batch will go off.The Robocop Virus will turn most of them human again.

Soon I expect to see French police controlling Italian riots, Belgian police in Finland, and so on. Even the wine-soaked leader of the EU will eventually realise that this will have to happen.

Let’s hope he doesn’t sober up in time.

Save Europe from the EU. Send him a case of fine Chardonnay.

By the time he wakes up it’ll all be over.


There’s a lot of it about.

Brexit, of course, is a shambles and is likely to see the last days of the Tory party. If arch-liar Tessie Maybe and her sidekick, Oily Rubbings, manage to get this travesty of a ‘deal’ passed, the Tory voter base is all but gone. A lot of irreversible damage has already been done so if Tessie the Liar leads her party into the next general election then they will lose it.

If they stop this pantomime and deliver a proper, genuine Brexit then they will still have a party in opposition. But they cannot now win a general election. Too many blatant lies and broken promises, and we now know for sure that manifestos from either side are just recycle-bin fodder. No point reading them, they aren’t going to do what they say.

We have just had a ‘day of remembrance for trans people who were killed for being trans people’. Hot on the heels of the 100th Day of Remembrance for millions who were killed just for being unfortunate enough to be the right age to be dragged of to war, that seems a bit sick to me. Especially when, on this 100th anniversary of the end of that war, our current government plans to render all those lost lives, all of that war and fighting, a total waste of time.

Sure, it’s horrible that someone is killed just for being themselves, but this rarely happens to trans people in the West. The figure of several hundred killings is global and guess where it most often happens? They don’t want to say it. Can you guess why?

A female judge has ruled that FGM is perfectly legal in her country and that a law that was passed against it must be struck off the books because it is contrary to the constitution of that country. FGM is now a constitutional right in… America.

In London, street acupuncture is a daily occurrence now, although unlike the traditional acupuncturists who take their time placing small needles in various locations, this new breed of street acupuncturists favour a much quicker method. They use a big knife instead of lots of tiny needles and get the whole show over in a second. Unfortunately, their success rate for cures is really, really bad.

The police would very much like to deal with that, however they have been reallocated to ‘online hate crime’ and waste their days reading crap like this, looking for something to take offence at.

In Ireland, a judge has declared that a rape victim was asking for it because she was wearing a thong. You  know, those cheese-wire knickers that, if you give someone wearing one a wedgie, will cut them in half.

Presumably she was wearing it under other clothing that the rapist would have had to remove before getting to the cheese-wire, but in this judge’s mind, that is irrelevant. Soon, rape will be legal in Ireland.

In Sweden… oh forget it. Sweden is utterly fucked.

Half of America is drooling at the prospect of impeaching a President who doesn’t seem to be doing much wrong other than looking a bit of a boorish idiot. He’s not the one with street gangs trying to silence opposition and threaten people in their homes. He’s the one who has produced economic growth and jobs that Obama initially said could never happen and is now trying to claim the credit for. But they hate him with a passion. There is no reasoning behind this really, it started the moment he was elected and it has not abated at all since. Well, that’s for America to deal with. We have our own problems, we have absolute arseholes running the UK and while Trump’s motto is ‘Make America Great Again’, the UK government is doing its damndest to delete the ‘Great’ from Great Britain.

Italy is coming to its senses. They’re about to give the EU a dose of proper Italian swearing and might well be out of there before we are. Along with Poland, Hungary, and other eastern countries who only just got away from Russian communist control and who can see exactly what the EU is up to.

Spain has threatened to veto Brexit if they can’t have Gibraltar. Well, they can’t veto it. They might be able to scupper the ‘deal’ we don’t want anyway, I hope so, but they cannot stop Brexit.

Neither can Tessie Maybe, nor even Oily Rubbings and his gang of lawless madmen. It’s done. That part is over. Deal or no deal, we are leaving. With the ‘deal’ on offer, no deal is a better option.

Staying in is not an option, not least because the EU intend to trash this country as a warning to others. Oh yes, even if we go cap in hand and beg to stay they are going to hit us hard. No-deal Brexit is now, by far, the best option available. Besides, that ship is sinking and this particular rat is very happy to desert it.

There is still a place of sanity in the world. Those who live there will kill you if you try to visit because for the last 30,000 years they have lived on an idyllic, bountiful island while the rest of the world has gone to shit. They are keeping it as it is, and I don’t blame them at all.

No, don’t even think about trying to join them. Even the British gave up on trying to colonise that place. You cannot talk to them because no visitor has lived long enough to learn their language. They are not interested in discussion. They are not interested in hearing your side of any story. You want to migrate there? They will kill you and probably cook you up too.

They have no money. None. They have no nuclear weapons. No guns. No cars, not even horses. No electricity. They have not bothered to invent the wheel and yet for 30,000 years they have never been invaded. Everyone who has tried has soon decided “Whoa, leave these people alone”. India has put a five mile exclusion zone around their island and have an absolute ban on letting anyone visit. Not to protect the islanders – to protect idiots who try to go there.

We could learn a lot from them. Especially those who like to meddle in the lives of others.


In other news, the Christmas book will be called ‘Christmas Lights… and Darks’ because the stories are split between the whimsical and the diabolical. I’ll start sending author contracts shortly even though there is still a week to the deadline.

The end of November is also payment time for those on royalties and I have to clear out my lab by Christmas. It’s a hellish busy time.

So, I’m not immune to a bit of madness either.



The state of the world

I’ve been keeping up with the Christmas anthology (five authors in so far, I have hopes that two more regulars will come up with something and there’s still 16 days until the deadline) so have had little time to react to the news.

There is so much lunacy out there. At a private bonfire party on November 5th, a bunch of sickos burned a cardboard model of Grenfell Tower. Yeah, seriously bad taste, but six people arrested and charged over it as a ‘public order’ offence? Really? Nobody was charged over burning effigies of any President of the United States nor of any other political figures in this year or any past year. Nobody has ever minded the burning of a Catholic in effigy even though more and more people now wish his plot to blow up Parliament had succeeded. And yet burning a cardboard box is now an arrestable offence.

What about the guy who started the real fire in the real building, which killed real people? What has he been charged with? Anyone? Oh that’s right, he was never actually arrested and nobody is looking for him. It’s so much easier to arrest backyard proxy arsonists.

I would not have burned Grenfell Tower in a cardboard effigy. It’s far too twisted even for me. I’d say those who did this are arseholes but it’s not supposed to be illegal to be an arsehole. Especially when you’re being an arsehole in your own back yard and not actually harming anyone.

Their big mistake, of course, was putting it on social media. Thoughts are policed far harder than physical crimes these days, with the full backing of ‘anti-fascists’ who do not realise that what they are advocating is actual fascism. The policing of thoughts and ideas and opinions.

Oh and if you are one of the millions of Americans who tune in to UK stories to laugh at how ridiculous we have become (I don’t blame you, this place is a madhouse) you might want to check out what’s happening in your own country.

Worried about Donald Trump? Believe he is some kind of fascist? Is he trying to police your thoughts? Is he advocating the suppression of teenage jokey behaviour and its investigation by the police? Who is advocating that? That’s who you need to be concerned about because that’s who will turn you into a police state. Or you can just hate Trump because he’s Trump and let the fascists win. Like we have in the UK.

Of course, if you are an arsehole, the alternative to being arrested for burning a box is to go into politics where arseholes are welcomed.

Better yet, get a job with the Puritans in Public Control Health. Then you can be so much of an arsehole that you can call for a tax on meat, later to extend it to all foods (come on, really, you don’t think that’s the aim?), and demand a ban on milkshakes. And nobody will call for you to be arrested for arseholeness.

Milkshakes? Ban the old Moloko Plus?

Oh yes, really.

Fancy milkshakes must be banned because Studies have Shown and Experts have Said that they bring all the boys to the yard and this inevitably leads to teen pregnancy, heroin use, vaping, animal abuse and anal insertion of pomegranates.

Well it’s no dafter than any other Puritan pronouncement, and that’s actually true. When it comes to making up absurd stuff, Public Health make Kafka’s ghost gasp in admiration.

Milkshakes make you fat. Sure they do if you have them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Most of us have them once in a while as a treat. My personal milkshake intake is much less than one a year and my overall milk intake generally depends on how much coffee I drink (espresso doesn’t need milk so only the ‘plain’ coffee counts). I have occasionally drunk a glass of milk but it’s way down from top of the list.

It’s rare for me to get the urge to have a milkshake and I have never had one of these ‘freakshakes’ of which they speak. I don’t want one. It does not appeal to me at all. Should I support banning them since I don’t like them anyway?

How many out there support the smoking bans because they don’t like smoking? How many support vaping bans for the same reason? How many support minimum pricing on alcohol because they don’t buy much, or any? How many support taxing or even banning meat because they don’t eat it?

I think all of those people are arseholes and I don’t want to be one so no, I will never support a ban on anything just because I don’t like it. Hey arseholes, I am not one of you and am proud to be excluded from your cult of arseholery. You can believe I’m the one who is universally hated if you like but really, it’s you. In the real world, nobody cares about, or even notices, me. Because I am not trying to live their lives for them. I have a life of my own.

Speaking of vaping, I recently bought a new one because it was on clearance sale. This is a bloody monster of a thing and will be a later blog post.

The JUUL vaping thing does not seem to be available in the UK so far. It is apparently, in America, a teen epidemic (that, in Public Health terms, means a teenager tried one once) and is used as a cudgel to beat flavours out of vapes.

JUUL’s response? ‘Oh yes you must ban these flavours we don’t make because they are evil!’

Has nobody been paying attention? The antismokers were happy to have the born-again nonsmoking vapers on their side to hammer ‘real’ smokers… until they had outlived their usefulness. Then, surprise, the vapers got hit with the same hammer. They looked to smokers for support.

‘First they came for the smokers. I’m a smoker, the rest of you are on your own now.’

Why would I support any group that has already supported my suppression?

I have wondered about JUUL and whether it would be a good thing to try. I’ll never try one now, not even if it does appear in the UK. I’m not going to support a quisling.

My prediction is that JUUL is now doomed. They are siding with the business vampires and they are not an ally, as they think. They are the host for a parasite that will use them to get what they want and then ditch them. Their customer base will see what they have done and abandon them.This has happened to several early vape sellers who tried to side with the Puritans and it will happen now to JUUL because the stupid bastards never learn.

A saying has been born lately. ‘When you go Woke you go broke’. Ask Lucozade or Irn Bru about that. Ask the peanut companies who have reduced the salt. Give it a year and ask JUUL if they still exist.

‘Woke’ is a parody of reality. More on that in another post.

The best response to the Puritans is still the one given by the makers of Buckfast tonic wine. Which I have never tried, but one day I will.

‘You cannot have caffeine and alcohol in the same drink!’ screech the Puritans.

‘Awa’ an’ bile yeir heid, ya wee bawbags’ responded Buckfast.

Buckfast won. All the companies could win by just saying ‘no’ to the Puritan thugs. Most of them just cave in. Compromise does not work when your enemy does not want compromise, just total control. As with Tessie ‘Halfwit’ Maybe’s Brexit, it is not a compromise. It is pathetic submission.

When you give in to thugs it makes them bolder. Thugs have toddler minds, they push and push to see how far they can go. If you don’t set a boundary for them, there is no boundary they can see. Modern ‘progressive’ idiot parents are finding this out now.

Basically, don’t be Lucozade. Be Buckfast.

Then maybe the end of the madness will at last be in sight.

You can’t have sharp things

The Christmas anthology is under way and I need to stay on my game for this one. It has to be loaded up in the first days of December if anyone is going to get a copy in time. As with every anthology so far, there is at least one new author in this one and I hope to see a lot of the regulars too. Although, it’s a busy time of year so I can’t really press anyone.

Anyway, more on that when I have something concrete to report.

We have a total ban on hand guns in the UK. Absolute. If you have a handgun, even if you have no ammunition and it doesn’t work, you go to jail. Judges have no discretion in this, if you have a handgun in the UK, jail is automatic.

This even applies to the British Olympic shooting team. They have to go overseas to practice.

It does not apply to MPs’ armed guards of course. They have to defend MPs against people who don’t have guns.

This ban has been so successful that it has increased the rate of people getting shot in the UK to about once a week. How did it manage that? Simple. When they said ‘hand in your guns’, the law abiding people of this land handed in their formerly-legal guns.

The guns held by criminals weren’t legal in the first place. Making them more illegal had no effect at all. So the criminals not only kept their guns, they now knew for certain that any house they broke into had no guns.

Well, not entirely. In some places, and particularly out here in the countryside, shotguns and hunting rifles are not unusual. I’ve never owned a real firearm but I did get a go at clay pigeon shooting with a shotgun once. At university, I had a go at a .22 live round rifle at a club’s open day. The latter was way before the gun paranoia set in. I much preferred the .22 but as a student there was no way I could afford a gun and regular beer drinking as well. I can see the appeal but it’s an expensive hobby. I had to prioritise.

So, if I’ve never owned a gun, why do I care about a gun ban? Well, if someone wanted to break into my house before the ban, they had to factor in that I might have a gun. A rifle or shotgun can be a difficult thing to swing around in a confined space but the burglar had to consider the possibility that there might be a pistol in the house.

Now they have no such concerns. They know there are no pistols in anyone’s house. There might be a shotgun or hunting rifle but those will be in a securely locked cabinet and the ammunition will be well separated from it in a different locked cabinet. While you are fumbling with keys and cabinets they have plenty of time to shoot you with their own illegal handgun or stab you with their already illegal (hint: they don’t care) flick knife.

How, then, would I defend against an armed intruder? Well, I could get the bow out I suppose. I could ask them to have a cup of tea and a biscuit while I put it together, string it and nock an arrow. Even if they were daft enough to agree to that, I use quite long arrows and the bow is pretty tall. It’s that confined space thing again.

I used to have a crossbow, but sold it when I was skint. I might get another one. Even so, while it’s smaller than the bow it isn’t too useful in a confined space and takes a while to load each bolt. Also I fully expect them to be banned soon, in the modern drive to disarm us utterly.

I do have a powerful slingshot and a bag of steel balls but haven’t practiced enough yet. I’d probably break every window without even inconveniencing the burglar.

No, my defensive weapon of choice would be a blade. Any blade I can get hold of. Most rooms here have at least one blade – hanging on the wall or in a drawer or stuck to the big strip magnet on the kitchen wall. Blades are very useful things. Especially in the kitchen.

I’m pretty good at throwing them too. I’d throw a small one, it won’t kill or seriously injure but it will hurt like hell and give me time to get to the big ones. Or maybe one of the axes. My wood splitting axe and sledgehammer for the log ‘grenade’ (it’s a steel cone you bash into the side of a log until it splits) are in the living room, because that’s where the back door of the house is and that’s where I go out to split logs. There are other, smaller, axes placed near to where they are used. Obviously not outside, that would be stupid.

When I was younger I had a swordstick. They’ve been banned for a long time but I didn’t have to hand mine in because I broke it. It was a cheap one from a little shop in Cardiff and it was legal to have it then. Some years later I tried using it to chop down a bush but it wasn’t up to the job. So it got binned long before it got banned. If I’d known I could never get another one I’d have taken more care of it.

I used to have a butterfly knife in my fishing bag. Very useful. I could open it and close it in one movement, with one hand. Then the buggers banned that too.

I never owned a flick knife. I had a Fonzie flick comb that looked like a flick knife. That might still be around somewhere. And I was never clear on what was meant by a ‘gravity knife’. As far as I could tell it was like a flick knife but without the spring.

I used to carry a lock knife until they were banned. The lock was a safety feature, it wouldn’t close on your fingers while you cut open a box or cut through string. That safety feature is illegal now.

In my school days almost every boy had a penknife. Now they’d be in trouble if they had a butter knife.

It’s closing in. Every new law further restricts what you are allowed to have and what options you have to defend yourself. Now we have this bill to restrict it even further.

The ‘zombie knives’ they talk about – I’ve seen them but would never buy one. They are ornaments, meant to be hung on a wall. They have no practical use at all and are made of cheap steel. As far as I know they have never been used in a knife attack. Those attacks normally use kitchen knives or machetes.

The ‘possession of corrosive substances in public’ will be applied to the bleach and vinegar in your shopping bag and the acid in your car battery. What’s that? You think there will be some common sense here? Hahahaha!

As for buying knives online, teenage hoodlums do not do that. Ever. I do it, I recently bought a machete for garden purposes. Don’t think I need that much blade? Well this is no suburban square of grass. If I told you I recently bought a ride on mower and have a scythe which gets used every year, perhaps that will give it some perspective.

No, city hoodlums don’t buy knives online. They go to Mum’s kitchen drawer and take their pick. If they want something bigger they talk to the dodgy guy in the raincoat at the back of the pub. If they are doing something illegal they do not want that weapon traced to them.

I note the bill places another layer of restrictions on the types of gun that are never used in shootings here. That is not to combat crime. What would you imagine that might be for?

What the bill does, mainly, is to make it a lot harder to get even a steak knife. For anyone. This is going to achieve nothing at all in terms of the stabbings and shootings that are happening daily now. Not a damn thing. That’s not what it’s for.

It’s tightening the noose. Not on the criminals, they won’t be affected at all. It tightens the noose on the rest of us. Soon you will have to learn how to carve a roast chicken with a plastic spoon and a hard stare. And the stabbings and shootings will continue. This bill seems to achieve nothing but it does exactly what it sets out to do. It removes another layer of defence for the public. The next one will remove more.

When I was at school, there were the compulsory subjects for O level: mathematics, English language and English literature. The rest were options. I took French because I thought it might be useful but since 1976 I’ve been to France twice so I’ve pretty much forgotten it all now. I took chemistry, biology and physics because that’s what I was interested in. I also took an optional one year O level called Engineering Science and passed it without knowing, to this day, what it was really about.

I had one option left to fill. The school had just merged with another and for the first time, metalwork was an option. If it hadn’t been I’d have gone with woodwork, which was fun, but metalwork was something new. So I opted for that.

I would never have been a blacksmith but basic stuff, easy. I can temper and anneal. I can braze and solder. I can cast. I can take a decent bit of scrapyard steel and make a knife so sharp you won’t be able to see the edge. A full tang blade with a wood or leather handle, heavy, forward weighted, and very sharp indeed.

Making a knife is not difficult. It’s just much easier to buy one – at the moment. I don’t have a forge but if I start with something already strong, say a car/truck suspension leaf spring, the forge isn’t needed. It’s all cutting.

I have never attacked anyone with a blade of any kind. I’ve been attacked with one but never used a blade on anyone else. But I can make one. Heck, if it came right down to it, there’s a lot of flint lying around here and I could learn flint-knapping.

You cannot ban knives. They are easy to make. You can make a stabbing weapon out of a pencil, for Pete’s sake. This new bill will have as much effect on criminals as every other weapons ban. None at all. It’s not for them, none of it ever is. It’s for us.

Maybe I should learn flint-knapping. The way things are going it’ll be the only way to carve a roast soon.

That’s if the proposed meat taxes allow any of us to afford such luxury.



Armageddon outta here

The world is accelerating into chaos at a rate popcorn manufacturers are going to find it hard to keep up with. It is logical to assume that a pure ‘anti-christ’ would be a woman, and to keep the ‘anti’ total, she would be born to a man. Impossible, right? Not any more. With all this gender reassignment crap, one person can now be both mother and later father. The scene is set.

Supernatural? Not a bit of it. Those behind the scenes might well believe it but it’s really just manipulation to get what they want. The world’s religions all expect Armageddon, a day of judgement, and whether there is to be a real one or not, there are moves afoot to make it appear to happen. I’ve said many times that it does not matter whether you or I believe in the supernatural. What matters is whether those in control believe they are doing its bidding. Or indeed, whether it merely provides a conveniently credible backdrop for achieving total control.

And so, we have madness that does indeed look like the End of Days. I can’t cover it all in a blog post nor even in a book, it would need to be updated daily and would never end.

In Pakistan, a woman caled Asia Bibi was condemned to death. Why? Because she is Christian and she drank water from the same cup as a Muslim woman. ‘Two girls, one cup’ is illegal in Pakistan. Yes, I am taking the piss and yes, they deserve it. It might well be their culture but it is unquestionably silly. Sure, they can be silly if they want. And violent, they seem to like that, but I will never go there so I don’t care all that much. There is plenty to worry about at home without concerning myself with other countries’ lunacy.

Asia Bibi was acquitted of heresy after nearly a decade in prison. The mob response? Kill her anyway. Kill the judges who acquitted her. Kill all Pakistani Christians. Yeah, we import these people by the boatload and that is a Good Thing.

We don’t seem to import many Pakistani Christians but then they tend not to do things the elite enjoy, like setting up paedo rape gangs and blowing up teenagers. I’d say we should take every Pakistani Christian to the UK and leave the mad buggers behind but I know I will be called racist for that even though they are all the same race. What the hell. We are all racists now. It really doesn’t matter any more.

Meanwhile in America, something called mid term elections is happening. In the UK we do it the sensible way and elect a bunch of idiots all at once so we don’t have to do it again for years. America elects part of its government for 4 years and then halfway through, elects the other half. Bloody rebel colonists, they just have to make it complicated.

Anyway, lunacy has been firing up over there for a while. Red vs Blue, the other way around from the UK and you can’t take the middle road because that’s Green and is dafter than either extreme. I just wish I could vote infrared or ultraviolet or microwave or something because the visible spectrum is entirely occupied by maniacs.

There is now the Blue Wave and the Red Wave over there. In the UK that would probably come out as the Red Wave and the Very Red Wave because we don’t have Conservatives any more. I don’t want to get into the merits or demerits of either side at the moment because I don’t live in America so, as with Pakistan, as far as I am concerned they are free to do what they want to each other. I wouldn’t feel comfortable in many places over there now, one wrong word and you’re classed as one side or the other even though I’d have no vote. I would quite like a MAGA hat though, because I like hats in general and because it would confuse the hell out of British voters. A Conservative message on a red (Labour) background is baffling to us. Over here, turn up to vote in that hat and they’ll have a really hard time working out where you stand.

Which would be more troubling? Lunatics like Maxine Waters (yes, Dems, yes she really is) and the Amazing Occasional Cortex (you know who I mean) getting control of part of the American Government, or Trump’s Republicans having total control of the government?

Neither is good. UK readers – imagine if Tessie Maybe had a massive majority in Parliament right now. The shit she would shovel onto us would be suffocating. DNA database of everyone. Internet controls that would make Kim Jong Jingly Jangly gasp in admiration. She wanted those things when she was Home Secretary and she still wants them now.

Yes, Jerry Cordite and his Loony Crew would do the same if they had power – but they will oppose it because the Tories suggested it. Their refusal to endorse anything the Tories suggest is what is currently saving us from the utter insanity of a Tessie Maybe Panopticon country.

Any government needs an effective opposition. Without that, there is nothing they cannot push into law and no matter how wild they get, there is nothing to stop them.

Now, I do not believe for a moment that Trump is some wild dictator. He’s a wild card, certainly, but I think that, at heart, he is genuinely trying to do his best. However, given absolute power, could he become corrupted? When he comes up with an idea that he thinks is good, and there is nobody on the other side to point out any cracks or flaws, what then?

He isn’t likely to do anything actually evil but he’s a businessman and business can be brutal. Oh, he won’t deliberately do anything evil but when you play chess, does it matter if you lose a few pawns? He does need someone Socialist (there are still some sensible ones) to point out that a country is not a business and real people are affected by government decisions.

Tessie Maybe is a different matter. She really does want total control and is doing anything she can to get it. She is far more dangerous than Trump could ever be.

Anyway, the Rebel Colonist midterm elections are only part of the lunacy surounding us all.

We now have more varieties of gender than we have of Heinz products. There are two genders. Male and female. There is also hermaphrodite, which is rare but real, but that is showing both male and female. It is not something separate.

You might be a man who prefers to sleep with men or a woman who prefers to sleep with women. That does not change your gender, it’s just your preference.You are not a separate gender.

Maybe you are transexual, maybe you feel very strongly that you were born in the wrong body. You are not a separate gender, you are either a male who wishes to be female or vice versa. Still only two genders here.

Maybe you are asexual – this is not a gender at all, it is entirely personal preference. Bisexual, goat shagging, tree humping, none of these are genders. They are how you want to live and as long as you hurt nobody in the process, I really don’t care. Unless you are spectacularly well endowed and can go at least 30 times a night, goats and sheep aren’t likely to be bothered either.

Trees operate on a timescale where a two hour shagging of a knothole feels like a mosquito bite so they really won’t mind. They might reciprocate with splinters but hey, you make your own choices and take the risks you are happy to take.

The mass of genders has only one purpose. To eradicate gender altogether. People are getting in trouble for using the wrong made-up pronouns or for calling a girl a girl when she identifies as a boy. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if gender was totally eradicated? Won’t it be so much easier if we had gender neutral identifiers so instead of being called ‘George’ or ‘Alice’ at birth, we were just assigned a number? Think nobody will accept that? Come on. They’ll be demanding it soon.

That’s followed by being neutered at birth so your kids grow up as compliant, genderless worker bees. Nobody will go for it? They are already grabbing hard on the trend of transexualism, effectively neutering their offspring. This is not fantasy, this is just the next logical step. Does it take a majority? Homophobia. Islamophobia. Transphobia. These are punishable ‘hate crimes’. Are any of them from majorities? Noisy, well funded minorities, even tiny ones, can make it happen. They have before and they will again and they have no idea of the end game they are pushing. I call them Trotskies because when they win they will be airbrushed out. Don’t try to tell them, they won’t believe you. Trotsky didn’t.

The compliance? Oh that’s well under way. I remember when my father was obliged to fit seatbelts to his car. I remember my mother berating him for not using them and his response – ‘I have to have the bloody things but I don’t have to wear them’.

Later, of course, it became compulsory to wear them. By the time I learned to drive, wearing the seat belt was just part of driving. It was normalised, far deeper than compulsory.

Now we have normalised hate. All over the place. Dems agains Republicans. Labour against Tories. People with brains against the SNP and Greens. Even within those divisions there is hate. You can be the wrong kind of Labour MP now. Or the wrong kind of Tory.

We smokers? Well, we just sit back and watch the show now. Vapers hate us so we aren’t all that bothered when their turn comes around. Welcome back to Hateland, you pompous among the vapers. Oh I know they are not all like that but the ones that are surely deserve it. We don’t do the Pastor Neimoller thing because they already came for us and nobody spoke out, so don’t look to us to speak out for you now.

And let’s be clear here, smoking bans are just the way in. Look at this, where a Scottish council wants to ban smoking on breaks.

We are not talking about banning ‘smoke breaks’ which are portrayed as ‘additional breaks’. We are talking about banning smoking on scheduled breaks. We are talking about the council effectively controlling their employees’ free time.

At the moment, many are against it. But the upcoming generation will be all for it. They will accept controls on their home lives. Why?

They have grown up with the Lunchbox Police. Schools control what they are allowed to have in their packed lunches and they will accept that their employers can do the same. They will readily accept that smoking is not allowed on breaks just as they will readily accept that their employers can dictate the food they bring for lunch. And they will not see any connection. NPC10538 will never step out of line, personal pronouns ‘it, it’s, thing’s’ and when it does it will be quietly retired.

You don’t want this world? Of course not. You have not been brought up to want it. Just as I grew up in a world where smoking was just something people did. Where I could come back from a camping trip and walk the streets of Cardiff with a rucksack and a fairly hefty camping knife on my belt and nobody cared. Where I could carry a locking pocket knife and nobody minded at all. Where I could walk around the streets with a .22 air rifle (broken open) and nobody batted an eyelid.

I didn’t want the world we have now. I could buy fireworks when I was 12 and sodium chlorate, sulphur and (the other ingredients) when I was 14. Oh, and all those ads telling you that putting a banger in a bottle will make it explode? Lies. I tried it over and over and it never worked.

Kids can’t do any of that now and the restrictions are getting tighter and tighter and children are taught that this is normal. No, you do not want the future I paint but I didn’t want the one that we have now. Those that came after me were taught to accept it and to want it.

As the next generation are being taught to accept and to want the next phase.

The Church always taught Armageddon as a quick thing. A day or two, a sudden apocalypse. They never taught it as an incremental takeover over a few generations.

That’s why we don’t notice it happening.