Saturday Babble.

Lots to write about, but it’s the Night of the Long Shifts again so it’ll have to be quick.

I haven’t been doing much newsreading. All of this post came from Twitter or Email. Could be difficult to do much newsreading in the future since all newspapers are to be hidden from the sight of children, in case they get a bad case of second-hand knowledge leading to terminal education. There is still no cure for education although Socialism has been trying very, very hard. In the meantime they try to minimise childrens’ exposure to the slightest risk of education and have done quite well at that.


Tipped in Email by both CT and SB is the news that Electrofag can give your computer a virus. Yes, the hellish diseases of nicotine are no longer confined to the real world (where they never existed) but are now poisoning microprocessors too.

As usual with the anti-Electrofag stories, it has nothing at all to do with Electrofag. The idea that those inscrutable Chinese could hard-code a virus into a USB charger or device has been around for a long time. Any USB device. Those little desk toys. A third-party phone or Kindle charging cable. Anything at all. Electrofag is just one of many things that recharge via USB.

The solution is too simple for the news to mention. Get one of those plugs that plug into the mains and which have a transformer inside linked to a USB socket. All they do is charge. Unless the virus has learned the magic of cigarette smoke and can transfer itself via the mains, it cannot infect anything.

If only the Cybermen had thought of that -

B3Eim_IIcAAdWMR.jpg large
After catching a virus from his Cybersmokes,
Unit 731 switched to the less hazardous alternative.

Picture electronically thieved from @oldpicsarchive on Twitter.


The smoking ban is still the subject of discussion, years after the matter was settled and everyone agreed (well, everyone the Puritans were listening to agreed) that it was a great thing. Pub closures continue in the real world while in the Puritan mind, the ban has boosted business.

Nobody sensible wants all the pubs closed. I don’t want them to close but a) I cannot bring myself to support a business that hates me and b) I live in the north of Scotland where the prospect of going outside is, for most of the year, a most unpleasant prospect indeed. Besides, local byelaws forbid drinking in the street so it is not possible to have a drink and a smoke at the same time.

Pubs aren’t dying. They are changing. The newspapers love to document the elaborate shed-pubs people have installed in their gardens since the smoking ban but have never thought to question why this new trend has become so popular. They are smoky-drinkies (the ones I visit are not as good – yet) and they cannot be open to the public, they cannot be run as a club nor as any other kind of business and they cannot employ anyone. Do any of those things and the smoking ban applies.

Having a shed-pub instead of a smoky-drinky in your house is thinking ahead. Moves to ban smoking in the home are already well advanced.

The ban will fail, as all Prohibitions fail, and when it does there are already a lot of small ‘ale houses’ ready to start up in business. You can stick your Wetherspoons where the used curry comes out.

Yes, you could simply equip every existing pub with recirculating charcoal filters and there’d be no detectable smoke in the air (although the really really weak ones now believe that even if you can’t see or smell the miasma, it will still kill them). You could have smokers, vapers and nonsmokers in the same room and nobody need be bothered by anything.

If, instead of the ban, Government had opted to give grants to pubs to help with the cost of installing mandatory filters, the imagined misama would have disappeared, those who had a genuinely respiratory reason to stay away from smoke would have been okay, those who live in terror of a smell would have had to shut up and pubs would have carried on as before. They’d still be in business. It would have, in the long run, been a hell of a lot cheaper than enforcing the ban and keeping all those ex-bar-workers on the dole.

Too late now. The pubs that had a chance of affording that are almost all gone. The new shed-pubs and smoky-drinkies cannot possibly afford it. Most couldn’t even fit a filtration system into the space available. We will soon be back to the exclusion of anyone who does not like smoke, or who cannot (medically) tolerate smoke, from social interaction. And they will expect the smokers to give a damn about that because they cannot understand why we aren’t happy about being the socially excluded ones now.

Instead of a compromise that suits everyone we will have an eternal see-saw between extremes. If only someone in government was capable of thinking without jerking their knee.

It’s too much to ask.

Instead, Government is blinkered and led by zealots along the path that leads to this.

Oh, it;s parody now, but give it a few more years…



I’ll catch up with comments tomorrow. Too tired now, and suffering limited whisky intake. Which will be rectified tomorrow night.

The Ides of December.

The Ides is the day in the middle of the month, near enough. It might happen before then. After (I think) December 7th, there is less than six months to the general election.

I picked up a snippet of information in passing, probably on Twitter which I mostly scan-read and search for photos to caption. Apparently, if there is less than six months to a general election, an MP switching parties does not automatically trigger a by-election.

Triggering a by-election is a risk. Not much of a risk if you’re Douglas Carswell. He’s so popular with his constituents he’d have to join the Push the Shit Back Up and Hold It party if he wanted to lose. Switching to UKIP and going through an election was only a minor risk for him.

Mark Reckless took a bigger risk. It paid off but he risked splitting the Tory vote and letting Labour win. However, that didn’t happen and Labour took a slapping too – although nowhere near as hard a slapping as the Lib Dems. I think it’s probably safe to discount the Lib Dems entirely as future coalition partners. Unless their remaining two MPs can agree on something.

Mutterings on Twitter hint that Philip Hollobone will move to UKIP soon. Will that trigger a by-election? Maybe. Or maybe it;s too close to that six-months-to-go deadline. I have no idea whether his constituents vote Tory or vote Hollobone. If they are voting for him then UKIP will have number three in the House of Wasters. If they are voting for the party then he could be in for an early bath.

As one of Old Holborn’s multiple personalities said on Twitter – these are not really UKIP MPs. They are the same MPs with a different badge on. They are already known to, and popular with, their constituents. A real UKIP MP will be one who defeats a sitting main-party candidate. Someone who has not defected from another party and who has not been an MP before.

This is not to belittle UKIP’s achievement. They are chipping away at the Triad and they have a few experienced MPs in place – they’ll need to have those there if they do drop in some newbies at the general election. Wastemonster’s grey suits will eat the newbies up if they don’t have some guidance. So it is a sensible approach and until the general election it’s the only way they’ll get any MPs in place.

There are rumours of quite a few Tory MPs and even some Labour ones who are considering jumping ship. Why aren’t they doing it? Is it all just rumour?

Maybe they are not as confident that they will be returned in a by-election with a purple badge on. In which case they could be out of a job before the next election.

However, if they wait until there is less than six months to go then they can stay in their jobs – as UKIP MPs – at least until that next general election. The next general election is likely to see a lot of marginals change hands and some of them could get into UKIP hands. There will be MPs on all sides wondering if their chances of still having a job next year are better served by staying in their current party or by switching to UKIP.

Oh yes, they are thinking of themselves, not us. Did anyone expect anything different?

I hope to see UKIP refuse a defector one day. They need to be sure they accept those who suport their aims, not just those looking for a change of gravy train. Otherwise they are just going to end up with an unmanageable mess.

I don’t think UKIP will form a government next year but they are already doing a good job of scaring the pants off the two and a half main parties. The Lib Dems are toast, no matter what happens, and they’ve brought it on themselves. The Tories and Labour are going to get a few kicks in the nuts at that next election and I’d be surprised if there aren’t a few new UKIP MPs in the next parliament. Quite possibly more than the Lib Dems will have left.

If there is going to be a mass defection to UKIP (realistically, probably no more than ten but I’m willing to be surprised) then it will happen, or at least start happening, mid-December.

What UKIP need to watch out for are those gravy train riders. It might look good to have more MPs but you really don’t want parasites now. They are going to cause you a lot of problems later.

Let the other parties keep their ticks and tapeworms. Pick out the good ones and leave the rest.

If there are so many defections that UKIP have a majority in Parliament before the election, I will laugh so hard I won’t be able to type for days. It’s really not likely but it so much fun to imagine the looks on the faces of the Cameroid, the Clegg and the Moribund One.


Well, early night beckons. Work tomorrow. My life is still an inverse version of everyone else’s and quite frankly, I like it that way.

The Fat Controllers.

I have spent a good part of today tidying the garage and have achieved the rearrangement of the mess into an entirely different mess. So, not a total failure but not really a success.

The big news is of course the by-election at Rochester. Have UKIP now managed a second MP? I hope so, but we won’t know for sure until tomorrow. So let’s talk about the Fat Controllers.

Not the railway boss of Thomas the Tank Engine fame. Not someone fat who is in control. No, I’m talking about those who want to control fat.

Why do they want to control fat? Well… um… there is no real reason other than to make themselves feel as if the world gives a fuck about their existence. Really, if someone else is fat and you aren’t, what’s the problem? Fat people don’t care if you’re thin so why are you so damn worked up about them being fat?

It’s a familiar target pattern, isn’t it?

Those of us who smoke have never been bothered about those who don’t smoke. We have never tried to make anyone take up smoking. We are happy to let you live your lives as you like.

Those of us fond of a tipple or twenty have never cared about forcing anyone else to join us. We like the booze. You prefer tea? No problem.

Fat people have never berated thin people for the emaciated state of their bodies. ‘You can see your ribs? Oh, that’s disgusting’. Never happens.

The other way round though, it’s different. It’s okay for antismokers to openly abuse smokers. Puritans abusing drinkers (including those puritans who drink the better class of booze)? Fine.

And if you want to be snide to a chubby, well that has been fine and dandy for a while now. The latest from @theMorrigan1972 on Twitter is no surprise.Neither is the ‘new’ idea of using lies and made-up numbers to add a further layer of control to our lives. Funny how all those numbers are pretty much the same, isn’t it? No imagination, you see?

We are not supposed to object. We are not expected to retaliate. We are expected to cave in and do as we are told.

We aren’t supposed to vote them all out at the next general election… but we can do that.

And if we have any sense left in this country at all, that is exactly what we will do.

Probably won’t happen though. Too many idiot drones…


Cheap scares

Internet is buggered again so I’m writing this in Notepad to paste in later. This ISP is heading for a big change of customer base, and soon, at this rate.

Limited chance of links because I can’t get at any but there was a link from The Morrigan on Twitter that I will try to paste in later. [success!]

That Westminster place in America lost their chance to ban tobacco completely. The tide turned a little bit more, but the tsunami of Puritanism isn’t over yet.

Tonight then (or today, depending when when the ISP stops pissing around) here are two films from Poundland.

First up is ‘Vampire’ aka ‘demon under glass’. If I manage to get a link it will appear here (the cover is different).

The plot is brilliantly novel. The American military catch a vampire and experiment on him. The police, meanwhile, think they are just chasing a serial killer and are most miffed that their prime suspect has been nabbed by what they assume is the FBI.

It follows a lovely line of thought. Those experimenting on the vampire have to wonder whether they are becoming more monstrous than the thing they are experimenting on. Some of the things they do are out and out torture. Yet it is an evil monster – isn’t it?

The actor playing the vampire is excellent although some of the other actors would make the Woodentops look Shakespearean. As for the dope who took most of the film to link the ‘serial killer who drains his victims of blood’ with the vampire in the box upstairs… well, he’s a modern medic so you can’t expect too much thought.

Overall though, it was an enjoyable film. Some dodgy bits but mostly very good. And I did like the ending although I think the vampire missed a trick.

Second up, ‘Zombie Hunters‘. Again, if I get internet in time, here will be the link.

Well, okay, military experiments to make a rapid-healing serum result in bringing the dead back to half-life, so far it’s pretty standard. Effects are a mix of green-screen and CGI but aren’t bad and are often very good. Acting is pretty much appalling throughout. The one playing the git must surely be really a git because he’s the only believable one.

It did appeal for one reason. It has a future population in walled-in cities. Not to keep anything out – to keep them in. I have that in Panoptica. It stems from the Agenda 21 demand that most of the world is left to nature and for the rich to play in. This film has people allowed to see nature through virtual reality, but I don’t have that part. This film requires it so that the characters want to go outside. I have a different take – my characters don’t want to go outside.

The story itself was pretty good, especially the zombie wearing the bulletproof helmet. As in most zombie stories, you can only put them down by shooting them in the head. This was a nice twist and the solution was pretty clever too.

It does not say where the 2000 corpses in unmarked graves came from but when you look at what they are wearing, it’s not hard to work out. Think pyramids…

Anyway, at £1 each, I recommend trying both films. The vampire one is the better one by far but both are definitely worth a pound. It’ll cost more for the whisky you need to watch them.

Another thing Poundland have taken on is e-juice. One pound for 5 ml of 18 mg juice made by ‘Cloud9′. They have a very limited range of course but one of them is ‘Virginia Tobacco’ flavour.

Now here is something I can test. I have a bag of Virginia tobacco leaves here. I can make a pure Virginia real-smoke and try it against an Eletrofag loaded with the juice.

My current smoking habit consists of blending [mild] Virginia with [strong] Burley to get to a strength I like. The last batch of Burley was very strong indeed so I’ve been putting more Virginia in the mix.

Electrofag comes in many wonderful flavours but the one they have not got right is ‘tobacco’ flavour. It is impossible to get that right. It’s like ‘whisky’ flavour – there are hundreds of them. Someone who likes Silk Cut is not going to appreciate a ‘tobacco flavour’ that tastes like Dunhill, and that is nowhere near the extremes.

So if ‘Virginia Flavour’ works out, then all I need is a ‘Burley Flavour’ that also works and I can blend Electrofag juices to my own preference.

If electrofag companies came out with all these different individual tobacco flavours and a chart telling you how to make the equivalent of Silk Cut or JPS or Benson and Hedges… they’d win hands down.
They would of course need the tobacco companies onside to do this, and unfortunately most of them have made their hate of real tobacco very clear because they thought it would ingratiate them with the Puritans. Hahahaha!

I think I should push those extraction experiments forward. There is a gap in the market here that cannot be realistically filled by anyone other than a neutral in this game.

It would wipe out the ‘tobacco flavour’Electrojuice in a flash, and if handled correctly it would attract a lot of tobacco company funding.

This time next year, Rodney, we’ll be millionaires.


Today I had a camera rammed up the jap’s eye. Every male reader has now crossed his legs or at least clamped them together. Quite right too, it is a remarkably unpleasant experience.

I have seen the inside of my own bladder, something nobody should ever see. On the plus side, after 54 years of permanent dampness, it is in perfect condition. Not even a trace of rust around the seams. I am lumpless still. It drives the NHS mad.

Some weeks back I fell over, cracked two ribs and bashed a kidney. The pain was rather a lot. I peed blood and even exuded a blood clot the size and shape of a ureter. After five days of it I gave in and phoned the medics. By this time the pee-blood had stopped.

Okay, it is fair to say the original injuries were drink-related. I was plastered and felt nothing until the following morning. Anyway, I ended up staying ovenight in hosptal where they X-rayed and CT-scanned me and found nothing important damaged. So I went home and did what I did last time I cracked a rib (it’s not in their records, I didn’t tell them about that one). I took it carefully until the ends fused back together. It still twinges now and then but that is only to be expected.

Then I had a letter telling me my bladder-scan was booked. This was news to me. Nobody mentioned any follow-up. Well, I thought, I have passed the half-century so birthdays are counting down now. The chance of something going wrong must be increasing daily. So I went along. What the hell, I’ve paid enough into the NHS and have just had my second overnight stay for 28 years. Might as well start accumulating my money’s worth. It’ll take more years  than I have left.

I was lectured on lifestyle by people who didn’t exist 28  years ago. Life? Don’t talk to me about life. I’ve been doing it twice as long as you have. It’s not as much fun as you think it will be, but it used to be. You missed the good stuff. All you have left is drone life.

Anyway, today was KnobCam day. I faced a humourless consultant and a very pretty nurse. Under normal circumstances the nurse would have had a libido effect but one look ar the camera and the first ever touch of a not-mine male hand on that part and it retracted like snapped elastic. I’m surprised he could even find it.

He did though and he poked in the camera. It didn’t take long. It must have had no more than an inch left to go.

Once again, there is nothing wrong with me. Despite the pre-cam lecture that smoking causes bladder cancer (the joke that I don’t stuff it with baccy and smoke it like a pipe was a waste), despite the warnings that booze makes your pee-bag lumpy (evidence-free medicine again, the gourd-shakers run the NHS now), mine is in perfect health. I can pee free, knowing that the little waterbag is working as it should.

As is the rest of me. I ignore all NHS and stupid-bastard food fundamentalist diktats.

Those who follow them all, those who entirely trust the medical world, all too often end up like this.

There is more and deeper to al this but tonight I have a numb knob and am in full sad-puppy mode. Also well into whisky painkiller tonight.


More on this later, although don’t expect any willie jokes for a while…

The Quislings get rounded up…

(Internet keeps cutting out so this will be somewhat more focused than my usual babble).

Remember all those mighty cannabis smokers who so happily joined in the hate against tobacco smokers?

Remember when those pot-cafes in Amsterdam allowed cannabis to be smoked but not tobacco? Some American states have legalised cannabis while still moving towards tobacco prohibition. Gets the hippies on-side for as long as they are needed.

All that talk of ‘cannabis is safe, it should be legalised, those filthy tobacco smokers should be the criminals’. Remember that?

They thought that by siding with the antismokers they could get a free pass. So did the vapers at first, although more are coming to realise what a stupid idea that was. Some still don’t.

Well now it’s time for the Puritans to round up their quislings and add them to the fire. (thanks to Chris via email for the link)

The comments are full of ‘But, but, but, this wasn’t supposed to happen. It was the baccy brigade, you said they were the ones we should go after. Not us’.

It also has an increasing number of the ‘we hate smokers no matter what they smoke even if it isn’t really smoke’ brigade showing their true faces. Look on those faces, pot puffers, and see your friends in their true light.

They still think there is a way out.

“We consistently encourage all cannabis users to consider vaporizers instead of smoking implements. Anyone hanging around cannabis users should certainly avoid smoke-filled rooms and encourage all their friends to vaporize rather than smoke,” Earleywine added.

Yes, cannabis users are encouraged to switch to Electrojoint instead, because then the haters will leave them alone… you might want to talk to the vapers (the sensible ones) about how that’s likely to turn out.

The only way out of it is to totally repeal the smoking ban. As long as that stands, its tentacles will reach ever further. It will never end.

Think the pot puffers are ready to hear that? Nah. Many vapers still won’t hear it and they’ve been getting the same shit as they did when they were smokers. Still can’t see it. Some never will.

Vaping is here to stay now. Vapers do not need to join in the smoker-hate. Smokers are not their enemy. Some of us have a few Electrofags of our own, alongside the burning leaf. Hey, it’s quite an experience to smoke a coffee or a brandy or a roast chicken, but some of us still want the real flame too.

So we could have a future with non-smoking venues, vaping venues (no real smoke) and smoker venues where everyone is welcome. Or we can have the grey world where nobody is allowed to do anything outside strict health controls. Do you really think you’ll never die? You will. Of boredom.

Smokers have never tried to influence anyone else’s choices. We simply do not care if you don’t smoke. We have no interest in encouraging you to take it up. We do not profit one penny if another person smokes. It is entirely irrelevant to us how you choose to live.

Smoke pot, vape, inject yourself with things or slip well-lubricated watch parts into your anus if you want. We don’t care. Live however you want. We are not interested in controlling you.

And yet we are the enemy? We are the ones you must eradicate with denormalisation and bans? Your friends dictate how you must live while your enemy leaves you alone. What kind of fucked-up war are you fighting here?

And what do you do when you are declared the enemy too? You’ve already alienated those who would be true allies. You are on your own and easily picked off. The divide part is over. It’s time for the conquer.

I think those grey aliens aren’t real aliens. I think they are a subconscious recognition of the grey lives of those who want us all to be grey too.

There is one thing I always encourage nonsmokers to do. I do not encourage them to smoke. That is a personal choice. But this one thing, I encourage all nonsmokers to do in the full knowledge that a true grey antismoker could never do it.

When the doctor asks if you smoke, say yes. Or say you gave it up a year ago.

Smoking is not the only cause of cancer and it’s looking more and more as if, in this modern world, it isn’t even a significant cause. Yet if you say you have never smoked, the doctors will rule out cancer at once.

And then you die.

Even the medics (well, a few) are starting to notice this.

I have to visit the NHS tomorrow. Last time it was for two cracked ribs and a bashed kidney but because I smoke, I had all kinds of tests and scans and a chest X-ray. They are looking for cancer. Tomorrow’s test is looking for cancer. They are really, really looking for cancer because I smoke. If I have it even in the very earliest stages they will find it. They will check every mole and every wart. They will hunt down a single cancerous cell because then they can call it a ‘smoking related cancer’ whether it is or not. So I’m not worried because I know they are going to find any early-stage rogue cells long before they turn nasty.

So far, no sign, but I’m getting older and cancer becomes a little more likely every day you’re alive whether you smoke or not. It’s good to be one of those who gets checked all over whenever the docs get their hooks in.

If I was a nonsmoker I’d have been sent home with paracetamol and an ice-pack for the ribs and forgotten about. This is no exaggeration. If I was a nonsmoker there would be no poking and prodding tomorrow. I’d have been dismissed as being obviously at no risk.

One grandfather died in his sixites (pneumoconiosis from the coal mines), the other died before that (lingering war damage), one grandmother died late sixties of chroinc roundness and inactivity and the last one died of being 84. My parents are in their late seventies and not at all well. There are two smokers in that lot. One is my father.

Statistically then, at 54, I might or might not have a lot of time left. Should I live on tofu and mung beans, teetotal and smokefree, and add a few years that will feel like centuries? Sod that. If I have a decade or so to go I am damn well going to enjoy every minute of it and when I turn up at those Pearly Gates and am asked to account for my life, I will have to admit that I don’t remember much.

I am denormalised. Resistance would have been futile even if I had cared to put up any resistance. Denormalise away. It makes no difference.

I watch those new ones resisting now and wonder why they bother. The denormalised already outnumber the ‘normal’ and our ranks grow daily.

We each have a vote, you know. We can wipe the political slate clean. We don’t even have to like each other to do it. If each of us voted for a party that does not hate us, that’ll be all the main ones gone in one election.

What would be next? Why would we, the denormalised, give a fuck what comes next?

We’re already the outsiders. Revel in it.

Remember, we’re the ones having all the fun.

Offended by nothing.

Katabasis passed me this one on Twitter.

In an interview, Farcebok Man explained his eternally grey shirt by saying, essentially, that he could not be bothered deciding what to wear so had a lot of grey shirts. Put one on and go to work.

I’d have answered differently. ‘You know how some people have underwear that’s green with ‘Monday’ written on it? Well mine is brown with ‘February’ written on it – and this is a white shirt. I’ve had it for three months, soon be time to scrape it off and get another one. Next year I might buy new socks’.

He didn’t though, he just said he couldn’t be bothered with ‘frivolous’ things like what you wear when you’re at work. He did not mention women. There was no ‘tits oot fae the lads’ logo on his shirt. There was no logo at all. Nothing to offend anyone.

And yet there is Outrage! at the fantasy-implied attack on all women who aren’t in dungarees and driving trucks on ice roads while chewing tobacco with rotted teeth, spitting it in the eyes of polar bears and combing their hair with a seal’s ribcage.

He wore the most inoffensive shirt possible. It wasn’t even black or white. It was grey. With nothing on it at all, not even washing instructions.

Ah, but it was A Shirt and now that the Shirt is All, shirts must be banned. Fat pale blokes with boobs bigger than Barbara Windsor’s will have ‘This is what a feminist looks like’ tattooed across their mountainous abdomens by Taiwanese tattooists pid 60p an hour. They will use three-inch nails, a stout hammer and a bottle of Parker’s Ink.

This simply proves that the whole Shirtstorm was fabricated. It was pretend offence. They can take just as much offence at a plain grey T-shirt.

These people are idiots.