Why do the gods love the insecure?

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I’m in serious danger of meeting the deadline for this Easter anthology. I only missed the deadline for ‘Ransom’ by a few days, this one could be the one that makes it. Eight stories edited, six approved by the authors, it’s really only me who’s stopping it getting published today. I’m writing a Dume story with Romulus Crowe and those two are hard to control.

Anyway, some of the comments on the last post got me wondering. Why is it that those who profess to be God’s chosen ones – of any religion – seem to be so damn touchy about it? Come on, if you’re the chosen people of whichever God you follow, surely you don’t give as much as a fly-blown gerbil’s testicle what I or anyone else believe?

You can relax in the knowledge that I, and everyone who does not follow your religion, is going to Hell and you’ll be able to laugh at them while looking down from Heaven.

Okay, I know, some (very few) religions don’t like the idea of people going to Hell. I can’t remember who said it, but a wise man once pointed out that no true Christian would accept entry to Heaven as long as there was one soul suffering in Hell. If they are as compassionate as they say, they could not stand the idea of a fellow human enduring such torture.

That’s being a bit harsh, I suppose. A Christian could argue, quite fairly, that we heretics had a choice.

Still,we see religious groups claiming victim status all over the place. Not all of them, some are actually grown up, but most act like God’s spoiled children. Christians, for example, no longer play Kill the Unbeliever! Others do, and it’s not just the Muslims.

I don’t get it. I have never felt the need for a religion. Many people do and I have no problem with that. If your life feels better because you believe someone is watching everything you do, you have a good time. I prefer to work alone. I don’t need a supervisor.

But why do you care what I think? If you are in one of the currently militant religions, why does it matter if I’m alive right now? I’m not interested in de-converting you. I have no rival religion to suck away your followers. I genuinely don’t care.

You believe you will go to paradise and I will go to Hell. Looking around at the world, I think I’m already there to be honest. Still, why kill me now? Why not revel in the knowledge that I will enjoy a life of drink and debauchery and then suffer for all eternity?

Further, if you have the slightest trace of compassion for humanity and you know I face an eternity of having little red laughing demons poking hot pitchforks up my bum, shouldn’t you let me enjoy the brief time I have here? You can laugh at me later, while you share God’s basement with those 72 pasty white gamer guy virgins you’re so looking forward to.

Incidentally, if you’re a Muslim woman, what do you look forward to? I’m genuinely interested because we’ve never been told.

If you are God’s chosen ones then surely you have nothing to fear. No reason for the killing sprees. No reason for Hindus or Muslims or anyone else to wipe out the opposition. We’re not going to be taking your seat in Heaven’s coffee shop. We’ll be suffering the booze-fuelled smoking area downstairs.

I wonder if Satan makes us go outside the gates of Hell for smoke breaks? Somehow I doubt it. I bet there’s one of those stainless steel ashtrays outside the Pearly Gates though.

Look, religious people. You claim to be the superior ones. God’s chosen. The ones to get eternal pleasure while everyone not of your religion gets eternal pain.

So if you have this God-given superiority, why do so many of you act like total dicks?

It’s a question that really needs an answer. Is there one?

31 thoughts on “Why do the gods love the insecure?”

    • That was the reason, if I’m honest, I’d didn’t become a clergyman-despite having invitations from the best Seminary Colleges & Unis (yeah, I know, pride is a sin). I let people imagine I didn’t because I was too busy caring for an insane wife and bringing up 3 small kids but really the truth is I realised I would have been doing it for all the wrong reasons….and that I’m the last person who should hold any power over other peoples’ lives….I could have made Jim Jones look like a rank amateur (it’s easier than you might think to gain that level of influence, to hold ‘life an death’ sway over a congregation, people, Xians especially, can be sheeple).
      Downside is whenever I meet a clergyman, pastor, priest or Elder these days I always find myself if they were called by God or led by their cock or clit, respectively, or whatever demon was crouching by their own particular door…it isn’t always a ‘sex’ thing.

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    • Yes, that’s true. Just as paedos try to get jobs where they’ll have access to children, psychos will join a religion whose holy book lets them act like psychos and justify it.

      They’re the same ones who signed up for the Spanish Inquisition and the Witchfinders.

      Liked by 2 people

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  5. O/T

    Can you guys please help out. There’s a petition to ask the government to stop any further referendums full stop.

    It’s not restricted to Scots alone, it’s really a UK wide issue – as well as the expat community.

    It’s gained support and is knocking on 122,000 at the time of writing, so it will be placed before parliament.

    However it would be spectacular if it were to hit very serious numbers (think a couple of million), so if you give a darn about sending a very strong message to the fishwife, can you please sign off on it.

    https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/180642

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  6. Why is it that those who profess to be God’s chosen ones – of any religion – seem to be so damn touchy about it?
    I via towards the traditional Jewish thinking that being God’s Chosen is as much a curse as a blessing. The O/T constantly compares a relationship with God as a ‘marriage’ (Xians too talk of ‘the bride of Christ’ ) and anyone who has ever been married knows the manifold blessings and curses (usually when I stub my toe taking the bins out in the dark) it bringeth. Would I lay down my life for The Bestes Frau In The World? In a heart beat. Would I, kill to protect her? Yep been there. Could she have not just one but both my kidneys? Of course…although the amount of residue alcohol even after 10 years of teetotalism would probably kill her faster then major organ failure.
    Do I always LIKE her? Nope. Do I always want to be in the same room as her? No, especially if she had garlic bread for dinner.
    But I chose her, and she me (more fool her).
    You get my point? These Religious Whack Jobs CHOSEN by their deity of choice might liek to reflect on the 4 thousand odd , some of them very, years Judaism has been married to the enigmatic ‘I will be whom I shall be…maybe’ . How they have coped with being the Chosen of Jahwe with no hope of a Decree Nisi in sight.

    Back in the days when worshipping EL meant the untimely death of some virginal farmyard animal (you note the tribe of Israel obviously didn’t arise in Norfolk) and it’s fiery immolation, one of those frothy mouthed, horribly unPC, wearing-stoats-for-aftershave, OT ‘Prophets’ (what these days we’d call a ‘Nut’) issued the following voice mail from The Lord Of The Heavenly Host to his Chosen here in the Pit: “I hate, I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies.
    Though ye offer me burnt offerings and your meat offerings, I will not accept them: neither will I regard the peace offerings of your fat beasts.”     Or to put it in modernish terms “You creaming yourself at the thought of Unbelievers/Sinners burning in Hell makes all your prayers go straight to spam and keeps your good deeds off celestial Youtube, bruv”

    As to Heaven and Hell, as the song says : “I know them well”. We make both for ourselves. Here endeth the Sermon. I am now off to issue a command from the Lord Of Heaven & Earth to ASH, reminding them that everytime Deborah opens her gob, Jesus kills a kitten.

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  7. I remember reading on the interweb one day a comment by a blogger (I think it was) that they were an apathist. Not an atheist or an anaesthetist but an apathist. In other words they did not give a shit one way or the other. If there is a god that’s fine. If there is not a god that is also fine. They just did not care. They were apathetic. It stuck in my mind. It applies perfectly to me. I answer to it now. I’ve entered it on a couple of forms.
    Was it you who said it Leggy ? It could well have been

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