Steam is the new smoke

In what is possibly the most embarrassing thing so far to be associated with science (and these days, that’s impressive), alleged researchers have claimed that Electrofag is not a ‘safe alternative to smoking’.

There is much talk about Islam needing to rid itself of its lunatic fringe. Science needs to do the same, and soon. Otherwise, just as with Islam, all scientists will be regarded as being the same as the fantasy-peddlers in their midst.

E-cigarettes generate toxic chemicals similar to those found in tobacco and may harm the lungs and immune system, scientists claimed today.

A new study, thought to be the first where animals were exposed to ‘vaping’, found it is far from being a safe alternative to smoking tobacco.

In a move that means the reporter, at least, has had an irony gland bypass, the article aslo says-

Devices generated just 1% of the free radicals found in cigarettes but still posed a potential health risk, scientists warned

Which means the level of risk with an Electrofag is 99% less than that of the real thing. Which was already widely known before this silly muricidal experiment. Note that the risk is, in the first place, vastly exaggerated for the real cigarettes and that tobacco smoke has now been blamed for everything from alopecia to zoonoses.

Yes, there is a risk in smoking. There is a risk in crossing the road. There is a big risk in getting home from work at 9 pm when the streets shine like well-polished and greased chrome and are about as safe to walk on.

So far I have suffered far more from icy paths than from smoking, and I have experienced a hell of a lot more smoke than icy paths.

So some mice died from inhaling (undefined concentration) of (some chemical) that might be present in trace amounts in Electrofag steam. Mice have lungs that are smaller than humans and lab mice are bred to be susceptible to all sorts of things – so that those things can be quickly tested. What happens to a lab mouse will take a lot longer to happen to a real-life mouse and a hell of a lot longer to happen to a human. Perhaps longer than a human lifetime. Funny they never mention that.

Ah but wait, the mice didn’t die from inhaling Electrofag steam. They died of being deliberately infected with nasty things afterwards. The ones dosed with (undefined concentrations) of Electrofag steam chemicals died faster – but then, a mouse lung has a bit less capacity than a human lung.

To test the amounts human vapers inhale would involve scaling down and dosing the mice with barely detectable – practically homeopathic – concentrations and my money is on… they didn’t do that.

If Electrofag makes your lungs so weak that you’d die of an infection and they are 99% less harmful than real tobacco, then why have I, a tobacco smoker and also a many-gadget vaper, not had so much as a cold in years? On the basis that a bit of steam vastly increases the risk of horrible lung infections, my lungs should look like Swiss cheese by now and be as effective at oxygen transfer as mild steel. They work perfectly well. I do 6-8 hour shifts without having to sit down once. The breaks I take are 5-minute smoke breaks even though on an 8-hour shift I am entitled to 45 minutes of break. I’ve never used it all.

The nonsmokers do, and they moan about how tired they are. They (the shop staff) get two days off a week. My last day off was New Year’s Day and my next day off is God Knows When. I’d just chuck the job if I didn’t want to let Boss down.

When I was looking for a part time job to just cover the bills, I was overqualified for almost everything and too close to retirement for everything else. Boss took a chance on me and I’ve made sure she hasn’t regretted it. When she has accumulated a staff member or two then I will make good on my escape plan but I’m not leaving her all on her own. When someone helps me out, I have an obligation.

Anyway, back to the point…

E-cigarettes generated just one per cent of the amount of free radicals in tobacco smoke, but this still posed a potential health risk, said the researchers.

So those who switch from smoking to vaping have 99% less of the (claimed) risk level and that’s a bad thing? What are we supposed to have, an entirely risk-free life? You could be flattened by a dropped piano or on a plane whose engines fail or beheaded by Islamic fanatics in pretty much any country now and you gave up smoking/vaping for that? On the basis of fabricated propaganda? Final regrets are always the worst.

I’m going to die. So are you. So is Jihadi Johnny and all his rabid pals. So is Rancid Glans and Slimy Chappedlips and the Dreadful Arnott. We are all going to die. It’s inevitable. Death comes for us all (but he can’t force you to go with him, remember, and his name is Abel, which he’ll be surprised that you know).

I’m going to die of something. Smoking or drinking or diet related Something. There will be a cause of death on my final beurocratic bit of paper.

Antismoking ‘super-fit’ flabby Puritans are going to feel really silly one day, lying in a hospital bed, dying of nothing.

‘Cause of death – boredom’.

I am definitely not dying of that.