Petty vengeance?

Oily Al has resigned. I’ve never liked him and probably never will, but even so, credit where it is due. He failed and has done the honourable thing. That takes courage. He has my respect for that even though he has headed a party of spiteful nannying puritans all these years. That party won’t change, it might even get worse if Caviar Woman takes the helm.

Cameron wouldn’t have resigned if his side lost. He said so. He also made loads of impossible promises that he knew, perfectly well, his party would never let him keep.

Now? Well, now that the Cleggeron Coagulation, in cahoots with the Ed Miller Band, has seen off the kilted horde, are they magnanimous in victory? Do polar bears shit in the tropical tundra? Of course not.

‘Better Together’ Cameron now wants to stop Scottish MPs voting on English-only matters, a ridiculous paradox that has been known as the ‘West Lothian Question’ for a  long time. Cameron has never bothered to do anything about it before. That’s because it’s unsolvable.

Stopping those Scottish MPs voting on English matters would mean that in the event of a Labour government with a small majority, we would have two governments. One (Labour) in which all MPs can vote on international and whole-UK affairs and the other (probably UKIP, the way things are going) with a majority on domestic matters down south.

Then there is the ‘Barnett formula’ which is claimed to be a subsidy for Scotland. Scotland claims it is just getting back the taxes the Scots have paid into Wastemonster. I have no idea which is right and honestly, don’t care.

If the Holyrood government get their own tax collectors then there won’t be any money going south to Wastemonster so no need for this tax-moving stupidity. Simple, but it’s not going to happen. What will happen is that Wastemonster will scrap the Barnett Formula but still collect all the Scottish taxes and throw back a crumb or two.

So now that the ‘Better Together’ campaign has won, the Wastemonsters want to stop Scottish MPs voting in England and they want to stop sending tax money back to Scotland.

Both of the problems they now claim are of vital importance would have been solved overnight by a ‘Yes’ vote. All of Wastemonster campaigned for a ‘No’ vote. Yet now they act as though Scotland had voted ‘Yes’.

It’s hard not to see the sudden emergence of these ‘critical matters’ in Parliament as some sort of petty vengeance to slap down the upstarts – 45% of the voting population of Scotland.

If there is one thing worse than a sore loser, it’s a sore winner.

Cameron should take care where he treads. There are already allegations that the voting was rigged – and evidence that would seem to support those allegations.

Oily Al might have jumped too soon.


I’m not staying up all night to watch the referendum results. How are they working out the final result, I wonder? The fairest way would be to add up the actual numbers of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ votes for each region to get a final total. I expect they’ve come up with something far more complex than that.

Oily Al, the man who divided Scotland, isn’t coming to Aberdeenshire for the count so he won’t get to see where I put my ‘X’. He’s in hiding until it’s all over.

Crowds are massing and drinking in Glasgow. If they are on the losing side there might be a drunken riot. If they are on the winning side they might riot anyway, but with a smile.

Whichever side wins in Scotland, the other side will get the knives out.

Not in Lancashire though. Police there had a ‘knife amnesty’ to let their local gullible idiots hand over knives without being arrested. The criminals didn’t hand theirs in, naturally.

The Mail titles the story ‘Thank goodness this is off the streets’, referring to a home-made four-bladed overgrown knuckleduster that looks like the sort of thing a Klingon might carry around. It wasn’t ‘on the streets’ at all. Nobody could hide one of those in their clothing. Any sighting of such a thing these days would result in police helicopters and snipers. If that thing had ever been ‘on the street’ we’d have heard about it.

The weapon was one of 420 handed in to Lancashire police in just over three weeks in an operation aimed at ridding the areas of illegal arms.

It is not illegal. None of the knives shown in the article are illegal. Most are just kitchen knives or garden tools. Sure, carrying a four-bladed fist cover around (and asking people if they know where James T. Kirk lives) is illegal, but having it in your home is not. Likewise the various cleavers, carvers and bread knives (yes, really) on the table. Illegal if you carry them on the street, perfectly legal in your kitchen.

So these knives were all perfectly legal in people’s homes until those people took them to the police station! The act of carrying them there was the illegal part. These police have not rounded up a single actually illegal item but have commissioned 420 criminal acts.

‘Removing one knife that could kill is a success, but to take 420 off the streets is tremendous.’

Is there any evidence at all, anywhere, that any of these knives were to be used to kill or injure?

Is there anything to suggest that a kitchen knife constitutes ‘illegal arms’ when all of the things to be found on sites like this one are all perfectly legal to buy in the UK?

The commenters aren’t falling for this. Well, so far, one has but there’s always one.
It’s a blatant attempt to condition the population into thinking that anything with a blade is illegal. It could be used to kill, therefore it will be used to kill unless you hand it over to the police. There’s a folding pruning saw in one of the pictures. I have one. It wasn’t cheap and I won’t be just giving it away.
What goes through people’s heads when they hand in their illegal-weapon kitchen knives and then go off to Tesco to buy new, identical ones? Do they buy new ones? Do they dump a roast chicken in the middle of the dining table and rip off chunks, mediaeval-peasant style?
The guns, then the knives, then the socks with billiard balls inside. There is no end to this nonsense.

Write faster!

Tomorrow Scotland takes part in a vote that has already split the country into two warring factions, and whichever way the vote comes out, the result will be that half the country feels aggrieved.

The confrontations have already become vicious and the Scottish government have come up with the bright idea of having the pubs open all night on Thursday night. What an excellent example of forward thinking. Two factions, already coming to blows, so let’s get them all drunk and see what they do next.

What they do next could well make Kristallnacht look like a restrained Greek wedding.

Imagine what those on the losing side – whichever it is – will do if they have been drinking all night when the result is announced. Do you have a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ poster in your window? I would recommend taking it down now. It’s too late to influence anyone and one or other of those posters is going to be a target at around 6 am Friday morning.

Okay, I know both sides have a lot of reasonable people but both sides have a hell of a lot of nutters too. There will be violence.

Then, whichever way the vote goes, there will be Panoptica. If I had seen that it would be Scotland a year ago I’d have it finished by now.

If the vote is ‘Yes’, Oily Al will want to hang on to power. He is not just trying to make Scotland an independent country. He is trying to make it his independent country. Al is not going to let the Brown Gorgon take over (although the Gorgon is making a heroic effort to get the ‘no’ vote to win). He is not going to let Scotland become a Labour/Lib Dem haven again. Oily Al wants to be in charge. And he has much more ambition than empathy. Trust me, jackboots and hats with skulls on them are not out of the question here. We are talking about a National Socialist party, no matter how much you want to spin it.

I still have my Hells-Angel uncle’s badges, the ones he gave me when I was small. He’s still alive apparently. I must find him and show him that I still have those badges. The one he can’t have back is the SS hat-skull badge. I might need it.

If the vote is ‘Yes’ then the ‘Yes’ camp will instantly fragment. It is made up of a load of small groups, all of whom think that independence means that they will be the ones in power. Each of those groiups is a small fraction of roughly 50% of the country. None of them have enough people to just take power by a democratic vote. They will all try to do it by violence.

The only way Oily Al can restore any kind of order and stay in power is to initiate the process that will lead to Panoptica. Does he already know that? He soon will.

If the vote is ‘No’ then all the Cameroid’s promises are void. Cameroid himself will be deposed, probably within a week and maybe by Saturday. He knows his days as leader are numbered so he can promise what he likes. Not one of those promises will be honoured. Well, has he ever made a promise that was?

Wastemonster will turn on Scotland in a big way. The Scots have humiliated Cameroid, Clegg and Moribund this week and they, and their parties, will not forget. Scotland has been a proving ground for the insanities of drunk Wastemonster MPs for a long time and if you think the poll tax was unfair, if you think getting the smoking ban a year before the rest of the UK was unfair, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

In the event of a ‘No’ vote, all those controls the Wastemonster Triad want to impose on the whole country will be trialled in Scotland first. Internet control, monitoring of communication, more and more cameras, RFID readers to track you and your shopping by your contactless payment cards (later to become inplanted chips), harsh sentences for looking at a child in a funny way, minimum pricing for alcohol (they wil have no trouble at all with that one, the SNP want it too) and again, the process that leads to Panoptica is not just initiated, but accelerated.

A ‘No’ vote will see the SNP severely slapped down. If they fail to deliver on their core promise their supporters will not be happy. That Barnett formula, the one that sends taxes collected in Scotland back to Scotland (some say Scotland gets more, some say less, I don’t know) will be scrapped. Holyrood will be suddenly very short of cash. The NHS in Scotland will no longer be affordable, although it might not be affordable under a ‘Yes’ vote either. Since Oily Al insists he will accept no share of the UK debt mountain, a ‘Yes’ vote might well see the Treasury deciding to keep all the tax money between Friday and actual separation to cover Scotland’s share.

It’s a no-win vote for Scotland. Panoptica is coming. You will be assimilated.

Whichever wins, there will be violence. Countrywide, but probably only for a short time. Controls will be put in place, systems of control will be established, conformity will be enforced. Whichever wins, the only outcome is Panoptica. Whichever wins, the Scottish NHS is fucked. Whichever wins, Scotland faces an oppression it has not seen since the Clearances.

Forget the EU subsidies. Europe is full of countries with little bits that want independence. Win a ‘Yes’ vote and the EU will definitely not let Scotland join. They will want to make clear to all those little regions that if they get independence they are totally and completely on their own.

It has taken decades for the SNP under Oily Al to reach this point. The SNP worked on the basis that most of Scotland wanted independence because they won the Scottish government elections – but they failed to notice that most of Scotland didn’t bother to vote at all in those elections. They took it as read that winning the election meant that most voters wanted independence. They did not consider that the many non-voters couldn’t give a damn.

Now Scotland is as divided as Syria or Iraq or Libya. Nobody is cutting heads off yet but the principle is the same. Half the country hates the other half now, even though both halves have lived quite well together for centuries.

This is Oily Al’s legacy. His permanent installment in history.

Independence, maybe.

The division and ultimate destruction of the Scottish people, definitely.

As for me, I just write about stuff. I really have to learn to write it faster, before it really happens.

Poll nonsense.

All these polls saying this side or that side will win in any political situation… I have never been asked by these poll-makers. I don’t know anyone who has been asked.

Do they ask the same people over and over again? If so, are the results skewed by being produced only from people who volunteer for polls? Rather like the antismokers only asking the opinions of nonsmokers, or the antibooze lot only asking the opinions of teetoallers?

If the polls are based on a volunteer pool then they are not truly random. They require a character trait – being the sort of person who answers polls – which might be linked to other character traits, including one which could be the subject of a particular poll.

For example, if the trait ‘volunteers for polls’ is linked to the trait ‘hates cats’ then a poll asking ‘should cat ownership be banned’ would get a resounding ‘yes’. But a lot of people like cats. I don’t have one but there’s one who’s been trying to move in for the past few weeks. It practically lives in the garden and mews at the back door. I have tried explaining that it doesn’t live here and I have no cat food but so far, to no avail. It looks healthy so it’s getting fed somewhere.

Back to polls. The big-news one at the moment is the Scottish Independence Vote. It keeps coming out 50/50, and any swing of one or two percent is hailed as victory by the appropriate side.

Now it seems the whole thing might be total and absolute hooey.

The result we’ve been seeing is an average of four polls. Three are each linked to a newspaper, the fourth to the ‘No’ campaign and they currently look like this:

Panelbase/Sunday Times –  Yes 49.4%   No 50.6%

Opinium/Observer – Yes 47%   No 53%

ICM/Sunday Telegraph – Yes 54%  No 46%

Survation/Better Together – Yes 46%  No 54%

If you simply average the percentages you get Yes 49.2% and No 50.9%. The overall poll is claiming 49% Yes and 51% No so it looks like that’s what they’ve been doing.

The man who produces the overall prediction said this -

‘We are dependent on a pot of people which is defined, but we don’t know how big it is and in my view it won’t be big enough.’

Size matters, but not overall size. The size of each of those four polls matters a lot.

Let’s take an extreme example. Poll A reports 80% Yes and 20% No. Poll B reports 20% Yes and 80% No.

Averaging the percentages gives you a 50/50 split vote.

However, suppose poll A asked 500 people and poll B asked only 100. In that case, poll A reported 400 ‘Yes’ votes and 100 ‘No’ votes. Poll B reported 20 ‘Yes’ votes and 80 ‘No’ votes.

Which means that the real pool of data is 420 ‘Yes’ and 180 ‘No’. The real percentages are 70% ‘Yes’ and 30% ‘No’.

Averaging percentages is not going to work unless each poll asks exactly the same number of people every time. If you don’t know how many are in each of four datasets then averaging the percentage results is meaningless. If Poll B asked 100 of the people already surveyed by Poll A then it’s even worse – Poll B becomes entirely irrelevant! Any overlap between polls (and people who answer polls might well answer more than one) further complicates the calculation.

This is not complex maths. It’s well within the required ability of any kind of number-cruncher-based employment and a high ranking pollster should know this.

To work out the average of four polls you need to know a) how many people were polled and b) how many people answered more than one poll – and what their answers were. That last bit might not be so easy, if the poll is to be kept confidential, but even knowing how much overlap there is between polls would let you work out a plus-or-minus for the overall result.

It seems that the 50/50 we have been hearing about might be way, way off target. The result could be a slam-dunk one way or the other.

The final result is anybody’s guess. Even the pollsters now admit it.



I am covered in white paint. The kitchen is done (no photos until the floor tiles are down, they will be last) and I finally have an oven that isn’t 10% broken glass. The floor tiles are the vinyl sticky-down ones. Cheap and easily replaced if damaged.

The whole kitchen was pretty cheap because it’s a small kitchen and I have a year to pay for it all. The oven was expensive, but that wasn’t optional. The last one broke in spectacular fashion. Fortunately the hob, extractor etc were all in fine fettle. I clean the hob after every use. Not because I’m anal about it but because if you use it dirty, it cooks the dirt on and then it’s hell to clean. If you clean it after every use it’s just a matter of a quick wipe and it’s done. With care it’ll last forever.

The extractor was an interesting thing. I noted it needed a new filter (never opened it before) and Kitchen Guy asked me why I needed a filter at all. The hood vents to outside. There is no purpose in having a filter unless it recirculates into the kitchen. Well, since it vents to the side Plastic Man lives on… sod the filter. He can suffer the horror of second hand bacon and the terror of second hand fried bread. Let him smell it every day while his wife tries to make him lose weight.

Today I painted the kitchen, starting with the ceiling, hence my personal white paint coating. No ladders – I do not mix well with ladders – I used a roller with an extendable handle and a brush taped to a stick for the edges. When painting ceilings, a floor mounted light is very useful. I have a massive halogen death-ray masquerading as a work lamp that I bought from a company called Screwfix several years ago. It was surprisingly cheap. The thing is, when painting ceilings, the last thing you want is light directly in your eyes. Most people fix their main light to the ceiling. I do too. Turn that thing off and get a floor mounted light. Then you can paint without being blinded.

Also, as I was painting new white over old white, it can be hard to tell if you missed a bit. The floor light reveals all.

Poundland sell a painting sheet made of surprisingly thin plastic. It doesn’t look all that big in the pack but when you unfold it, it’s vast. Tape it to the top of the wall cupboards and in my small kitchen, there was no danger at all of even one drop of paint landing where it wasn’t wanted. It looks like it was painted by someone who actually knew what they were doing.

There is paint on the floor but… the floor is going to be replaced. Just as well. I’ve made a hell of a mess of it.

I’m often asked why I always paint the kitchen white. ‘White shows up all the dirt’, they say. Well yes, and that’s the point. I do not want dirt in the kitchen and white makes it easy to find and exterminate. Other rooms can be any colour but in the kitchen, dirt matters.

You would think I would also paint the bathroom white, but I don’t. Consider what you are expelling in there. It is a naturally shitty place. The kitchen is not, or shouldn’t be.

Switching subjects, I showed my Ubuntu-enhanced laptop to someone who is sick of Windows today. Mr. Gates, can I just say Ha ha! You just lost another income stream.

Now, I know you’ve been looking for the subliminal message in that pile of rambling nonsense so here’s the answer. There isn’t one. It’s here, in a photo I took on holiday on my short visit to the harbour at Crail.

noAberdeen has a similar bye-law although you wouldn’t think it if you saw the Red Stripe drinkers massed on street corners and park benches. What Aberdeen doesn’t have is that ‘No thanks’ in exactly the same pattern as the ‘No to Independence’ campaign.

Here is a little observation tower at Crail -

towerIt doesn’t show too well in that photo but the tower has a Union flag on top. Other small towns flew the Saltire. Crail, it seems, is a ‘no’ to independence. Hence the ‘no thanks’ logo on the anti-drink law sign.

What interests me is whether the towns flying the Saltire would have ‘Public drinking? Yes please!’ signs. Because that is what that sign implies.

I’d go to those towns.

Some people have no brains.

And they work at the BMA.

Once more they insist that anyone born after 2000 must be banned from buying cigarettes. Sigh. Anyone born after 2000 is no more than 14 years old now and therefore currently banned from getting any until they are 18. Those who want cigarettes now have little trouble in getting hold of them anyway. So this ban will have precisely zero effect on young smokers other than to drive them to cheaper prices from dodgy street-corner sellers.

Sellers who are likely to have more, ah, ‘interesting’ things in stock than just tobacco. If tobacco becomes an illegal drug then it will join the inventory of those who sell illegal drugs. A good idea? Only in cloud cuckoo land.

If this ban is implemented, illegal sales of tobacco will rise even further than they are now and illegal drug use will skyrocket. No use pointing this out to the BMA. They will simply pretend it won’t happen, and tell you so in that superior tone of voice that always reveals the smug bastards for the utter cretins they really are.

The Blatantly Manipulative Arseholes also want this -

Among the measures suggested to improve public health was ‘decisive action to reduce the affordability and availability of alcohol’.

Reduce the affordability and availability. So only doctors can afford it. What a stupid idea. Homebrew is already taking off again, and the result of making the shop stuff unaffordable will mean that every shed in the land will have a supply of totally unregulated amateur hooch with little to no quality control and God only knows what strength.

The manifesto added: ‘As a first step, a minimum unit price of no less than 50p should be introduced.’

Other blogs have said since this minimum price was first mentioned that it was just a foot in the door. The BMA have now clearly admitted that. 50p per unit is just the first step. And what in Hell’s name is a medical union doing producing a manifesto? Do we get to vote for it? No? What a surprise.

On booze, there is something the BMA and its drone medics are well aware of but they don’t want you to know about. Coincidentally, the Curmudgeon mentioned it this very day.

I recall making homebrew beer when I was 16. Perfectly legally. There is no age restriction on beer kits because they contain no alcohol at the point of sale. Introduce age restrictions if you like. Just try introducing those same restrictions of fruit and yeast (you can use a bread yeast at a pinch) and watch the kids fire up the winemaking. Their experimental stuff will be deadly, sometimes literally so.

All these controls and bans will have exactly the opposite effect to what is claimed. It is now so obvious and so frequent that it can only be intentional.

Surely the entire medical establishment is not this stupid?