Holiday thinking

I’m still on holiday. I had hoped for a relaxing time but no, as soon as I arrived my agenda was handed to me. I have to visit almost every still-alive family member and there are an awful lot of them.

It’s not all bad news. The local mini-Tesco has Grants at £11 so I have a ready supply of typing inspiration to hand. The downside is that I have my laptop. A very handy device but it has a dreadful keyboard and one of those daft trackpad things. I will try to get hold of a USB keyboard and mouse so I can use it properly.

I’ve been thinking about the smoking restrictions. How the plain packaging idea has brought out the clever alternative packet creators. How the smoking ban led to the rise of Smoky-Drinky and the abandonment of the pubs. Further back, there were those cigarette holders, so the Laydees and Gennulmen didn’t get working-class yellow fingers. They went out of fashion when readymades used thicker paper, I think. So you don’t get yellow fingers unless you smoke a lot or use thin papers for roll-ups.

Smokers are like bees. Give us smoke and we calm down and relax. We just can’t sustain the spite and hate of the antismokers. Instead we just find ways around their lunatic rules.

Drinkers will soon be back to the heady days of homebrew, unregulated and brewed with a wine yeast to make it twice as strong as anything on the market. Freeze-distilling, as well as dodgy shed stills, will all come back into vogue.

When the fat rules (same rules) come in, people will hoard beef dripping just like in the old days. We will re-learn how to get salt from seawater when the salt rules (same again) come in.

I am really pleased to have been in the first wave of this new Puritan hate, because I am in a position to see all these things coming now, while the drones still imagine it will never apply to them. I am getting ready for each new ban and since the template is always the same, I can stay ahead of them all.

So it’s possible I will still be around when the Daily Mirror reports the round-up of the current wave of vicious Nazis.

All the antismoking Righteous are now thinking ‘Don’t be silly. There is no comparison because We are Right and you smokers are all filth and anyway Godwin blah blah blah’.

That’s what those previous Nazis believed too. Some still do.

Anyway, that’s enough holiday thinking – back to holiday drinking for me.