Wales, the next target of the New Puritans

The Welsh Assemblage of Useless Authoritarian Wasters has introduced minimum pricing for alcohol. What a total and utter waste of time, as much of a waste of time as the Assemblage itself.

You know, when the Blair Witch decided to go ahead with devolution, Scotland’s vote was pretty decisive. They wanted their own parliament who are now hitting them hard for smoking and drinking and eating – and taxing them more to pay for more control over them. Still, that’s what they wanted. They voted for it.

The vote in Wales returned a resounding ‘don’t care’ because that is the Welsh way. The Welsh have never cared who is in charge, for the most part, because they aren’t going to pay any attention to who is in charge anyway. Plaid Cymru do well not because of their policies but because they have a Welsh party name. They can get into positions of power but have never grasped that the bulk of Wales doesn’t give a shit.

There is a place called Treherbert. I went there once. I spent most of my early life living mere miles from it and went there only once. It was enough  A tiny place at the end of the railway line, it is nestled in a deep valley between high mountains and sees very little of that strange yellow circle in the sky, even in summer. If you are ever looking for the legendary Caer Colur (the gloomy enclosure) I’d recommend starting there.

Some years ago there was a news story about Treherbert. The name got my attention at once. Something newsworthy happened in Treherbert? What could it be? Dalek invasion? Secret lair of Blofeld? Someone dropped a spoon?

A guy in a council house was making his own vodka when his still exploded in a most spectacular fashion. Apparently – and this came as a surprise – he wasn’t breaking any laws because it was all for his own use. He did not intend to sell any.

Hmm. I live on a farm that grows barley specifically intended for the whisky industry. I could probably buy a tonne at cost price. But let’s not get distracted by my hobbies.

The point is, even years ago there were home stills when cheap supermarket booze was available. In the 1979-1982 years of my first degree there were dedicated homebrew shops everywhere. They started reappearing in Scotland (not dedicated shops but homebrew sections in other small shops) even before the minimum pricing nonsense started here.

In my early teens you could buy homebrew kits in supermarkets and since they had no alcohol in them as sold, they were not subject to age restrictions. It was just syrupy malt and a packet of yeast. I see those making a big comeback soon.

I have a friend in Wales who will care nothing for this minimum pricing nonsense. He has a large garden full of fruit trees and they all get turned into wine. His blackcurrant wine is particularly good. So he doesn’t actually buy much commercial booze.

Look at other countries. Iran has a total booze ban for religious reasons. You are not even allowed an alcohol based mouthwash. So what happens? Stories of weddings ruined because of dodgy black market booze poisoning everyone.

Norway has horrific alcohol pricing and you can only get a limited amount from State booze stores. The result? Alcohol purchases in Norway have plummeted. Success? Sales of raw sugar have soared. What do you imagine is happening there?

Alcohol is really easy to make. Making it safe to drink is not quite so easy. Promoting an unregulated black market is never a good idea. But then, when was the last time any politician had a good idea?

Scotland’s minimum pricing might have worked maybe 20 years ago. It’s a long way from Aberdeen to the border and I’m north of Aberdeen. Driving down for a case of whisky is not cost-effective and would be a tough one to do in one day. Scotland is narrow but pretty damn long. But hey, we have internet now so I can order booze from English suppliers and it’s not subject to minimum pricing.

Today I was at the dentist for my half-year teeth count. Nothing wrong with me, she even took X-rays in a desperate attempt to find something wrong with this smoky-drinking curmudgeon. Little side observation – are all dentists small women now? I’m not objecting, I don’t mind at all, it’s just that there seem to be no male members of staff at all in that place.

Afterwards I passed the whisky shop, so I called in and treated myself to a bottle of Shackleton. I hadn’t seen it before. A malt blend based on the whisky taken on the 1907 Antarctic expedition. The whisky shop is never cheap, the more common ones are much cheaper in the supermarket but this place is where you find the unusual ones. It’s a great shop. When I win the lottery I’m going to try the high shelves with the ‘Oh fucking hell’ prices.

Wales is, frankly, tiny. It’s also vertically narrow with the English border on the east side so none of it is very far from a day-trip over the border. Get a few friends together, hire a minibus and stock up. Easy. It’s going to happen. So who will this new law damage? Well, corner shops mostly, small businesses, a small effect on the likes of Aldi and Lidl but alkies? Nah. It will be of great benefit to the English economy to the detriment of both Wales and Scotland. You know, guys, you voted in some utter fuckheads to run your devolved administrations – but then, who but an utter fuckhead wants a job that’s all about controlling their own countrymen and making their lives harder and more miserable?

What will also happen is homebrew and also criminal gangs filling the gap for those who can’t afford van hire or homebrew equipment. All of it totally unregulated and all of it free of any care about age limits. What a great idea, eh? No wonder government buildings have so many big windows.They need room for everyone to get a lick.

You know, more and more often these days, I’m thinking November 5th should be a day of national rejoicing in the UK. We should not be burning Guy Fawkes in effigy. We should be hailing him. He had the right idea.

At least he tried.

 

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Politically correct suicides

Well, the woeful tales of the Sugaria-compliant soft drinks industry is well known by now. Ribena, Lucozade, Irn Bru… they all had sugar free versions on sale anyway so there was no need to meddle with the originals.

They caved in to the Sugaria Police and are pretending customer complaints and lost sales aren’t happening.

It was heartening to see in Lidl today that their own brand energy drink had almost sold out but the sugar free version still had a full shelf. Anyone buying a sugar free or zero-calorie energy drink needs a forceful lesson in the basic concept of energy as applied to foodstuffs and biology.

So do the idiots making it.

Give in to single issue pompous arses, apply rules your customers don’t want and you will wreck your business. Didn’t the pub trade give enough of a clue there?

Coca-Cola and Pepsi told the Sugaria Police to fuck off. There are two untampered drinks on the market at least. They also make sugar free versions for those who want them.

Of course, it is possible to wreck your business without outside interference by applying political correctness all on your own. You still get to blame the customers you excluded for your lack of business success, naturally…

Oh there are others. Many others.

Now Big Publishing, in the shape of Penguin Random House, is getting in on the act. This article caused such uproar among So-called Justice Wankers that the Spectator took it out of the paywall to let the world see it in context.

Basically, this major publisher is dumbing down its staff and actively looking for authors who fit Diversity Criteria over authors who can actually write. It won’t matter because reading ability is no longer a criterion for staff selection.

However, as with those Ribena and Lucozade customers, the evil white men who aren’t allowed in feminist bookshops and those smokers who once regarded a pub as their second home, Penguin Random House will find their paying customers actually want to read good books. They don’t want to buy a book just because the author is a transexual Bedouin single mother with one leg and a speech impediment.

If she can write a good book, no problem. The point is, book buyers are by and large not the coffee-table virtue-signallers if Islington and will not buy a book just because of the author. They buy a book because of the words inside it and don’t care that much who wrote them.

This is not to say that only straight white perfectly fit folk can write. Stephen Hawking has written some very interesting books while being as disabled as it’s possible to get without being dead. Anyone can write. Religion, ethnicity, skin colour, waist size, number of functioning limbs, height, shoe size, colour and quantity of eyes, nobody who reads books gives a damn. Is it a good story, well told? That is all a reader is looking for. They do not care who wrote it beyond (hopefully) looking for more books by the same author.

So, look out for some Diversity Suicide from Penguin Random House soon. Identity Publishing is a thing now. Doesn’t matter if the book is any good as long as you tick a box they haven’t ticked yet. If you’re a straight black guy with a family, get in quick.They’ll fill that quota quickly. If you’re a one-armed Eskimo lesbian with Tourettes and a criminal record, take your fucking time. That one is pretty niche. The big publishers will fight over your 20,000 word treatise about types of snow as they relate to igloo architecture. You’ll be able to buy your own iceberg within a week.

If you are white, well, you’re bottom of the list. Since Penguin Random House operate in predominately white countries they will fill the white, especially straight white, quota in minutes. Once it’s filled, even Stephen King won’t get in.

Some will consider this a disaster but I don’t think it matters at all. If Penguin Random House start selling crap books, nobody will buy them. There are many small publishers trying to get a start at the big time. If the big boys want to commit their self-righteous suicides, let them. Why cry when businesses deserve to die? Replacements are waiting in the wings. That’s how it has always worked and always will. Nothing is forever. Ask the Roman Empire, KwikSave or Woolworth’s.

There will be no author or staff quotas of any kind at Leg Iron Books, ever. It is all about the writing here. If you have been typing for ten years using only one functional finger and it’s a good book, we’ll edit it and fix it and publish it. I do not care about any of that identity-politics bollocks. I do not care if you are white or black or green. I do not care if you are male or female or if you identify as one of the new Fahrenheit scale of genders. I don’t even care if you think you are a badger. If your book is good I’ll publish it.

Leg Iron Books will never be a big publishing house because it was never meant to be. It was set up as, and will remain as, a place for good authors who can’t get the attention of the big boys to get a foot in the door. I don’t want to be rich enough to pay high rate tax. I won’t work for half pay and I don’t need that much money. I need enough to  feed me, CStM and my train habit. She has income for her own habits 😉

If any SJWs have managed to get this far without passing out, this should finish them.

The staff of Leg Iron Books is entirely white and straight. It is, at least, 50% female so we can tick that one.

Penguin Random House has about 2000 employees. Leg Iron Books has two. Me and Roo B. Doo. I earn pennies, Roo works for extra copies of the anthologies and rare bonuses. For the moment. The determined self-destruction of the big names is good news for this tiny startup publisher, and for all the others too.

There are no plans to extend the staffing although I have been in touch with a very good artist who might do some freelance cover art if I can afford his work. No prices discussed yet but oh boy, he’s good. He’s also largely unknown so getting a credit on a book will help him as much as it helps both Leg Iron Books and the authors.

And he’ll get paid too.

Let the virtue signalling suicides roll. We little businesses, so far pressed down by the big boys, are loving it.

We’d never have had a chance if the big ones were intelligent.

 

 

The Tommy Robinson Show

Tommy Robinson has a past as a bit of a thug. Football fighting, assault, that mix up with the mortgage which ended up with a conviction for fraud. Not the ideal CV for the saviour of the West, really.

Still, those are all spent convictions and in the UK at least, if you’ve done the time and paid the fine, that should be that. Unless it’s a real biggie, like rape or murder, it shouldn’t be held against you for ever. People do grow up, young thugs do become responsible adults sometimes. It happens. Quite often, in fact. I know quite a few of them.

I watched a YouTube video of Tommy Robinson talking with Imam Tahwidi (The Imam of Peace on Twitter and elsewhere). Imam Tahwidi is a devout Muslim and declares the Quran can never be reformed or changed. Yet, he does not feel the same way about the Hadiths, scripture written after Mohammed’s death. Those are not immutable because they do not come directly from the Prophet. Those hadiths are where most of the violence and intolerance comes from.

Tommy disagreed totally in the interview but was respectful and polite throughout. There was no shouting, no threats, from either of them. In fact, Tommy (and indeed I) learned a lot from Imam Tahwidi in that interview.

Whatever you think of Tommy Robinson, he is not the thug he once was. He might not be awfully bright but he means well. His fight against Muslim child rape gangs – well, if you want to silence dissent against child rape gangs I am going to open the Lefty play book and use the ‘if you don’t condemn it, you are clearly part of it’ gambit. That play book works both ways.

He is currently in jail for breaking the terms of a suspended sentence. The police who arrested him told him he wasn’t in breach (it’s on video) and arrested him for ‘breach of the peace’ which is a wonderful catch-all term for arrest that can mean anything at all. His lawyer was told he would be released. So the lawyer did not attend the trial he did not know was happening and Tommy was summarily sent to jail the same day he was arrested.

All over Twitter I see ‘Well he broke the law, what do you expect?’

He did, yes. He filmed convicted child rapists on their way into court for sentencing. The trial was over. The argument was that this action could prejudice more trials of this kind that are ongoing.

Maybe it could. I’m not a lawyer. I have been inside a courtroom precisely once in my life, called for jury service but not selected. So maybe an hour in a courtroom out of 58 years of life. I can’t pretend to know a damn thing about how it works. It just looked like a load of pompous self-importance to me.

I do know that having jury service hanging over you can totally fuck up self-employment. The bastards just don’t care though.

I do not see a single tweet suggesting that maybe the law isn’t quite what it should be.

Tommy had a suspended sentence of 3 months. He was summarily (within hours of arrest, remember, and with his lawyer told they had no need to attend because he would be released) sentenced to 13 months. Is that a fair way to treat anyone? Would you like it applied to you? You can be arrested for a hurty tweet or a sick joke now. How would you like to just disappear? Ask yourself, do you really want the law to work like that?

Oh it’s okay when it applies to someone you don’t like, isn’t it? But when it’s your dad or mum, when it’s your sister or brother, son or daughter, when it’s you… too late to object. The law is the law, remember, and when it comes for you… oh, please, no tears. It’s a waste of suffering.

Whatever you think of Tommy Robinson, whatever I think, doesn’t matter. Thousands and thousands of people turn out at demos to support him and those are just the ones who aren’t thinking quietly to themselves ‘he has a point’. We are talking a huge following here.

Call them all far right if you want, but they aren’t. They are ordinary people looking for a focus and identity their government denies them.  The real far right are coming and when you shout ‘They are far right!’ the ordinary people will respond with ‘Well that’s what you call us anyway’. This is how despots get to power.

Tommy Robinson might well get killed by radical Muslims in prison. He won’t be the first.

Thirteen months. It could very well happen.

And if it does, the mob has a martyr.

This cannot end well.

Rest period

All the books in the backlog are published so I’m taking a break before the next ones arrive. I should work on some of mine in this hiatus too. I am also transferring the mass of accumulated crap from my old computer onto a new one but I’m planning to sort through it on the way rather than transfer everything, including the stuff I don’t need any more. I don’t want to bog this one down like I did with the last one!

I have also finally relented and bought an Android phone to replace the Windows one. So I’ll have to move all that shit too. The Windows phone still works fine but it’s way too limited in terms of what apps it can access. My refusal to buy any Apple products still stands – the time they declared their warranties void for smokers is never going to be forgotten. I don’t care if they relented, I don’t care if they ever apologise. People who believe a molecule of nicotine can get into a phone and then kill the phone repairer are not the kind of people I will ever buy expensive electronics from. Being a gullible idiot is not a good marketing strategy.

I’ll now have time to look at how crazy the world has become while I was too busy to take much notice. A quick glance suggests that some parts are getting crazier and other parts are moving towards a bit less crazy.

Austria and Italy seem to have taken the stance of the Eastern European countries and are not taking any more nonsense from the EU, nor from the mass of ungrateful bastards they have given a new home to. Sweden, too, seems to be moving towards a less tolerant attitude to rape, murder and general violence. About bloody time.

That won’t happen here in the UK as long as Jackboots May is in charge. She’s still obsessed with controlling the internet and with buggering up Brexit negotiations. It won’t happen with Crackpot Corbyn in charge either. Our best bet is, unfortunately, Jacob Rees-Mogg. I say ‘unfortunately’ even though I agree with almost everything he says (apart from the religious dogma stuff) because he almost exactly fits the character description of Chancellor Sutler in ‘V for Vendetta’. I’d vote for him, yes, but with reservations.

Anyway, there are likely to be a few weeks of rage fuelled blog posts coming up, interspersed with some model making stuff. This is because I have had some G scale stuff here for some time and swore to do nothing with it until all the current publishing was done. Last night I set up a small test track in the kitchen…

The track gauge is 45mm and the engine (I have two now) is radio controlled. This means I can use plastic track which is a hell of a lot cheaper than brass track and since there are no power lines to the track, foldback loops are possible. A loop that goes back to the same track. Live track can’t do that without serious and fiddly wiring and operation. Any track configuration is possible, there is nothing to short circuit.

Points are way cheaper in plastic too. You can get one for about £8 while a brass one is going to hit you for £30 or more.

Both engines can be run from one controller, even though they are on different frequencies. Alternatively they can be run from two controllers so there is scope for two operators. They do have sound, which can be switched off. I like the sounds but CStM says they sound like they’re haunted. That might be why I like them…

Scale is 1:22.5 so all those 1/24 scale truck models are close enough. They’ll fit on the flat wagons.

Expensive? It can be, but I’m using mostly Chinese models sold by EastCoastRotor on eBay. Supplemented with whatever I can get cheap on eBay. Sure, it’s not as good as original LGB or Piko but it’s pretty damn good anyway. I have a box car with sliding doors (no big deal, I had vans with sliding doors in N gauge) but in this scale the door latches work. Yeah. You close the door and latch it closed.

A coach is about £30, a box van around £20. This is really not much different to what you’d pay for OO gauge brand new. I had an advantage in that I sold a website (gutbugs.com) so had an unexpected source of play money but really this is not out of most people’s range. Unless you want brass track and the really high end stuff – which, if I could afford to splash out that much, I would have. This stuff is plenty good enough for me though. The doors on the coaches open and the roof unclips so you can put people inside. The upgrade possibilities are huge.

Oh I still have all the 00 gauge stuff, some of which I will sell off because I have way more than I’ll ever use now. I had started picking up a few bits of 0 gauge but I’ll sell those on because 0 gauge has now been eclipsed by G. There are quite a few bits of N gauge around including a 9F that I just can’t part with (I still have the 00 gauge 9F I bought in 1976, and there are two of them now).

I even have an 009 engine I made many years ago but never did anything with. It still works, I think, but I’d probably sell it. I’m never going to build an 009 narrow gauge railway now I have a G scale one.

Quick bit of geekery – Gauge 1 uses the same track as G scale but it’s to scale with the ‘real’ trains. G scale is bigger because it’s narrow gauge on gauge 1 track. 009 is basically 00 scale narrow gauge using N gauge (9mm) track. If you’re lost here, you need to take a course in geekery.

Okay. I have not looked at the Daily Outrage for a long time. It’s time to get that rage going again. At least until I immerse myself in the world of publishing once again. It’s a welcome break, I must admit, from a business that is 100% white and straight (I believe the new word for ‘normal’ is ‘cis’) and I fully expect to have to paint half of myself black in the name of diversity any day now. I’d go for the bottom half, if the rumours are true.

Not tonight though. It’s way too late for such madness. Instead, have a look at the ‘also available’ page for the next Leg Iron Book.

I don’t yet know what the next one will be but I know this will be the final page.

 

you’ll be fine (Lee Bidgood)

Print version

Amazon Kindle

Most other eBook formats

…and the eBook will soon be appearing at all these places too:

Barnes & Noble
Kobo
Apple
Inktera (formerly Page Foundry)
Baker & Taylor/Follett
Library Direct
Baker-Taylor Axis360
OverDrive
Scribd
cloudLibrary
Gardners Extended Retail
Gardners Library
Tolino
Odilo

Here’s the back cover text in case it’s not visible on the graphic…

It was supposed to be a quiet night out.

Within a few hours, Matt had seen his girlfriend’s naked body on the internet, committed adultery with a psychopath and been attacked with an electric shaver to save him from an overdose he did not take.

And now he’s being hunted down by a psychiatric nurse with delusions of saving the world from itself.

It was turning out to be some weekend.

And it was only just beginning.

This one genuinely has some laugh out loud moments. I especially enjoyed a street interaction with a chugger and the conversation in a police cell. I can’t say more than that without giving away spoilers, but when the Amazon listing shows the ‘click to look inside’ option you’ll be able to get a free taster.

Fingers crossed that Amazon don’t link this to someone else’s book like they did with Mark Ellott’s ‘Rebellion’. That listing still isn’t right, even now, but at least it now shows the correct book cover. I’ll continue the nagging.

It seems that every time I load up a book I learn something new. This time I learned how to make a one piece wraparound cover. Previously I’d load the front and back covers and for the spine, I was limited to a few available fonts and colours. Spine font colour could not be varied between author name and book title and the background was a choice from a limited solid-colour range. This time the damn program messed around so much I was forced to try alternatives – and that’s how I found out how to do the wraparound cover.

Well, now the front image can extend around the spine to the back and the spine text can have every letter in a different font and colour or even be handwritten and scanned into the image if you like. This is something I am definitely going to play around with for the Halloween anthology. Might be best to let me practice on that before requesting such a cover for your own novel though. The first one might turn out to be a total OTT mess.

Well, there are no more novels in the queue so I have time to finish one of mine. I’m open to submissions but please hold off for a couple of weeks. I need a break, the garden needs a blitz, I have a load of G scale railway stuff I’m itching to try out and I promised not to do anything with it until I’d finished with these books. Well, it’s time.

And, of course, CStM has been feeling neglected these past weeks. Time for a little bit of attention and perhaps some pampering.

I might let her drive one of the trains.

Next Leg Iron Book

Lee Bidgood’s novel nears release at last. I really wanted to make the cover a Tom Sharpe-style one but my artistic skills are limited and I had not realised that art acrylics are not like model acrylics. They dry hard in days rather than minutes and will blend over borders much too easily. I’m going to have to practice this a lot more – and recognise that it will take some time to produce an image.

Instead, we will use an image produced by the author himself. Covers are ready, interior is ready, it will get loaded as soon as the author contract is signed and in time for summer reading.

It’s a fun summer read. Placed before the pub smoking ban and a wonderful catalogue of disasters over a single weekend. An excellent addition to an already impressive catalogue. I never expected, when I first set up Leg Iron Books, to find so many talented authors struggling to get into print. Hopefully the big boys will eventually notice and some of these authors will move on to bigger things.

That’s the whole point of this venture, you know. I’ll publish your books, you and I make a little money but the real aim is to get those authors into the big publishers’ eyes. Pure altruism? Hell no. If one author gets noticed, so does Leg Iron Books and all the others. Including me.

Maybe I’ll be rich one day. I doubt it and don’t really care. I wouldn’t know what to do with it all, I’d just end up buying dangerous things that might kill me. Enough money and I’d build a planet smasher and you just know I’d have to run that test. I would not be a safe billionaire.

This novel is the last current submission in the list. Someone money-oriented would be panicking. I’m looking forward to a bit of a rest. I need time to figure out marketing for the books already on the list and work on some of my own. Also, I need to spend some time with CStM who, although we live in the same (admittedly Tardis-like) house, has seen little of me for a while now.

So, by the end of this week (Amazon screwups permitting) Lee Bidgood’s book will be published and I’ll be back to playing for a while. I have a stack of G scale track and trains I have sworn not to do anything with until all the current publishing is done.

If you have a novel or short story collection you are itching to get published, I’m interested but I won’t do anything more until July. I’m the boss and only employee here (with RooBeeDoo as unpaid intern). She has a day job and I am overworking, as usual. So go through that story one more time and send it in July. Send it sooner if you wish but really, why rush when you don’t have to?

The next fixed point is September when I will start looking for stories for a Halloween anthology. Underdog Anthology 6. I never imagined it could go that far but it seems unstoppable now. In the meantime, everything is open.

But the rest of June, after this book, is mine.

UPDATE Loading it up now. ‘You’ll be Fine’ by Lee Bidgood should stoon start appearing on bookseller sites. Look for this –

Ban the Banned

Suzi Quatro could have done something brilliant with this title.

Our Ruddy Home Secretary has decided to ban ‘zombie knives’. Take a look at what she wants to ban.

Three throwing knives, useless in unpracticed hands. They are fixed blade so are already illegal to cary. Already banned.

Some stupidly thin wobbly-edged blade that you could probaby bend in half with your hands. Still, it’s long and half-sharp and illegal to carry in public. Already banned.

An axe shaped so as to be pretty much useless and again, too thin to be practical. Also illegal to carry in public anyway, as are all axes unless you’re off to chop some wood. Already banned.

A lurid green version of a liner-lock knife. Used to be common but it’s now illegal to have a lock knife in public. Already banned.

Finally, at the bottom, some kind of fishing implement I think. It has no purpose other than slashing and is the most non-excusable offensive weapon of the lot. Even before all the other things were banned, I’d bet you’d have been arrested for having that. Anyway, it’s definitely already banned.

Look again at those ‘weapons’. The throwing knives are dangerous if you can use them. The liner-lock is dangerous in the wrong hands. The fishing thing is an obvious weapon. It has no other use. Except maybe for clearing weeds from between patio slabs but it doesn’t look like it would be very good at that. A crack hoe would do a better job.

The axe is a useless toy. It’s far too thin and light for any practical application and even as a weapon it’s not going to do what a cheap splitting or garden cutting axe would do. As for the ‘sword’, come at me with that and I’ll beat you with a broom. It’s pressed steel sheet. That’s why you can buy these things for under £10. They are crap. Sharpened at the front half only and it won’t hold an edge. It’s cheap soft steel. The sharpened bit has non-sharp notches cut into it for no reason at all. It is all just for show. I wouldn’t accept one as a gift, never mind buy it. If gang members are really bragging they have these, they are a laughing stock.

These ‘zombie weapons’ are ornamental toys. I have some ornamental swords that look really impressive but if you try to use them in a real fight, the blade is likely to come off the handle. You grab one of those. I’ll grab the kitchen chopping knives. I will win.

Nobody, as far as I can see in the news, has ever used one of these toys in a real attack. Nevertheless, carrying any of them in public is already illegal and frankly, why would you? Aside from the lock knife, none of them have any practical use and none of them are any use in self defence either. The whole ‘zombie knife’ shit is just an excuse to disarm us more.

On June 1, 2018, footage emerged of a cyclist using a zombie knife to try and smash the window of a car in an apparent road rage row.

That was not a ‘zombie knife’. That was a real and very dangerous big knife. What they propose to ban has nothing to do with that already fucking illegal massive knife. It’s just an excuse.

A long list of dangerous weapons that glamorise violence will also be included in the total ban, putting them on the same legal footing as unlicensed firearms.
They include sword sticks, butterfly knives and blowpipes, as well as a range of martial arts weapons such as deathstars and handclaws.

Sword sticks and butterfly knives have been banned in the UK for many years. I used to use a site called Blades-UK which dropped those from its listings 20 or more years ago. Because they were no longer legal to sell. Yeah. Already banned. Pity I missed out, I’d have liked a butterfly knife.

Deathstars and handclaws come under ‘fixed blade knives’ and are already illegal. I know nothing of blowpipes but I bet they aren’t hard to make.

Our Ruddy Home Secretary wants to make it illegal to have anything sharp at home, whether you take it on the street or not.

I mean, come on. I have a scythe. In this garden, in summer, I need it. It has a grass blade and a ditch blade for the wooded parts. I have oilstones and whetstones and a peening kit. Grinding wheels and files. I have the means to make a tyre iron sharp. And we are to be scared of lurid green toys?

What this country needs is not more bans.

What this country needs is a government that is not entirely populated by idiots.

Yeah. Not happening, is it?