Why is this news?

Apparently, warning children that snacks are going to make them fat just makes them want the snack more.

Surely every parent already knows this, starting with the very first parents right at the dawn of humanity? Tell a child they can’t have something and their brain immediately defaults to ‘You’re keeping the good stuff for yourself!’

They have to try it, to find out why it’s not allowed. Tell them not to touch fire and they’ll touch it to find out why. In that case only once, but tell them not to eat chocolate and they’ll test that assertion over and over.

The antismoking crusade is what drives children to smoking. It’s bad, it’s evil, you can’t have it… so they have to try it and find out for themselves. Some won’t like it, some will. The same goes for alcohol, sugar, salt… That’s because children are people, and people are all individuals with different likes and dislikes. Something modern medicine can’t seem to grasp.

Children aren’t stupid. Repellent, unhygienic and despicable yes, but not stupid.

Children want to be grown up. They want to try grown up stuff. Okay, when we grow up we realise we were far better off being children, but what child knows this apart from those of us who never really grew up?

So, tell them they can’t have it and it’s grown-up stuff. It exists therefore someone has it. It must be the grown-ups. They want it for themselves. Why can’t we have it?

The concept of ‘one day you’ll be a grown-up’ is entirely lost on children. On most adults too. They cannot envisage the future, only the past – and for children it’s often just the ‘now’. That’s why children don’t see consequences, and why most adults don’t see them either. They cannot think ahead. They don’t know how.

I’ll soon be 57. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Most people follow a path through life. Not me. I just bumble through and most of it (barring a few utter disasters) seems to work out. I’m alive, and eternally broke, but I can pay the rent and buy food and put petrol in the car so everything is good. I don’t want to be rich. There is nothing I need that much money for.

I remember being a child. I had a Dalek suit made of PVC. It was floppy and didn’t hold the Dalek shape but it was fun. Armed with a sink plunger and a whisk. I had a Scammel tank transporter steel toy and a tank (can’t remember which) to put on the back. I melted many, many toy soldiers on the coal fire.

I had Action Man toys, Batman’s Batmobile with plastic flame from the exhaust, Joe 90’s car, Bond’s Aston Martin, many many more. These would all be worth a fortune now if I had thought ahead. Kept them pristine and in their boxes. All are gone.

But I was a child. Joe 90 died in a mid-air collision with Thunderbird 2. Batman and Bond failed in their missions in spectacular style, involving a screwdriver and deadly curiosity. I took things apart to see how they worked. I was not thinking of the future. There wasn’t one. There was only ‘now’. The future happens after sleep and it’ll be the same as today.

Yeah, I was told not to touch the drinks cabinet. So obviously I had a go at the sherry, the easiest one to open. I was strangely uninterested in my dad’s cigarettes but then he never told me not to try them. Either he assumed I couldn’t light them, or that I wouldn’t be interested, or that it was so obvious he didn’t need to tell me. Whatever the reason, they weren’t on the banned list so weren’t interesting.

I have stuck a knife in the toaster and I have run with scissors. I’m still here. The scissors were closed and held point down and I unplugged the toaster before digging out the stuck crumpet. They don’t tell you that part. Just the overall ‘it’s dangerous’, not the way to make it not dangerous.

Snacks won’t make you fat unless you eat a lot of them and don’t move much. That is not the warning that’s ever given. There is no safe level of biscuits or crisps – that is the warning and it’s patently ridiculous.

Children see it. Medics and pressure groups don’t. Can you?

Mouldy old dough

I loved that song as a kid.

Anyway, this isn’t about singing. It’s about fungi. A group that includes both yeast and moulds.

Basically, yeast grow as single cells and you make bread and booze with them. Moulds grow in thread-like bundles called ‘mycelia’ and you make blue cheese with them. The distinction isn’t absolute, sometimes yeast can grow like mould and mould can grow like yeast.

There are very few infective yeasts. Candida albicans is one. If you’re one of those trendies who have named your daughter ‘Candida’ she’s not going to see a lot of action from anyone educated.

Ringworm, athletes’s foot and a few other fungi will infect you too but mostly fungi like to grow around 20degC. Inside the body is too warm for them. There are exceptions, the anaerobic fungi that grow in ruminant animals… but I’m drifting into lecturer mode and they don’t matter here.

No, if a mould is going to get you it’ll mostly be Farmer’s Lung or poisoning. Farmer’s Lung is a massive inhalation of fungal spores. Aspergillus gets the blame usually because it grows on hay. Really though, it doesn’t matter which one too much, it’s the mass that matters. Turn the hay, shift bales around, farmers do this in immense quantities and if it’s mouldy at all then disturbing it will throw a huge amount of spores into the air. Breathe them in and the irritation causes fluid buildup and before you know it, your doctor insists you must be a smoker even if you’ve never heard of tobacco.

Poisoning, well, picking your own mushrooms can do that. Destroying Angel is an innocent looking mushroom but very very deadly. Unless you know exactly what you are doing, get your mushrooms at the supermarket. Those are grown by mushroom growers who know what they are doing. Amateur mycologists are rare because most of them are dead now.

Shaggy Inkcap is a nice one. Get it before it turns to ink and fry it lightly. I know where a patch grows. But don’t have alcohol with it – it reacts very badly with alcohol. You won’t die but you might wish you had  😉

So, who just did a double take? Who thought I changed subjects between mould and mushrooms? I didn’t. Mushrooms, toadstools, they are all moulds.

More accurately they are the fruiting bodies of moulds. The spore producing parts. The seed pods, if you like. The frilly bit under the mushroom is where the spores are formed and released. Millions of them. Button mushrooms are the artichokes of the microbial world. The unopened flower.

Quorn is made of mould. Stilton is nothing without its surface mould and neither is Brie nor Camembert. The blue lines in many cheeses are a live mould. I like to keep Danish Blue until it’s turned very blue indeed. In fact, when the other cheeses start to turn blue, that one is ready.

I know, there is a terror of mould these days. The black stuff growing on your damp walls is nasty. Kill it immediately. And yet other moulds are good to eat. The cheese moulds are no different to eating mushrooms. It’s all mould.

It’s all killed in your stomach, you know. It’s hot and acidic in there.

If your fridge has no detectable levels of mushroom spores I can conclude that you never eat mushrooms. The same goes for spores of the white moulds around Brie or Camembert or the blue moulds through other tasty cheeses. They are all producing spores all the time.

You know what? It doesn’t matter. In a reasonably clean fridge the mould are the Biblical seeds that fell on stony ground. They can’t grow in there. It’s too cold and there’s no food.

And you are supposed to clean the fridge once in a while…

I’m not going into the whole range of different spore formations, it’s tempting but I’m not a lecturer any more. The basis is, mould spores are everywhere all the time. Always have been. Don’t worry about it.

Food that goes mouldy had those spores on it from the start. When you bought it or grew it, the spores were on it. If it’s mouldy it means only one thing. You kept it too long. Bin it.

As long as you’re not a total idiot, moulds are not scary. The red one with white spots, Amanita, is one to avoid. Yes you can get high on a small dose, but get the dose wrong and you get so high that Saint Peter says the last hello. As I said, if you don’t know what you’re doing leave them alone and stick to shop ones.

I seem to be alternating between terrifying and harmless. Well, it’s just common sense. Would you eat of the fruit of a tree you don’t know? Especially one you’ve been told is a bad idea to eat from?

Actually the Bible starts with the first humans doing just that. Might not be just a story. Could be a description of human nature.

‘Don’t do that, it’ll kill you’

‘Oh you think so? Watch this’.

Yeah… Not much has changed.

CStM told me about the last general strike in Denmark. People were stocking up on things in case they ran out and one of the things was yeast. Bread making yeast. In Denmark it’s sold as live active yeast, not the dry spores we get in the UK, so it has a very limited shelf life. Buying loads of it is silly. As she said, everyone could have gone for a sourdough approach starting with one pack. Nobody thinks of that unless they’ve studied at least a bit of microbiology and/or breadmaking.

Fungi make your bread and your beer and wine and whisky. They give you all those fancy and plain mushrooms and exotic cheeses. And yet you are terrified of them. I suppose it’s not a surprise. You’re all scared of bacteria and yet enjoy yogurt and salami and sauerkraut…

The modern obsession with ‘clean’ is killing you. You think you’re being healthy. No. You’re becoming weak.

The Daily Scare tells us that there are mould spores all over the place and we should be terrified. Sigh. If there weren’t spores all over the place we’d be on a different planet. A dead one.

I mean, look at it. They want us scared that a mould might grow in our carpet – a mould that is either only dangerous to grass or that is actually edible. Your carpet has to be continuously damp to get any growth at all and only then, if it’s a mould that can grow on carpet

So, a wool or cotton degrading mould then. It has to be able to eat the food it’s growing on. Moulds do tend to grow on dead organic matter so wool or cotton would do. Polyester carpet? Don’t spill any food on it…

The Mail have taken a basic-interest science study and turned it into a scare story.

I think tomorrow I’ll maybe get shares in the company that sells spray bleach.

Antibiotic shares? Nah, the idiots will eventually find out where they came from…

 

 

 

Oh I almost forgot…

 

Bringing down Goliath

No, you don’t just need a slingshot and the power of God behind you. Although the slingshot can be a good starting point.

I recently made the old game ‘Doom’ work on an old Windows XP computer. Not the earliest DOS ones, this was ‘Ultimate Doom’, a later but still mainly DOS version with ‘slightly’ better graphics. Okay, not up to the absolute latest versions but the old graphics card in that machine will never run those.

I find that game relaxing. Nobody is on your side. If it moves it wants to kill you and some things that don’t move will try to kill you too. It’s simple. Shoot everything and don’t die.

It’s even more relaxing if you know how to apply the invulnerability cheat 😉

The game has a lot of different kinds of monsters and if you’re faced with a room full of different kinds, there’s no need to shoot. Just run through them (don’t get stuck) and out of another door. They will fire directly at you – even if another monster is in the way. The hit monsters will retaliate against the one who shot him.

Basically, you start a bar brawl then dodge out of the way until there are just a few left standing. Those left standing are already damaged and easy to pick off.

So yes, all you need is a slingshot. If none of the monsters notice you, hit one with a rock and it’ll start firing. That will set off an escalation of violence and you’re safely out of the way while it happens.

In real life, it’s safer to find a useful idiot to start the fighting but the principle holds true.

It’s the step between ‘divide’ and ‘conquer’. If you divide an army into smaller groups, you still have to fight all the groups one by one. Isn’t it so much easier to divide a nation into segments and get those segments to wipe each other out?

The last one standing will be so damaged you can take them out with a few stern words. Even better, as William of Orange found when James II made a royal fuck-up of running England, they might even ask you to intervene.

Is it hard to cause division followed by strife? Ha! It’s a doddle. We all know long-time friends who no longer speak to each other over some trivial argument. We all know someone who likes to spread rumours and then sit back and watch people fight about the tales they’ve told.

Scaling that up is much easier than you’d think. The current political system in almost every country makes this child’s play.  Whatever one side wants, the other opposes it. Even if they secretly agree with it. The division is there, you just have to tip it into violence. The left like to use violence so they’re always the side to choose to provoke. The Right are too cynical. The Left believe pretty much anything.

So what you need is the left to have the upper hand for a while and then make them feel like they’re losing everything.

It needed Tiny Blur. Charismatic and not too far left so the more stable will vote for him. Enough teeth to make a dentist’s eyes fill with money signs and yet not too large as to scare a voter.  Replace Iron Knickers with Monochrome Man and anyone is more interesting. Steve Davis could have won that one.

The manipulations behind the scenes aren’t really hard to see. They think we’re all stupid so they don’t hide all that well.

You see, if we had let the UK continue under Thatcherite policies there would have been grumblings and mumblings and occasional riots but no uprising. No war. The Left had no power so weren’t losing anything. The right without power won’t rise up. They have jobs and real lives and everything and don’t all work for government so they pay taxes, not sponge off them. You need to get the Left to lose and lose big so they turn violent.

What do you give someone with nothing to lose? Something to lose.

Then make sure they lose it. Fast and unexpectedly.

Brexit – the country voted, the losing side turned nasty. America – the country voted, the losing side turned very nasty. It gets nastier every time.

And sillier. Superbowl – the Patriots won, the other side’s fans actually took to the streets to protest! Seriously? Protesting the result of a fucking football game? Oh, how easy is it going to get?

What’s next? Riots because the wrong player won Wimbledon or News at Ten started five minutes late? Well… More likely riots if Jeremy Kyle retired or the wrong character gets the pub in EastEnders.

Oh it gets better. Tessie May rushed to be first to visit Donnie Darko (wait, no, Donnie Trumpton) on becoming King of the Seven Planets (no, wait, Emperor of the American Empire) then Gimli the Speaker of the House of Morons says Donnie can’t visit Moria (no, wait,  Parliament).

‘He’ll taste the edge of my axe if he shows up here’ is one made-up quote attributed to Gimli. As is ‘No, no, not the beard!’ and ‘Tallness is an abomination and should be illegal’.

So we have the Prime Monster sensibly keeping well in with the country with the biggest army and nuclear arsenal and the idiot Speaker trying to wreck relations with the country that might be our biggest trading partner once we are free of the EU.

Didn’t Tiny Blur rush to be first to congratulate Barry O’Blimey on becoming Dark Lord of the Yankee Horde? How is that so different? Oh, I see, Barry was a Leftie king. Donnie is a Rightie king. We live in a world where left is right and right is wrong. It all makes sense now.

It’s as bad as the confusion I experienced when moving between Wales and Scotland during my PhD. It was the beer that confused me.

In Cardiff there is Brains’ Beers. It was originally Brian’s Beers but the signwriter had enjoyed some free samples and well, they’d paid for the sign so they let it go.

Anyway. There were several beers in their range at the time. I preferred SA, we never knew what it really stood for but we called it Skull Attack for reasons you can probably guess.

There was Light, which was a pale bitter beer of low strength so you could have one or two at lunchtime and still function, and there was Dark, a dark coloured beer of a similar colour to Guinness but nowhere near as solid in your stomach.

In Scotland, McEwan’s also had dark beer and light beer but their classification was based on the specific gravity of the beer, not the colour. So the dark coloured beer was ‘Light’ and the amber coloured one was ‘Heavy’.

Dark is light and light is heavy. Try working that one out after you’ve clocked up a few hours in the pub.

It’s no real surprise then to find that now, left is right and right is wrong. The world has been screwed up for a long time.

Back to the game. Not the computer game, the real one. What’s our diminutive David doing to poor Goliath at the moment?

Well. The recent Paris attack was reported by the BBC and the report said, not once but several times, the machete man shouted “All of you, at the bar!” and took pains to point out this means God is Grapes in Arabic. They used to take the same amount of effort to avoid saying that.

The UN let a spokesman admit, very clearly, that the whole Global Warming scam was intended to change the world economic system, destroy capitalism and ultimately massively reduce the world’s population. Admit it why? Now? When everyone is already angry?

France is likely to have to choose between a far left and a far Right candidate for president. The Left one wants to let even more car-burning and shopper-shooting immigrants into France, the Right one wants to stop that. Put aside your indoctrination for a moment and imagine it’s you parking a car in France and going to the shops. Who would you pick?

Russia and America. The countries that could be sniffing each others’ arses like dogs while China wipes us all out (reminds me of the Brian Aldiss tale ‘All The World’s Tears’) and tow big bosses at the end of the video game.

In one of the ‘Doom’ variants you come up against a cyberdemon and a queen spider. It’s easy. Both are really hard to kill so run between them and then hide. They both start firing and they’ll hit each other.

Wait for one of the superpowers to wipe out the other and the last one left is weakened to the point where it’s easy.

The people are getting angry and the coals are being added to the fire daily. This boiler is under pressure. There’s no release valve. There can be only one outcome and it’s the one that was always intended.

So where are we? Russia. America. Love/hate/no-trust. What’s left of the rapidly collapsing EU. A pressure for a communist style future. Population control. Suppression of all those annoying riots and terrorists.

Where is the saviour? Who will fight off the now-revealed enemies? Revealed all at once as a shock tactic to get a reaction. Who will save us from our own terrible excesses? Who has been big and quiet through it all?

Where is the modern William of Orange?

China.

Mae win ti

 

 

But… they aren’t doing it. They are puppets too.

Boy Guides and Girl Scouts

In Panoptica, there is no sex for the common people. In that story I have eradicated the entire concept of gender from the general population. I’m not telling you how I did that yet, but I admit to a chilled feeling when I realised how it could be done.

In the book of course, it’s a done deal. Still you couldn’t just impose it overnight. You’d have to ease the population into it over many years. Gender equality that actually swings from one extreme to another, gay marriage, transgender people, asexuals, all of these are realities now. Like it or not, they’re here.

I have no doubt that there are real transgender people. It would only take a glitch in the massively complex construction of a human being from two cells, and you can get a female brain in a male body or vice versa. Oh the condition is real, but I really doubt it’s as common as we are led to believe.

Being gay is more common (sorry gay folk, you’re not special, you’re just common). It’s also common in the animal kingdom.

Transvestitism isn’t the same as gay. It’s just a liking for dressing in the other gender’s clothing. Women get away with it easily – a woman in trousers is no oddity these days. Guys find it more difficult to brazen out in public although I did once know a world famous professor whose bra showed under his white shirt and who wore lipstick. In Scotland it’s easy – going commando in a tartan skirt is perfectly normal here. I’ve even tried out a kilt myself, and found out the hard way that it’s not easy to use a toilet in a heavy skirt.

All these things used to be largely ignored by the bulk of the population. Sure, some had very strong feelings that it was ‘wrong’ but really, most people had much the same attitude as me. It really doesn’t affect me so it doesn’t matter at all. How other people live their lives is their business. I have enough to do with living mine, and that’s quite complicated enough at times.

Now it’s all very much in your face. Gay people even have a flag! Refusing to accommodate a gay couple in your hotel, or refusing to bake a cake, will get you prosecuted but there are gay-only hotels and that’s not discriminatory.

There was once a small publisher who stated they only wanted male authors and only wanted stories about ‘men subjects’ like cars and power tools and wild stag parties. Naturally, there was uproar from women because they were discriminatory, but a publisher who only wants women-stuff written by women? Oh that’s fine.

You can have groups based on religion, gender or skin colour and exclude those who don’t fit your entry requirements. Anyone can set up such a group, except for one demographic.

The straight white male.

Try to form a ‘straight white male’ group and see how far you get before you get shot down in flames. You’ll probably end up in court for being racist and sexist and anything else they can think of. This does not apply to any other group.

Why? To eradicate the straight white male? No. To subjugate them. The ones who, historically, went to war throughout Europe to fight for their way of life must be cowed and broken and history shows that  taking them head-on only annoys them. Set about them with subtle attacks on all fronts and leave them cowed and broken. Force them to adapt to fit in. Make them ‘modern man’ who is weak and effeminate and accepting of every race and creed while deriding their own.

Then you have them. No fight left in them, except to fight the remaining ones who still cling to the old ways. Oh they still get to fight, they still get to rage, but you’ve changed the target. Their target is themselves. They don’t even realise it.

So now you push the alternative sexualities on them. You tell them that even five-year-olds can be gay or transgender when five-year-olds barely understand the concept of gender and (should) have no idea of sexual activity. If a five-year-old boy gets hold of Mum’s makeup and gives it a go, he’s not necessarily gay or transgender. It’s something called ‘play’. Imagination. A facility sadly lacking in those who want to sexualise toddlers.

You can’t argue with it because you won’t be told it’s happening. Your children are now to be brought up in a world where gender is not as clear cut as it was when you were young. They will have a blurred definition that one day, maybe in a couple more generations, will be no definition at all. Then you’re ready for the world of Panoptica.

The stage we are at now is one where the Girl Guides, that once-noble institution, will accept a ‘transgender’ five-year-old boy who wants to wear dresses and nobody will be any the wiser. It’s discriminatory even to ask if the parents mind.

They are also going to allow a man in a dress to take a bunch of little girls away for a sleepover trip. No questions asked? How can you ask questions when they aren’t telling you there’s anything to question?

Well, questions may be asked after the trip, when your little girl tries to pee standing up like Miss Jones did and starts asking if she’ll grow a peeing tube when she’s older, like the one her Guide teacher has.

How long though, before the predatory child molesters catch on to this? Paedos will always try to get into jobs where they have access to small children and a CRB check will only find the ones who were caught. Now they just claim to be transgender, put on women’s clothing, and hey presto, they have access to a bus load of little girls. Would they find it difficult to convince the NHS to support their case? The internet has all the information they need to get their case together and woe betide anyone who tries to claim they’re just pretending.

Oh it’ll happen and we’ll hear ‘lessons will be learned’ and nothing will change as usual. It’s all part of the plan. The kids will grow up confused about sex in general and it’ll get worse with each generation until total equality is reached – nobody has any gender, race or religion at all. Nobody has any concept of those things.

I really have to finish that book. It’s really not too long now before it becomes a documentary.

Vagueness and Precision

Could have been a Blue Oystercult song, it even fits the rhythm.

Vagueness.

Her Madness’s Ripoff Collective (HMRC) have decided you have to apply for permission to buy leaves. This is not one of my wind-ups of Generation Gullible. It’s madder than that. This is really true.

However, they have not bothered with any of the mechanism of actually applying for permission. You need permission but there is no way to get it. So whether you want tobacco for smoking, snuff, pot-pourri, compost (it’s insecticidal) or to extract vape juice, you need to fill out a form that doesn’t exist to get permission to buy some leaves.

There is always the antismoker scare that nicotine is an insecticide and therefore poison. Just like a big bar of chocolate can kill a Rottweiler. Chocolate is deadly too, if you’re the right species. I don’t know about you but I only have the four limbs and no chitin exoskeleton, nor do I have hair all over nor any inclination to roll in something shitty.

So chocolate won’t kill me and neither will nicotine. If you’re scared of nicotine then logic dictates that you are an insect. For many antismokers that’s probably accurate.

Still, HMRC seem to have forgotten something. I live about 20 miles north of Aberdeen and I can grow tobacco outdoors. Make import impossible and well, I now have a hell of a lot of garden… Could be a good thing for me, and those like me, if importing is banned.

Even better for a nonsmoker with a big garden. They won’t keep back half for themselves 😉

It’s currently legal to grow it in the UK.

Oh they can make it illegal if they want. Cannabis growing is illegal and cannabis is an easily identifiable plant (except to those police who once confiscated tomato plants). Tobacco looks like a big flower. Nobody will notice even if it’s beside the road.

I am also now perfectly placed to push my ‘wild growing tobacco’ idea from a few years back.

Vague laws on tobacco. Yeah, keep it that way. We’ll play the vague game and we’ll win it.

Precision.

In the work-long-in-progress, Panoptica, I have had difficulty keeping ahead of the real dystopia that looms around us. In the story, implanted chips are everything. Your door key, your credit card, your medical record… and more.

The cards you can just wave to buy stuff already exist.  The terror of lost or stolen cards will soon get them implanted. If you lose your house keys, what do you do? Wouldn’t it be so much safer if you just wave your hand in front of the door?

Selling this stuff to the public – come on. They will fight to be first.

The reality of Panoptica would be so, so easy to implement. That’s what puts me off finishing it. The dopes in charge already think 1984 and Brave New World are instruction manuals. What they will do with this one doesn’t bear thinking about.

Longrider tells us of the monitor cards some employees are required to carry. What if they lose their card or it gets picked up by a cat or dog or pigeon? Implants are obviously the way to go.

The Borg are coming. Don’t be scared of being assimilated. Resistance is futile.

Resistance? There will be no resistance. Only insistence. You will not fight the Borg. You will fight each other in the race to be first.

You are the Borg. Not because they forcibly assimilated you.

Because you wanted to be.

Some of us will always refuse to join. You, drones, will never understand why.

The Pan Generation

It was a fast transition to the children who never grow up.

In the 80’s we had winters where it snowed so much I couldn’t find my car. It was just one of the white mounds in the street. Yet traffic kept moving, transport was barely affected. We never heard about ‘the wrong kind of leaves on the line’ or anything like that. Everyone just carried on.

Incidentally, I once asked a railway guard about the leaves thing. Turns out some leaves are more oily than others and can make the wheels slip. That part has never changed. The only new part is that it’s now an excuse. In the ‘old days’ (30-odd years ago) they just got on with it.

I saw the news the other day. It’s rare to see the news, it means turning on the TV and I don’t do that very often. There was Snowpocalypse! There was enough snow to fill a bag of flour and deep enough to almost reach your toenails. My shabby Fiesta would have laughed at that much snow as would every other car on the road that isn’t a Matchbox toy.

We were regaled with images of the M74 into Glasgow that morning with stationary traffic in one direction. We were told this was because of snow.

I have had to pass the M74 a few times this year and it’s going through massive roadworks. It’s a standstill every morning. A light dusting of snow will not affect it at all, heck, a real proper blizzard wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference. It’s slow going and satnav won’t help because it’s all changing.

You have to be scared of snow. It’s not supposed to happen. Globule Warming says there has been no snow for twenty years so you can’t be expected to cope with the world turning slightly white. Noo! You’re all going to die! The rain has frozen and it’s Snowpocalypse!

In reality it’s the mildest winter we’ve had for ages. Just a few years back, winter started in October and Scotland was frozen until May. That was a real bastard of a winter. This one is a doddle. If this is Gabble Wanking, let’s have more. We won’t though. The shitty winters will come back. They always do.

Oh but now, just a few days after the Ice Age Cometh, we are told Scotland will be hotter than Barcelona. It’s winter in Spain too so we’re going to have a degree C more than another country that’s in the middle of winter for a day… Well I have a rug with a bullfighter on it and that could show up on Twitter with a plate of paella and ‘nyaah!’ if I can be bothered.

I’m not religious but Dear God, can’t you smack some intelligence into the things you made? You say you made them in your image and they make you look like a fucking retard. Aren’t you cringing in embarrassment right now?

I mean look at this one – Tam Fry wants to pay toddlers to eat as directed.

Really? Toddlers have the ability to think ahead and understand bank accounts and compound interest? Toddlers?

Look at any responses to any story about pensions and they are full of ‘why should I pay to keep old fogeys alive?’

Because, dickhead, when you’re an old fogey the kids you hate now will be paying your pension. That’s how the screwed up system works. Want to change it? Go ahead, it means no state pension for you but hey, go for it. I’m buggered anyway, I’ll have to live to 72 to get a penny and most of you will be in the same post office queue as me by then.

So with 20+ year olds having no concept of the future, Tam Fry expects toddlers to understand economics and saving and the banking system. Actually no, that’s not what he expects.

He expects you to believe that they will.

Because in his mind, like the minds of all the sociopathic Righteous who tell governments what to do now, we are just children. We are the lower orders and we need to be instructed in how our betters expect us to live. Many people actually fall for this.

We now drink our coffee from baby trainer cups. We drink approved soft drinks and water from baby bottles. We wear romper suits renamed as onesies. We eat and dress as directed, we stay off the booze in January and we don’t smoke.

Oh, and you all ostracise me because I break every single one of those rules and steadfastly refuse to die or even get any disease at all. Sorry, I’m not sorry.

Scared of snow and terrified of global warming.

Don’t take the car, travel by bus, fear the diesel fumes. Bus diesel is not the same as car diesel, like patch nicotine is not the same as smoke nicotine, even though it is. Yeah, believe the shite, you fucking morons.

Decry smoking but fear the steam that might replace it. Calm down, boil a kettle, don’t breathe the steam, and have a cup of tea but no sugar in case it gives you cancer and no milk in case it makes you fat. No tea either. because of something about to be made up…

Live for the children but looking at them or thinking of them is illegal.

Doublethink is not a fantasy. It’s already here.

In God’s image? Really?

God must be Peter Pan.

Or he’s just having a laugh.

The Science of the Obvious

Or maybe the ‘oblivious’. It’s New Science. Never let the facts get in the way of a profitable conclusion.

Scientists (and I use the term in the loosest possible sense) have discovered that people like to socialise in pubs. What a pity then, that ‘science’ also declares that drinking is evil and there is ‘no safe level of alcohol’.

The article states its reasons for the decline of pubs…

In recent years, the lure of cheap booze from supermarkets and tougher drink-drive laws have resulted in many becoming restaurants or even closing.

No mention of the smoking ban? No recognition that booze has always been cheaper in supermarkets and even before them, in off-licences? No mention that the tougher drink-drive laws only happened in Scotland? The two reasons they give for the closure of so many pubs are not reasons at all. The one they miss out is the primary reason. Oh, and they don’t allow vaping either, because it ‘looks like smoking’.

Yet Science, that new version of it that doesn’t bother with any actual science, declares we must all go to pubs and be sociable and friendly – but no smoking, no drinking and soon no talking.

The commenters include a few utterly moronic drones who declare that pubs only serve to put out drunks into the community at closing time. Really, they believe that’s all pubs do (or rather did, before they shut down). They must have watched too many zombie apocalypse films and the limited space in their brains has caused a crossover between Dawn of the Dead and Last Orders.

There are, however, an increasing number of comments pointing out the real reason regular pub visitors like me suddenly became non-pub-visitors. The smoking ban. There is some intelligence out there still. Just not in any politician’s head.

I doubt anyone in government will ever manage to make the connection.