Antifat demands more money

Not a misspelling. The anti-obesity Puritans now say that ‘junk’ food companies have far bigger advertising budgets than they have. Therefore they cannot compete. Well, boo hoo.

First of all, they are not supposed to be competing with private companies. They, like most modern ‘charities’, are funded by Government to give Government new ways to be oppressive, totalitarian bastards.

Secondly, I do not care how much money any private company spends on advertising. It’s not my money, never was and never will be. It’s not being paid for by squeezing taxes out of the rest of us. If you buy their products then you’re adding to their profits but that is entirely your choice.

Nobody is forced to buy any of those products. They do not come round and force-feed you chicken nuggets and canned spaghetti hoops then rifle through your pockets for money. They simply make products available for those who want them. Advertising is their way of telling us all that the product is available. You can ignore ads, you know. Only a gullible idiot would consider advertising as any kind of ‘forcing’.

Antifat, on the other hand, get their money from Government which takes it from us by force. If you don’t hand over a chunk of the money you worked for to a bunch of self-important entitled suits in Wastemonster, they will put you in jail and take the money anyway,

That is why I do not care at all about the £143 million spent by food companies on advertising. They aren’t making me contribute a penny towards it. I care a hell of a lot about the £5.2 million wasted on keeping jumped-up prodnoses in a cushy job because I am forced to contribute to that.

It annoys me immensely and I’m not even overweight. It annoys me because it’s another arm of the Smoker Hate and Booze Hate that I’ve also been forced into contributing to.

There are already strict rules on advertising food ‘to children’ (who have limited to zero means of buying any of it) and yet it’s never enough, is it? As with all the other Puritans we pay for, there’s always another increment, another slice of the salami. And now they will tie in nicely with Tessie Maybe’s long-held desire to control the Internet harder than China does.

All this crap has to go. We’d pay less tax and the NHS would have more funds if all this shit were swept away.

And we could have a bag of chips without watching out for the prodnoses.

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Size matters

Today is 370 years since the opening paragraph of Jessica’s Trap. That story started on April 30th, 1647, the eve of Beltane. I have to find out what’s going on with that book, the contract with the publisher expired over a year ago and I’m still not sure whether it’s been taken off sale. Sometimes it’s there, sometimes not. It’s going to come back under Leg Iron Books.

But to get to the point, this one is about sugar. Specifically, the sneaky lies around the subject. Also about the bollocks we get now, in general.

Today the Daily Fibber states that some ready meals have more sugar than a doughnut. Do they mean pro-rata? No, they mean in absolute terms. Basically, they are saying that you are better to feed your kids a single doughnut for lunch rather than a pasta bake or a curry with rice.

Among the worst culprits is Kirsty’s Kids’ Kitchen Chicken Korma With Brown Rice. It is promoted as a ‘nutritionally balanced’ meal with ‘no added sugar’.

But the small print reveals it has a total sugar content of 14.8g, almost four teaspoons, more than twice the 6.2g found in a McDonald’s Sugar Donut.

If you were to compare the sugar content as sugar per 100g of product, the doughnut would win hands down. If you were to compare actual nutritional content, the curry would win every time. However, that does not allow you to pretend that all ready meal companies are subsidiaries of Big Sugar, charged with shifting as much of the stuff into kids as possible.

The whole article is utter bollocks, but then it is the Daily Mail so we’re used to that. Even so, this kind of shit is what politicians believe, because they have no minds of their own and have to have signs on their headboards so they can find their way out of bed in the mornings.

Honey, fruit juices and agave syrup are high in sugar but are not labelled as such.

That’s because they are made of sugar. I wouldn’t expect to see ‘high in sugar’ on a bag of Tate and Lyle’s best granulated sucrose. I fully expect that bag to contain 100% sugar.

It is claimed that we eat more sugar than we used to. I don’t think that’s true at all. Sugar sandwiches were a staple of my youth. Pancakes were coated in golden syrup and sugar. Syrup on toast was a favourite. Sugar mice were mouse shaped blocks of sugar with a hint of food colouring and a bit of string for a tail. You can still get them – a sweet shop in a nearby town sells them.

Yes, a sweet shop. It’s called ‘The sweet shop’. They sell sweets. Nothing else. Just sweets – including ice cream in cones that have been dipped in chocolate and sugar sprinkles. It’s the anti-sugar brigade’s equivalent of a tobacconist or an off-licence. I’m sure they get palpitations even knowing it exists. They’ll go into full meltdown if they find out that, just along the road, is another shop called ‘The chocolate bar’ which sells only chocolate. You wouldn’t burn the calories in a single cube of chocolate fudge by walking between those two shops – and there’s a pub in between in case you get peckish on the way.

There were many sweet shops when I was a kid. All within easy reach of school. We didn’t get fat – well some kids did but really, only a few. Like now. Look at the feral little groin-fruit scampering out when school closes. There are a few fat ones, some chubby ones (who will lose it all when they hit the growth spurt of puberty) and a lot of scrawny little urchins.

They are probably, on average, a bit heavier than my generation but we didn’t have computers and Xboxes, we did most of our playing outside. Then again, we did have Scalextric and train sets and toy cars and soldiers and a lot of really good board games so we did a lot of sitting around too. Especially in lousy weather, which we get a lot of in the UK.

People have been getting larger as generations progress. Look at those antique dining chairs. They are far too small to be useful now. So this generation being a tad larger and heavier than my generation is not an anomaly. It’s normal.

If modern kids are getting fatter it has nothing to do with sugar. It has more to do with mollycoddling. They aren’t allowed to climb trees. They can’t wander off in the woods in case Gary’s Gang is lurking. Even the toys are no fun any more.

I had a chemistry set. It included magnesium ribbon among other dangerous things. Of course I burnt the magnesium. Who wouldn’t?

I bought my son a chemistry set when he was young. It was the most boring, God-awful waste of time I have ever seen. It had safety glasses! Mine didn’t have those. Safety glasses in a set that was based entirely on the safest experiments you can imagine. Growing copper sulphate crystals is fun the first time but the novelty soon wears off. Where’s the stuff that burns and/or goes bang? Not in the set? Then what the hell are the safety glasses for? He wasn’t much interested and when I looked it over, I saw no reason to push it.

Plastic test tubes and pipettes. I had glass ones. I bought more in the local chemist. I learned how to draw out a pipette into a flexible capillary long before getting chemistry lessons in school. I think I still have a piece of one in my thumb. It only twinges occasionally as a reminder not to do it again.

That set would never kindle anyone’s interest in science. It makes it look extraordinarily tedious.

All this dumbing down in the name of ‘the cheeldren’ is too easy to laugh at. It’s really very dangerous. Making children super-slim means they have no energy reserves for that massive growth spurt at puberty. A lot of us looked like bean bags at 11 years old and like panel pins at 14. No intervention was necessary. It was nature.

I’m still wondering whether the introduction of spectacles when I had blurry distance vision at 11 was a bad idea. I was in that growth spurt time. Things were changing and not all at once. My eyes might have been short-sighted because the eye sockets were growing at a different rate to the eyes in them. It might have corrected itself.

When (if) it did, it adjusted to give me correct vision without realising I had glass lenses in the way. Now I have to wear them – not all the time, only when I have to look at things.

My close-up vision has definitely deteriorated with age though. I could see things clearly less than 10 cm in front of my eyes which is why I could paint the eyes onto 1/72 scale figures. Can’t do that now without a magnifier, but that’s normal. My closest clear focus is now 25 cm without any lenses between.

Yet I wonder, would my long vision have corrected itself if my growing body wasn’t looking through those lenses? I suppose I’ll never know.

I used to laugh at the daft pronouncements and at the anenecephalic politicians who just lapped it all up. That was before I realised how deadly it actually was.

There are people claiming that vaping is as dangerous as smoking. It’s steam! I have seen, recently, claims that there is antifreeze in vape. No, antifreeze is ethylene glycol. Vape contains propylene glycol, a harmless food grade thickening agent found in yogurt and many other things. Including asthma inhalers, in case you want to jump up with ‘Breathing is not the same as eating’.

Smoking has risks. They are vastly overplayed, the risk to others is so comical I could never skip the chance to terrify an antismoker. But yes, there are risks. There were risks in my first chemistry set, my first airgun, my first forays (untrained) into meddling with electricity and explosives and I accepted the risk and did it anyway. That will never change for me. ‘Perfectly safe’ is no fun at all.

Perfectly safe is what the idiots in the pressure groups claim to want. What their aims will achieve is the extinction of the human race and in some cases, of all life on the planet.

Bill (wee fookin’ bawbag) Gates has stated that he wants to reduce atmospheric CO2 to zero. Really. Zero. I have thought up a way that it could be done but I will die before I tell a single soul. If atmospheric CO2 was zero, every single plant and alga on this planet is dead within days.

When they die, nothing is producing oxygen. We breathe oxygen, as do the rest of the animals around us. We exhale CO2. My device mops it all up.

The oxygen will run out. ‘Bye. Well, some anaerobic bacteria will be around so the planet can start again. Makes me wonder if that happened before…

That is Bill Gates, multi-millionaire who thinks money makes him clever. He’s not alone. George Soros thinks money makes him superior. So do the Virgin Beard Guy and the rich tart he’s funding (can’t be bothered looking them up, it’s late) to make us vote for what they want, not what we want. Politicians think they are superior because they have money even though they only have money because they extort it from the rest of us in taxes. They produce fuck all. No wonder they support benefit spongers. Kindred spirits.

They want to tax Electrofag. They have paid shills pretending it’s dangerous. Smoking is nowhere near as dangerous as they claim. By comparison, vaping is harmless. Well, mostly harmless. I mean, come on. If you believe breathing smoke is deadly then surely people breathing steam is a better thing?

All the politicians look for are tax opportunities. They would love to tax food and the fat, sugar and salt Puritans are glad to give them enough lies to let them do it. The general public…

…are mostly gullible idiots. I speak from personal experience. I have convinced people of utterly nonsensical things for fun. Tax the rich? They’ll vote for it without realising that as they have a job, they ARE the rich! The really rich don’t pay taxes, they collect them,

I digress, as usual.

Zero salt will kill you. Zero sugar will kill you faster. Zero smoking will kill ASH, which is why they pretend Big Tobacco controls Electrofag even though Electrofag would be the greatest thing ASH could hope for if they really wanted what they say they want.

Too much of anything will kill you too. Eat and drink and smoke whatever you want, if it starts to hurt, slow down.

Oh, I remember when you only saw doctors when you were ill and they fixed you without judging your life…

…and now you have to fit the standard. Be the right size or be shunned.

 

We’re going to need a bigger van…

…for those trips to Europe.

Cigarettes are to rise in price again and there is now a system in place whereby no pack of cigarettes can cost less than £7.24. You can get a pack for less than half that in any other country in Europe.

Assuming we do eventually leave the EU, there will be a limit imposed on how many cigarettes we can bring back per person. There is no limit on how many you can bring back for your own use at the moment due to the EU’s free movement of goods rules but if you have loads, expect to have them stolen by border control anyway. So the imposition of a limit isn’t any reason to stay in the EU.

If the limit is, say, 300 (15 packs) then if you have a weekend in Europe you’ll save about £54 per person by stocking up while there.

The tobacco story is an old one. I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t cheaper everywhere outside the UK. Even as a child, if we went to France or Spain my dad would take the limit home and so would my mum (who never smoked). Lately my parents often went to Portugal and brought me home five 50g packs of rolling baccy. At the time it was a gift worth at least £75 at UK prices. They paid half that. Unfortunately they are getting too old for those trips.

Oh yes, my parents are still alive. My father, a lifelong smoker and my mother, a lifelong passive smoker, are both still alive. Neither have experienced cancer. It’s not just me who defies NHS statistics. It’s the whole family.

Alcohol is also a lot cheaper in most EU countries. I noticed, in Germany, that whiskies like Famous Grouse were the same price in little corner shops as they are in big supermarkets here. I also noticed that only the idiots in charge of the UK have fallen for hiding tobacco behind doors and putting them in plain packs. Nobody else has fallen for this one.

Nobody else will fall for the utterly cretinous notion of putting all booze, including fine malt whiskies, into plain packs and hiding them behind shutters. Oh it’s coming. Plain packs for ‘non-approved’ foods is already being talked about as the Next Logical Step in the bullying of the entire nation. These thugs are never satisfied. Never. When they have total control they will start telling you how many steps you have to take every day – oh wait, that one’s already out there.

Now we have a tax on sugar. Initially on sugary drinks but if you think it will end there you really haven’t been paying attention at all. Imagine a world where Coke and Pepsi are in the same olive drab packaging with photos of meth mouth and Cyril Smith on every bottle. The company name relegated to 10-point Times New Roman. It’s all behind doors and you have to ask for it. Imagine it well because if you are under 50 you’ll see it in your lifetime.

Fancy a burger? You’ll get it with MACDONALDS on the olive green box in 10-point Times New Roman with a picture of someone syringing lard through an artery on the top. Actually not hard to copy. I like liver and it often has a large artery or two going through it.

Fancy fish and chips? It’ll be a lot smaller and cost more, not least because the chip shop has to buy olive green wrapping paper with pictures of Bernard Manning nude and a warning that all fish are so full of mercury that they will roll off the table if left unattended.

Oh I know. You’re scoffing. You don’t believe it can happen.

Go back to 2004 and tell the pub customers that soon they will be banned from smoking in there. Tell them they will buy cigarettes in drab green packs from behind doors and they will pay £7.24 for the cheapest brand. Listen to them scoff at you.

You’re going to need a van for a lot more than tobacco on future visits abroad. If you fly it will very likely be well worth paying an excess baggage charge.

As for smugglers, they’re likely to steal Mr. MacDonald’s favourite line.

‘I’m lovin’ it’.

Sugar: It’s a kind of food, you know?

Once when I was a child I had a sugar sandwich. Two slices of buttered bread with a layer of sugar in between. Much to the disgust of every one of my relatives, and even though it was actually pretty horrible, I ate the whole thing. I’d asked for it, was given it, and have never been able to back down from a challenge. Especially not one I’d set myself.

It was a one off. I never asked for another and couldn’t even think of eating one now. Don’t try this at home, it’s really not worth it.

People say there was less sugar around in the ‘old days’. Cobblers. There was loads of it. Real sugar was easy to get and desserts were pretty much made of it. Candy floss and sugar mice – yes, a mouse shape made entirely from sugar with a string tail. I remember those. Probably cost me a couple of teeth later, but worth it.

Aniseed balls, blackjacks, fruit salad sweets that had not been so much as introduced to a fruit or a salad, even sweet cigarettes. Toffee slabs that came with a hammer so you could crack the damn thing to make a start on it, and then we kids got the hammer afterwards as a play tool or just for throwing at each other.

There was plenty of sugar around. Everyone took sugar in tea, a friend of mine liked five spoonfuls in each cup and he developed into something that resembled the Hulk. I mean the Lou Ferrigno Hulk, not the Cyril Smith melted version. Didn’t do him any harm.

Plenty of fat in our diets too. Everything was deep fried and not in vegetable oil. In a big pan of melted lard. Chips did not go in the oven. The slices of fresh potato went straight in the hot lard. Then we covered them -and I mean covered them – in salt and a sprinkle of vinegar.

I still drink a little vinegar now and then. I like it, always have. Malt vinegar, naturally, not that clear crap.

There were a few fat kids around, but not many. There might be a few more around now but really, not many. When I start work at 4 pm, I run the gauntlet of feral groin fruits as they emerge from school and lose all the civilisation and obedience the teachers spent so much effort instilling in them. They are mostly wiry and fast and hard to hit on the road. I need a better car.

Maybe a tractor with bale spikes. Hey kids, kebab time…

I don’t think this childhood obesity is a real thing at all. If it was half as bad as claimed, the planet would have tilted on its axis by now. They skew it by testing the 10-11 year olds. I was a seriously chubby 11 year old. By the time I was 13 I could have rivalled catwalk models for being the closest thing to being alive and not actually visible edge on.

I have to find that photo of me on holiday in Spain at 13. Dressed in Goth black with a black sombrero, I looked just like a carpet tack.

Kids are supposed to chubby up between 9 and 11. It’s the body loading up for the puberty growth spurt. I suspect the anti-food brigade are well aware of this and they probably realise that by keeping kids skinny at that age, they will stunt their growth and make them into feeble and easily controlled worker drones for the future.

Maybe parents now hide their fat kids in basements and attic rooms, safe in the knowledge they can’t leave until they are slim enough to get through an average sized door.

Yes, okay, kids now spend more time developing thumb callouses with their phones and playing video games that make them think they’re tough while they’re really getting weaker. Okay, they aren’t allowed to do the things we did like climbing trees and wandering the woods and bringing lizards home in jars and tadpoles in our wellies. They aren’t allowed to hunt each other with airguns or throw toffee hammers at each other while shouting ‘I am Thor!’

Must be dull being a kid now. Even the comics are sanitised. I saw a Beano recently. What the Hell happened to that?

You would think Gubblement would have realised by now that ‘childhood obesity’ is entirely their fault. They won’t let kids do anything any more. They reduce the waist size they consider obese and they refuse to let kids do what kids have always done – burn off energy by being little buggers. They’d burn off a lot of energy a lot faster if I had a tractor with baling spikes but that’s unlikely to be allowed, I feel.

We burned off a lot when adults chased us. They used to chase us all the time, usually shouting something, but adults dare not chase kids now. They’d be shot by armed police.

The solution is, of course, ban something. Regulation of people’s private lives. The commenters on that article agree – with nothing at all to back up their prejudices. They think it won’t affect them. Gradual encroachment into your private life is fine, they cannot extrapolate to where it goes from there. These idiots will call on us one day to save them.

No.

As for the Spiteful Nannying Party, well, if you’re in Scotland and you vote for them, consider this.

They do not consider you an adult. They consider you a dolt who must be controlled for your own good.

Is that how you see yourself? Is that really – I mean really – what you want to happen to your life? You really want someone telling you every detail of how you must live?

Then keep voting SNP.

You know it makes no sense.

Sugar vs. Fat

I’ve put on a few pounds lately. Have to watch that. I don’t want to be fat again. I know some people are happy with it but it doesn’t suit me.

It’s unlikely to be a problem. Boss is on holiday for two weeks so my next day off will be August 10th. That should keep me trim. Better yet, I have morning shift so I can work on the anthology in the afternoons.

Since there isn’t much to do on morning shift, I’ll get some work on it in the mornings too 😉

I heard there is soon to be another visit by the head honchos of the Secret Ninja Cleaners. I’ve never met them. Every time they visit there’s a sudden shift change and I always have that day off. This time, Boss is on holiday so there won’t be any shift changes. I’m sure it’ll be a very interesting day.

Anyway, the work will burn off some burgers and a few visits to the chip shop and pizza shop along the street. Calories in less than calories out and the weight just falls away.

It really is that simple, you know. You don’t need to target specific food groups. I eat whatever the hell I like and always have. I just try not to eat more than I use.

You’re burning calories all the time. Even when asleep. You have to, in order to maintain your body temperature, keep your heart pumping and all your internal organs working. I’m burning more calories just sitting here typing than if I was sitting here reading. Not much more, it’s true, but a bit more. Every little helps.

I have met fat vegetarians. I don’t mean just a little bit chubby either. They didn’t get that way on chips and burgers. They did it on Quorn and tofu and that bizarre vegetarian bacon stuff. I still can’t get my head round the fact that that stuff even exists.

Oh sure I eat fruit and veg, but if I wanted to catch up on five-a-day I’d have to eat several medium sized orchards in under a week. I don’t count calories, I don’t care about portion sizes, I don’t care how much sugar and salt and fat is in the food, I just eat things I like to eat.

Yes, a lot of them are deep fried. I live in Scotland. I’ve had deep fried pies and deep fried pizza. Deep fried haggis in batter. A quarter of a chicken deep fried in batter. That’s fantastic by the way. It’s available in every UK chip shop, not just Scotland.

I ignore all medical nannying. I like whisky and cigarettes. I will eat fruit but there has to be meat involved, especially bacon. Bacon soothes the soul and calms the spirit. I wear 34-inch waist trousers and need a belt to keep them up.

The NHS can’t find anything wrong with me. I went to an optician last year with glasses that were actually rusting because I hadn’t been for so long. My prescription hadn’t changed at all. I recently visited a dentist and the dentist said I was in remarkably good shape for someone who hadn’t been near the Chair of Pain for over 20 years. One has to come out, one needs a filling and there’s a bit of root left from a botched home extraction about 15 years ago. Otherwise, I’m good.

All this and not one tad of Medical Missionary Zeal has touched me. There are those at work telling me I’m living all wrong and should pay attention to the medics… and they are all fatter than me and get out of breath walking up a few steps. If they are really listening to medical advice, it’s killing them.

Look, people, the five-a-day veggies and the alcohol units stuff is all made up. It’s been publicly admitted as a total lie. People still believe it. People never think to wonder that if those cornerstones of health mantras are lies, how much of the rest of it is lies?

It’s also been admitted that doctors like to tell you that whatever medication they give you will react badly with alcohol so you can’t have any. It’s true of some medications but certainly not all of them. It’s just a useful way for the doc to make you stop drinking.

I went drinking with medical students in my university days. I saw exactly what they were like and vowed then not to trust those pissed wasters with my health. Almost got beaten to a pulp by a medical student called Concorde. It wasn’t his real name. It was what I called him because he had the nose for it.

Nowadays medical research focuses on single issues. Salt, sugar, fat… these are irrelevancies. By the way, did you know that if you don’t have enough sodium in your diet your body takes it from your bones, making them brittle? The zero salt diet will make you die like a washed up jellyfish. Something modern medicine seems to want to happen.

None of it matters. Burn more calories than you eat, you lose weight. Eat more calories than you burn, you gain weight. It’s really no more complicated than that.

I guess there’s no research money in the obvious answer.

Fat boy slimming

In this modern world, we all have to fit a standard size, shape and lifestyle because, idiots believe, that will mean we never get sick and the NHS can spend all day drinking tea while the cleaners sit around playing Call of Dirty.

Slim people get sick too you know, and nonsmokers can get cancer. Making everyone the same won’t change that. Yet the Righteous insist on demanding we live as they direct. Length of life is all that matters. Whether you enjoy it or not is irrelevant. You are not men, you are economic units and you will do as your owners decree.

“Harder hitting campaigns, similar to those for anti-smoking, are required.”

Well, the smokers can tell you where that one is going.

‘You can’t be fat in here, matey, go and be fat outside.’

‘This employer operates a strict no-fatness policy.’

It will be illegal to sell or give sweets or cakes to a child under 18.

If the till operator suspects you are overweight, you will have to be weighed before they decide whether or not to sell you that chocolate bar.

Fantasy? Really? Go back just 15 years in time and tell everyone that soon, smoking will not be allowed in pubs or any business common room. Tell them there will be no smoking on railway and bus stations or at bus stops.

They will laugh at you the same way you are now laughing at me.

The National Obesity Forum is just following the template. The usual control freaks are involved. I think we should abbreviate the National Obesity part of the name and call them NObs.

I was going to suggest making them look ridiculous but they are doing a fine job of that on their own.

Obesity will cause 700,000 new cancer cases by 2035‘. Not ‘could’ or ‘might’. ‘Will’. It’s a definite and precise amount. They Have Seen Your Future, and it’s not only wobbly, it’s lumpy too. Science? Hahahaha! When have these people ever bothered about science?

Hey, fat boy, step away from cancer. That all belongs to smokers now. It’s ours. We are the only ones who get tested for it. The slim nonsmoker can never get cancer. It’s medically impossible so no doctor will test for it. If they wanted to cull the population, they are going the right way about it in my book  😉

By 2025, 20% of the human race will be obese. Of course they will. The Righteous have been steadily reducing the threshold for obesity so there need be no change at all in real body weight. You can stay the same weight, they’ll lower the obesity bar until they get you over it.

The BMI nonsense does not distinguish between fat and muscle. Some years back, I weighed the same as a friend who had been weight training since he was 13. We’re about the same height. I looked like a version of him that had melted. Yet we would have had the same BMI even though he looked like the Hulk and I looked like the Blob.

Don’t get too muscled up. They only go by weight and height. If you look like The Terminator, you’re obese now.

The UK is being exhorted to start a full-on War on Chubbiness. It’ll be the same as the War on Smoking that soon became the War against the Smokers. Yeah, if you’re a bit curvy now, watch out. Smokers can hide when they aren’t actually smoking. You well rounded people don’t have that option.

They talk about ‘leadership from government’ but they don’t want leadership. They want what these scumbags always want. Money and control. Ideally, money they don’t have to work for. They want your tax money so they can tax you more and get even more money.

And they get a serious orgasm about telling people what to do and watching them do it. These people are deranged and dangerous. They are sick and perverted. And Government is still listening to them. Because our Government is full of fucking morons.

Sugar tax. France has one. Mexico has one. Do they work? Of course not. It’s not sugar that’s making you fat.

Avoiding sugar is making your babies fat. Yes, real science is starting to fight back. I’ve always avoided aspartame because it gives me the shits something fierce. I use real sugar and real butter – and I’m not fat because I don’t use too much of them. It’s not that difficult. Yet it now seems that avoiding sugar and going for artificial alternatives is causing you to put on weight – so the Righteous response is to tax sugar. I wonder how much funding they get from aspartame manufacturers?

Further, it seems that inhaling polluted air can lead to obesity, high cholesterol and type 2 diabetes. This one is somewhat compromised by the fact that the most polluted air is in cities, where more people lead sedentary lives and where food is more easily available. Even so, it is a link that should be considered before diving in there with a sugar tax.

But then, nobody cared about air pollution when lung cancer increased. That was all blamed on smoking so I expect this study will be quietly shelved too.

Soon we will have a nation of slim, muscle-free drones afraid to put on a gram of weight in case they get too much mass and gravity smears them into the ground. Afraid to touch a drop of alcohol in case they die of alcoholism within the hour. Afraid of steam.

These people will be ruled by fat smoky pissheads with the money to pay the taxes, even though they won’t have to pay the taxes because they will be subsidised by the taxes they take from the skinny zombies.

Don’t let it happen. Resistance is never futile.

Weep at the stupidity of the intelligentsia

First the good news. The Plan has worked. I am now solvent for the foreseeable future and will be able to reduce my day job and spend more time writing. I can also accumulate some savings again and will have a zero balance on my credit card once more. Seven years of penury has finally come to an end.

And now… the bad news.

There is salt in your food. Yes, really. Don’t believe it? Well, see for yourself.

saltClicking should biggify the image

The logical conclusion of that little snippet is that two slices of Dominos pizza or a Big Mac and fries are a healthier choice than vegetarian soup made out of tomatoes and leaves. Which is fine with me (although I prefer to buy a pizza and cook it at home, it’s cheaper and I can add more cheese, chillis, pepperoni and salt).

It’s also a lie, as far as I’m concerned. I add a lot of salt to chips (fries, for the weird countries out there). A lot. I rarely add any salt to soup – admittedly this is in large part caused by my rare intake of soup but even so.

This is a comparison of utterly different foods. I suppose it is possible to make a Big Mac and fries soup if you have a good blender, but you’ll never get a vegetarian soup to sit still in a bread roll. Take my word for it, soup sandwiches are definitely a failed experiment.

In days of yore, sailors would subsist on barrels of salted roast pork or beef. Not just a bit of salt rubbed in. This was a barrel of roast meat filled to the brim with salt. There was a very good reason for this.

Bacteria can only grow if there is available water. There can be as much water as you like but if it’s tied up in dissolving things then it is not available for metabolism. This is how jam works and why low sugar jam soon becomes a fungus jungle. The sugar is there not to feed the microbes, but to tie up all the water so the bugs can’t get at it.

Likewise with the salt. Artificial preservatives were all taken away a long time ago so if you want things to last, you have to use the old, natural methods and one of them is salt. It ties up the water so the bugs can’t grow. In particular, the one they wanted to avoid was botulism.

This is food poisoning, a distinct and very different thing from food borne diseases like Salmonella. The beastie in question, Clostridium botulinum, does not cause any infection. The bacterium is, in itself, harmless. However, when it grows in food it produces 15 different neurotoxins and not all of them are destroyed by cooking. It’s not the bug that gets you, it’s the poison it left behind.

Clostridium botulinum cannot grow in a high salt environment. It also prefers a no-oxygen environment such as, say, the inside of a can of soup… unless it’s salty.

Your choice is simple. Take in a lot of salt, knowing perfectly well that as long as you drink enough water your kidneys can easily remove the excess – or even believing that it will make you die a few years earlier than you would have anyway. Or, take the risk of getting a serious dose of botulism and dying in agony tomorrow. It’s not a choice most sensible people would have to spend a lot of time considering.

Or you can just get the burger and fries and lots of the tiny salt packets. It’s by far the safer option.

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Slightly less bad news on the Government’s masters’ plan to mould us all into the British Standard Human. It seems the Government are not quite so keen on the idea as the likes of Jimbo Oliver would like to force them to be. The chubby champion of slimness is not getting his petulant way as fast as he wants. How dare the Government presume to question his brainless demands?

Well, they have. Or they haven’t. The British government, as usual, are dodging the issue.

Keep dodging, Cameroid. It’s what you’re expert at. Maybe you can induce heart failure in the fat heartless bastards. It’s worth a try.

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Finally the very bad news. CynaraeStMary must return to Denmark soon. The longship awaits. It’s not such a terrible thing really. I will be travelling over there within two weeks and now have the funding to do it.

All I need now is a place with fewer stairs and a garden. A place more little-dog and underdog friendly.

It shouldn’t take too long.