Kill your pets, it’s the kindest thing to do

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dogModern medicine examines a dog for signs of ingested smoke.

Smokers’ pets are all going to die of the Lumps or something equally horrible unless we all stop smoking (tipped by our South African correspondent). It’s kinder and quicker to kill them now.

Professor Clare Knottenbelt,

(I am resisting, but it’s really difficult)

Professor of Small Animal Medicine and Oncology at the university’s Small Animal Hospital, has been studying the effects of smoking and the health impact it has on family dogs and cats.

We’ve been here before. The reason I stopped all support for PDSA was that they came out in favour of pets suffering from the mythical effects of second and third hand smoke. I would support them as an animal charity but not as some bizarre Puritan cult.

Professor Knottenbelt

(*snork*)

said: “Our findings show that exposure to smoke in the home is having a direct impact on pets. It risks ongoing cell damage, increasing weight gain after castration and has previously been shown to increase the risk of certain cancers.

After castration, what is there to do but eat? It’s the only pleasure left since pets aren’t allowed to smoke or drink. There are no figures to tell us whether the smoker pets were significantly fatter or whether, as is often the case in antismoker studies, there was some slight bias towards homes of fat smokers. You know, those who might give Fido a few more treats than the average.

Whilst you can reduce the amount of smoke your pet is exposed to by smoking outdoors and by reducing the number of tobacco products smoked by the members of the household, stopping smoking completely is the best option for your pet’s future health and wellbeing.”

So now you have to go outside your own home to smoke while Fido stares at you through the window and wonders what the hell is going on. Why are you going for solo walkies? The resultant paranoia will no doubt be classed as animal abuse so you have to go out of sight of the windows before lighting up.

Really, people are going to believe this crap and they really will go outside to smoke while the cat shakes its head slowly at the idiot owner and the dog descends into rampant madness while he imagines his owner out there walking that tart poodle from number 26 while he’s locked up indoors.

Get a grip, people. Whose house do you live in? Yours or the medics’?

When are you going to stop just accepting all this drivel and actually think for yourselves? How many have come home to find their dog with its paws in the air like this?

susie2This dog lives with a nonsmoker.

Disclaimer: No dogs were smoked, pickled, harmed or drilled through in the making of this post and I have no pets at all.

Not even a spider.

19 thoughts on “Kill your pets, it’s the kindest thing to do”

  1. Whoa! Did you see that? Clare’s knottenbelt slipped over her fat head, and by the end of your post Leggy, snugly caressed her scrawny neck… Apols! From University of Glasgow… Brass neck.

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  2. Utter nonsense I graduated from Glasgow uni and I am ashamed of this. I have always had cats, my late husband and I both smoked quite heavily and all my cats lived to a ripe old age average 18 except one who died in an accident. What will they think of next.

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  3. I recently had to have a dog put down due to lung congestion, not Cancer, but lung congestion. The Vet enquired about my smoking habits, so they might be doing a survey. The fact that the dog lived at least four years longer than is normal for the breed, passed unnoticed, as did the fact that I rarely smoked in the same room as the dog, him not being a great one for sharing the lounge or the bedroom furniture because it was all his according to him, given half a chance.

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  4. Oh noes! The people next door are tobacco perverts, therefore our cat is at risk! As you all know, you don’t need a litter tray if next door has a garden so dear old Pip is at risk every time he goes for a quiet whoopsie! Does her “research” include the fact that one of Pip’s offerings would not only outfume forty Gauloises but stun the tobacconist as well?

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  6. As Chris Snowdon points out in his recent post, something they’ve overlooked is the fact that researchers have been trying to give animals lung cancer with tobacco smoke for the past 60 years, and despite forcing the poor buggers to smoke the equivalent of up to 500 ciggies a day, they have so far failed to induce LC in one animal – even the lab rats specially bred to be susceptible to cancer.

    But as you say, LI, the drones will lap it up and swallow it hook, line and sinker. They ran this story in the Telegraph today, and the fools were already nodding their heads sagely and agreeing in the comments this morning when I read it. I really do wonder what is happening to the human race when they can be so easily gulled by what is blindingly obvious nonsense.

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  8. Let me guess. they were using Hela cells in the lab study. And immortalised cells of any type are by definition not normal cells (that’s the vaping study, which was badly, so very badly designed and conducted. Dogs and cats are shorter than humans and smoke rises so they are at lower risk. Third hand smoke is utterly fatuous. Cats lick themselves more than dogs. oh dear and yet most feline cancers are caused by viruses. I don’t think a dog or cat has ever got lung cancer from smoking directly or indirectly from second hand smoke. Why do journals publish such crappy work?

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    • Not just dogs I had a cat that loved vodka and orange! If you left a glass within reach she would drink it then lie an her back with four legs in the air! She was the only cat I have known that liked alcohol.

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  9. My first (and only) dog Rusty, a whippet-labrador 57-varieties cross-breed lived in a house with 2 smokers, he died at the tragically young age of 14 human years, thats eh 14 x 7 in dog years, you do the maths…

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