Night of the Lying Dead

So, we have had Nightmare on Downing Street, multiple iterations. We have had Halloween Brexit, the Horror that Never Happened, and now we have an election on Thursday 12th December with the results on Friday the Thirteenth. I really hope the BBC announcer is dressed like Freddy Krueger.

I will be voting in the dark, naturally. It’s the only sensible response. I might be dressed in my black cowled robe and carrying my scythe just for effect.

Who to vote for? Tory or Brexit party? This place was taken by the Tories from the SNP last time and I really don’t want to let the Spiteful Nannying Party back in by splitting the vote. They’ve already put up the price of booze and stopped me going to the local pub because I’d have to drive there and can’t even have one beer. I can’t smoke in there either, not even next to the log fire. Although I could risk a beer as long as I don’t get caught by hte annual police patrol.

I had to agree with George Galloway today. That needed a stiff drink. He said that Corbyn’s Silly Party had handed the Tories a perfect weapon for an election campaign. They tried to make it legal for non-UK citizens to vote in a UK general election. With all the furore over foreign interference in elections these days, that move was the very epitome of stupid. Oh, Demonic Cummings hasn’t missed that, you can be sure.

They also tried to reduce the voting age to 16. Because they imagine all 16 year olds will vote Labour. At 16. I and my friends were at the point where Atilla the Hun would have said ‘Now hold on a minute’. We were all set to cut our enemies off at the knees and stand them in a bucket of salt. Vote Labour? Neil Kinnock was our local Labour MP and even my father, a determined Labourite, couldn’t vote for him. ‘Ginger hook nosed arse’ was one of the few comments he made that it was safe to pass on.

I think they should have won. 16 year olds are not all socialists, only the noisy few. They do not care about Labour’s long term plans, they only care where their next illicit beer is coming from. Worker’s rights? They’re in school and don’t work. Same for students – and if they say students can vote twice, so can the non-Labour ones. They don’t think any students are non-Labour. In modern universities the non-Labour ones keep very, very quiet. They already did in the eighties when I was in there. The intelligent bide their time. And use the enemy’s weapons.

Likewise with those EU nationals voting. Many EU nationals in the UK are Polish. Many are self employed. All of them know exactly what happens when ‘socialism’ gets out of control. They’ve seen it. A lot of them have only just escaped it. So I say, let them vote. Go on, Corbyn. Try to get those who have just escaped Communism to vote for Communism.

In the end, we have an election. Unless Boris and Smoky Nige get together, we’re utterly fucked. Jo Swindles and Jerry Cordite are already at each other’s throats, Swindles thinks she’ll be the next PM with a cohort of MPs who are half defectors from other parties. She’d have to pull off a miracle that would make Moses bow down in awe.

The Jeremy Corbyn Collective (he should start a band, he’ll probably have about four members after the election anyway) is not going to do well in this election. I really don’t think he’ll be Prime Wurzel and if he is, I have the option to fuck off to Denmark still. Just have to learn that strange language where words mean what you want them to mean.

Jerry’s mob cannot stay in the EU. If they stay in they cannot implement their Soviet dream. In which Corbyn gets airbrushed out of photos with McDonnell because that’s how it works.

They are trying to pretend they will stay in and also leave to appeal to voters on both sides. It is a bollocks strategy. You want to leave? Vote Boris the Spider to leave a bit or vote Smoky Nige to actually leave. You want to stay? Vote Jo Swindles. The Corbyn Collective offers nothing but everything you want to hear and has no intention of delivering any of it. Just like last time.

They will spend millions on paper for the recycle bin. Manifestos mean nothing. We all know it, nobody with half a brain even bothers to read them now. They are the Lies of the Wanking Dead.

Should have been a Bowie song and probably would have been if he hadn’t selfishly died. Bastard.

A pact between Boriswise the Clown and Smoky Nige has to happen. If it doesn’t we are a new Soviet satellite state until the whole thing collapses.

The future is going to be… interesting.

And surprisingly cold.

Maybe the next film on the Government’s list is ‘Dead Snow’.

Zombie Nazis obsessed with money… it strangely seems appropriate.

I have a dream…

…that one day, in the distant future, humanity will once again discover the principles of science and apply them without emotion and without the influence of money. That there will come a Real Scientist who will throw the money-grabbers from the laboratory and – wait. This is getting a bit messianic.

Well that’s not too surprising. As soon as ‘the science was settled’ it stopped being science. It became religion. Like any other religion it needed an Armageddon that could only be averted by obeying (and paying) the High Priests to appease the god of the day. It also needed a Saviour.

I know, you’re immediately thinking of Little Greta and the Church of Climatology, in obeisance to the unquestionable word of the Green God. It’s so much more.

The vapers will tell you of the ‘scientists’ who claim that vaping is worse than smoking and drinking combined. To any rational mind this is utter bollocks but people in ‘respected scientific positions’ have said it so it must be true.

I was once tasked with a menial job for my qualifications, it was a few years before I gave up on science altogether because of the increasing silliness of it all and because of an idiot in charge. I had to check the antibiotic effects of four different antibiotics that were included in pig feed. The project was set up by a different idiot (believe me, it has become so much worse since then) so each antibiotic had a zero sample.

Later I was quizzed by no less than the Head of Research as to why I had not checked all of the zero samples. My response of ‘Well zero of compound A is the same as zero of compound B…’ was met with a shouted ‘I know that!’. Something that told me at once that, no, he didn’t. I later discovered that the Head of Research had absolutely no understanding of statistical analysis, but that’s another story.

Myself and my boss at the time were called into a meeting where an epidemiologist had come up with a great idea he wanted to explain to us. His idea was, in fact, something we call ‘gradient plates’ and which had been in use even before I started my first degree. We were frowned upon for pointing this out.

My final boss took early retirement. He said ‘When we started we were chasing kniowledge. Now we’re just chasing money’. That was 15 years ago. Look at the state of it now.

This is all in the distant past.

Yet we have people saying that ‘scientists have said this so they must be right’ even though science is never ‘right’. Science is never ‘final’. Science is absolutely never ‘settled’.

The general public think all scientists are Spock, working with pure emotionless logic. No. Scientists are human and in any human profession there are shysters and money-grabbers. The problem is that the shysters and money-grabbers are the ones who make the news.

I spent my entire career in science. And yet I am told by those who have never studied science to ‘do some research’. It’s all I’ve ever done and I’m told to do it by people who don’t even know how.

I’ve been sent ‘proof’ of global warming based on ice caps since 1979. I asked why they didn’t want to go back past 1979 and I got a graph of ‘global warming’ from 1880. The end of the Little Ice Age. That was when the Thames froze over. You want to go back to that?

Not that you have any real choice. Humanity’s effect on climate is so tiny as to be irrelevant. We are not as important as we like to pretend. One volcanic eruption pumps out more of the magical ‘greenhouse gases’ than all of human history. I know it’s hard for some people to accept but we just don’t matter at all.

Oh, and the whole ‘greenhouse effect’ was debunked decades ago, even though it’s still around in fashionable pretend-science circles.

Remember the ozone hole? CFCs? Acid rain? Miami underwater by 2000? Remember the New Ice Age of the Seventies, caused by rising CO2? How can you still be falling for this scam? All thse things stopped when funding ran out, and not one of them ever came true. Yet the New Lie is still potent.

Yes, we have a problem with non-recyclable plastics and pollution in general. Nobody can deny that. Yes, we should do something about it before Mother Nature slaps us and tell us to clean our room.

This has nothing to do with climate change. Not a damn thing. It is an entirely separate issue.

Pollution is something we could deal with if the political will was there. It’s not though. Instead they call it ‘climate change’ knowing full well that this is something inherent to the planet and which we can do absolutely nothing about. So the thing we have no possible control over is used to avoid doing something we can control. And there is a whole congregation of the Church of the Green God to support it.

The climate changes. Always has and always will. Holding remembrance services for glaciers is astoundingly silly. Claiming you can change it by installing communism is frankly insane. Nature does not care what we do. Nature does not care about us at all. We are one species among many and Nature has eradicated most of the planet many times and started again.

The ones that survive are the ones that adapt to change. The ones who deny change go extinct.

We are not a special species. Adapt or die.

Oh, and don’t forget to give the glorified weather forecasters more money on your way.

Sowing the seeds of hate

Well, the vapers are getting a real taste of antismoker hate this week. With one important difference.

The Puritans won’t ban smoking. Too much tax income involved and too many rich peoples’ pensions are locked into tobacco company shares.

Vaping has no such backroom protections. The Puritans can openly hate us smokers but they’ll never ban it because of the cashflow. Vaping doesn’t generate that cashflow.

So, we have the moves to ban flavours, very rapidly (not surprisingly) followed by moves to ban vaping altogether. Orange Don has tried to roll back on his ridiculous anti-vape stance but too late. Rolling back on it now is just going to get him tarred with the ‘You don’t care about the cheeeldren dying!’ hysteria. Which, incidentally, is coming from people who support abortion up to the moment of birth. Still, Don fell for that trap, let’s see if he can find a way out. I can’t.

Abortion is a separate argument. Personally I’d support it up to the point where they get elected to government but that’s possibly leaning towards the slightly extreme end of the spectrum. It seems to be all or nothing in the USA though. Some states you can have your photo taken with your newborn and then sell it for spare parts, other states you go to jail for a natural and unfortunate miscarriage. There seems to be no middle ground.

Anyway, back to smoking and vaping.

We’ve had pompous, self-important antismoking vapers since it started. Not all, I hasten to add, but a vocal minority, who delighted in siding with the Puritans against the smokers they left behind. We told them, one day they’ll come for you, but the ones breathing the Holy Steam never listened. I bet they still aren’t listening even as their Electrofags are snatched from their non-yellowed fingers.

It does wear off, by the way. The yellow finger stains, I mean. Change the way you hold your smokes and the stains from your habitual holding pattern will fade in time. Switch to vaping and they’ll vanish forever… until you are forced back to smoking by Orange Don’s Puritan Loonies.

The Puritans took full advantage of their new temporary vaper allies, letting them whip up more smoker-hate, until they realised the effect on their bottom line as vaping became more popular and tobacco taxes declined. So now they have turned on the vapers, and they have turned very hard indeed.

So hard, in fact, that they are trying to turn smokers into vaper-haters.

Yes. Really.

I inhale the smoke from a little bonfire in my face. You really want me to be scared of flavoured steam?

There can be absolutely no effect whatsoever from your nearby Electrofag while I’m actually burning leaves in my mouth. I’d get more effect from a kettle with a vanilla pod in it.

What this study actually says is that a third of smokers have experienced some poor bugger with a steam-stick thrust out into the same cold, inadequate shelter as the smokers. It does not equate to any kind of harm from that experience and it never will – because there can be no possible harm.

It’s fucking steam with a bit of flavour, a dash of nicotine and the chemical they use in asthma inhalers. Damn, if it does anything, it’ll do smokers good! It might even get a few interested smokers to try it for themselves. The price difference is a big pull here (that’s why I keep trying it, even though I haven’t found one to totally replace the real thing yet). That price difference is almost all tobacco tax, and that is why the alternative must be destroyed. Antismokers are losing money!

Get ready, vapers. The Puritans are turning smokers against you. It won’t be hard in many cases, remember how vocal your pompous bastards were in denouncing us? Petty revenge is petty, but you know it’s coming.

You are going to see smokers mysteriously diagnosed with ‘popcorn lung’ which, if it was real, should have been affecting smokers all along. You are going to see smoker cancer cases attributed to second hand vaping. Biologically impossible, but then look at the silly pictures on cigarette packets. You can’t get ‘meth mouth’ from tobacco, but here we are.

We already have ‘danger: contains nicotine’ warnings on packaged Electrofags that contain no nicotine. We do not have that warning on tomatoes or potatoes or the Pharmer’s nicotine patches and gum.

The aim is, of course, to split smokers and vapers further. There will still be the Holy Vapers who see their former compatriots as less than human. There will now be the Holy Smokers who at last have the chance to smack down the smug bastards – and to be honest, who can blame them?

Oh it’s going to work. It won’t take long.

If smokers and vapers were to come together as ‘nicotine consumers’ or similar, under a banner that covers us all, the Puritans would be screwed and they know it.

Will it happen?

Doesn’t look like it.

The Royal Prorogueative

So Mrs. Queen has signed the paper shutting down Parliament for a month in Autumn. Just as she does every year, and as she does whenever they get us to choose who gets to dip their snouts in the trough for the next Parliament.

This is not ‘the first time since the Civil War’. It is not ‘unconstitutional’. It is not a ‘coup d’etat’. It is what happens in September every year and before every General Election. Parliament closes and we all get a bit of a rest from their stupidity. I for one welcome it. The longer the better.

Remain MPs have lost their minds. They have set up a ‘People’s Parliament’ made up of MPs who have mostly changed parties so many times nobody now knows what they stand for. Also Jezza Cordite and Caroline Mucus (the only snot-Green MP in the whole place) and some other useless wasters.

As an interesting aside, I think it was Mhehed Zherting who pointed out on Twitter that the Green party has twice as many leaders as it has MPs…

‘Military Precision’ Ohdear Jones has called for mass protests. Students have threatened to go on strike. Well, the schools and colleges aren’t back yet so what they intend to strike from is somewhat unclear at the moment. Maybe they’ll mass-delete their Xbox accounts.

What’s so different this time? Bozza has asked Mrs. Queen to close Parliament for four extra days this time. I suspect Mrs. Queen is as utterly sick of the whole circus as the rest of us and was glad to shut it up for a while.

Four extra days. Tyrion Bercow is not Happy (he has never made clear which one he is, my money’s on Grumpy, and I know it’s an old Jethro joke so no need to point it out).

Four days. The remainers’ last functioning brain cells have now collapsed. This is a dictatorship! Even though he has just done what every single Prime Monster has done for every single autumn. This is when the parties have their conferences in which they all indulge in smug self-satisfaction and decide what they are going to lie to us about next year.

It happens every single year. This year it’ll be four days longer than usual.

Oh, but this is a Critical Time and Bozza should not prorogue Parliament at all. Yeah right. They’re all going to cancel their conferences, are they? All going to pass on the annual boozy ‘how to screw the voters’ circle jerk?

Well no. It’s those four days they are so exercised about. Inflated by an online lawyer, no less, to two weeks. I guess he only works two days a week, eh?

They have had three years. What are they going to miraculously pull out of their arses in four days? It’s where most of their policies and pronouncements come from, I suppose, so maybe there’s something in there.

They claim they must stop a ‘no deal Brexit’ but that’s not really true. What they want is to stop Brexit and they are now in a position where they have to. Those MPs don’t stand a pot of Ben and Jerry’s chance in Hell of getting re-elected and they know it. Their only hope is cushy jobs with the EU, which I’m betting have been promised. If they manage to wreck their own country, they’ll get the modern equivalent of those thirty pieces of silver.

There is of course a petition to stop this which has reached over a million ‘signatures’ but… exhibit A –

This is Remainer ‘democracy’. Set up a government coup consisting of swivel-eyed idiot MPs who can’t even decide which party they belong to, led by a bad Albert Steptoe impressionist who knows his only chance at being Prime Monster is to take over by weaselly means (and good luck getting him out afterwards). Have a petition in which every Remainoloon has 50 votes at least and it’s open to non-UK votes too. I wonder how many times Tusky Don and Guy Thermostat have voted on it?

And these people call Johnson ‘undemocratic’. They must be using the version of ‘democratic’ favoured by North Korea.

Now they are in the streets of London doing what they do best – getting in the way of people who have no control over the thing they want changed.

Gin Miller has started a legal challenge against Bozza’s use of the perfectly legal annual shutdown of Parliament. I hope she spends a lot of money on it.

We have been offered free trade agreements with Australia, Brazil, China and the USA so far. The EU has offered servitude and if you look at it closely, you’ll find Hitler would have given us a better deal if he’d won the war. Tessie Maybe set that up and Parliament rejected that nonsense three times.

Now the EU will not reopen negotiations. There is nothing Parliament, not even the silly ‘People’s Parliament’ of and for silly people, can do. If they won’t negotiate and the Tessie deal is dead, then ‘no deal’ is all that is left. It’s not an ‘option’. It’s the default.

Mad Merkin has said that Germany won’t send us any food if we leave with no deal. Pfft. We can make sausages. It would help boost our ailing car industry too if we no longer buy Audi, Mercedes, Volkswagen…

I don’t think the EU elite have bothered to discuss any of this with the companies actually selling us stuff. They might find some CEOs requesting urgent talks.

This next two months is going to be very interesting indeed. I fully expect loonies to stock up on everything as if the world is about to end. One of the scare stories was a shortage of toilet paper. That’s no problem, it would simply boost newspaper sales.

If Bozza holds his nerve we leave the EU on Halloween. They will hit him with everything they have. Their idiot drones will carry out their EU Fuhrer’s orders and call everyone else Nazis, because that’s how it works these days.

There’s just over a week until Mrs. Queen’s signature takes effect and Parliament shuts down.

By then the streets will flow with Remainer mouth-froth.

I have no plans to go anywhere in September. It’s going to get very, very silly indeed.

Fine weather brings them from under their rocks

Every summer it’s the same story. All through the shitty weather, the antismokers delight in watching smokers huddled outside pubs. The first day it’s actually pleasant to be out there and…

Note the ‘in this weather’ part. When an area is horrible to be in, smokers can have it. When it’s nice, smokers can just get lost so the Righteous Ones can enjoy themselves.

Doesn’t affect me personally, my pub visits dropped from weekly to monthly and now getting to less than once a year since the ban. Since I now have to drive to the nearest pub I can’t drink much (Scottish drink/drive limits mean one beer can put you over the limit) and I have to go outside to smoke, no matter the weather. There’s nothing left in there for me now, other than a very occasional meal.

I go to Local Shop, next to the pub, buy whisky and take it home. So I’m not troubling Jeremy or his army of pompous, self-important, smug filth. I have whisky and tobacco at home where I don’t have to put up with fake coughing and don’t have to share a space with people like Jeremy.

It does affect a lot of smokers though and more than that, it affects pubs.

I’m sure pub landlords will be delighted with Jeremy’s plan to ban those persistent smoking customers who just keep coming back in all weathers and spending their filthy smoker money, despite having it made clear to them they aren’t welcome inside. Now, thanks to Pompous Jeremy, they aren’t going to be welcome outside either, at least during the short British spells of pleasant weather. So why would they ever go back?

Yes, the regulars just keep on coming back, don’t they? Clear them all out so Jeremy can have a smoke free pub garden for a couple of weeks every summer. Next summer he’ll be sitting in an untended garden behind a closed-down pub – but it’ll be smoke free. Alcohol-free too. Bonus, eh, Jeremy?

At the time I took the screenshot (a few minutes before writing this) he had over 100 more retweets than likes. Also 14000 comments against 216 likes. On Twitter that’s called being ‘ratio’d’ which translates as ‘nobody likes you’.

A well deserved result for Jeremy Vine there, whoever he is.

Meanwhile, smokers, pray for rain so Jeremy and his ilk will fuck off back inside again and you can smoke in peace.

The psycho and the baby

I am keeping up with the work for Anthology 8. It’s going to be a big one and submissions don’t close until the 25th. I am keeping up with edits, with Roobee’s help, and contracts. It’ll be fine. I have, naturally, chosen this time to redecorate the bathroom, inspired by a Government who have chosen the time of the biggest job they have ever had to ban the advertising of cheese, jam, and tiny chocolate frogs.

I haven’t forgotten the Freddo competition. I thought I had a lull in anthology submissions but even more stories arrived last weekend. Also a new toy – a ten quid Chinese video camera small enough to fit on OO scale trains. I am resisting playing with it until after the book and competition. It’ll happen.

So, Tessie Maybe gave a speech earlier in which she blamed everyone but herself for the Brexit Balls-up, and left some subliminal threats to her MPs concerning an upcoming vote on the same deal that has been given a most emphatic ‘fuck no’ by the House of Conmen twice already.

Squeaker Grumpy (he once declared he was not Happy so I’m guessing which one he is) has said that No-mates May cannot keep putting the same thing up for votes, especially when it keeps getting ‘fuck no’ results every time. The EU has overruled him, or tried to. We’ll have to wait and see.

In her speech she has, most likely, alienated the last of her supporters and brought the country together in a way no Prime Monster has ever managed before. Absolutely everyone wants her to resign now.

There was a Meeting of the Big Cheeses (am I still allowed to use that phrase under the New Food Rules? Cheese is full of fat and often slippery, so it seems accurate) aka the leaders of the parties in government.

Chukkus Yermoney was there as leader of the Rebel Loonies. Jerry Cordite took one look at him, declared he wasn’t a real party leader and stomped out in a huff.

Well, Jerry did have a point in that the Rebel Loonies were elected due to their party manifestos. They have ditched those manifestos and the party they were elected under so they don’t even have a mandate to be MPs any more. They also aren’t a ‘party’, just a gang. The gang of kids in the schoolyard whose only common factor is that none of the other kids want to play with them.

But throwing a tantrum and storming out of a meeting that could decide the UK’s future in just over a week?

This man is supposed to be the leader of one of the two biggest parties in the UK. He has had many meetings with HAMAS and the IRA and the reason he gave was that ‘sometimes, you have to talk with people you fundamentally disagree with in order to solve problems’ or words to that effect.

Chukkus Yermoney is a British Moocher of Parliament still and someone Jerry Cordite agreed with on most things until recently. He might be an idiot but he’s not HAMAS nor is he the IRA. He’s never killed anyone. As far as I’m aware, he’s never even so much as poked anyone in an aggressive manner. And yet Jerry can’t be in the same room as him, when he has palled up with mass murderers in the past.

Did Tessie, Empress of the Eternal Failure, deliberately invite Chukkus just to wind up Jerry? Well, I’m no psychologist but her manipulative ways, constant reiteration of lies and devious aggression do look like a narcissistic personality bordering on the sociopath. We knew she was a control freak when she was in the Home Office (remember her slavering over internet control and the DNA database of everyone?). She’s nasty enough to have done it for that reason.

If Jerry Cordite was an actual adult, he would have shrugged and taken his seat, then used every opportunity to dig at Chukkus whenever he opened his non-mandated mouth. That’s what I would have done.

Instead, he did what every toddler would do. Screamed ‘NONONO! I DON’T LIKE IT’ and stomped out of the room.

So. At the next election, you have a choice. You can vote for one of the two big parties and end up being ruled by either a psychotic habitual-liar deranged bint or a reality-denying habitual-liar man-child. Or you could vote for someone based on the person, not the party.

Just remember that manifestos mean nothing. Labour proved that under Blair anyway, but any residual doubt has now been removed by both Tories and Labour. You can safely put any manifesto straight into recycling. It was a waste of ink and paper.

And to think, I thought the Brown Gorgon was bad. I’d rather have him back now. That says a lot about the current options.

As for the Lib Dems, I hear that Vinnie the Wire is stepping down. A pity they don’t have Lemsip ‘oblong-eyes’ O’Pick, that jaunty Irish labourer with the persistent cough, in their MPs any more. I didn’t agree with him on much but I have to admit I quite liked the guy. I have no idea who they will pick as Vinnie’s replacement because I can’t name a single one of their current MPs. It’s like trying to name separate parts of a blancmange.

Greens will kill us all. It’s in their DNA. They want massive population reduction and they will achieve it by moving most of Africa and the Middle East north so they can become corpsicles when the grand solar minimum really gets going. It’s already started, but probably won’t become clear to the dopes of the Green God of Climatology for a few more years. Too late guys, you should have prepared. Maybe you shouldn’t have shut down all those power stations. Oh dear. What a shame. Never mind. Africa is slated to be a nature reserve. All humans will be deleted. They didn’t tell you that when they sold you the boat tickets, did they? Oh and did you notice that most Green policies, despite them being a minor party, are also EU policies?

Who do you vote for? You can refuse to vote, that’s a valid and perfectly understandable response in the current climate, but you know the drones will vote for all of the above and if you abstain, one of them will win.

I’m not telling you who to vote into Wastemonster. I’d rather see it burned to the ground to be honest. That isn’t going to happen so we have to make the best of what we can do.

What can we do? Not much really. I’d like to see a Parliament made up of independents and the lunatic fringe candidates. It won’t last long but it will give the actual politicians one massive kick up the arse. And they really do need that right now. With steel toecaps and hobnails and a good run-up.

Will they get it? I doubt it. Most constituencies are made up of morons who will vote for a mollusc with the right colour rosette and often have. It will take a seismic shift to make them vote differently.

Tessie and Jerry might have just made it happen. We shall see.

(Is it bad that I wish the current Tory Prime Monster was called Tom?)

Eggs

No, this has nothing to do with the word-association part of ‘The Winslow Apple‘, which I am certain was the first thing in everyone’s mind. This is about the throwing of, or splattering of eggs on politicians.

Jerry Cordite had one thrown at him, Nigel Fagash was egged, I seem to recall Napolemacron received a free raw omelette and there have been more. John Prescott had one thrown at him some years back, and now an Australian politician has had one forcibly splattered on the back of his large bald head.

Prezza’s retaliatory thump is now the stuff of legend, of course. Jerry didn’t get to thump the guy, I believe his security got him first.

In Australia, they do things differently. When Prezza lashed out, his people held him back while the police arrested the thrower. In Australia, the politician thumped the egg splatterer until his security took over and seriously took down the assailant.

The Australian Eggman was a teenager. They really didn’t need three burly security operatives to hold him down. But then, when you pick a fight, you really ought to gauge the level of likely retaliation first. A thin teenager starting a rumble with burly adults was never going to be clever idea.

Apparently a lot of people don’t like this particular Australian politician (I’ve never heard of him and don’t care, we have enough problems with the UK politicians without getting involved in anyone else’s) so they are siding with the ‘he’s just a kid’ egg splattering idiot.

I don’t agree with Corbyn on pretty much anything. And yes, an egg is pretty harmless as a weapon of choice but consider the egg recipient’s point of view.

They don’t know it’s an egg. They feel something hit them, sometimes hard, and then they feel wet stickiness at the point of impact.

Loonies are out shooting and stabbing people with a horrible regularity these days.

If you felt a sudden impact followed by a wet, sticky feeling at the point of impact, what would your first thought be? That some arse has thrown an egg? Or that you might have been shot or stabbed?

Tell you what – if I felt an impact, then a wet stickiness spreading from that point, turned around and saw the assailant… I am not going to check if what I’m feeling is egg or blood. I am going for that assailant first. They might go for another wet sticky patch and if it’s not egg I might not survive it.

I am not going to check if he has a knife in either hand. No time for that. And I will do a damn sight more than slap him or punch him. At that point I have no choice but to assume it’s him or me.

When Prescott was egged we all laughed about it. Back then, eggs were just a silly protest. No real harm done. Back then though, people were not being shot and stabbed several times a day, every day. Now, an impact followed by a wet sticky feeling (you actually don’t feel the pain right away, the shock hides it, especially if you don’t see it coming) could well mean you have been shot or stabbed.

So maybe Australians dislike that politician as much as I dislike almost all of the UK ones. Is it OK for a smug entitled teenager to put that much fear into their minds with just an egg? Is it OK for any smug entitled teenager to just walk up to anyone they feel like and assault them without consequence?

If you say ‘yes’ or worse – ‘yes in this case because it’s someone I don’t like’ then you are not part of the problem.

You are the problem.

Good luck when it’s your turn. I’m sure you’ll take the time to check whether that impact wetness is egg or blood, then have a jolly discussion with your attacker without worrying what the new wet impacts are.

I dislike almost every politician in the UK, but I would not do this to any of them.

I will never be an omelette terrorist.