The Poundland Electrofag

Poundland now stock a clearomiser rechargeable Electrofag called 88vape for one single British pound. There are flavours of electrojuices for it, one pound each.

Who could resist?  Not me, I bought one and a bottle of menthol juice too. I never found the tobacco flavours to be any good but there is some consistency in menthol flavours.

For £2 you get this –

eletrofag1

Out of the boxes –

electrofag2

Poor picture quality I know, but this is a low cost post. The Electrofag comes with a USB charger that helpfully has the manufacturer’s name on it. No need to worry about whether it’s the right charger if you have more than one type, as I do. The battery arrived discharged so needed to charge up before use.

The build quality feels a bit cheap but then it is cheap. It has cost next to nothing. So don’t expect the same quality as a Really or the big ones that look like sonic smokedrivers. We are in basic land here. Still it does look and feel solid enough to be useable.

The instructions claim you should replace the  clearomiser every 6-8 weeks. Sod that. At these prices you can get a whole new Electrofag every week.

It works okay for me  The menthol juice is shite, I’ll try something better in it. However, the machinery works okay. It does what it says it’ll do, and that’s really all that matters.

The battery is 650 mAh which will have purists all in a tizzy but come on, one pound? Get real here. If that’s not enough power, just buy two or three. This won’t break the bank.

For the price, I am impressed. Get some decent juice in it and it has potential. Certainly for anyone thinking about trying their first Electrofag, it’s ideal.

What a pity the Puritans despise it as much as they do tobacco.

 

To the Captain

I was sexually abused as a child and raped as a teen and I damn well survived this far. I am turning 30 this year, an age I wasn’t even expecting I would reach.

I have legs covered with self inflicted scars, I have at times had borderline eating disorders, I have gotten a PTSD diagnosis and I at times get panic attacks from an empty local shop. I have tried throwing up in bushes from pure anxiety and I have wondered how to best protect myself with a pack of salmon.

But I have also slowly through the last 8 years learned that it is okay to be happy. That me smiling and enjoying life is possible without waiting on the other shoe to drop. Without looking for the darkness creeping in from the corners when you least expect it.

As a teen I used to write dark poems about death and scared girls. Very Sylvia Plath I’d guess. Pen in one hand whilst imagining stuffing my head in the gas oven. I did one with a message saying ‘you are fucked and on your own’. No one is going to swoop in and save you. No Prince Charming will fix you up with a kiss. You only have yourself and it is you against the world so tough luck cookie. And I truly believed that.

But strangely enough, after a lot of hard work by myself, it was in some ways a man who started piecing some of my last broken shards together. First by giving me an outlet to write whatever I wanted, then by steady support and most of all just by being there as I started digging up and facing demons I hadn’t even realised were hiding in my mind.

I have made a lot of progress and I do feel lighter and more myself than I have for years. I still have progress to be made but for the first time I’ve let someone in enough to know that I am not alone. And somehow just knowing that there is someone by your side who’ll be there when you fall is one of the best feelings in the world.

It has been weeks since I crossed the street and thought ‘should I just get hit by a car and get it over with?’ I still have days where going outside fells kind of scary. But I also feel lighter and brighter. I’m starting to see that I am kind of likeable and not just a grumpy cat. There are still clouds in my sky but the sun is doing its best to shine through.

So although in some ways I think my teen self was in some ways right at that moment, I’ve come to see that I was also so very wrong.

Top 5 books I’m excited about right now

Okay minions, this has been a day of weird. Seriously, more weird than normal. First I have this weird data disc thingy show up on my laptop after some recent updates. Yes, I was the idiot who just saw windows say “important update” and went fine, click all and then after wonder “Hey where did that thing come from?” and of course my sarcastic side of the brain is going “Well where do you think it came from, Sherlock?”. So yeah, I have to figure out what the heck it is and how to get rid of it.

Then I get a mail back from tech support about an iPad game that keeps crashing. I have a feeling that tech support Michael and I will become pretty much pen pals before this game starts working again. He suggested that I should stand next to the router with my iPad, so I did. I did wonder if I should maybe do it in a headstand or twirl around 3 times thinking happy thoughts. None of it did anything but made me look like a doofus.

I can’t seem to make wordpress work anywhere either so I am typing this in a word document. My credit card also had troubles today. Either Julian Assange knows that I think he’s a bit of an arsehat and is slowly deleting my existence from the internet or it’s just one of those days.

I figured hey I’ll go see if there are some books from my extensive wish list that I want to buy so I went over to Awesomebooks since they have second hand books and a 3£ flat rate shipping. Let’s just say the 90’s called they want their search engine back. I searched for the author Jennifer L Armentrout and in my search I left out the L. The search engine got all confused and couldn’t find her. As if that wasn’t bad enough I also had to battle Apple’s autocorrect who told me “Armentrout? Oh you surely must mean Armed trout!” Deep breath!

I told Leggy about it of course. I mean Armed trout. That is kind of funny. We then had a discussion about how a trout would be armed. Leggy suggested a head mounted laser cannon. Of course me being me I suggested that they had small explosive vests, suicide bombing trout coming to a river near you, which led to the mental image of jumping salmon exploding midair.

So minions I have a request. Is there any of you pc wizards out there who can make a video of those jumping salmon exploding midair (I’m sure there’s a more fancy term for the jumping to go to lay eggs thing but I’m pulling the Johnny foreigner card. Although I’m not even sure I know the Danish term.) Maybe do it to that dramatic bit of the 1812 overture that they use in V for Vendetta. Let them explode as the canons go off. Perhaps a bear in the background looking all WTF?

I have absolutely no idea how it would be done hence me asking you guys.

Oh btw I found the mysterious noise. It was an alarm clock in a drawer.

Now lets talk books!

1 The Darkest Minds – Alexandra Bracken

This is an absolutely brilliant book. I am currently reading the second one of the trilogy and I am way excited for the 3rd one.

I must admit I haven’t read many dystopian novels. I read The Hunger Games, but it seemed like after they got really popular then everything in the dystopian genre got a big fat sticker saying “Just like the Hunger Games!” and I just found it so annoying that I read other things. But then I was recommended The Darkest Minds.

The setting is a America where a virus has wiped out a big chuck of children under 15 years. Now those who survived has somehow gained strange abilities. Some The Greens have enhanced sense of logic, The Blues have telekinesis, Yellows control electricity, Orange is mind control and Red is pyrokinesis. Now these abilities have created such a fear in many grown ups that the kids have been rounded up and put in concentration camps. It is in one of these that we meet out protagonist Ruby who is an Orange hiding as a Green. But she is about to be discovered and then action happens. I won’t spoil the book for anyone who may want to read it. But Liam Stewart. Sigh! Leather jacket and cool sunglasses. To be 16 again.

darkest-minds-giveaway-feature

2 The Dark Artifices – Cassandra Clare

Now this one hasn’t been published yet, but I am still super excited. I have very much enjoyed Clare’s books so far. I started out reading the first 3 books of The Mortal Instrument series and I liked it very much. Then I read The Infernal Devices series and loved it. Victorian England and demon hunters. What’s not to love? And I am totally team Will. Yes, I’m a grown up woman and I don’t care. So a new series set in the same world as the other two series sounds way awesome.

Cassandraclare9bks

3 American Gods – Neil Gaiman

This is a book that I’ve owned for a few years by now and still haven’t read. It’s one of the many books on my bookshelf of shame. I have read another one of Neil Gaiman’s books some time back and I must admit I didn’t really get it. But I have high hopes for this one. It’s about the old Gods, the Norse ones and so on, trying to survive extinction since no one believes in them anymore and there are new Gods in town, TV and Internet. And then there’s a guy and I think a roadtrip. Don’t quote me on that. But it looks really good and it’s about time I got it read.

I think I read somewhere that they might make it into a TV series.

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4 All The Bright Places – Jennifer Niven

This is a book I just heard about recently and I am very excited about the concept. The synopsis says “About a girl who learns to live from a boy who intends to die.” If that didn’t hooked me in enough they compared it to John Green’s The Fault In Our Stars. I know it’s a cheap shot but I love that book. And the film. So I need to read All The Bright Things. Apparently the two main characters meet in a bell tower at the edge and form an unlikely friendship.

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5 Cinder – Marissa Meyer

There has been a boom of fairy tale retellings and I personally love it. Therefore I am very excited about Cinder and The Lunar Chronicles as a whole. It has been on my wish list for quite some time and I just haven’t gotten round to buying it yet. But as I’ve understood it it’s a retelling of Cinderella but Linh Cinder the main character is a cyborg. A cyborg! How can you not be excited over fairytale cyborgs. And there’s of course a Prince. This sounds a bit like Doctor Who meets Disney!

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So those were my top 5 books I am excited about right now. What books are you guys excited about?

The underdog sleeps tonight

Many thanks for the offers on the bows – I’ll be in touch tomorrow.

Tonight I have to sleep, because tomorrow I have to view a potential new home. Right size, right place, right price. Looks very promising indeed.

Unfortunately they want me to look at it at 8:30 am. Quite why anyone wants to look at anything at that time of day is a mystery. It’s the morning, all the shadows are pointing the wrong way and it gets confusing.

There can be no booze tonight. I can’t turn up smelling even faintly of whisky or be even a touch dazed or red-eyed. Bright and sparkling and the sort of bloke any landlord would love to have as a tenant.

Bright and sparkling. At 8:30 am. Is that even possible? Would anyone even notice?

Still, it is definitely worth the effort. Anyone who has my current address, get ready to burn it. I hope it won’t be valid – very soon.

Me, shutting down before midnight? You know it’s serious!

 

Update: It was very nice but way too small. I tried to imagine having friends over, or having Christmas in there and frankly, it would have been impossible unless all my friends were hobbits. Not all of them are.

The search continues…

 

Danish Musica Part 2

The parental unit has gone away for a holiday in Prague so I’m looking after their two dogs, kitten and house for a weeks time. It’s a bit of a full house with their two dogs and my own. Say the word “Garden” and you have a tsunami of dogs heading towards the front door. We also have the company of a mysterious and rather annoying noise that no one seems to know where it’s originating from.

I figured that since last weeks Danish musica blog was all Danes singing in English that I’d do a part two with Danes singing in Danish. All seems fairly simple, and it was in some ways. I’d found a few videos when a kitten wanted attention and started tramping around the laptop hitting the power key. Then I got sneezed at by a dog repeatedly. At least the hedgehog is asleep.

TV2 – De første kærester på månen

TV2 is a band that, starting in 1981, has been around all my life. My mum is a fan of their music so I grew up with it. But then it is one of those bands that most Danes know about. Play one of their songs in a disco and you’ll be sure that a bunch of drunken people will sing along.
I chose one of the newer songs since it’s one of my personal favourites. I even found a translation of the lyrics

Translation

Sys Bjerre – Tabt mit hjerte

Recently they did a program on TV called “Toppen af Poppen” (Top of the pop) where they invited in different Danish musicians and let them interpret each others songs.This song (Lost my heart) is originally an  80’s song by Anne Linnet but I think Sys Bjerre preforms it in a much more delicate way than Linnet ever did. It’s a song about how she’s asked her lover to pack and leave but now she realises that the lover is the one holding her heart and she’s begging the lover not to leave. It’s one of those songs that always makes me a bit misty eyed.

http://sysbjerre.shamani.dk/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Media.mp4?_=1

Barbera Moleko – Dum for dig

This song (Stupid for you) was a big hit a few years back and then the singer seemed to fade away to where all one hit wonders go. It’s a song about pretty much being at the beck and call to someone you love or like who doesn’t return the feelings and knowing that what you’re doing isn’t good for you but you can’t seem to get out of the relationship.

Translation

Dorthe Gerlach – Natlys

This is one of those singers that has grown on me. She’s the lead singer of the Danish band Hush which is one of my mum’s favourite bands. She has now made a solo album where she sings in Danish and it’s more pop than the country feel that Hush is known for.

Jooks – Hun vil ha’ en rapper

When I was younger I had a phase of listening mostly to Danish rap music and that’s where I first met Jooks in the band Rent Mel. I did debate using one of their songs but in the end I went for one of his solo songs that just like Dorthe Gerlach is more pop than what he came from. Hun vil ha’ en rapper (She wants a rapper) is a fun, light pop song that is rather catchy.

Weaponry

I have to divest myself of dangerous things. Soon I will have no space to store them and no place to use them. I can get more dangerous things in the future. To be honest, I’m quite dangerous enough – mostly to myself – without adding sharp and pointy things to the mix. Especially sharp and pointy things that can be fired at quite some speed.

This is my takedown recurve bow with the string fitted the wrong way around. The beads marking the arrow nock should be in line with the arrow rest on the handle. Since I wasn’t planning to fire it, there was no point fiddling around with changing it.

bow1

 

It was soon returned to its takedown condition anyway –

bow2

Yes, it has a good case and a string fitting thing. You need that. Not many people can string one of these by hand.

It’s a KAP Surprise bow, a good one for a beginner and powerful enough to make holes in most things. Especially people so you do have to watch where you point it.

Ammunition comes in an arrow storage box –

arrows

– but for actual archery that doesn’t look too good. What you need there is a fine leather quiver with belt.

quiverbow

A three tube quiver with pockets for bits and pieces. What bits and pieces? Mostly these –

bowbits

I never used those plastic arm guards. I have a leather one with a dragon embossed into it that I find it hard to part with. The finger guard is useful if you want to keep your fingers from going numb. Beads and bead pliers for fitting your arrow locating beads to the string and a lining-up thing to tell you where to fit them. Not in the picture is the little thing of wax to lubricate the string. It makes a difference.

The posh flipper rests I never got along with. I just used a simple one. I also never fitted the sights because I didn’t need them and couldn’t work out how to use them anyway.

The rubber grip is for pulling arrows out of targets when you embed them a bit too tight. It’s useful…

The bow does have holes for fitting all those girlie balance weights so beloved of show-offs but I never needed them either. Nor, to be honest, did I ever understand what they were meant to achieve.

This lot will all go on eBay. If anyone wants to make an offer for all or part, I’d rather sell it all privately.

Also going up for sale is my crossbow. It’s a Barnett bow, a Panzer V with telescopic sights and looks like this –

xbow

This is the bow that punched through a target, a palette, a plank and the garage door with one shot. If you think you’re safe in your car, this thing will penetrate the car door and pin your leg to the seat. If you hold it so your fingertips are above the stock, it will take off your fingertips when you fire it. Definitely not a toy.

I do have the original namby pamby sight that came with it in case you’d rather slum it with that.

It fires these –

bolts

Really pointy little arrows. The coiled-up wire is the thing you need for changing the bowstring. Even Arnold Scwarzenegger would have difficulty doing that by hand.

There is also a quiver for this one, again in leather with a belt and pockets –

xquiver

The crossbow will be problematic on eBay but the rest won’t. However, I put them here first to see if anyone out there is interested in any bits before I let eBay take ten percent. I am open to offers; it all has to go.

There are many more dangerous things in my possession. Neither I nor CynaraeStMary are really safe with these things. It didn’t matter to me before but it does now, so it’s time I removed some of the excessive risk from my life.

And maybe turn some of it back into cash. Any offers before it goes under the ten percent hammer of eBay?

Life, work and eBay

Interesting times.

Mopzilla is now gone. I won’t go into detail about why he’s gone but it’s better for all concerned that he has, including him. We’re back to just me and Boss doing seven half-days a week each until we find a replacement. He lasted long enough for both me and Boss to take the time off we needed so it wasn’t a total disaster.

Our third wheels never last long. One of us must be scaring them off. I’m sure it can’t be me. Anyway, Mopzilla’s demise wasn’t my fault nor was it Boss’s fault. It was his.

This week was Nadia and Obelix’s week.

CynaraeStMary has been playing with Obelix on Twitter with a little help from a friend. Poor Obelix still has no idea who he’s talking with even though the clues are now so blatant I might as well tattoo this site URL on his forehead. How can they not have found me yet? I’m right in front of their eyes now. Obelix is even talking on Twitter with my only-ever co-blogger!

Boss knows what’s going on on Twitter, even though she’s not on it. I was forced to show her one of CynaraeStMary’s tweets to Obelix because I fell about laughing when I read it.

Boss is also well aware of my current situation and has given good advice on the now-urgent new home hunting. I might have somewhere this week. Somewhere much better than I expected. Fingers crossed.

Nadia, ah, the blank eyes are no allure but so tempting for the tormentor genes.

She cut herself shaving and went septic this week. Okay, it was her ankle she cut and I advised her not to use a chainsaw to shave her legs in future. She did have a real pus-production thing going for a while but apparently it’s clearing up now. Pity. I had plans for a plumwood leg with a castor on the end. It would have been an easy sale.

The real killer was when I was phoning Boss on Sunday night. Nads had asked to bum a cigarette at the end of the shift. No problem, I torment her so much I owe her at least that.

I phoned Boss to tell her that everything was okay, Mopzilla hadn’t done anything stupid or nasty on his last day and she could come back from holiday with no worries – other than that she is the only number on my new phone, which could have interesting consequences if Wife finds out I have a new phone.

While on the phone, Big Nads was demanding her snout so I told Boss ‘I have to go, Nadia wants me to give her one’.

Boss started laughing. Nadia didn’t. At the back door, with Boss still laughing on the phone and The Misery (ex-Mopman) present, Nadia loudly demanded I give it to her there and then, because her mum was waiting outside and if I gave her one in front of her mum then her mum would go ballistic.

Yes, yes I think she probably would.

At this point, Mopman could hardly stand up, I was shaking with laughter and Boss was howling down the phone. Nads had the only straight face within hearing range.

I offered my cigarette case without speaking because at this point I couldn’t. She took one. She could have taken the whole case, it was so worth it (but don’t tell her or she will next time).

She left and there was a lot of laughing before Mopman and I could leave. It cheered Boss up a bit and she’s in need of cheering up lately so it did a bit of good. It was also incredibly funny.

 

I have to load another batch onto eBay. Doing well so far and haven’t touched the railway yet. I discovered that old teaching microscope slides sell at about £2 each and I have 200 of them. In two nice wooden boxes. They can go now.

Remember the old railway tickets that were little cards, around 1960/1970? I have a few of the metal plates used to stamp them. Somewhere I have even older typeset ones. These don’t seem to be on eBay at all so finding a price will be hard.

And I have to sell off my armoury of deadly things. Not just to stop me damaging myself with them. She’s just as bad as me for meddling and I can imagine coming home to find she’s pinned her hand to a table with the telephone just out of reach and a look of ‘Oops’ in her eyes. Fortunately I am always well supplied with first aid stuff.

ebay seems to work best with an end time between 7 -9 pm. Avoid ending on Friday or Saturday because people with the money to bid are out getting plastered.

Postage is killing it though. It’s getting ridiculous now. I have two pistol crossbows to send tomorrow (should have been today) and it’s actually cheaper to send them in two boxes rather than one. Combine them and you go into the next parcel level.

Crazy times here. Normality will eventually resume.

Or at least, as close as it gets here.