Back in black

Hi everyone, CstM here. I hope you’re all doing amazing. We’ve had better days to be honest.

How was your valentine’s day? We celebrated for the first time since Leggy got the news about his dad passing. We had a nice homemade meal and played the Bill and Ted board game, that Leggy got for Christmas. It was a really fun night. I’d found a copy of a childhood book for Leggy and he got me a nice decoration for the bookshelves.

On the 15th I was in the middle of making dinner when my phone rang. It was my auntie, dad’s sister, calling to tell me that she had found my dad dead.

No one was expecting it. Hell, I had spoken to him on the phone just days before. He’d complained about having pulled his back, but then he’d done that before. Shortly before the lockdowns he’d had surgery for a slipped disk in his back. So no one was too phased by him having back issues. We sure as hell didn’t think he’d turn up dead. I mean last time we saw him was back in September for his 60th birthday.

I’m not sure if I mentioned here, but the parental unit got divorced some years back. It was quite a messy divorce, and my dad was taking it a bit hard. I came over to help the mothership pack, but ended up mostly spending some quality time with my dad. Now my dad was a bit of a quiet man, bit on the gruff side at first sight. So I was very worried about how he’d do after the divorce. How would he deal with being alone. Would he let the bitterness of the divorce eat him up? I remember sitting in the car with him, and telling him something akin to “just because mum did some shitty things, doesn’t mean you let everything go to shit!” He told me later that those words really made a difference in his life. He called up a friend, got a crash course in all things facebook, joined a bunch of single groups and started going to events. The difference was massive. He ended up having a crap ton of friends, even went on several dates. He was getting increasingly harder to get ahold of because he’d be out at parties, concerts and one time even ballet and a fashion show. It was absolutely amazing to see him blossom up. I’m sure he was having the time of his life. He had made plans to come over in the summer with his motorcycle and some friends, to tour Scotland. This guy really didn’t have time to die.

My aunt’s boyfriend was the one who held the eulogy at the funeral, so he contacted me asking for my memories of dad. All I could remember was the silly times we had pranking each other. Like the year I as a teen really wanted the newest Harry Potter book. It was all I talked about and wanted. My birthday comes and I get a small, not book shaped gift. I open it and it’s a Roger Whittaker cd. Now I’m just sitting there thinking “WTF!?” When my dad grabs the cd, pulls of the plastic and happily tells me that surely I want to listen to my new music. My only thought was “I can’t exchange it now!” The bastard the laughed and went to find my real birthday gift, which of course was the newest Harry Potter book.

But yeah, that was my dad. Always doing funny or stupid things to make us laugh or be embarrassed by him. Like when he’d pull his joggers up to his armpits, do a department of funny walks impression and talk about getting a shirt with my picture on it and “she’s my daughter” underneath. In the supermarkets he’d stand in one corner and shout across the shop at my mum, asking if we needed x item. Me as an embarrassed teen would pretend like I didn’t know him by calling him Mr Man (Hr Mand in Danish). Like I’d go up to him and do a whole thing of “you there Mr. Man, who I’ve never met before, are you in need of this cheese?” By time it got shorter and shorter and he got stuck with the nickname of Herman.

Now the Danish coroner was surprisingly speedy. His autopsy was performed within days, and his funeral was two weeks after his passing. Honestly I was not ready for the funeral at all. Even walking up to the church, I was telling Leggy that we could just go to McD instead and pretend like nothing had happened. But in the end I was happy that I went. It was a beautiful ceremony, and turns out I was the only one of my siblings who showed up. One was late, showed up for the wake, and one didn’t show at all.

I chose the sunflowers

The wake was just in dad’s spirit. It was beers and soda at his favourite pub/concert place. Auntie even managed to get his favourite local blues musician to come out and give a concert. I’m sure dad was somewhere really miffed that he was missing out. Especially after the funeral had the family singing twice. I personally thought the guy had suffered enough, but apparently having to listen to our tone deaf bunch is your punishment for dying too early.

I still can’t believe he’s gone. I keep reaching for the phone to tell him about things, just to remember he isn’t there. Hopefully in time it’ll get better.

25 thoughts on “Back in black

  1. Sad, or not? But it was brave. I can’t talk about what happened to me. It would hurt too many people, whether they deserve it or not. And I have done a few rather stupid things myself now and again. So who am I to decide?

    But I did decide to be one tough old cookie and keep this shit to myself. But this is probably in the genes, although God knows where I got that from. The first Mitchell woman to be born for many a generation in my particuliar branch of the family Mitchell. That branch is done now. There won’t be any more. How is that for being the end of us as a family. But I will protect my children. They don’t need to know.

    Thank you for the opportunity. I remain proud of being a Mitchell.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Deepest condolences for your loss.

    Life is short, shorter than most of us realise.

    “ The difference was massive. He ended up having a crap ton of friends, even went on several dates. He was getting increasingly harder to get ahold of because he’d be out at parties, concerts and one time even ballet and a fashion show. It was absolutely amazing to see him blossom up. I’m sure he was having the time of his life. He had made plans to come over in the summer with his motorcycle and some friends, to tour Scotland. This guy really didn’t have time to die.”

    Yup, when my Mother died a few years back, I really didn’t realise just how much she kept the old man on a leash, since the end of the great Covid scam, We, at times don’t even know what country he is in.

    He is living life to the max (82 years old) got himself a bit of fluff, and is spending our inheritance at a fair old rate knots. I hope what he doesn’t spend on cruises, he spends on wine & whiskey…

    If he doesn’t, then I will


    Fair play to him, he’s happy, let him spend the lot.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you. It sounds like your father is living the dream. Definitely something I’d hoped my dad would have done. During lockdown he was talking to me about his pension, in case anything should happen, and I joked with him that he’d need that for his retirement plans of cocaine and hookers.

      Liked by 1 person

      • A strange phenomenon, maybe?

        As I said, I lost my dear Mother 3 years ago, I also lost two brothers, both young, one was 39, the other 40, both of them were non-smokers, and so anti-alcohol, the constant righteous sermons against myself, and my other surviving brother, were brutal at times, My surving brother and myself, we are still both, not only still here, still filthy smokers, and drink enough alcohol to sink a battleship, we are the ones who visit the local graveyard every now and then to pay our respects to the our non-smoking, self-righteous, anti-alcohol brothers.

        Which reminds me of an interview some reporter had the misfortune to have with the British artist, Dave Hockney….

        Unfortunate reporter “What does your Doctor say about you smoking 40 cigarettes a day”

        David Hockney “They don’t say anything, they are all dead, all four of them”

        Now, to the “A strange phenomenon, maybe”

        Last July, 2022, I lost one of my three dogs, she was aged 12, a miniature Yorkshire Terrier.

        I have never, ever, in my entire life, suffered such profound, and intense grief, and still am suffering from that loss.

        Why does the loss of a dog, hurt so much?

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Mums and Dads, they weren’t just our parents but had real lives of their own, sometimes as children we forget that.
    Thankyou for giving us a glimpse into your world.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Our condolences, he sounds like a true character….the worst part of any death and having lost friends over the years and family, is the loss of not only the individual and their unique character but also the loss of all that life’s worth of experience, knowledge and wisdom.

    I always took comfort in thinking about the funny side of their characters, the things they did that made me laugh and you have done so in your blog post, that is a solid gold testimony and legacy.


    Liked by 2 people

    • In my humble opinion, the worst part of any death, in particular, a family death.

      Great, Great Grandparents, whatever, Great Grandparents, OK, but they were old, it’s to be expected, Grandparents, very sad, and a great loss, but they were old, they had a long, good life.

      Mother & Father, profound loss…


      We are next.


      That clock never stops ticking.

      No matter what the “experts” or the NHS tells us otherwise.

      Personally, I have absolutely no intentions of dying healthy.


      Liked by 2 people

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