Duping the dupes

A busy week for me. I have to attend a wedding in July (no, not mine) and as it’s Scotland, the stag party starts this weekend. So I have to get ready. I am also expected to wear a kilt at the wedding. Anyone points a camera at me and I’ll use it to check their colon for polyps.

Cafe Girl is off until Thursday, I am off from Thursday to next Wednesday. So she will be quite relaxed and complacent upon my return. That’s when I’ll have my revenge.

Today I read about the terrible, terrible supermarkets taking advantage of the innumerate idiots churned out by modern education. No wonder they used to do that ‘computers for schools’ thing in supermarkets. If they gave the kids books instead of computers they might learn something useful instead of the most appropriate position for a blow job or how to change the dashboard in a Lamborghini.

There were times in the past when I bought two half-bottles of whisky instead of a whole one. It’s not exactly calculus to work out that if a half costs £9 and a whole costs £20, then two halves for £18 is a better deal. If in doubt, they put the price per litre in little writing at the bottom of the label. Pick the option with the lowest unit price. This is not difficult, people.

You don’t need university level maths for this. Look –

individual item prices of larger ‘special value’ packs being more expensive. Which? highlighted Tesco selling four cans of Green Giant Original Sweetcorn for £2, but six cans were proportionately more expensive at £3.56;

£2 divided by 4 is 50p. Hardly a neuron flickered for that sum. So 6 cans should be £3, so the 4-can pack is a better deal. Really, who can’t work that out in seconds? And who the hell wants six cans of indigestible seeds in salty water anyway? If you want that much arse-shotgun ammo there is something wrong with your head in the first place.

seasonal offers, where the higher price only applied out of season. Which? found Ocado advertised a giant easter egg on sale for £7.49 for 10 days in January, before selling it on ‘offer’ at £5 later on.

Here I apply a very simple logic. Is the thing I’m looking at worth the price they’re asking for it? If yes, I might decide to buy it (or might decide I don’t really want it). If no, I don’t buy it. A giant Easter egg for £5? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, depending on their definition of ‘giant’. What the previous price was is of no consequence. Is it worth the price they’re asking now?

When I was working at Local Gadget Shop for a week, I saw ‘wifi printers’ on sale. Interesting idea. You have one wireless printer and can send to it from all your gadgets (two netbooks, a few laptops, a Hudl and a Kindle Fire) without having to swap wires or files around. The lowest priced ones were around £50. But reloading with ink was the same price. I decided to leave it for now. It’s still under consideration though. No wires and not having to transfer files to the only desktop linked to a printer does have a considerable appeal.

However, there are other money priorities above that new gadgetry at the moment and I don’t really need it right now. It can wait. As can the continual expense of the ink the damn things need.

I’d pay £50 for a wireless printer without a qualm. But I’m not so keen on being locked in to paying another £50 every time it needs ink. Some research is needed into whether the much cheaper generic cartridges will work. Some printers spot them and refuse to print with them.

You could argue that the printer manufacturers are duping you by selling you a cheap printer then charging a fortune for the ink. Yet all you have to do is look at the printer specs then take a couple of paces to the wall of ink cartridges and see what they cost. It really isn’t difficult.

When I can’t be bothered firing up the espresso machine I use Percol instant espresso. It’s the best instant I’ve found. It’s not cheap and here it’s only available in Morrison’s. If I see it on offer I stock up. Even so, they don’t fool me by saying ‘on offer’ with 10p off. I know the price of this coffee and watch for £1 off.

You only get duped if you let yourself be duped. All those price labels have a unit cost in little letters at the bottom. Compare those, not the overall price.

The CMA now has to examine the evidence compiled by Which?, before deciding whether to launch a full inquiry or push for new legislation.

We don’t need a law to deal with this. We have far too many laws already. All we need is for people to stop being such total bloody idiots and learn to think for themselves.

The government doesn’t want that to happen. All those nannying organisations who make a living by patting people on the head and saying ‘It’s okay, we’ll think for you’ don’t want that to happen. They all want you dependent and drone-like.

If it’s going to happen, you’ll have to do it yourself. For many, that’s a very novel concept. I say, give it a go.

You might find you like it.