Ah, the chaos, the glorious chaos

I have considered looking in on the Tory leadership race but meh, I’m not a member so I can’t vote anyway. If they vote in a Remainer who tries to keep Tessie’s surrender document, there won’t even be a Tory party by Christmas. If they vote in a Brexiter who will keep ‘no deal’ as an option (saying you aren’t going to walk away under any circumstances is the most ridiculous approach to a negotiation imaginable) they might keep their MPs in double figures.

I’ve been busy with my own chaos. Rain has stopped me keeping the grass in check and parts of the garden are now only accessible by scythe. Well that’s okay because I have one. The garden is old enough to remember when that was the only option available. I wonder if it sighs in fond remembrance whenever I bring out the long razor blade on a stick?

I have also been editing Marsha Webb’s book, now done and sent back to the author for checking, and I have another Mark Ellott tale to look over, then I’m going to need to make cover images. There is a possibility (in negotiation) of a short story collection of dark tales by a new author and I have the opportunity to place an ad for Leg Iron Books in a podcast.

I had never before listened to a podcast. I had no idea what it was. It’s like a sort of radio show you download and listen to. Anyway, the League of Villains puts one out each Monday and I didn’t have time to get it ready by this Monday. I have to write it and then record myself speaking it. It should be around 30 seconds or so and it’s amazing how long that is when you have to say something.

What should be in it? I have narrowed it down to ‘for writers and readers’. ‘short stories and novels’. ‘three anthologies a year’ but it has to flow and it has to make sense and it has to be engaging all at once. Okay, I was a lecturer for 13 years but then I had an hour, sometimes two, to make my case. I now have to get it all into about 30 seconds – and I can’t even remember the last time I recorded my own voice. I just hope I don’t turn out to sound like Joe Pasquale or Peter Lorre…

Well I have a week, I’l try out a few samples and get something ready for next Monday.

The whole podcast idea is interesting though. It can be video or just audio. Longrider has suggested book readings on YouTube but the podcast idea means I can stay in control, without worrying about one of YouTube’s perpetually-offended making a complaint and taking down the whole channel. That might not even be neccessary. YouTube added an algorithm to combat ‘hate speech’ and took down a few thousand channels overnight. Most of them had nothing to do with any kind of hate speech.

So if I could load podcasts onto a separate site where they won’t be spontaneously wiped out by an overzealous algorithm, it would feel more secure. I know, YouTube has ‘monetization’ where you can get paid if your audience is big enough but the recent purge has demonstrated that that is far from a reliable income. It can stop in an instant for any reason YouTube care to apply, so it’s actually as bad as a zero hours contract.

Maybe I could put them on YouTube as well but I need a secure backup for them all. YouTube could shut down the lot on a whim.

Short stories are likely to be the best option. I will of course need the authors’ permission to use theirs in this way but I have plenty of my own to get started with – and Mark Ellott has said he’s happy for me to record spoken versions of his short stories. It would be better if the authors recorded their stories in their own voices though. As Martyn K. Jones did with his story from ‘Christmas Lights… and Darks‘. Then if we can put them all in one place, that would be ideal. It could even develop into audiobooks. You never know.

So it’s time to get out the recording gear and see what I can come up with. I’ll most likely go for audio-only at first, since I have a face made for radio, The transition to video might come later.

Meanwhile… back to work.

Deal or No Deal?

Work has turned me nocturnal. The garden is getting little attention but then it’s raining all the time anyway, and I’m editing Marsha Webb’s book (nearly done) and have another Mark Ellott book to deal with next – then a collection of enormously imaginative short horror stories from a new author. I hope he’s going to put a few into the Halloween anthology.

Meanwhile, it seems the world outside is going insane. The Tories are set to pick a new leader and it really doesn’t matter who it is. Boris Johnson is their best hope of surviving as a party – if he can be trusted to do what he says. There’s not much trust in politicians left in this country. One more betrayal and you can expect a Nigel Farage government and quite possibly a Monster Raving Loony opposition.

Well, some would say we have that opposition now… and also in government.

Labour just tried to set up a motion that would make ‘no deal Brexit’ impossible. Well no, no they didn’t. They actually tried to take control of government in a sneaky underhanded way. They failed. Ten Tories voted with them and eight Labour members voted against them. There are now calls from both sides to have those ‘turncoats’ declared heretics and expelled from polite society because they went with ‘the other side’. It really has become that tribal.

It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. Sneaky Tess added a paragraph into the agreement for an extension to Halloween that says ‘the matter is closed, this agreement will not be opened for future renegotiation’.

No matter who the Tories put in as leader, there will be no renegotiation of the ridiculous surrender document Tessie devised. There is no point in anyone going to Brussels, they have declared they don’t want to talk about it. No further negotiation, take it or leave it.

‘No Deal’ cannot be taken off the table in any negotiation. It is not an option, it is the default position. If both parties cannot reach agreement on a deal then there is no deal. That’s how the real world works.

So, since the terrible deal cannot be renegotiated, and since if we don’t leave on October 31st the Tory party is history, the new leader has two choices.

Run out the clock, leave on Halloween and then start negotiating a proper trade deal, or push through the Tessie Travesty of a deal which will end the Tory party forever.

Or, as Michael (SnowMan) Gove suggests, get another extension – which will end the Tory party forever.

Well, I have no problem with the end of the Tories, especially if they take Labour down with them, as seems likely. It’s time it all fell apart anyway. The ‘standard procedure’ is stale and no longer works as intended.

Jerry Cordite is insisting on a general election because he thinks he will win it easily. He also needs to do it before the postal vote charade is actually dealt with. Oh I think he will have the biggest party in the Commons but I am sure he won’t get a majority. He’ll need to make a coalition and frankly, I don’t fancy his chances there.

The Tories can forget about winning the next GE, they should now be in damage limitation mode if they have any sense left at all. Which doesn’t seem likely. They could very well be looking at a wipeout.

The EU have said they will take out the Ireland backstop but only after the agreement is signed. Yeah, because they are so trustworthy, aren’t they? Sign that thing and we are done for, they aren’t going to change anything after they win. Come on, surely we have at least some politicians who know how politics works?

Nobody really wants ‘no deal’. Everyone wants a good, fair trade deal with the EU but that is not on offer. It’s May’s surrender deal or no deal, there are no other options available and of those two, ‘no deal’ is unfortunately the preferable option by far.

If Boris gets the job, as seems currently likely, let’s hope he holds his nerve until Halloween.

If a Remainer gets the job, this country is utterly fucked from the moment they literally step into Tessie’s shoes and carry on from where she left off.

There is no going back to the way things were. If the EU gets their hooks in they will punish us brutally for daring to try to leave and there will be remainers out there wondering how and why their chosen god has forsaken them.

There is no reward on offer for remaining. There was never any talk of ‘hey, if you stay, we can get you a better deal’. Never. There is only punishment for daring to try to leave. Either we get all the way out or we become the EU’s gimps. A lesson for the others who might consider leaving.

Remainers will never see that. Their Star Circled God can do no wrong in their eyes, no matter how hard the EU belittles and berates us, no matter how often they talk of the Hell they will consign us to. They see only the benevolence of Emperor Drunker and Darth Thermostat and they will brook no heresy against them. Idiots, frankly.

If the EU had any brains in charge they would not have set at once into ‘die, heretic’ mode. They would have come back with ‘Hey, we see you aren’t happy, what can we offer to fix it so you’ll stay?’ They didn’t even consider that approach. And they never will.

Obey or be punished. That is the EU way.

Well we are now in the position where we either get entirely out of this mess or we march, sullen and bowed, into the EU punishment dungeon forever. Those are the only choices available to us.

So what’s it gonna be, droogies?

Chukkus Yermoney

So it seems Chukka Umblybumbly is now changing parties faster than most people change their underwear. He’s now joined the Liberal Dimmitwats. I wonder if the Monster Raving Loony party turned him down for being too strange?

I’ve lost count of how many parties he’s joined and left now. I’m only surprised he hasn’t joined the Tories and put himself forward for leader – he is, at least, better known than about half the current candidates.

What does he believe in? Where do his party affiliations lie? What policies does he support? Apart from ‘Brexit Bad’ (could be the title of a TV series, that), what does he believe in?

Himself, apparently, and that, it appears, is as far as it goes. Well that doesn’t make him any different from at least 90% of modern politicians, so there’s that.

Still, how can you hope to have any credibility when you flip from party to party on a whim, almost daily? His next move is only a whim away…

A whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away… In the Commons, the mighty Commons, the Chukka flips tonight…

Earworm. Sorry.

The implosion of British politics is likely to be a disaster for us all but you have to admit, it’s hugely entertaining. We should place bets on where he’ll move to next.

On current polling it could well be the dole queue. For many more than ol’ Chucky too.

Anyway, this entire post came about because of a tweet I saw that made me laugh. So here it is.

It’s funny and accurate at the same time.

I would despair at the future of British politics but at least it’s dying with a laugh.

And we could all do with a laugh these days.

Peterborough

I’ve passed through on the train a few times but never actually visited. So I have no idea what it’s like to live there. The station is nice though.

Anyway, they have just elected another Labour MP. Let’s see if this one can manage to stay out of jail and out of controversy. The latter is unlikely, she’s already been hit with the antisemitism stick. The former… well, we’ll see.

The results.

Labour won it by around 680 votes, 2% of votes. Oh but if we add in the Tories and UKIP, Labour didn’t win it at all! Nah, I’m not going to play that childish game. In UK voting, the winner is the winner even if it’s by one vote after fifteen recounts. Labour won it. That’s how it works. I would say I don’t like it but since I don’t live in Peterborough, nor even in England, I don’t really care all that much. It’s their choice so it’s their problem.

Sure, Labour’s share of the vote is down but there are new kids on the block and the Tories, like it or not, are getting shat on from a great height. If these results could predict a general election (they can’t, it’s just one constituency, but they are a better indicator htan the single issue EU elections) then we will have Labour as the biggest party after a GE, with Brexit Party in opposition and nobody with a clear overall majority.

Basically, a worse mess than we have now.

Who will form a coalition government? Will Labour team up with the Lib Dems, even thought the LDs want an absolute no brexit and Labour want whatever it is they want. They don’t seem to want to tell us.

Will Brexit party team up with the Tories who campaigned at the last GE and at the EU elections on the basis they could deliver Brexit even though the entire planet knows they have no intention of doing that?

You could mention ‘Tories’ to a remote Amazonian tribe and they’d respond ‘Pfft. Can’t trust those buggers’. Whose fault is that? The Tories! They have supported an outright lying leader for so long that nobody can believe a word they say now.

Jerry Cordite, for all his bumbling pound-shop Catweazle appearance, is not a total idiot. Almost, but not total. There were people out shouting that the government should step in to save British Steel. Nobody in the Tories or Labour has pointed out that EU rules prevent the government from doing anything to save British Steel, nor any other company that goes down the tubes because of cheap foreign imports. There is nothing the government can do about it.

Likelwise, much moaning about live animal exports fails to realise that under EU rules, we have no power to stop live animal exports. We do not have that autonomy.

Digression: I recall a pig farm manager telling me about protestors trying to stop him sending live pigs to France. They were breeding sows. Not a lot of use if they’re dead.

Cordite wants to turn the UK into a socialist Utopia like North Korea. He cannot do that if the EU is pulling the strings – well actually it would end up much the same but he will not only not be in charge of it, he could end up like Lenin.

So Jerry wants out of the EU too. Some in his party do not. They don’t want their imagined gravy train to end, even though it could end up against a blood and bullet-hole spattered wall when their usefulness to their masters comes to an end. No wonder they don’t want to learn about history.

If Jerry wants to nationalise things, he can’t do it inside the EU, he has to be out of it. He cannot insist that ships are built on the Clyde, that crappy cars are built in Vauxhall, that British Steel be subsidised and that live animal exports are stopped because the EU will not let him do any of those things. If he wants to actually impose his version of Marxism on us all then he has to have control of the country – and he knows that currently, government in the UK does not have that. In very many areas.

Jerry’s motivations are easy to work out but the Tories are another matter. Don’t they want to actually be in charge? Are they happy to become the petty governers of EU regions and just pass on instructions from above?

I think they do, you know. The money’s good and there really isn’t much work involved, you just sign the papers when they arrive and pass them on. And of course, you are part of the machinery so the laws don’t apply to you, only to the proles.

And, as with the establishment of Stalin’s USSR and the Jingle Jangles of North Korea and the Pol Pot of Cambodia and the Mao of China, there are many useful idiots all fired up to shout and beat it into existence… then spend the rest of their lives trying to escape from what they created while blaming someone else.

It’s very telling that the Eastern European countries are the most opposed to EU diktats. They’ve seen it before, in living memory, and are not keen to go back to that. Socialists decry them as turncoats and heretics but they’ve seen what happens when your world view is imposed, guys. They don’t want it back.

So we have to wait and see who the Tories will decide on to pull their handcart to Hell and it deosn’t matter too much now. They have proved that their manifesto means nothing. They have proved that repeated promises mean nothing. They have proved, beyond a shadow of doubt, that a Tory government cannot be trusted.

We were supposed to have left the EU in March. Now we are to leave on Halloween.

If we don’t then don’t be surprised when the demons are unleashed.

Car crash politics

Well, royalties are done and will be sent out shortly. I’ve decided to put future competitions on the Leg Iron Books site and link to them when they’re ready because advertising and shit…

So, this week Donnie Trumpton is visiting the UK and the Very British Whining is at full volume. No matter what you think of the huge orange arse, he is the duly elected President of the United States of America and we have a lot of trade going on there. They also, let’s be honest, saved our arses in WWII. They didn’t do it for free, it cost us a lot, but we don’t speak German. Well. I don’t. Nicht sprechen Germanian ici. Or words to that effect.

Which is why Trump is here. He is not here as a golf course owner or hotel magnate, he is here as President of the USA to commemorate the D-day landings in which thousands of British and American and other troops died so that the perpetually offended could complain at length about nothing that matters at all. Oh, and coincidentally, I’ve just built a British Airborne version of the Willys jeep in what could well be my last ever foray into 1/72 scale. It’s getting hard to see that stuff now.

I live fairly close (I have lived closer) to a place called Balmedie where Trump built a golf course, many years ago. He royally pissed off most of the local residents with his fences and bully-boy tactics, but since most of the residents there are Audi-driving dicks it was hard to decide which side to take. Then he fell out with his big pal of the time, Al the Oily Fish, when Al built a load of windmills in the sea and ruined the view from the golf course. Again, which side do you take? I wanted them all to lose.

I don’t play golf. It is a silly game.

Anyway. The duly elected Boss of America is in the UK, having a quiet sherry with Mrs. Queen, probably followed a whisky drinking and non-PC utterance contest with Phil the Greek, and several allegedly sensible politicians are all bent out of shape about it.

Does anyone care? Apparently a lot of people do. Some dick mowed a dick into a field in protest. Lots of people are out with placards and slogans to, as usual, protest about something no sensible person gives a toss about. Nobody minded when genuine dictators visited but an elected orange blimp-lookalike visits and everyone loses their minds.

There has been much talk of how Trump upset the diminutive Gimli Khan, without mentioning that Gimli used the standard Leftie playbook. Keep needling and needling until you get a response, then play victim. I’m amazed they still think that works but then we are talking about people who struggle to spell IQ.

We have a man-shaped hairy thing called Jerry Cordite who thinks he is Prime Monster material but who refuses to even look at the UK’s biggest ally and trading partner. Instead he is going on a protest march at which he will get all shouty and be listened to by people incapable of thinking. If he becomes Prime Monster, Brexit will be irrelevant. We’re going into bankruptcy when the Orange Sanctions and Tarrifs hit.

And of course, Tyrion Bercow is in the mix. He will not let Trump anywhere near Parliament because well, he doesn’t like him. He was happy enough with all those real dictators but they weren’t orange and didn’t have a blimp made of them.

It’s all very silly and childish, isn’t it? ‘He called me names and I called him names and now we’re going to have a fight in the playground’. Come on. Can’t we have a grown up leader like Russia has?

I think political battles like this should be settled in a Rollerball tournament. If you haven’t seen Rollerball, with James Caan, you should. I’ve seen it so many times I just fast forward to the games now. You want to shout insults? Get in the ring. Let’s see who comes out.

Rollerball is the ideal way to decide the current Tory leadership contest to decide who is Captain of the Oblivion Ship. There is only one way out of their death spiral and they won’t take it. The entire political class is in denial. In nearly 60 years I have never seen anything like it.

Almost all that is left of the Tory party want to be leader. Of what? Weren’t you lot paying attention at the EU elections we shouldn’t have had? The Tory party is over. Time to get your hat and coat, call a cab and go home.

There is to be a by-election in Peterborough this week because the incumbent MP, Fiona Ohwhatshername is a convicted criminal yet was allowed to vote in Parliament while wearing a curfew tag. It’s a safe Labour seat – or it was, when Labour was actually about working class people. Now it’s a straight fight between Brexit party and Lib Dems. The Tories are campaigning there of course but nobody is listening. I doubt anyone will ever listen to the Tories again.

Tessie is still Prime Monster for now. Most of the Tory Party are fighting to replace her as the leader of nothing. Oh, they’ll be Prime Monster until the next election and then there’ll be none of them left at all.

Out there, in space, is the asteroid that could destroy the planet.

I bet it’s thinking ‘Why bother?’

Into the Void

Tales of idiots voting are filling the current void in politics. We won’t know about the EU election results until Monday (Scotland is set to announce after midday Monday, some places earlier). Every member of the Tory party seems to want the job of leading the party to oblivion and it’ll be a while before we even know the finalists. I’m not a party member (of anything) so I’ll have no say. So I won’t bother speculating.

The old adage ‘they didn’t know what they were voting for’ has been bandied about a lot for the last three years. Usually Remainers say it to Brexiters (and this really is starting to sound analogous to Cavaliers and Roundheads, with a useless Parliament in the middle, isn’t it?). It could be levelled at both sides, of course – you could point to the misleading bus slogan and also to the flat out denials that the EU wanted its own army. Can Remainers really claim they knew what they were voting for? Did really know in advance of Darth Thermostat’s plan for a federal EU with no separate countries and his own army to keep it all in check? He’s been quite open about all that in the last year or so. Did they know?

Does anyone actually, truly know what they are voting for in any election? Both Labour and Tory parties went into the last general election with the firm promise to deliver Brexit on time, and both of them lied. What was the point of voting for either of them, really? Actually, what’s the point of voting at all?

Twitter user dwatch related the tale of a voter overheard on a train on Thursday, proclaiming their pride in voting in the general election and hoping Nigel Farage wins. That voter is going to be disappointed to find Nigel Farage isn’t on the prime ministerial shortlist currently being drawn up.

No matter who you vote for, the government always gets in. Sage words from the Bonzo Dog Band there. So is there any point?

Not too long ago, only men could vote. Some time before that, ordinary peasants weren’t trusted with the vote. Before that, we had kings and queens and nobody had any votes at all.

Not voting is a statement. Sometimes you turn up to the polling booth and there’s nobody on the form you’d want in any position of authority. So you draw a knob on it and put it in the box. What else can you do?

On the other hand, voter apathy is very useful to those in charge. People who are sick of the established order tend to not bother voting, or to draw a knob on the ballot. People happy with the established order are happy to keep voting for it. Those who would change that established order don’t stand for election because they are almost certain to lose their deposits – the people most likely to vote for them are the ones who don’t vote. Stalemate. Nothing changes.

It takes someone willing to risk that deposit, willing to take a stand and willing to get out there and persuade people to vote for them. Nigel Farage did that, and whether you like him or not, he did it very effectively indeed. His previous party, UKIP, seems to have gone off the rails somewhat so he set up a new one. Mere weeks before the EU elections. If the polls are any reflection of reality, he’s damn well smashed the established order this time.

Experienced politicians set up the Changey McChangeface party on the same timescale and it has utterly bombed. Maybe we should now recognise that a bit of business experience can be a useful thing for a politician to have.

The Brexit Party pulled a lot of support from Tories and Labour and that’s their own fault. They lied at the last general election. Tories have monumentally screwed up Brexit to the point where Tessie Maybe’s deal actually makes our position far, far worse than remaining. Labour have consistently both supported and denigrated Brexit to the point where nobody has a clue what the party wants.

Most of all though, I suspect the Brexit party has mobilised a lot of the ‘no point voting’ people. If so, the next general election will be interesting.

That party will need a manifesto for a general election and they’ll need a lot of candidates. A snap general election will not give them time to do it. Let’s hope they are preparing, because Labour have said they will immediately move for a vote of no confidence in whoever replaces Crocodile Tears Tess as PM. That’s a bit unfair, since whoever takes over should be given a chance to show how useless they are before they are declared useless.

On the other hand, several have said that the loss of a Prime Monster should always trigger a general election and there is some merit in that argument. We are about to get a Prime Monster elected by that fraction of the population who are still members of the Conservative party. Then again, whoever it is will have already been duly elected by their constituency. Just like the current one. So it’s just a change of face at the top table. A different captain on the Titanic just before it slips below the waves.

There is a school of thought that wants compulsory voting. As long as that includes the right to draw a Picasso rendition of the male human genitalia on the form, I wouldn’t be against it. However, compulsory voting would be likely to require you select an actual candidate and knob-papers would have the Election Police at your door. Yes, they can work out who elected the erection. The number on your ballot paper is written next to your name when you get it.

I can imagine the EU going for the North Korean model on voting. You have to vote but all the names on the form are for the same party. Or maybe the Panoptica model, now developing through modern education – no losers. No matter who you vote for they all get in. And like MEPs, none of them have any actual power.

Someone asked the Twitter user mentioned above if he was sure the train idiot had voted. His response was ‘They all vote down here’ and I immediately ‘heard’ it in my head in the voice of Pennywise the Clown.

If you haven’t seen ‘IT’ (the Tim Curry version is still the best) then you won’t be able to imagine Darth Thermostat in a clown suit, peering at you out of a storm drain.

‘Do they vote?’, you ask

‘Oh yes, they vote. They all vote down here. And when you’re down here, YOU’LL VOTE TOO!’

Let’s just enjoy the political hiatus while it lasts. On Monday, one side or the other is likely to explode.

I think we can all guess which side.

Release the Kraken

Well, the voting is done in the UK. Now we have to wait because other EU countries have not yet voted. Denmark, for example, votes on Saturday and I think there are a few more on Sunday. So counting cannot start until the final polls close on Sunday night.

I wonder if any of those sealed ballot boxes have a milkshake in them? At this point, nothing would surprise me.

Meanwhile, Tessie Maybe keeps claiming she’s going to resign – no, that she is going to set out a timetable for resigning. Nah, the Tories can have their leadership back when they pry it from her cold dead fingers. Meanwhile, the death spiral of the Tory party continues.

They are not going to let jovial buffoon Boris Johnson be the next PM. Oh come on, it would be funny and we could all do with a laugh now. Instead, a host of Remain MPs want the job to go to a Remainer and history’s longest screw-up will continue uninterrupted.

Dominic Grieve, arch remainer with a smile like a starving crocodile faced with a wounded deer, has threatened to quit to block a no-deal Brexit.

You can’t block the default position. If no deal is agreed then there is no deal. That’s how it works. All he can do is delay the inevitable even further. And slide the Tories further down that greasy ratings pole. The last one I saw before voting day had them below the Greens and chasing UKIP and the Changey McChangeface Party for bottom spot. They don’t seem to understand why that is.

What is truly astounding is Corbyn’s leadership. Faced with an imploding Tory party he has failed to gain any ground at all and is in fact following them (at least more slowly) down the ratings. How does any opposition leader manage such a feat?

The Brexit Party, dreamed up in a drunken pub session about six weeks ago by Nigel Farage, is roaring ahead in the polls. This is probably due to the Remain vote splitting between Lib Dems, Greens, Plaid Cymru and others, while UKIP have apparently collapsed. So almost all the Brexit vote went with Farage while the Remain vote fragmented. Labour have hummed an ha’d over Brexit and the Tories have royally screwed it up. No reason for either Leave or Remain voters to go for either of them.

This has, of course, upset the established order and risks derailing the gravy train of politics. So, massive guns have been fired at Farage. Not at the Brexit Party. The other candidates have been ignored, it’s all been about Farage.

To be fair, if I met him in a pub I might not like him very much. Too shouty for my liking and too much one-issue – but then, to be fair again, that one issue is his driving force. And he has stuck with it for decades. Darth Thermostat is now pretending it’s a new Russian influence but Farage has been in the game a long time and Putin has nothing to do with it.

He’s not a Nazi and I have seen no evidence of racism or any of the other labels stuck ion him (they are stuck on all of us anyway so they really don’t work any more). He’s just a shouty pub bloke. I don’t think he’d be a good Prime Monster because of that shoutiness and to be honest I don’t think he wants that job. He wants Brexit and if it ever appears, his work here is done.

The Brexit Party does, however, have a really good candidate for Prime Monster in its ranks.

Farage is now being investigated for financial impropriety by the EU – the same EU that’s never passed a financial audit. And they say the Americans don’t understand irony. It’s clearly lost on the EU too.

They are determined to take him down and maybe they will. They’ll keep digging until they find something. Then he might have to step down as leader of the Brexit party and hand it on to someone else.

Someone it would be next to impossible to find any dirt on. Someone who could take on the entire EU parliament even more effectively than Farage. Someone most of the EU smug beurocrats won’t even remember. Someone who could still make an effective Prime Monster.

Ann Widdecombe is the natural successor to Nigel Farage for that party if they go into a UK general election. She is popular and eloquent and very, very skilled in politics.

Take down Farage and he will just smile and say three words.

‘Release the Kraken’.