Sticks and stones

As children, we could brush away insults with a simple phrase. ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me’. It still works for me today. I cannot be offended by words unless I choose to be and I do not choose to be. Insult away – if you come up with a good one I’ll store it for future use myself.

My swipe card for clocking in at work wore out. Boss had a rummage in our Cupboard of Wonderful Things and found another. The old one said ‘Janitor’ but the only others she had said ‘Cleaner’. She hoped I wasn’t offended by this apparent demotion. I replied that as long as the pay’s the same, it can say ‘Mop-jockey’ for all I care. It’s just a bit of plastic.

Some years ago I recall reading about someone in a council office being berated for referring to a black telephone as ‘black’. Then there was the demise of the ‘blackboard’ and the entire world of blackness because it was racist. ‘You can’t say the word black’, shrieked the harpies. ‘It offends the wogs’.

No it didn’t. Of course it didn’t. Their skin colour is black. That’s the name of the colour. If, instead of ‘black’ we had called that colour ‘diddlyhooha’ then that word would have been banned, although the colour remains the same.

Incidentally, did you know that the word ‘diddlyhooha’ was banned in Connecticut in 1856? It referred to the act of inserting fifteen frozen peas into your rectum and then playing toilet bowl roulette. The art was in getting them to spin around the bowl rather than just scattergunning the water. It’s banned now so don’t do it.

Skin colour is of no relevance to me. I will like you or hate you depending on who you are, not on what you look like. And I do not care whether you call me white, spook or honky. I will answer to all of them. Earlier today I was distinctly grey with a green tinge tending to translucent as it was Burns’ night last night so the whisky was to excess. It’s only once a year. Well… maybe once or thrice.

The Righteous like to change the game to keep the drones on their toes so ‘Black’ is no longer a banned word. Instead, the word they insisted we use instead of ‘Black’ is now a banned word.

You cannot say ‘Coloured’. So, children, your colouring books are now blackening books. That makes it easy. You only need one crayon and don’t have to worry about the lines.

Someone who goes by the name of Bendit Cumblybumbly (his mother’s morning sickness was definitely a hangover) has apologised for using the word ‘coloured’ when talking about the lack of opportunites for black actors in the UK.

There he was, supporting the cause of his black friends who are trying to get work. He used one word and the offendotrons went into overdrive. ‘You cannot say that word we used to demand you say’.

Did he say ‘Oh grow the hell up’? No he didn’t. He spouted a snivelling apology for defending his black actor friends and using one – ONE – ‘wrong’ word.

What a sad and feeble world we live in now..