Life, work and eBay

Interesting times.

Mopzilla is now gone. I won’t go into detail about why he’s gone but it’s better for all concerned that he has, including him. We’re back to just me and Boss doing seven half-days a week each until we find a replacement. He lasted long enough for both me and Boss to take the time off we needed so it wasn’t a total disaster.

Our third wheels never last long. One of us must be scaring them off. I’m sure it can’t be me. Anyway, Mopzilla’s demise wasn’t my fault nor was it Boss’s fault. It was his.

This week was Nadia and Obelix’s week.

CynaraeStMary has been playing with Obelix on Twitter with a little help from a friend. Poor Obelix still has no idea who he’s talking with even though the clues are now so blatant I might as well tattoo this site URL on his forehead. How can they not have found me yet? I’m right in front of their eyes now. Obelix is even talking on Twitter with my only-ever co-blogger!

Boss knows what’s going on on Twitter, even though she’s not on it. I was forced to show her one of CynaraeStMary’s tweets to Obelix because I fell about laughing when I read it.

Boss is also well aware of my current situation and has given good advice on the now-urgent new home hunting. I might have somewhere this week. Somewhere much better than I expected. Fingers crossed.

Nadia, ah, the blank eyes are no allure but so tempting for the tormentor genes.

She cut herself shaving and went septic this week. Okay, it was her ankle she cut and I advised her not to use a chainsaw to shave her legs in future. She did have a real pus-production thing going for a while but apparently it’s clearing up now. Pity. I had plans for a plumwood leg with a castor on the end. It would have been an easy sale.

The real killer was when I was phoning Boss on Sunday night. Nads had asked to bum a cigarette at the end of the shift. No problem, I torment her so much I owe her at least that.

I phoned Boss to tell her that everything was okay, Mopzilla hadn’t done anything stupid or nasty on his last day and she could come back from holiday with no worries – other than that she is the only number on my new phone, which could have interesting consequences if Wife finds out I have a new phone.

While on the phone, Big Nads was demanding her snout so I told Boss ‘I have to go, Nadia wants me to give her one’.

Boss started laughing. Nadia didn’t. At the back door, with Boss still laughing on the phone and The Misery (ex-Mopman) present, Nadia loudly demanded I give it to her there and then, because her mum was waiting outside and if I gave her one in front of her mum then her mum would go ballistic.

Yes, yes I think she probably would.

At this point, Mopman could hardly stand up, I was shaking with laughter and Boss was howling down the phone. Nads had the only straight face within hearing range.

I offered my cigarette case without speaking because at this point I couldn’t. She took one. She could have taken the whole case, it was so worth it (but don’t tell her or she will next time).

She left and there was a lot of laughing before Mopman and I could leave. It cheered Boss up a bit and she’s in need of cheering up lately so it did a bit of good. It was also incredibly funny.

 

I have to load another batch onto eBay. Doing well so far and haven’t touched the railway yet. I discovered that old teaching microscope slides sell at about £2 each and I have 200 of them. In two nice wooden boxes. They can go now.

Remember the old railway tickets that were little cards, around 1960/1970? I have a few of the metal plates used to stamp them. Somewhere I have even older typeset ones. These don’t seem to be on eBay at all so finding a price will be hard.

And I have to sell off my armoury of deadly things. Not just to stop me damaging myself with them. She’s just as bad as me for meddling and I can imagine coming home to find she’s pinned her hand to a table with the telephone just out of reach and a look of ‘Oops’ in her eyes. Fortunately I am always well supplied with first aid stuff.

ebay seems to work best with an end time between 7 -9 pm. Avoid ending on Friday or Saturday because people with the money to bid are out getting plastered.

Postage is killing it though. It’s getting ridiculous now. I have two pistol crossbows to send tomorrow (should have been today) and it’s actually cheaper to send them in two boxes rather than one. Combine them and you go into the next parcel level.

Crazy times here. Normality will eventually resume.

Or at least, as close as it gets here.

Doctoring your mind

I haven’t looked at the Daily Mail much for a while. That’s done me no end of good. Still, too much good can be bad for a man of my age and so I ventured into the Pages of Madness for a browse. It wasn’t long before my new-found hippie calm was shattered into the sharp fragments of the rage of earlier times. I had to re-don the hat for this one.

Dr. Max the Mind Doctor isn’t a psychiatrist. He’s a GP whose remit now includes mind control.

He doesn’t call it that. It’s ‘advice’ or ‘health promotion’ or some such doublespeak nonsense that actually means ‘mind control’. Do as he tells you, believe what he says, live your life as directed. Be compliant, as the subliminal messages around you say…

compliant

…and which hardly anyone notices.

I have a very large chunk of that article to play with here. I could rip apart every word but why? Most of the readers of this blog already know it’s all bollocks and those who can’t see that will never see anything beyond the propaganda they soak up like desiccated sponges on a water binge night.

According to a study published yesterday, those who are wealthier, better educated and have children who’ve left home are more likely to drink at harmful levels than any other group. The researchers warned that affluent baby-boomers are ‘sleepwalking’ into ill-health.

So? If they have the money to buy the booze, the kids are all grown up and need no looking after and they are smart enough to know what they are doing, where is the problem?

According to a study published yesterday. As in, a study that has is full of the sort of made-up crap that gets grants re-issued. There is no science any more. There are no scientists left, certainly not in the health field. Only paid propagandists.

I know this only too well. For many years I worked in drugs and alcohol services and I’ve seen countless men and women who appear to have it all: a good job, financial security, a nice car.

If those are all the things they wanted then they do indeed have it all. Again, where is the problem? These people are capable of looking after themselves, they’ve proved it,  and they are paying a hell of a lot of tax for the privilege. Why not take a look at Benefits McChavvybastard and his mates drinking Red Stripe on a park bench all day, every day? Oh, right, that bank clerk isn’t quite so likely to headbutt you into hamburger for asking a dickhead question.

Scientists used to poke dangerous things to see what happened. Now it seems all they do is poke jelly and mushrooms and invent what might have happened. A sad and tragic end to a once noble career option.

Yet, each night, they essentially drug themselves up with booze. It is not uncommon to see middle-class professionals consuming well over 100 units a week — the equivalent of ten bottles of wine — when guidelines say men should drink no more than 21 and women 14.

This is pure prohibitionist talk. I am a lot more sober these days – I now have a reason not to drink myself to death as regular readers will know – but ten bottles of wine a week? Get stuffed. I was putting away seven or eight bottles of whisky a week for years and did not consider myself an alcoholic. And I proved that recently by going nine days with no more alcohol than two half pints of beer while a full whisky bottle sat on the kitchen table for a week. I didn’t even crack the seal.

I’d go a day or two at a time without any booze before that just to check I wasn’t dependent but if my bank manager had known of my whisky expenditure back then he’d have had a contract out on me.

CynaraeStMary spotted the link in Roobeedoo’s post. to an old post of my own. I didn’t spot it myself, it’s under the first GIF image. Not that long ago but I have no memory of writing it. At that time I was on a bottle of whisky a night, sometimes tipping over into a second if I had one available.

And I didn’t die. I didn’t even get sick. I am possibly the only one my age on no medication of any kind at all. Then again, I did write things and then forget…

They sit there convincing themselves that some mean-spirited jobsworth has dreamed up alcohol limits deliberately to spoil their fun. ‘What do they know?’ is their refrain.
Well, what anyone with a brain knows is that alcohol is a poison. And while some people manage to dodge its effects, many, many don’t.

The alcohol limits were entirely made up. That has been openly admitted by the ones who made them up. It’s not even a secret. Yet Dr. Mind Control here insists that those who deny the limits are based on any kind of science at all must be delusional.

Truth is delusion in Dr. Mind Control’s world. Only fabrication offers real truth.

Alcohol is a poison now. There is no safe level. A hint of my whisky breath this time last year would have killed thousands. If only I had known. Still, one glass of a peaty one might be enough to make a drone need nappies next morning. Booze and smoke, together? We are talking Armageddon here!

I see some fun times ahead…

Top 5 male celeb crushes

Now I probably shouldn’t admit this but finding the women for my top 5 last week took me about an hours thinking. Now the male one took me a week of thinking. First I couldn’t find more than 4 and then this morning I suddenly remembered 10 who could be a possible number 5. I was suggested from several sides to put Leggy on the list but first he’s not an actor or Hollywood celeb and second having 5 points of “he’s just amazing and totally Doctor McDreamy” would probably end up a bit too sweet for anyone but Leggy to read. So without further ado this weeks top 5.

Edward Norton
Now some may be surprised that number 2 isn’t number 1. The first film I saw Edward Norton in was American History X a great but chilling film. I must admit though that I had to watch it about 5 times before the ending stuck in my memory. Later came Fight Club and me being the odd one I was all about Edward Norton whilst all the other girls were swooning over Brad Pitt. I have seen most of the films he’s been in of course.

Benedict Cumberbatch
Now being a big Sherlock Holmes fan I was introduced to the awesomeness that is Benedict Cumberbatch in Sherlock. Jeremy Brett was my favourite Sherlock Holmes until Sherlock happened. It didn’t harm that I could share my crush with Captain Ranty.

Bradley Cooper
I first saw Bradley Cooper years back when I was using what little fun money I had on expensive dvd boxes of Alias. It wasn’t however until The Hangover films and Silver Linings Playbook that I really saw those pretty blue eyes and that hair. *sighs* I did watch my entire way through American Hustle and he was one of the reasons I didn’t just turn it off. He is brilliant as the voice of Rocket in Guardians of the Galaxy and in American Sniper.

Liam Neeson
I saw him first back in Nell and Schindler’s List but the Liam Neeson I like best is the action hero in films like the Taken series. Come on “I don’t know who you are but I will find you and I will kill you!” that is the coolest thing ever. Put Liam Neeson on a film poster with a gun and I will most likely watch it.

David Tennant
Leggy told me I couldn’t make a top 5 list without a Doctor so being a newcomer to Doctor Who and already a big fan I knew I had to put David Tennant on the list. He made me want to have a pet Dalek and own a sonic screwdriver.

Rab the Haggis – a review

I doubt anyone has noticed my recent absence, and anyone who has probably thinks CynaraeStMary has me chopped up and frozen somewhere. Not so, I am alive and active and sorting the valuable from the worthless in my vast collection of stuff.

Quite a lot will be simply abandoned. I could just dump it all but thought I might as well turn some of it back into cash. There are likely to be expenses incurred in the near future but that’s all under way and going well so far.

That’s enough babble from me. I know you’ve been getting used to the rather more concise and focused posts of CynaraeStMary lately and I don’t want to bamboozle you all with irrelevant asides and random digressions just yet. Therefore, taking inspiration from my co-blogger (I have a co-blogger! Reclusive me!) I will get to the point.

Uncle Marvo used to be a frequent commenter here but I haven’t heard much of him lately. That is, until CynaraeStMary and I were discussing writing and she mentioned she’d had a copy of a little book he wrote some time ago.

It’s called Rab the Haggis. Only available as an eBook, it’s not long enough for print yet.

So I wandered over to Amazon, waved my shiny Kindle at it and bought a copy.

I know Uncle Marvo thinks it’s shite, and I know he thinks I’m only mentioning it because I was told to, but he’s wrong on both counts. Does anyone really imagine that some slip of a girl, even a Viking one with an army of remote controlled killer penguins, is ever going to succeed in telling me what to do? No, this was my idea.

The story is a short one, but there is a sequel – and I now know Marvo has made progress on more. All together there’d be enough for a print book, with illustrations by the author. Yes, he can do illustrations too. I am consumed with envy.

It could also benefit from a little editing although it’s clearly been well proofread because I didn’t spot a single typo. Impressive for a tale told largely in Scots vernacular which contains words for which even the Scots have never really defined spellings.

This first short story tells of Rab, a wild haggis. We join the story when he has just spotted a spoot, a strange little creature that happens to be the favourite food of the haggis.

The spoot persuades Rab not to eat him. From here I can’t say too much in detail or I’ll spoil the story but suffice to say that Rab offers to die to help the spoot, while the spoot finds a way to prevent Rab’s death using a tesseract.

Okay. I know at least two of you think a tesseract is some kind of kinky sex device and that this is going to be some Fifty Shades of Tartan style filthy depraved romp. Stop salivating, it’s not. It’s child-friendly good clean fun.

The story includes a bit of multidimensional physics as well as magic, humour and quaint Scottish wildlife. It’s a little bit educational that way.

Marvo insists the work is a load of shite and should be ignored. I disagree (no Marvo, she didn’t tell me to say that either) and I think it could work as it is – the short stories individually on eBook and the collected stories in one print book.

Marvo, if you’re passing and you want someone to look over and edit the stories, and show you how to be in print for free, drop me a line.

I won’t be able to do it in a hurry because of things that are happening now, but if you can be persuaded to write a few more of these little stories, I’ll be glad to help out.

 

Now I return to the bizarre world of eBay and the strange complexities of the British postal system. It’s quite a labyrinth in there. If you want to examine my progress I am ‘Gutbugs’ on eBay.

Tomorrow you get the sensible one back. She has regular features and logical, non-rambling posts. It’s about time this place had a bit of balance.

Danish Musica!

Even with a long list of ideas for music post themes I was feeling a bit lost as to what to post today. A bit early, yes. Now having been knocked out on the sofa with a bit of a fever I was tempted to go the easy way and just do a post of happy songs. But as I was searching for videos I realised that I didn’t have much to say about the different songs. It would have been a bunch of “This song cheers me up!”. So another idea hit me. Since last post was a bit of an introduction to me I figured I’d do a bit of an introduction into the different Danish music I like.

Tim Christensen has been in my music world since I was a teen. He used to be the lead singer in a band called Dizzy Mizz Lizzy. A pop rock band that every girl listened to when I was around 17. I think they made about 2 albums before Tim Christensen went solo. Some years later he made a song that was used as a theme song for a Danish drama called “Nicolai & Julie”. It was one of those songs you couldn’t get away from.
The song I chose is one of my favourites that he’s made.

Volbeat is a bit of a “strange” Danish band in that they aren’t as popular here as they seem to be in Germany and other countries. They did a concert here some years back. My mum and brother went along with me and we had a great time. Only downside was that they had two warm up bands. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Here’s the song I was most excited about hearing.

Oh land’s Son of a gun is one of those songs I heard until the neighbours were on the verge of giving me a new one just to get a bit of variation.
Fun fact: Nanna Øland Fabricius is daughter of Bent Fabricius who is a very well known musician here in Denmark.

Now the next two songs are songs my mum has brainwashed me with. Whenever I visit my parents you can be almost certain of two things – either the TV is on or a CD is playing on the stereo. Sometimes they do a compromise and the TV is muted and the stereo is playing on the side. So a lot of music I now like has been things my mum have played heavily when I’ve been visiting.

Tina Dicow is the first one. I did once almost see her live. I made it to the place then got a stomach bug right before the show started and had to go home.

Mike Andersen I got brainwashed with and I got dragged along to a concert. Sometimes my mum will call and say this or that is playing near us. Your dad doesn’t want to go so you’re going with me. I keep telling her that I’m saving up concerts and one day someone I really like will do a concert here and she’ll just have to come along.
Now this song I actually rather like. (Don’t tell Mama! ;) )

Creative corner

Having been inspired by Leggy I figured it was about time I got some old UFO’s finished. (UnFinished Object) First thing I got around to finishing was my Hama beads. These were very popular when I was a kid. I remember spending loads of hours placing the little plastic beads on the belonging board making all  sorts of things. I once did a huge basket with fruits. I don’t know where tiny me got the patience from. I’d told my mum that I thought it could be fun to try again but I was feeling a bit too grown up for it. She told me I was nuts and bought a big box of beads and a few boards. Of course I had to make penguins. Now they’ve been standing on my parents’ TV desk gathering dust as I left for home before I had a chance to iron the plastic beads together. So that was the first project of the day.

image

Now my next project took a lot longer. I am knitting a shawl. I started one it I think two summers back and I’m finally about 2/3 done. I’d knitted the back piece and a side but as it has a lot of stripes I’d left quite a lot of strings needed to be sewed in. Yesterday I’d made about 600 new stitches for the other side piece so today I wanted to sew in all the loose ends before attaching the side piece. It took me hours of cursing my past self and sore shoulders but I got it all done in the end and attached the side stitches.

Before

image

After

image

Now the future task will be to finish knitting the second side and finish the huge Doctor Who scarf I’m making to Leggy.

How the shawl will hopefully end up looking like in the end. I chose my own colours inspired by a Tiffany lamp. I’ve always found them to be very pretty.

One of those annoying rambling posts

Chaos is so far averted, but it could strike at any moment. Preparations continue with a goal of being out of here by the end of the month. I would prefer it stayed amicable but I know it won’t. It’s just a matter of time now, and not much time at that.

I now have one of those magic phones that cram the entirety of the internet into something that looks like a coaster. It’s about as thick as a coaster too so I have ordered a cover to keep it alive. It could be my only internet link for a time.

It’s a Lumia 535. I bought the phone and added a contract SIM with 4 Gb per month internet time. Carphone Warehouse have a deal that included £36 cashback so I got the phone for just over £50. Which seems cheap considering what this little thing is capable of doing.

If you buy a Microsoft phone, connect it to your WiFi first. It’s Microsoft. It is going to download updates as soon as you turn it on. So far it has downloaded a gigabyte of updates, fortunately all through the WiFi so it hasn’t used a quarter of my monthly internet time.

I hesitate to call it a phone because I’m not really sure how you go about making phone calls with it. It does let me flip between Twitter accounts, it has Farcebok on there (I haven’t tried linking to that yet) and Skype too. Yes, the phone has a phone app.  I can log into the blog from my phone now. From my bloody phone!

There was a time, not all that long ago, when only posh people had a phone in the house. Now every Tom Dick and Harry has one in their pocket. I understand how my grandmother felt now. She was born before the invention of the motor car and might have reached her teens before seeing one.

Anyway, it is no longer possible to permanently separate me from the internet. No matter what happens, the Underdog will continue.

The other big part of the current exodus is selling stuff on eBay. I have accumulated a great deal of stuff, and find now that I care for very little of it. It was all just distractions. I could walk away and leave it all and not think about any of it ever again but much of it has a cash value. Cash is in short supply and I’m going to need some. If I’m really stuck, my brother has offered to help out, as have quite a few of you readers. I would prefer not to impose, if at all possible, but I appreciate the offers nonetheless.

There is a great deal of cash tied up in stuff here. A surprising amount. That’s before I even really touch the railway stuff – I have surplus there but might not need to sell yet. It could remain as an investment for the future.

I have to sell the banjo. A five string banjo best played with a six fingered hand. I haven’t learned to play it yet and don’t have the time now. That, I think, I will take to the local banjo shop and see what I can get second hand. It’s actually a local music shop but since the only thing I bought in there is this banjo…

It could go on eBay but I really don’t trust the post with this.

I found all the stuff for the takedown recurve bow and will put a picture here before it goes on eBay. Since eBay take 10% I can sell at 10% less than the average eBay price and get the same. I also have two pistol crossbows and a full size one but I bet the post office will get all sniffy about taking those. The swords, I think I’m stuck with those forever.

I have a carousel slide projector which surprised me somewhat. I thought I’d got rid of that years ago! One for the dump, nobody wants them now.

Oh and someone was interested in my old microscope slides a while back. I have a nice wooden box containing 100 prepared teaching slides that’s going up for sale. Details on request.

I own a Rotozip Rebel. I have used it, and I still have all my fingers. This will surprise many of you, I know. It is possibly the single most dangerous power tool ever devised and so I simply had to have one. My house has inset shelving in one wall thanks to the devastating evilness of this little drill/saw/grinder/death machine. It’s a wonderful thing but I don’t need it any more.

There’ll be more power tools going on eBay. Not the scroll saw. I need that. Nor the Dremel. I need that too. And I need all the power drills because… well, power drills. What else need I say? I know every guy out there is nodding sagely and every woman is rolling her eyes but hey… power drills, right?

Did I mention before that the baker gave me whisky? The last week has involved mornings in Gadget Shop and evenings in Local Shop and air at home you’d need the finest ceramic knife to cut and about 4 hours sleep a night so it was all a bit hazy. I nearly went full Romulus on the staff at one point midweek. Which would have been a shame. They don’t deserve that.

Anyhow, the baker gave me a bottle of Glenmorangie for the little chairs and table. I didn’t expect any return on those, they were done for the fun of it but being appreciated feels pretty good, I’m finding. The bottle remains unopened so far. I could have cracked it open last night since today was a day off but a week of little sleep and no alcohol followed by a blast of whisky would have floored me.

I think that is what is known as ‘common sense’. It’s a new concept. All part of the underdog update that’s being gradually downloaded into me ;)

I’m being upgraded to Underdog 2.0 from Underdog 1.0.fuckit  It seems like a massive improvement to me

And so it seems I managed to trade plum tree sticks for posh whisky. Purely by accident. Is it odd that I see nothing unusual in this?

You know, I really thought I was the only one n my situation until I told you all what it was, It seems it’s common. Wife tormentors get reported but husband tormentors rarely do. We guys like to pretend we can cope but you know, even the hardest of us just crack sometimes.

We’re human. Sometimes we forget that.