I was going to write some starting rules on the story collection idea tonight but Dick Puddlecote seems to have started a minor flame war. Just a little one. I’ll set up some loose and flexible story rules later. It’s not going to be suitable for children, because I’ll have a story in it.
In my self appointed role as internet Liverpudlian (calm down, calm down, dey do dough don’t dey dough) I thought I’d sidle up to the little fire and see if I can turn it into a conflagration.
It all started when DP posted a rant by Clive Bates demanding that vapers be left alone now they’ve given up the real thing and taken up some synthetic steam based nicotine gadgetry instead.
Like Frank, I own several Electrofags and even tried the cigar version (didn’t like that one, it was so big it gave the impression of sucking a dildo and I am not risking photos of that!). I never intended stopping smoking and still don’t, but the range of flavours available means I keep them and still get them out once in a while. I like the idea of ‘smoking’ absinthe or brandy or apple pie. I heard about one new Electrofag that holds three different flavours of ejuice at once and you can switch between them. Link is coming as soon as I get it.
I don’t think it’s possible to get tobacco flavour right. There are so many different tobaccos and blends. A smoker who prefers Marlboro will notice that Embassy don’t taste the same. It’s simply not possible to produce a generic ‘tobacco flavour’ that will make all smokers instantly think ‘Oh brilliant, my dreams are answered’. Can’t be done.
And then there’s the whole lighter thing and the real smoke and well, all of it. I like smoking and I am never going to be ashamed or embarrassed to admit it.
It does amuse me when one of the girls at work comes outside with us smokers then pulls out an Electrofag and tells us how much better it is. Uh… you’re out here in the cold and the drizzle too, or hadn’t you noticed? Out here in the delivery bay next to a main road watching the trucks drive in and out, shivering and getting damp and breathing traffic fumes. Really, the difference between my baccy smoke and your steam is insignificant in this situation.
Okay, it’s a food shop. I don’t recall ever seeing anyone smoking in a food shop in the last 56 years (to the day ;)). So I would not ever expect to be allowed to smoke in a food shop and would probably be mildly shocked if someone did puff smoke at the Parma ham. Yet vaping is not smoking so the vaper girl, as far as I can see, causes no issues if she vapes inside. Okay, maybe not in the shop, but in the staffroom I see no problem.
The Dreadful Arnott and the rest of the vehement anti-people brigade see a problem. It looks like smoking! Horror! If they saw that electronic cigar they’d faint. It looks like smoking and like low grade kinky porn at the same time. All I’d have to do would be to fill it with brandy and dip it in salt and the Righteous would spontaneously combust.
I know A Certain Someone is going to suggest filling it with cream. No. Just… no, okay?
It’s still NO.
I don’t call Clive Bates a Righteous. Why not? Because he stopped, and the Righteous never stop. He drew a line in the sand and said ‘No more’. Okay, it rings hollow as Simon Clark says because of the past but as Doolittle said to Bomb 20, the concept is valid no matter where it originates.
Clive drew his line in the wrong place and much too far along the beach, as Grandad said, but he did draw that line. For the true Righteous, like the Dreadful Arnott, there is no line. Ever. It never stops for them. One day they will arrest children for chewing on a pencil because it looks like smoking and they will still not be satisfied.
Clive Bates would be happy to stop with smokers becoming vapers. In my case at least he can take that idea, write it down, roll it up tight in glasspaper, tie it with barbed wire and ram it up his arse but even so, he does have a place where he would be happy to stop. That’s enough to rescind his Righteous badge.
I know Clive was once head of ASH. I know he was in there with the daft ‘passive smoking’ nonsense. He resigned because the madness crossed his line in the sand. He had a place he wanted to get to and then stop and it became clear ASH wasn’t ever going to stop. I think he actually resigned before the invention of Electrofag.
I really think Clive Bates does believe it is about health. It isn’t, it never was, but I think he believed it. Maybe now he’s starting to see the light.
Maybe he can now see the monster he helped create.