The Immigrant Song

Nigel ‘Smoky-drinky’ Farage has been talking to an American audience at one of Donny Trumpton’s gigs. He is of the opinion that there is going to be a global revolution and the nationalist parties will take France, Germany and Holland – and zen ze Vorld! Hahahaha!

Well, not North Korea obviously. Nor China, nor Russia. Unlikely that anything in the rest of the world will ever affect Turkmenistan. Most of Africa won’t care. So maybe not all the world. Perhaps about a third of it.

I don’t know if ‘revolution’ is a good term here. It usually means the overthrow of a dictatorship but you can’t usually do that just by voting for it. They have elections in North Korea, you know. One candidate on the ballot form and voting is compulsory and not secret. It’s an utterly pointless exercise, it’s just there so Kim Jong Jingly Jangly can claim he was democratically elected.

If someone were to write ‘Nobby the Goblin’ under Kim Jong’s name and then draw a box with a cross in it, it’s not a spoiled ballot paper. It’s a warrant for that voter’s arrest. That’s a country that will only ever change with a real revolution or a spontaneous outbreak of sanity in the ruling family. The smart money is still on revolution as the only real option – hard to do in a country where everyone is under surveillance all the time.

What’s really happening is that the control freakery has got so bad, the life control so insistent and intense, that enough people want it gone. When that happens they vote for something else in the hope it will be less controlling.

There has been a nationalist/socialist party in Germany before. That didn’t go too well. I don’t know much about Holland’s past but I think France has been staunchly socialist since their Revolution. Well, people really couldn’t vote right-wing for a long time anyway because the revolutionaries cut the heads off all the potential candidates. A drastic, though admittedly effective, measure.

The Lefties would dearly love to do that again. They are always proclaiming and often actually perpetrating violence against those who don’t want to live under their control, while claiming victimhood. They’re not the only ones…

There is an immigrant issue and it’s largely Muslim. There, I said it. Now both the Muslims and the Lefties can start carving a wall plaque to hang my head on, in the name of peaceful coexistence.

I am not one of those who declares all Muslims are deranged Jihadis. This is clearly not the case. I have frequented many a Muslim-run shop or restaurant and found a polite and generous reception every time. Muslims have nutters in their ranks. So does every religious group out there. Christians are not so bad these days but there are parts of Christian history that are quietly pushed aside.

Even Hindus can turn nasty. Hindus! They won’t step on an ant or kill a cow but hoo boy, if you’re the wrong religion in some Hindu countries you have little chance of getting out of there alive.

What do we do about countries that radically disagree with our way of life? Simple. We don’t go there. It’s the cheap and easy way to solve the problem.

Currently though, Hindus, Sikhs and pretty much every other religious or ethnic group who settle in the UK don’t threaten to kill us all and impose their religious laws on us all. Sikhs are a warrior race but they don’t run screaming through the streets brandishing swords and cutting the heads off passers-by. The only time I remember Sikhs protesting was when there was a play running in London (I think) that directly insulted their religion. They reacted to provocation (who doesn’t?) but even then, all they wanted was the play shut down. They didn’t want to burn down every hairdresser’s shop in the country.

See, if you piss off Hindus in their own country then they might kill you. Their country, their laws. In the UK, they recognise that UK laws apply – so if you provoke a Hindu in the UK they will use UK law to make you stop. That’s perfectly fair and reasonable. Other immigrant groups do the same. They want to be here because they like it here and while they retain their own culture and beliefs, they fit in with the UK way of life.

Actually I have wondered sometimes. There was a Nigerian family that moved all the way up here to the North of Scotland and I never got around to asking how they coped with our winters. Nigeria doesn’t really have much in the way of winter. They’ve been here over a decade though so they’ve obviously adapted. I’ve moved out into the wilds now so I never see them any more.

The same is true of most of the Muslims here. They have adapted to UK life and while it gets damn cold here compared to most of their countries of origin, they know we won’t cut off their hands for stealing or stone them for adultery or behead them on a whim. Further, we will let them have mosques and won’t force them to change their religion. They can keep their own values and beliefs but becoming a UK citizen means accepting UK laws.

Some didn’t come here to escape the madness of their own countries. Some came here to make the madness global. You have to recognise the problem before you can do anything about it and the Lefties will not recognise it. They defend the loonies in Islam even though those loonies will kill them as soon as they win.

People say ‘But if there are moderate Muslims, why don’t they speak out?’

Imagine a world in which the Westboro Baptist Church was defended by the Lefties no matter what they did. Even the gay Lefties defended it in the same way they now defend Islamic loonies. So that little band of loonies gained power and deranged converts. Any other Christian speaking out against it would be shouted down and probably targeted for hate and a beating – both by Westboro and their Leftie defenders.

If you were a Christian in that world, would you speak out? You can say yes now because it’s a theoretical scenario that won’t happen but consider… the Lefties also run the child monitoring agencies. Your children could be taken away because you are a racist Westborophobic right wing bigot. And that would be just the start.

The Westboros would declare you a heretic and apostate and you would be ostracised and possibly killed. Your family too. Still think you’d speak out?

Not so sure? Now imagine you’re a Muslim family quietly and happily running a corner shop or a restaurant or maybe another business. Would you risk losing it all – and it means all. Absolutely all – by speaking out?

Yes, there are moderate Muslims. There were moderate Catholics during the time of the Inquisition and I fully believe there are many Hindus in Hindu countries who are appalled and disgusted at what their government does to those of other religions. Who will speak out when speaking out can get you and your family killed?

Who, in North Korea, would dare utter ‘Kim Jong ate all the pies, the fat bastard’? His brother did. From outside the country. He’s dead now.

If you want a UK Muslim to stand up and say ‘Saudi Arabia is run by maniacs who just like killing people for fun’ you have to promise that Muslim a change of name, location, face, and a 24-hour armed guard for the entire family forever. At least some of them think it, I can assure you, but saying it, well, they’d rather play handball with nitroglycerin. It’s less risky.

Look at what the Lefties do when a non-Muslim says ‘there are Muslim terrorists’. They’d do the same to a Muslim who said it. They’d marginalise them to the point where they would have no defence when the Islamists came for them. And they know it. So they keep quiet. Wouldn’t you? When you know you will be decrying murderous loonies and nobody will dare stand in your defence?

It’s not immigration that’s the problem. There’s always been immigration, everywhere. My mother’s family came from northern Italy. Might explain my predilection for leaving horse heads in enemies’ beds and my looking forward to the day someone comes to ask a favour on the day of my daughter’s wedding but even so, the family has integrated. I consider myself Welsh because that’s where I was born and I can now almost hold a conversation in Doric because that’s where I’ve lived for a few decades.

The Lefties aren’t reading this far. They hit outrage mode less than halfway down the post. Nothing after that will reach them. Don’t worry about them, they are off decrying me ‘racist’ even now.

I was in southern Ireland, in Dublin, in 1989. You could not get anyone to talk about the IRA much but they didn’t have universal support. It seemed most people didn’t really give a shit about Northern Ireland, they had their own lives to deal with. Really, I got the impression that only those who were obsessed with the island being one country were IRA supporters and most of them joined it. Just like Islamic Jihad.

The trouble was, speaking out against them could get you killed. Same thing. Who believes all the Irish were terrorists? The airport police did. An Irish co-worker – another PhD – was detained at the airport because of his name and accent.  So in the current wave of terrorism, if you give your name as Muhammad Ali, you are going to be treated as a potential terrorist using a fake name, even if it is your real name. It’s not at all surprising, is it?

Trump has the right idea but he’s cutting with a blunt knife. It’s not immigration he should target. It’s fanaticism. So should everybody else.

And not just Islamic fanaticism. All of it.

Especially the Leftie idiot enablers.

Oh, almost forgot :

Leg Iron Books – an update

I don’t have a proper website for publishing yet. Coding has moved on somewhat since I last wrote a web page and the stuff I know about HTML is appallingly primitive by modern standards. I also have yet to decide on the format and layout.

In the interim, I’ll try things out on the blog. I meddled with the menu bar today and somehow managed to stop it working altogether. I think it’s fixed now. I have updated the ‘Underdog Press’ link to ‘Leg Iron Books’, updated that page and added pages for the current books under it. Hover a mouse pointer over it, or tap it on a touchscreen and you should get a drop down menu.

So far it just has the book covers. Next there will be links to places to buy the books. Eventually there will be individual author pages with sub-menu section to each author’s book(s). So, each author will have an ‘about me and my writing’ page, a photo if you want one, and a sub-menu listing the books. If you write in different genres and use a different name for each type of book, you get a page for each persona.

Hopefully, once it’s all looking right, it will transfer easily to a ‘proper’ website. Although I will need someone to do the coding, or at least help… a lot!

The Easter Anthology has four submissions so far. Maybe five, if someone who emailed me likes my suggestion. I can’t pay at the same rate as last time or I’ll go bust. So, this time, it’s £10 a story or the equivalent in books – I won’t know the final book price until it’s done but it’s going to be as cheap as possible.

If you have a very short story, say, less than 500 words, well, we’ll come to some kind of arrangement.

Easter is the theme, and it doesn’t have to be the centre of the story. Stories set at Easter time, whether they involve chocolate eggs or religion or neither, are what we need here. Past or future or present, anything from soppy romance to trouser-filling horror. Just with an Easter theme.

Good Friday is the 14th of April and it has to be out by then. So let’s put a deadline for submissions at the end of March. I can cope with one or two late ones after that but really, most of the book should be in shape by then. I’ve already started on the cover, and on the cover for Longrider’s first novel.

I now have five days to finalise Longrider’s novel if it is to be out this month – and I really have to start taking deadlines seriously. Especially since I’ve just had another book sent in!

Okay, back to work…




I am a scientist. I reached PhD level in 1987 and have worked in microbiology ever since. I went self-employed as a rogue scientist in 2005 and apart from a dry spell (more to do with politics and devious maneouvering than anything else, but that’s a different story) I’m still here. Still involved in science. So when I hear some smug shitebag telling me to ‘do some research’ I have to restrain myself from going full blast at them. Research is what I do. It’s what I’ve done since I passed my first BSc in 1981. I have researched using the library stacks in the basement. I know stuff that isn’t on the internet.

Yes, there was a gap. I worked as a technician for a while after the BSc. It wasn’t enough. And other things happened. Not relevant here.

These days I do commercial science. I do stuff for food companies. No, I don’t test their chickens for Salmonella, that’s easy and not very interesting. I research new products for animal and human health. It does, however, mean I can’t publish it or say too much. I have to sign ‘no speak of this’ papers in order to get paid. Companies don’t want their research given away. They pay me both to do it and to shut up about it.

So that’s the disclaimer. I know how peer research works, I have a long publication list to prove it (before going commercial) and I have peer reviewed other people’s papers. I have supervised PhD and MSc students and none of mine have ever failed.

I have built – and since refined greatly – a device in which I can test the effects of additives on the gut population without involving any animals. I have built – and published – a model estuary which maintained not only bacteria but also Nereis, Coprophium and Macoma species. For weeks at a time. Basically, until I needed a day off. It even had a tidal system. Yeah, it was the hard way but it worked, and produced a lot of insights into chitin degradation in estuaries. Some I still hold back for fun and potential profit  😉

You might infer from this that when it comes to science, at least biological science, I have at least some idea of what I’m talking about. Or you might prefer the crap you read in the modern lefty hack-rags masquerading as certain science journals. That’s your choice. I’ve put my cards on the table. Let’s see yours.

I’m not rich because I’m honest and well, a bit blunt. I was once asked to try putting probiotic bacteria into vegetarian sausages. I told them it can’t work because sausages have to be cooked right through so the bacteria would be dead.

They said ‘But it’s vegetarian. No meat’.

I said ‘It doesn’t matter what sausages are made of. What matters is how they are made. Any contamination at any stage will go right to the centre. You always have to cook them right through.’

So I didn’t get the project. I could have. If I had been unscrupulous I could have spent months or even years pretending to try to get it to work, knowing it never would but banking the money anyway. Unfortunately I have something fatal for a scientist trying to get rich. Scruples.

I could have presented results showing long term survival of the probiotic in the sausage, given them shelf life details, all of it. Just… never mention what happens when they are cooked. I’d have got away with it too, but I don’t want to be that kind of person.

There are plenty of that kind of person around, and plenty of jobs for them in the modern lie that is ‘public health’. They would have taken that project and reported a resounding success. That success was a certainty to anyone who knows how Lactobacillus species interact with vegetable matter in a zero or restricted oxygen environment such as a sausage.

The probiotic would have thrived in there but when you cooked them, you’d have silage sausages with no live bacteria inside. On paper, a great success. In practice, pointless and… yeuk.

I smoke. I’m doing it now, here in my office room. I restrict smoking in the house because it’s rented. There is no ‘no smoking’ rule. Just a rule that says ‘don’t leave a mess’. Basically, if I turn the ceiling yellow I have to repaint it before I leave. That seems fair. It’s unfurnished so all the nicotine-saturated furniture either leaves with me or gets dumped.

But yes, I smoke. I like it. I don’t do it to deliberately kill anyone or to deliberately annoy anyone. I don’t ‘promote’ smoking. I really have no interest at all in whether anyone else smokes or not. It’s not something I get a commission on. It’s not a pyramid scheme. If you don’t smoke, I gain nothing by persuading you to try it. So I don’t. I, like other smokers, am happy to let you live your life the way you want. If only the medics thought that way, they might turn out to be good at their jobs and not be almost universally termed ‘quack’. It seems that’s all we have now. The British Mallard Journal is the strongest evidence for this.

CStM recently returned from Denmark with ten packs of cigarettes. Vikings. I like them but you can only get them in Denmark and they are about £3.50 for 20. On open display too, and we are talking corner shop prices not supermarkets. Seriously. Don’t blame the EU for plain packs and Doors of Shame. We are the only ones who fell for it. The UK government are the only stupid bastards in the whole of Europe who fell for the probiotic sausages researchers.

It’s not too surprising. They are far too busy trying to destroy relations with our biggest trading partner after Brexit, the USA, to trouble themselves with what those who elected them actually care about.

They pander to minorities. I’m not talking about immigrants. I’m talking about a much smaller minority. The health hate machine.

The health hate machine has noticed us. We little bloggers. Frank Davis, Junican, Dick Puddlecote and many more. They have become upset that we are not talking through their own forums where they can moderate us and slap us down. They want ‘antismokerphobia’ to be a Thing like Islamophobia and other made up crap. They want criticism of their new religion of NewScience to be illegal. Don’t they all?

You Must Believe! Never mind that it makes the atheist attack on Christianity’s ‘sky pixie’ (they never seem to mention the Islamic moon god or that they revere a lump of stone, isn’t that odd?) look like a compliment. At least the atheists recognise the (potential) existence of the enemy they don’t believe in.

The Baccy Haters don’t like us. We’re questioning the gospel.

I have a book on the Spanish Inquisition somewhere in my piles of unsorted books. They worked in exactly the same way. Denounce someone and they were guilty. There was no innocent. They had to tell you what they were guilty of and they’d decide a punishment. Might be small, might be big but if they came for you they were never wrong.

The Inquisition acquitted nobody. If they arrested you, you were guilty of something. You might be sentenced to six Hail Marys or a burning at the stake but you wouldn’t get out without a confession.

14th century. Seven hundred years. That’s no time for an evolutionary change and there hasn’t been one. The staff of the Inquisition are still here. Same people, different methods.

They used religion to get their way and debased it to a laughing stock. Islam is a bit late to the game but the same will happen to them. Sooner than they think.

Now they use science and medicine to get their way and have ruined both. Those pillars of Western civilisation have crumbled.

Science used to decry religion but it has become a new one. Believe what we say or you are a heretic and must die. Do not question our research because we didn’t do any and don’t need it, our personal preferences are proof enough.



I am a heretic. A smoky-drinky heretic.

I dare them to burn me.


Game of Moans

They’re everywhere. Moaning and groaning and bleating and crying ‘I’m the victim’ while they beat someone senseless with their ‘no more violence’ placard.

They are the victims of votes they don’t agree with. In the UK, in America, in more and more countries across Europe soon, they wail and insist they are the majority. They believe everyone sensible thinks like them, when the evidence suggests they barely think at all.

And what the hell is ‘alt far right’? It sounds like some kind of computer reset code. It’s the latest label for those who actually think before they speak – indeed, for those who dare to think their own thoughts rather than the thoughts they have been instructed to think.

There has been much rumbling over Donny Trumpton’s attempt to ban travel from seven countries. There was no such rumbling when Barry O’Blimey bombed six of those countries. The Tiny Blur has been out telling us we must do what politicians say because he knows best. *cough* Iraq *cough*. Middle East Peace Envoy? Oh how we laughed. At him, not with him.

Gary ‘Skidmark’ Lineker and even John Cleese have been siding with the thoughtless. Rich people talking about socialism. They really haven’t got a fucking clue what it would mean if it really happened. I used to laugh at John Cleese’s comedy. Now I just laugh at his tweets. It’s pure Lefty handbook stuff. Insult, belittle, ridicule, block but above all, do not debate. Debate is dangerous, it might force the Lefty mind to generate actual thoughts and they might start to question what they’ve been told.

Neither Trumpton nor O’Blimey, nor any other leader for that matter, have ever imposed sanctions, travel bans or gone to war against Saudi Arabia. Are they really so powerful that even America dare not offend them? No, they have no need of any army. They have money and oil in abundance. That’s why they get away with everything. Incidentally, they were building a border wall to keep ISIS and the resulting refugees out. Nobody seemed to mind…

That’s why the West does so much to appease Muslims. Saudi Arabia tells their leaders to and if they don’t, well, a shortage of oil would be a terrible thing, wouldn’t it? The leaders pass it down the line to their idiot drones and useful rich idiots who believe what they are told. Or maybe they’re paid to believe it. Rich people love getting more money. Socialism has made quite a few people very, very rich while making millions more very, very poor.

How can a socialist with many millions in the bank and several businesses decry capitalism and get away with it? Simple. You only enlist gullible idiots at your grassroots level. There are plenty of them out there.

They will demand redistribution of wealth while never noticing that you keep all yours.

They will insist on higher taxes so you can cream off even more money while they starve. They will idolise you while you do this and see no contradiction. They won’t mind you avoiding taxes. You’re one of theirs. That ‘crime’ only applies to the other side.

And when they lose a vote, they will insist that they are the majority and the vote is only democratic if they win it. They will see no contradiction in this either.

They will initiate mob violence and claim victimhood. No realisation of contradiction again.

They will call everyone else ‘fascists’ and ‘Nazi’ without once pausing to reflect on their own actions. They haven’t even bothered to look up what those words mean. They are too busy polishing their jackboots for the next round of head-breaking.

So, ‘democratic’ now means do as we say or we’ll kill you. Never mind what you want, only what we want has any validity and disagreeing with us means your life has no value. We can wear T-shirts proudly proclaiming we punched you and we can call you violent and still claim to be the victim.

That is the Lefty mind. That is the future they want. Even though they really don’t know what it means.

Kim Jong Jingly Jangly must be oh so proud.

More book stuff

There is going to be an Easter anthology. I Have Decided. I have to move fast but I’m damn well going to do it. Last time there were delays, some due to external factors and some due to inexperience. I can now deal with the latter much more easily. The former, well, I don’t plan to move house (and all the craziness that goes with it) for some time yet. That was the biggest delay.

So, can I do it in a month? A lot depends on you guys. I need stories with an Easter theme. Any genre, any subject, gentle or supernatural or gory or romantic. Based around Easter, that’s the only rule.

Well, there are other rules. No child abuse of course, no violent rape and (new but fixed rule) no antismoking or antidrinking or any story where the control freaks win unless they are clearly the bad guys. I will not be a propaganda machine.

So far we have:

The Underdog Anthology

Cultish, by Hugo Stone (skirts the very edge of the rules and touches the limits of common decency – but very funny with it).

The Goddess of Protruding Ears, by Justin Sanebridge (a sexual, but only slightly kinky tale of romance across time).

All these are available from many other eBook outlets.

Next up is Longrider’s novel ‘Ransom’. I’ll put up the author name when he’s definitely decided what to use. Probably his own name again but it’s common decency to wait until contract time. This one has to be done this month for two reasons – to keep up my self-imposed ‘one a month’ production rate, because I have the Easter Anthology to do and because I have a backlog.

Three. Three reasons.

I have, in the backlog, a short story collection by Longrider, a Dutch translation of The Goddess of Protruding Ears, two novels by MJ (again, can’t give a name until the author has decided what to use) and a biography of the painter Han Snel. Also a few novels of my own.

The backlog has enough to keep pumping out one a month until July without my own books. This little publisher is climbing the ladder, one rung at a time.

Next month is the Easter Underdog Anthology plus one of MJ’s novels. She’s been very patient in the queue. I know, because I’m an author too, everyone wants their own book dealt with first. It’s natural. After spending all that time writing it you want it in print right now. So do I.

But I’m a one man operation. A bloody-minded and determined one man operation but just one all the same.

The way this thing is going, that might change, and sooner than I expected.

But then I’d have to move somewhere with a government that doesn’t do its damndest to slap down anyone who tries to build a business.

Pity. I quite like Scotland otherwise.

The Revenge of the Poultry from Beyond the Gravy…

Salmonella and Campylobacter. Sigh. I have grown enough of these in a single experiment to bring down a medium sized city.

Oh it’s easy, when you use growth media designed to make them grow fast. It’s how we find them quickly when there’s an outbreak. It’s also how we test food before it goes on sale. Sometimes it’s in the supermarkets before the test is complete but we can recall it pretty fast.Heavy contamination will show up in 24 hours but it takes about 4 days to be certain it’s a negative.

We test for other things too but the big names in chicken and turkey and general poultry are Salmonella and Campylobacter.

At the end of the experiment, everything goes into a big pressure cooker called an autoclave. Fifteen minutes in there and there is no life anywhere inside it. It’s not magic, it’s exactly the same principle as a home pressure cooker, just scaled up so you can fit a disobedient technician into it. In the past, we actually used home pressure cookers in the lab as benchtop sterilisers for small amounts. of stuff. Now there are custom built benchtop ones. They do the same thing but they look more sciency and they have timers so they don’t go bang if you forget.

For these two nasties, all you need is to have the centre of the meat exceed 80 decrees C and they’re dead. Cook that chicken properly, don’t handle salad with chicken grease on your fingers and you’re fine. It’s only dangerous when it’s raw, or when you let it contaminate stuff you aren’t going to cook.

I’ve never had either infection despite my cavalier cooking methods and despite working with them (and other nasties I haven’t personally caught) for almost 40 years. They aren’t hard to kill.

They are, however, very hard to get rid of at source. For Salmonella, many UK poultry farms use a vaccine introduced via drinking water. It won’t wipe them out but it will reduce their numbers. On a bird carcass, Salmonella is mostly surface contamination. Inside surfaces too – it lives in the guts and can get into some internal organs. Still, that’s easy. As long as the surface is cooked, it’s dead.

Campylobacter is a little different. This one lives in the gut too but it can get into muscle tissue. It can be inside the meat. That’s the one you need to kill by cooking the chicken all the way through. Getting the centre of the meat past 80C is enough – you don’t need 200C in the centre. If you achieve that, you have a roast chicken that will shatter like glass when you try to carve it and will probably be about the size of a quail.

Minced/ground meat is a special problem. For any meat. If you have a beef steak you can flash-fry the outside and the inside can be pretty much raw. The only contamination is on the outside. Ostrich steaks are also best quick-cooked. Even though they are birds they don’t seem to suffer Campylobacter infections.

If you make steak mince, you have mixed the outside contamination all through the final product. It’s now internally contaminated and – as with sausages and burgers – you need it cooked right through.

So with poultry mince you will now have both Salmonella and Campylobacter all through the finished product. Nasty.

Not if you cook it thoroughly. It’s mince. If there are no pink bits left then all the bits are cooked and the nasties are dead. I admit, when making any dish with mince, I cook the mince completely before starting with any added sauces. I take no chances with high risk foods.

Should the mince be a no-risk food? That’s impossible. You can never be sure the processing plant is perfectly sterile even if the starting product is clear of pathogens. The processing plant is staffed by people and if you sterilise your staff in an autoclave their productivity will suffer and you might get nasty letters from their relatives. People carry diseases. It happens. Deal with it.

How do you deal with it? Cook it thoroughly and wash your hands after handling raw meats. Disinfect kitchen surfaces (the spray stuff is good enough, you don’t need a flamethrower) and wipe down with disposable paper towels, not a cloth. A contaminated cloth is a stupid thing to have in a kitchen.

That’s it. That’s really it. Poultry, mince, any raw meat is a risk but it’s an easily managed risk. Just do what your grandparents did. It worked for them and it’ll work for you.

Each year, the article says, 830,000 Americans get sick from eating contaminated poultry. There is no excuse for this. All it takes is a few simple things – proper cooking and kitchen hygiene.

You are not going to eradicate these bacteria at source. You’re dealing with living organisms and chickens are, it must be said, among the most disgusting of living things.

But they taste so good. Just cook them properly.